Cold Sleep - Chapter 1 - Part 1
T.N: I adjusted the name order to First and Last Name from the original Japanese format, which is Last and First Name. I retained some Japanese terms and included a link to their explanations. While you may already be familiar with these terms, I’ve provided their English definitions for those who may not be.
1. さん (san): This is a general, respectful suffix used to address or refer to someone. It's similar to "Mr.," "Mrs.," or "Ms." in English. It's commonly used for people of all ages and social statuses in both formal and informal contexts.
2. 君 (kun): This suffix is often used for addressing younger males, or in a more familiar or casual setting. It can be used with people of the same or lower status, and it's commonly used among friends, students, or in professional settings where there is a clear hierarchy (like between a superior and a subordinate).
3. ちゃん (chan): This suffix is used to express affection or endearment, typically towards children, pets, or close friends. It conveys a sense of familiarity and warmth, and is often used with people who are younger or of the same age but with whom one shares a close, informal relationship. While it can be used for both males and females, it is more commonly used for females and children.
◇:*:◆:*:◇
Tohru Takahisa thought that if someone vacuumed
every corner of his mind, it might feel like this. Who am I? What am I? No
matter how much he thought about it, his mind remained blank, like a piece of
drawing paper before anything is drawn on it.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
The room was empty. Although it was a living room, it felt as cold as a cargo warehouse, with cardboard boxes stacked haphazardly in the corners, affirming the man's statement that they had just moved in. Through the curtainless window, the dark night was visible. The air conditioner started with a faint hum, blowing cold air that hadn't yet warmed up, causing Tohru to shiver. The man placed Tohru's bag by the wall and disappeared into the kitchen. Tohru, still wearing his coat, absentmindedly watched the man's retreating figure. The man was as silent as ever. Before coming here, they had eaten at a family restaurant, but the heavy silence felt almost like a funeral. The noisiness around them only made Tohru more conscious of their quietness. However, it might have only been Tohru who was bothered by it. The man's face, as always, was expressionless, making it impossible to tell what he was thinking. While some people are naturally talkative and others not, Tohru felt that this man was exceptionally quiet, even for someone considered taciturn.
Tohru had been discharged from the hospital
about two hours ago. It had gotten late because they had waited until the man
finished his work. Initially, Tohru waited for the man in his hospital room,
but by late afternoon, he moved to the waiting area. While killing time
watching TV, a familiar nurse popped her head in and said, "Oh, Takahisa-kun,
I thought you'd already been discharged and gone home." Tohru smiled wryly
and replied, "My ride won't be here until after seven. Since there’s still
an inpatient here, I was asked to leave the room."
After six in the evening, the smell of dinner
being served in the hospital started to waft through the air, and Tohru's
stomach growled. Feeling restless as he waited for the man to arrive, another
nurse, possibly off-duty and in casual clothes, came into the waiting area and
secretly handed him a snack, saying, "This is our little secret."
"It'll be lonely when you leave, Takahisa-kun.
Old man Ikegami was looking quite downcast. He thought of you like a
grandson."
Old man Ikegami, who was hospitalized for a hip
dislocation, was a talkative, sarcastic man, known among the nurses as
"the cranky old geezer." Being in the bed opposite him, Tohru had
been frequently cornered into listening to stories about "the tumultuous
days of the Showa era," and now, he could even recite the names of the old
man's air force unit and his second son's grandchildren.
"But when I was leaving, he said, 'Now the
air will circulate better without you blocking the sun.'"
Standing over 180 centimeters (5’11) tall, Tohru
had often been scolded by the old man for "blocking the sunlight" and
"being a nuisance." The nurse waggled her finger and clicked her
tongue.
"He might say such things, but he really
liked you. While some people requested room changes to avoid listening to his
stories, you patiently listened to him."
In reality, Tohru simply couldn't find a way to
gracefully dodge the situation. The nurse smiled warmly and patted Tohru on the
shoulder.
