Nibiiro no Hana: Chapter 24

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Two days after returning from the disastrous trip to Kanazawa, Reina finally marked all of Sagawa’s messages as read in one go. Then, in a polite tone, she sent a single message: “I don’t think our hobbies or interests are compatible. I’d like to end our relationship here.”

Sagawa replied with “Please reconsider” and “I’d like to talk with you again”—but soon after, he was likely blocked again. Even half a day later, his messages remained unread, and his calls wouldn’t go through.

If it were possible, he genuinely wanted to start over. But at the same time, the thought of seeing her again made him recoil. He couldn’t bear the idea of facing those eyes that had looked at him like he was something filthy.

Having been caught using a vibrator and told she was “physically repulsed” had left a deeper mental scar than he’d expected. Since then, his ability to get erect had become even weaker. Even with a sex worker stimulating him from behind, he often couldn’t get fully hard, and at times he’d end up ejaculating in that half-soft state. At a brothel, at least the other person saw it as just a job—but with a real girlfriend, that wouldn’t cut it. And the more he stressed over it and tried to force himself to perform, the more his body refused to cooperate. He was terrified that he really might end up permanently impotent.

Even the sex sessions he used as “rehab” were becoming stressful. The anxiety made his stomach hurt before he even left the house.

After the fear and despair came anger—directed at Dan, the one who had made his body like this. Since their final encounter in the president’s office, Dan hadn’t reached out once. The only time Sagawa saw him afterward was briefly at the company entrance. As far as the world was concerned, Sagawa had smoothly reverted to being just another faceless employee.

The first six months were one thing—they had been part of the deal to get transferred to HQ. But the second half, the stretch tied to the five-million-yen reward… he had broken the contract, so it was as if he had given Dan half a year of pleasure for free. If he had ended things back when he got the transfer, maybe his body wouldn’t have ended up this screwed up. Now it felt like he was the only one who’d lost anything—a sucker holding a losing ticket. And that burned.

He had thought about quitting the company, but now he’d been dumped by Reina—daughter of the company president and practically a golden ticket. Bad luck just kept hammering him in waves. It was the worst. The absolute worst.

But if he did nothing, nothing would change. Somehow, he had to crawl out of this mess. He needed to find a “second Reina.” So he started going to group mixers more often. But girls on Reina’s level—gorgeous and daughter of a CEO—were nowhere to be found. Honestly, it was all trash.

He’d even asked Toichi to arrange setups, and had started attending events he would’ve passed on before because the women seemed too “low-tier.” That might’ve been part of the problem too.

Then last week, he finally met a girl who was moderately cute and had a father in a high executive position. She seemed somewhat interested in him too, and they exchanged contact info. It felt like the right time to invite her out for a meal or a movie—but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

She was nice. And that made it scarier to see her alone. He hesitated to move the relationship forward. If only my body were back to normal… But the situation had only gotten worse. And the fear haunted him: What if she finds out I can’t perform? She’ll definitely dump me.

In the end, even if he found someone good, none of it mattered unless he fixed what was wrong with his body first.

While desperately maintaining contact with that girl only through social media, Sagawa continued to feel let down by his unresponsive body. Not knowing when—or if—things would return to normal felt like walking through a dark forest with no end in sight. It dragged his mood down.

As he dragged his feet through this rut, August ended, and September began. On the first Wednesday of the month, Evan, his coworker, was again absent when Sagawa arrived at the office. That made three days in a row starting Monday. Including the weekend, it was five consecutive days off. Maybe he was just taking a late summer vacation.

There was one thing Sagawa needed to check with Evan for work. Without that input, he couldn’t move forward with the task, and the delay was starting to get on his nerves. Checking the department’s attendance schedule, he saw that Evan was officially off for the rest of the week.

As he quietly got on with his other assignments, a document came up that needed approval from their team lead. Wanting to get it signed off early, Sagawa went over to Betty’s desk. On a side table nearby was the department’s attendance sheet, left out casually. Evan’s extended leave stood out.

