About Love: Chapter 16
As soon as he passed through the
noren of Ruri-iro, Asaka’s eyes instinctively searched for that man.
He had invited Sasagawa out for a
drink, and while he had received an "OK" in response, he wasn’t
entirely convinced Sasagawa would actually show up.
That was why, when he spotted that
familiar figure sitting at the edge of the counter, he felt a deep sense of
relief.
Before Sasagawa sat a glass, now
half-empty, and a small side dish. Asaka approached from behind and said,
“Sorry I’m late.”
Sasagawa turned around at a slow,
deliberate pace.
“No worries, I started without you,”
he replied.
His neck was flushed. He might have
already had quite a bit to drink. His jawline looked sharper, his face slightly
thinner than before.
“It’s been ten days since I last saw
you, but it doesn’t feel that long,” Asaka said.
“That’s probably because we talked
on the phone yesterday,” Sasagawa murmured in his usual even tone, then smiled.
That smile reassured Asaka.
He had worried that meeting in
person might feel awkward, that conversation might not come as easily. But it
seemed like things would be okay.
He sat down beside Sasagawa, placing
his bag on the floor. Judging by the size of the glass, it was likely sake. Sasagawa
lifted the clear liquid to his lips.
“The new guy at work giving you
trouble?”
“Yeah, you have no idea. I just
needed someone to vent to…”
Sasagawa chuckled softly, narrowing
his eyes.
“I’m all ears. I even came prepared
for it,” he said, shrugging.
Asaka started with sake right off
the bat, quickly moving on to his second glass.
Sasagawa, on the other hand, merely
sipped at his drink, showing no hurry to order another.
There was something else Asaka
wanted to talk about. About today. About how, despite his reluctance, he had
somehow ended up producing a promotional campaign for a male couple.
He wanted to complain, but he
couldn’t bring himself to. If he admitted to feeling uncomfortable about it,
wouldn’t that make Sasagawa feel uncomfortable, too?
They had only just managed to meet
again—he couldn’t risk reopening old wounds from that night.
And so, his venting session remained
focused on the incompetent new hire at work.
“I don’t even know how to explain
it… I could go on forever, but honestly, the guy is just plain inefficient. And
it’s not like he’s slacking off, either, which makes it even harder to call him
out on anything…”
Leaning on Sasagawa’s earlier offer
to listen, Asaka continued unloading his frustrations.
But then—
“I can’t help but feel a little
called out,” Sasagawa muttered.
Asaka blinked. “Why?”
“That new guy… doesn’t he remind you
of me?”
Not just in demeanor, but even in
the way he handles things.
“I’ve never been particularly
efficient myself. I struggle with applying things practically and can only
follow set procedures. My current job is mostly administrative. I don’t have to
deal with many people outside my office, so as long as I got used to it, it
wasn’t an issue. But your job is mostly customer service, right?”
“Well, yeah, but…”
“I haven’t actually seen this guy
myself, so I can’t say for sure. But if it’s clear he isn’t suited for the job,
maybe it’d be best to nudge him toward a different path sooner rather than
later.”
Asaka was caught off guard.
He hadn’t expected Sasagawa to
suggest something so blunt, so unsentimental.
“Did I say something strange?”
“No… I just thought that was kind of
harsh.”
Sasagawa tilted his head slightly,
looking genuinely surprised. “Did I?”
“When I was job hunting, I didn’t
have any strong aspirations. I vaguely assumed I’d become a public servant, and
that was that. I don’t have any complaints about it. Office work suits me well.
But if I had ended up in a flashier line of work, I probably would have
switched jobs eventually anyway.”
His voice was calm, matter-of-fact.
“I read something in a book once. ‘People
need to be in the right place for their talents to shine.’ In other words, if
you find the right place, you’ll be able to fully utilize the skills you
already have. I don’t take everything I read at face value, but that line stuck
with me. No matter how hard a fish tries, it will never become a bird. And a
bird will never become a fish. It’s not about which is better or worse.”
Asaka felt shaken.
He had never thought about things in
such a stark, detached way before.
“The fact that Asaka-san chose to
become a bridal coordinator—especially as a man—must have taken an
extraordinary level of resolve. I imagine you had a strong passion for it from
the very beginning. But… passion and aptitude don’t always align.”
Asaka silently emptied his glass of
sake, feeling somewhat conflicted.
He wanted to get Koenji to stand on
his own as soon as possible, so he had been cramming as much knowledge into him
as he could. But despite his own sense of urgency, it didn’t seem to be
reaching Koenji.
That said, it wasn’t as if Koenji
wasn’t trying. He was doing his best in his own way.
“Aptitude is a tricky thing,” Asaka
murmured. “When you’re young, it’s hard to know. Even if you realize something
doesn’t suit you, you don’t want to admit it. And sometimes, even if it doesn’t
feel like the right fit at first, you can grow into it and develop unexpected
strengths. No one can predict where they’ll be ten years from now.”
Sasagawa exhaled softly and
muttered, “I’ve been doing all the talking, haven’t I…” before ordering another
drink.