"It’s going to be tough from here on, but
you’re a good kid, so you’ll be fine. Hang in there, young man."
Even though Tohru thought she was
overestimating him, her encouraging words made him happy. Yet the thin veil of
anxiety covering his heart did not disappear. Once discharged, he would no
longer have the excuse of being a "patient." Even if his mind didn’t
recover, he would have to return to "society," despite knowing
nothing and being capable of nothing.
A loud honk snapped him out of his thoughts.
The room had warmed up while he was lost in thought. From the kitchen across
the room, he could hear the sound of water boiling.
He peered out the window to see what had caused
the honk. It was too dark to see anything. Instead, a reflection of a young man
he didn’t recognize stared back at him from the black windowpane. A face he saw
every day. It had been almost three months now, but he still hadn’t gotten used
to this "face." The face of a 22-year-old man named Tohru Takahisa.
His own face. Yet, it still felt unfamiliar, as though he were looking at a
photograph of someone else.
The sound of the floorboards creaking made him
turn around. The man was approaching with two mugs in hand, the rich aroma of
coffee filling the sparsely furnished room. "Here you go," the man
said, handing one to Tohru.
"Thank you..."
Unlike the coffee from the hospital vending
machine, this one was smooth and delicious. The man walked over to the window
and gazed out at the dark scenery, occasionally sipping his coffee.
The man's name was Keishi Fujishima. He was 28
years old and about ten centimeters (3.9 in) shorter than Tohru. He had a
slender build, with small, well-proportioned facial features. Despite his
handsome appearance, he lacked a certain presence, likely due to his
expressionless face, which made it hard to gauge what he was thinking. His hair
was always neatly trimmed, and his shirts were never wrinkled. Combined with
his expression, he gave off a slightly neurotic, cold impression. However, the
way he interacted with those around him suggested otherwise. In short, the man
was unfriendly, but it didn’t seem to stem from coldness.
Their eyes met briefly before the man looked
away. "I've prepared everything you'll need for living in your room. If
there's anything missing, please don't hesitate to let me know," Fujishima
said.
"Um... I'm really sorry for all the
trouble," Tohru replied, feeling apologetic. Fujishima silently sipped his
coffee, offering no comforting words like "Don't worry about it" or
"Looking forward to living together." This left Tohru feeling a bit
lonely, as if his words were left hanging in the air. This was a common feeling
whenever he tried to talk with Fujishima.
Three months had passed since Tohru's memories
with Fujishima had begun, but he still felt a sense of distance from the man,
and it seemed Fujishima also kept him at arm's length. Tohru couldn’t imagine
himself speaking casually with this man in the past. He could understand a
"senior-junior" relationship, but when Tohru was still grappling with
his completely blank mind, Fujishima had introduced himself by saying,
"I'm your friend."
"You must be tired. You should rest
now," Fujishima suggested.
Though Tohru hadn't done anything particularly
exhausting that day, but the thought that 'resting would make me feel more like
myself' crossed his mind, and he suddenly wanted to escape from this
uncomfortable space.
"Well then, excuse me," Tohru said,
giving a slight bow. Fujishima nodded faintly in response. Before heading to
his room, Tohru took the empty coffee mug to the kitchen. Not knowing how to
use the tap, he washed the cup with cold water instead of hot, leaving his
fingers freezing.
He slung his bag over his arm and rubbed his
hands together as he walked to the door that Fujishima had earlier pointed out,
saying, "This is your room." When he stepped inside, the room was
filled with a gentle warmth, like the first breath of spring. The sound of the
air conditioner humming reached his ears as he stood in the sparse small room,
where the only piece of furniture was a bed.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
"Who am I?" he asked himself, but the
answer wasn’t in any of the drawers in his mind.
Three months ago, in mid-August, he had been in
an accident—a car accident, from what he had been told. He couldn't remember
anything himself; the details were just stories from others. His first memory
was waking up surrounded by machines in the ICU. Everything since then, he
remembered clearly.
When he first opened his eyes after the
accident, a nurse had asked for his name. He understood that she was asking for
"his name," but he couldn't answer because he couldn't recall the
crucial detail—his name. The same went for his age, address, job, and family.
His mind was blank, as if erased with a rubber.
Although Tohru himself was confused, he could
sense that the nurse and doctors were even more perplexed. After some time, a
man had entered his hospital room. Tohru didn’t recognize him. The man looked
down at him with a tense expression and then confidently told the doctor,
"There’s no mistake. This man is Tohru Takahisa." Even hearing the
name "Tohru Takahisa" didn’t ring a bell—it felt like someone else’s
name.
Tohru was diagnosed with facial lacerations,
damage to his right lung, broken ribs and collarbone, a dislocated right
shoulder, and memory loss due to head trauma. Although the visible injuries and
broken bones had nearly healed in the three months he was hospitalized, his
memories remained lost at the accident site, never returning.
The blankness in his memory terrified him. The
fear of not knowing where he was born, who his parents were, what friends he
had, how he spent his school days, what he had done, or what he planned to do
was overwhelming. The anxiety swelled inside him until he couldn't bear it and
confided in others, saying, "It’s so painful not knowing anything."
The young doctor at the emergency hospital where he was first taken had blinked
slowly behind his glasses and said, "Based on past cases of memory loss,
there’s no definitive timeline for when memories might return. To be blunt, it
could be tomorrow, or it could be twenty years from now. Instead of dwelling on
the past, why not focus on the future? ...You’re still young, Takahisa-san."
Tohru felt angry. Of course, the doctor could
say that—he’d never lost his memory. How could he possibly envision a future
without knowing what he liked, what he disliked, or what interested him?
Nothing could come from zero, Tohru had wanted to retort, but instead, he just
bit his lip and looked down.
Tohru had only stayed at the first hospital for
less than a week. Fujishima had decided on transferring him to another
hospital, saying, "I know a doctor there." There had been no prior
consultation with Tohru, but he had no reason to refuse, so he obediently
followed Fujishima's lead.
During his hospitalization, Fujishima was the
only one who visited him. Fujishima came every day, and Tohru had no other way
to learn about his past except by asking Fujishima. But since Fujishima was so
reticent, piecing together his past took a long time.
According to Fujishima, Tohru had lost his
parents early on and had no siblings or close relatives, making him completely
alone in the world. He had graduated from high school and worked as a delivery
driver. He had been fired from his job following the accident, and his
apartment had been repossessed due to unpaid rent.
Listening to this string of misfortunes, all
delivered in Fujishima’s matter-of-fact tone, Tohru felt as though he were
hearing about someone else’s life. It didn’t feel real to him, so he could only
think, "I see." But as his body healed and he began to think about
life after discharge, he started to worry about his future. Fujishima had said
that his insurance would cover the hospital and treatment costs since it was a single-vehicle
accident. However, there wouldn’t be enough money for things like a security
deposit on a new apartment. The bag of valuables Fujishima had handed him
contained a seal, an insurance card, and a brown envelope with 30,000 yen
inside. He didn’t even have a cell phone, so he had asked Fujishima,
"Didn't I have a cell phone?"
Fujishima had replied, "You had a company
phone, but you returned it when you quit." It seemed Tohru hadn’t owned a
private phone. There wasn’t a bank book among the valuables, so it seemed he
hadn’t saved any money either. The 36,650 yen in the wallet he had during the
accident, combined with the 30,000 yen in the envelope, was all Tohru had to
his name.
Tohru thought about asking Fujishima to lend
him money for future living expenses, but it was hard to bring up the subject
of money. Fujishima was a friend Tohru didn’t remember. He had handled all the
insurance and hospital payments on Tohru’s behalf and had visited him every
day, so Tohru assumed they must have been close. However, the aloofness
Fujishima projected made it difficult for Tohru to gauge the distance between
them.