Asaka said nothing, simply reaching
for his chopsticks and taking a bite from one of the small side dishes.
Since Asaka had joined Dragée,
the company had hired several newcomers. They were all young women, and while
some had left due to marriage or childbirth, no one had ever quit simply
because the job didn’t suit them.
Naturally, Asaka had assumed Koenji
would follow in his footsteps. But now, the possibility that he might not—That
realization suddenly drained the tension from his shoulders.
“Asaka-san, have you ever felt like
this job wasn’t the right fit for you?”
“I’ve thought about quitting before.
When I messed up, or…”
“But even when you fail, you reflect
on it and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistake, right? You’ve said
before that you enjoy working with people, and you’re always on the lookout for
new ideas to use in wedding receptions. From my perspective, being a bridal
coordinator seems like your calling.”
Hearing it put that way made Asaka
happy. Feeling a little embarrassed, he took a sip from his glass to cover it
up.
“You really pay attention to people,
don’t you, Sasagawa-san? You’re incredibly perceptive… or maybe just really
level-headed.”
Sasagawa let out a small chuckle.
“I don’t have much confidence in
myself, that’s all. That’s why I overthink everything, always second-guessing
myself. People who are confident don’t hesitate as much. And unlike you,
Asaka-san, for me, work is just a means to survive.”
He gave a small sigh, then added,
“Though… saying it like that makes it sound a little too cold, doesn’t it?”
“Then what do you enjoy,
Sasagawa-san?”
At that, the faint smile on
Sasagawa’s face froze for a moment.
“Enjoy?”
“It doesn’t have to be a grand
passion—just a hobby, or something you look forward to. Like billiards, maybe?”
Sasagawa frowned slightly and rubbed
his forehead, looking a bit troubled.
“Billiards is just something to pass
the time. It’s the only game I ever managed to look halfway decent playing,
that’s all…”
The question hadn’t been anything
particularly difficult, yet silence fell between them.
“…If you’d asked me last year, I
would have said, ‘A happy marriage with my beautiful wife.’”
Asaka instantly regretted asking.
Sasagawa had married a lesbian woman
in name only. They had no physical relationship, and now they were living
separately.
He had mentioned before that they
would divorce eventually, but Asaka hadn’t heard of it happening yet.
The way Sasagawa spoke now… it
almost sounded like he still had lingering feelings for her. After everything
he’d done to him, too…
That thought irritated Asaka.
“But I think I’ll keep the rest a
secret. It wouldn’t be any fun if I told you everything, would it?”
“Do you want to get back together
with your wife?” Asaka asked directly.
Sasagawa responded just as bluntly.
“That’s impossible. You know that,
Asaka-san. I don’t have any intention of doing so.”
Then what exactly was this “secret”
he found so amusing?
"Shall we head out?"
At Sasagawa’s words, Asaka glanced
at his watch. There were thirty minutes left until the last train.
The two of them left the bar
together.
It had been hot during the day, but
the night air was much more bearable. Still, there was a lingering humidity
that clung to his skin.
As the last train approached, the
streets grew quieter.
There were fewer people around now,
and if they stepped into the shadows, they could probably share a kiss
unnoticed. Yet Sasagawa walked right past several perfect spots without a
second glance.
Asaka had been tense the whole time,
half-expecting to be pulled aside, dragged into some dark corner. But the
moment they reached the station, a wave of embarrassment crashed over him.
The fact that he had been expecting
something at all—It made him feel like he was starving for it.
Once through the ticket gate, the
platform split in two, with the tracks running between them. Sasagawa was
taking the outbound train, so he would have to go down the stairs and cross to
the other side.
He walked a few steps ahead, then
stopped at the stairs, turning back to smile at Asaka.
"Well then, good night."
"A—ah, good night."
His tall figure disappeared down the
stairs.
As soon as Asaka stepped onto the
platform, a train pulled in. He started to board—then hesitated.
He wanted to see Sasagawa one more
time. There was still one last train after this. Taking a seat on one of the
platform benches, he waited.
Before long, Sasagawa emerged on the
opposite platform.
As always, he had that slight hunch
to his back, as if trying to make himself smaller despite his height. His steps
were sluggish, heavy with exhaustion.
Perhaps the left end of the platform
was closest to the ticket gate at his destination—Sasagawa walked all the way
over before sinking onto a bench and lowering his head.
Maybe he assumed Asaka had already
left. He didn’t even look up.
Another train thundered onto
Sasagawa’s platform, its roar filling the air.
Even in that moment, he never
noticed Asaka watching from across the tracks. On the way home, Asaka typed out
a message:
"You must be exhausted after
listening to me complain all night. Sorry about that."
A reply came almost immediately:
"Not at all. I actually enjoyed
listening to you, Asaka-san."
The words put him at ease, but—The
image of Sasagawa on that platform, slumped in exhaustion, refused to leave his
mind.
Why is there so much hesitation from Asaka…
ReplyDeleteI wonder that too… he’s so confident and decisive at work, but when it comes to his feelings and actually taking the initiative, he suddenly becomes so hesitant. It’s like he turns into a completely different person 😅
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