One day, less than a week before his discharge,
Fujishima suggested, "Why don't you live at my apartment for a while after
you're discharged?" Tohru felt both relieved and uneasy. He couldn't bring
himself to be completely happy about it, even though he knew Fujishima was a
good person—almost too kind. Yet, the slight sense of unease that occasionally
surfaced continued to bother him.
Tohru had once asked why he felt so out of
place, inquiring where they had first met. After a long silence, so long that Tohru
thought Fujishima might have ignored him, he finally replied, "We worked
at the same part-time job." Tohru had wanted to ask more about the job,
but before he could, Fujishima left the room, and the conversation ended there.
Even after three months, Tohru still couldn’t understand what kind of
connection he could have had with a man six years older than himself, despite
having worked together.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
The long hospital stay had set Tohru’s internal
clock to wake him at 6:30 a.m., the time when the nurses would start their
rounds for blood draws. It seemed his body clock had adjusted, as he awoke at
the same time now, glancing at the clock on the wall and laughing to himself.
The room was cold, and he didn’t want to leave the warmth of the bed. He lay
there, dozing off, when there was a knock on the door. He jumped up, startled.
It was 7:30 a.m. This wasn’t a hospital; it was someone’s home, he remembered,
regretting his lazy start to the day as he rushed to the door.
Standing at the door was Fujishima, dressed
sharply in a dark gray suit, his hair neatly styled. Tohru instinctively
straightened his posture, feeling embarrassed about his disheveled appearance
in wrinkled pajamas.
"I’m heading to the office now... I should
be back by 7:30 tonight," Fujishima said. After speaking, he handed Tohru
a folded 10,000 yen bill and a key.
"This is the key to the house. And use
this to buy something to eat if you get hungry," Fujishima offered.
Tohru unconsciously pulled back. "This is
too much, really."
"Use what’s left to buy anything else you
might need," Fujishima insisted, pressing the money into Tohru's hand
before leaving. Even after Fujishima was gone, Tohru was left with an
uncomfortable feeling. He had spent about half of his money during his hospital
stay on small things like juice or extra bread when meals weren’t enough. The
remaining money would have barely lasted him a month. While he understood that
this situation was inevitable, he couldn’t help but feel that accepting charity
was a blow to his pride as a man.
He knew he couldn't continue like this—living
off someone else’s kindness indefinitely. His injuries had healed, and despite
his memory loss, he was physically capable. He could work. Determined, Tohru
slapped his right cheek to motivate himself, then left the room.
He washed his face in the bathroom and shaved
with the same razor he had used during his hospital stay. Feeling refreshed, he
returned to his room, changed into jeans and a shirt, and put on his coat.
Clutching the key in his right hand, he left the apartment. Looking down from
the walkway outside the front door, he noticed, now that it was daylight, a
park right behind the building, about the size of an elementary schoolyard.
He took the elevator down to the first floor
and stepped out of the entrance. After checking both ways repeatedly, he
crossed the street and entered the park. A path circled a large pond in the
center, surrounded by a sandbox, swings, and sculptures. Under the gazebo by
the pond, two young mothers with children were chatting happily.
After leaving the park and crossing the street,
Tohru saw a shopping mall. It was an old one, with a retro look to the
storefronts. But it was still early in the morning, and all the shutters were
down. Beyond the shopping street was a subway station, with a bookstore across
from it. In the distance, he spotted a drugstore sign.
Tohru wandered around, frequently looking back
to make sure he could remember the location of Fujishima's apartment. He was
afraid that if he got lost, he wouldn't be able to find his way back. He didn’t
know the address or phone number of the apartment. If he got lost and ended up
at a police station, all he could say was his name and age. A cold wind whipped
past his ears, and he hunched his shoulders, shoving his fingers into his coat
pockets.
Uncertain about going too far, he turned back
before reaching the drugstore. As he walked, his stomach growled loudly.
Feeling hungry, he continued walking along the outer edge of the park when he
spotted a convenience store diagonally across from him. Drawn to it, Tohru
stood in front of the store and noticed a "Help Wanted" sign on the
wall. He stared at it for so long that the clerk inside peeked out to see what
was going on.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
Fujishima returned just before 8 p.m. He walked
into the living room, looking tired, and greeted Tohru, who was watching TV,
with a "I’m home." He then placed a plastic bag from the convenience
store on the small dining table.
"I bought dinner. I’m going to change, so
go ahead and eat first," Fujishima said, leaving the room. Tohru quickly
took out the contents of the bag and arranged them on the table, so they could
start eating as soon as Fujishima returned. There were two bento boxes and two
bottles of tea. It seemed that, like many single men, Fujishima didn’t cook for
himself.
After Fujishima changed, they ate in silence,
without any conversation. When they finished eating, Tohru simply threw the
empty containers into the trash, and Fujishima was about to leave the living
room. Tohru hurriedly called out to him.
"Can I ask you something?"
Fujishima returned to the dining table,
glancing at the documents Tohru had spread out in front of him and muttered,
"A résumé..."
"I got a part-time job at the convenience
store by the park. It's a night shift, but they told me to bring in a résumé tomorrow.
Since I don’t remember much, I’m not sure if I have to include things like my
elementary school," Tohru explained.
Fujishima stared at the résumé for a while
before saying, "You don’t need to include elementary school. High school
and the company you worked for before should be enough."
"High school..." Tohru sighed, unable
to remember.
"Shoyo Academy," Fujishima said, the
answer coming out of nowhere, causing Tohru to look up.
"That’s the name of the high school you
attended," Fujishima clarified, holding out his right hand to Tohru. In a
hurry, Tohru handed him a pen, and Fujishima wrote down the high school name
and the name of the company Tohru had worked for up until three months ago on
the back of a piece of thick paper from the résumé set. Tohru copied it onto
the résumé, using the sample text in the set as a guide.
"Why did you decide to take a part-time
job at a convenience store?" Fujishima asked. His tone wasn’t harsh, but
it carried a hint of disapproval.
"It’s close, and I figured I could make
money quickly. I feel bad about relying on you, and I want to save up some
money," Tohru explained.
"You don’t need to worry about
money," Fujishima responded firmly.
"But I don't like just being taken care of
all the time. Also, if you don't mind, could I help clean up those cardboard
boxes when I have some free time?" Tohru asked.
"There's no need for you to do that,"
Fujishima replied.
"Are there things in the boxes that I'm
not supposed to see?" Tohru asked, slightly hesitant.
"I didn't bring you here to tidy up my
place. You don't need to do anything around the house. Just focus on
yourself," Fujishima responded firmly.
Tohru understood that Fujishima was being
considerate and respectful of his situation. Yet, it would have made him feel
more at ease if Fujishima had just said, "Sure, go ahead." As it
stood, Tohru felt uneasy about his role in the house.
"I'm often bored during the day, and I
feel restless if I'm not doing something. Is it okay if I clean up on my
own?" Tohru persisted.
Fujishima frowned, looking serious. It’s just
cleaning, Tohru thought. It’s not something to get so worked up about. After a
long silence, Fujishima finally spoke.
"If it makes you feel better, do as you
like. But don’t think of it as your ‘duty’ to take care of the house," he
said.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
Although Tohru was hired for the convenience
store job, the night shift from midnight to 8 a.m. was tough at first. He would
walk home, passing salarymen on their way to work while birds chirped by the
park, and as soon as he entered his room, he’d collapse onto the bed. He would
wake up just as the sun was setting and start his day, feeling like a vampire.
However, after about a week, his body adjusted to the nocturnal lifestyle.
Tohru didn’t tell the store manager or his
coworkers about his memory loss. He didn’t want their sympathy or to become a
subject of unwanted curiosity. There was a university student named Masahiko
Kusuda, who also worked the night shift, and since he was only two years
younger than Tohru, they became close. As they got to know each other, Kusuda
started asking more personal questions like, "Where are you from, Takahisa?"
or "What club were you in during high school?" At first, Tohru dodged
the questions with vague answers, but eventually, he grew tired of lying to
cover things up. So, he decided to confide in Kusuda, making him promise not to
tell anyone.
At first, Kusuda thought it was a joke and
laughed, saying, "What are you talking about?" Tohru didn’t bother to
correct him, deciding that if Kusuda didn’t believe him, so be it. But three
days later, Kusuda asked again, "Was that story really true?"
Kusuda didn’t pity Tohru for his memory loss.
He never said, "That’s so sad," but instead found it fascinating,
like something out of a comic book. Given that Tohru was used to seeing a
gloomy expression at home, Kusuda’s light-hearted reaction was actually a
relief.
That night, they were paired together again for
the night shift. The night shift was different from the day shift; despite
fewer customers, there were still plenty of tasks to do, like cleaning the
store, organizing inventory, and restocking products. After the shift change,
neither of them felt like moving around the store, so they sat behind the
register, idly passing the time. Kusuda had smuggled in a manga magazine from
the store and was flipping through it in the blind spot of the security camera.
"Hey, you’re working the New Year’s shift
too, right?" Kusuda asked.
"Yeah, the manager asked me to cover
it," Tohru replied.
"I worked last year, and New Year’s Eve
through the first three days of January is brutal. The customers just keep
coming, whether they’re returning from their first shrine visit of the year or
watching the first sunrise," Kusuda said with a sigh, closing the
magazine.
"It’s fine. I don’t have anything better
to do, and the hourly rate is a little higher during the New Year," Tohru
said.
Kusuda let out a big sigh. "I guess it’s
better to work than be alone if your gloomy roommate is going back home."
Tohru frowned. "Don't say stuff like
‘gloomy.’ And Fujishima-san isn’t going back to his family. It seems like he
doesn’t get along with them."
"Really?" Kusuda said, surprised.
"Yeah, he mentioned that they’ve cut ties
completely," Tohru added.
"Cut ties, as in totally cut off all
connections? That’s pretty intense," Kusuda said, his eyes wide.
"Yeah, it is. I’m curious too, but I don’t
feel like I can ask him more about it," Tohru admitted.
Everyone has their own circumstances, but
Fujishima never talked to Tohru about his family, and Tohru didn’t feel
comfortable asking. The only reason Tohru found out about the situation was
because he had asked, "You’re going back to your family for New Year’s,
right?"
It had been almost a month since Tohru started
living in Fujishima’s apartment. In the short time he had known Kusuda, they
had become close enough to chat endlessly about trivial things, but there was
still a sense of distance between him and Fujishima. The gap wasn’t closing,
partly due to Fujishima’s reserved nature and partly because Tohru felt
indebted to him. Additionally, their different schedules left little time for
interaction. Fujishima led a day-oriented life, while Tohru’s was nocturnal.
They only saw each other during dinner, but Fujishima rarely talked during
meals and would retreat to his room immediately afterward, leaving little
opportunity for conversation.
Fujishima always seemed exhausted when he came
home from work. It showed in his expression, his downcast gaze, and his
sluggish walk—his fatigue was evident. Watching Fujishima head straight to his
room after dinner, Tohru often thought, "He must be really tired and just
wants to sleep." Being left alone in the living room made Tohru feel
lonely, and he wanted to talk, but he didn’t want to hold Fujishima up, so he
never spoke up.
Kusuda suddenly spread out an insert from the
manga magazine he was flipping through. It was an advertisement for a photo
book of a female celebrity, but on the back, there were also a few photo books
featuring landscapes and animals.
"Speaking of which, when I was in the
hospital after the accident, Fujishima-san often brought me books, saying, ‘You
must be bored,’ but they were all photo books," Tohru mentioned.
"Photo books? Were they nudes?"
Kusuda asked with a smirk.
"If only. At least then I could have made
some use of them," Tohru joked, causing Kusuda to burst out laughing.
"Photo books, huh? That’s unusual. He
could have brought you magazines or games, something more entertaining,"
Kusuda remarked.
"Exactly. But I couldn’t complain since he
was kind enough to bring them," Tohru said.
Fujishima had brought more than twenty photo
books during Tohru’s hospital stay. The nurses even mistakenly thought Tohru
was into photography because he had so many of them lined up on his shelf.
"Maybe photography is Fujishima-san’s
hobby?" Kusuda speculated, narrowing his right eye.
"That’s what I’m starting to think," Tohru
agreed.
"There are people like that, you know?
They believe that if they like something, everyone else must like it too,"
Kusuda said.
"Don’t say that. He was just trying to be
considerate in his own way," Tohru replied, defending Fujishima.
Tohru had never seen the inside of Fujishima's
room. While he had knocked on the door from the outside when necessary, he had
never entered. Although Fujishima had never explicitly told him not to enter, Tohru
had the feeling that he shouldn’t. He imagined that if he opened the door to
the room at the far end of the apartment, he would find a large bookshelf
filled with photo books, and a professional-grade camera carefully placed on
display.
"You know," Kusuda said, lacing his
fingers behind his head, "from what you’ve told me, it’s hard to tell if
Fujishima-san is thoughtful or clueless, kind or just out of touch."
Tohru thought about Fujishima again but
couldn’t reach a conclusion. It felt like there were still many pieces missing
in order to truly understand the man. But there was one thing Tohru could say
with certainty.
"He's not a bad person," Tohru said
softly.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
That evening, after the conversation with
Kusuda about Fujishima, Tohru woke up at 5 p.m. with his alarm. He bundled up
in a coat, scarf, and gloves before heading out to buy ingredients for dinner.
He enjoyed haggling with the shopkeepers in the shopping district as he made
his rounds, and as soon as he got home, he started cooking. He prepared the oyakodon up to the point before adding the eggs,
planning to finish it when Fujishima returned.
Ever since Tohru discovered that Fujishima
never cooked—not even boiling water—he had started cooking for himself. Every
night, Fujishima would buy pre-made dishes or bento boxes from the convenience
store or nearby supermarket. Knowing that the cost of food for two people
wasn’t insignificant, Tohru wanted to lighten the burden of his presence by
cooking. When he had asked Fujishima, "Can I cook dinner?" Fujishima
had agreed without hesitation. However, when Fujishima saw that Tohru was
cooking for both of them, he immediately objected. He said it was fine for Tohru
to cook his own meals but insisted he didn’t need Tohru to cook for him as
well. Despite being willing to provide for Tohru’s needs, Fujishima seemed to
strongly resist Tohru doing anything for him.
But Tohru didn’t want to be a freeloader,
living off Fujishima’s generosity without contributing. To counter Fujishima’s
stubbornness, Tohru devised a strategy. Instead of saying he wanted to save on
food expenses, he argued that he wanted to cook because it was something he
enjoyed. He framed cooking for both of them as a side effect of his hobby
rather than a way to save money.
At first, Tohru’s cooking was a disaster. The
idea that his past self had been good at cooking, that his fingers would
remember the skills, was just wishful thinking. He made several mistakes, often
dragging Fujishima into the mess. Despite undercooked rice, overcooked
vegetables with no texture, and burnt hamburgers, Fujishima never complained.
He simply ate in silence, expressionless as always.
Recently, Tohru had started to get the hang of
it, and his cooking failures had become less frequent. He learned that as long
as he followed the recipe measurements, the food wouldn’t turn out too badly.
That day, Fujishima returned home a little
after 7:30 p.m. While they were eating, Fujishima, unusually, spoke up. "I
have something to talk to you about after dinner. Could you stay in the living
room?" he asked. For a moment, Tohru wondered if Fujishima was going to
ask him to start making plans to move out.
After dinner, Tohru made two cups of coffee and
sat across from Fujishima on the sofa in the living room. A week earlier, a
sofa had appeared in Fujishima’s apartment. The cardboard boxes had been
cleared away, and curtains had been hung on the windows, but the space still
felt cold and empty. Tohru had casually remarked, "A sofa would really
help make this place feel more comfortable." The next day, Fujishima
handed him a card and asked him to buy a sofa set. Tohru was afraid of how
easily Fujishima acted on his casual comment and tried to decline, saying,
"You don’t have to buy one just because I mentioned it." But once
Fujishima had made up his mind, there was no changing it. Unable to argue with
Fujishima’s stubbornness, Tohru picked out a sofa that was neither too
expensive nor too cheap but comfortable. Since the arrival of the retro brown
sofa, Fujishima had started spending a little more time in the living room
after dinner instead of retreating immediately to his room.
Facing Tohru, Fujishima handed him a paper bag
from a bookstore. The moment Tohru saw what was inside, he was overwhelmed with
mixed feelings. It was a photo book, the same one that had been advertised in
the manga magazine Kusuda had shown him.
"Thank you..." Tohru said
reluctantly, feeling obliged to express gratitude for something Fujishima had
gone out of his way to buy, even though he didn’t want it. As he flipped
through the pages of the photo book titled "Tokyo Scenery," he saw
that the monochrome images vividly captured the streets of the city.
After Tohru placed the photo book on the
rectangular coffee table, Fujishima handed him a large envelope. When Tohru
asked what it was, Fujishima simply replied, "Just take a look
inside." Tohru pulled out a pamphlet titled "Suou Photography
Technical School."
"This school is about five stations away.
The admission requirements are a high school diploma or equivalent academic
skills. The entrance exam is in March, with interviews and an essay component,
and classes start in April," Fujishima explained.
"Wait a minute," Tohru said,
hurriedly placing the pamphlet on the table. "Are you saying I should go
to photography school?"
"I think it would be a good idea,"
Fujishima replied earnestly.
Tohru was taken aback by Fujishima's sudden
suggestion, but he could see that Fujishima was serious. "I understand
that making a career out of photography would be challenging. But you're young,
and it’s worth trying. I'll cover the necessary expenses for school. If you’re
uncomfortable with that, we can treat it as a loan, and you can pay it back
whenever you’re able," Fujishima said.
Tohru's thoughts raced. He had never expressed
an interest in photography or studying it, yet here he was being gifted a photo
book and told to attend a photography school. If he had even a slight interest
in photography, he might have appreciated the offer. But being urged to pursue
a career he had no interest in felt more like an imposition than an
opportunity.
Until now, Tohru had accepted what Fujishima
offered him and appreciated his kindness because it had been helpful or
considerate in some way. But this time, he couldn’t simply say "yes."
Beyond his lack of interest, attending school would require a significant
financial commitment, much more than anything before.
Tohru avoided Fujishima’s gaze and mumbled,
"I’m not sure..."
"Why not?" Fujishima asked, genuinely
puzzled.
"I’ve received a lot of photo books from
you, but I can’t see myself being on the other side of the camera," Tohru
confessed.
"As you study photography, you may develop
an interest," Fujishima responded.
Fujishima didn’t seem to take Tohru’s rejection
seriously. Instead, he picked up the photo book from the table and began
flipping through the pages. His hand stopped at a certain point, and to Tohru’s
surprise, a slight smile appeared on Fujishima’s face. It was a picture of a
little girl clutching a doll tightly, crying in front of an old candy store.
"I believe you have the ability to take
photos that move people. I think you could become a professional,"
Fujishima said, though Tohru had no idea what made him so confident, especially
since Tohru had never even touched a camera.
"There’s still over three months before
the school starts. Take your time and think it over," Fujishima said
before leaving the living room. Tohru stayed behind, staring at the photo book.
He acknowledged that the photos were good, capturing the life and emotions of
the people within them. However, he felt no urge to take such photos himself.
Comments
Post a Comment