“I’ve reviewed it,” Betty said, snapping him out of his fog.

“Evan’s off until next week, huh?”

“That’s right. Was it something urgent?”

There was something he needed to confirm, but it wasn’t so pressing that it couldn’t wait. Contacting someone during their vacation would be inconsiderate.

“Oh, no… I just thought it was a long break.”

“Did you?” Betty said, resting her chin in her hand. The two bracelets on her wrist clinked softly as she moved.

“He’s off enjoying Okinawa, I hear. Said he and his partner were going to spend time slowly touring the smaller islands together.”

“With his girlfriend? Sounds nice.”

It was the kind of bland small talk people made all the time. But then Betty replied matter-of-factly, “Evan’s gay. His partner is a man.”

Before his brain could fully register it, a sharp wave of disgust surged through Sagawa.

“You’ve got to be kidding me… gross.”

Even though he’d muttered it in Japanese, Mikhail, who had been nearby, turned around. And even though Betty wasn’t fluent, she seemed to catch the meaning too—her face hardened into a glare.

“Watch your mouth.”

“What do you mean?”

He tried to play dumb.

“You just said something awful, didn’t you?”

“Don’t take everything so seriously. It was a joke.”

He tried to dismiss it with a smirk, like it was just typical banter with an uptight boss—but Betty wasn’t letting it go.

“Words matter. They can drastically change how people see you. You should be more careful.”

Her tone was sharp and unyielding. He bit back a retort, realizing that saying more would only escalate things. Frustrated, he returned to his desk without another word.

Gay people are disgusting.

He genuinely believed that. So what if he said it out loud? It wasn’t like he said it to Evan’s face. It was just a muttered complaint—people should let that kind of thing slide.

Still seething internally, he spent the afternoon working in silence. He didn’t eat lunch until 1 p.m., on the later end. At HQ, employees could take their hour-long break whenever they liked, and Sagawa usually waited until after the lunchtime rush, aiming for quieter windows between 1 and 2.

He grabbed lunch at a café nearby. The sun was blazing, and even the short walk from the office to the shop left a layer of sweat forming down his back. Returning to the air-conditioned building felt like stepping into paradise.

Before heading back to his department, he detoured to the smoking room. But as he approached the corner, he heard a conversation in English—Betty’s voice and someone else’s, though he couldn’t tell who.

No one from HQ smoked, so it had to be someone from the branch offices. The smoking area was on the third floor, near the Sales Division, and it sounded like they were talking just outside that department.

If he wanted to smoke, he’d have to pass right by Betty.

In the Administration Division, being a smoker meant being labeled as someone who lacked self-discipline. People would think, He can’t even do his job properly and he smokes too? Absolutely—they would. …Lately, he’d been going to the smoking room more often, and surely some colleagues had noticed from the lingering smell that he was a smoker. Still, he didn’t want to give them definitive proof.

He turned to head back to the elevator and return to the HQ floor, when someone said his name—“Sakawa”—and his feet halted mid-step. Are they talking about me? He hesitated, tried to keep walking, but couldn’t help himself and turned back.

He didn’t want to get caught eavesdropping, either—it would be a hassle. So he stood near the corner window, pretending to talk on his smartphone.

“I still don’t think Sakawa is someone we need at headquarters,” came Betty’s voice.

“He had results in Sales, sure, but that was in the branch office. Sakawa has no global perspective—he’s not suited for HQ.”

Her blunt assessment stabbed at him, but he had expected it. Betty was always straightforward. She had told him as much to his face before.

“He only got here because of Dan, right?”

The words made his heart jolt. Who—? He carefully peeked around the corner. It was Mikhail. They sat near each other, but worked on different projects and rarely spoke. How does he know anything about me and Dan?

“Really? Is that true?”

“What else could it be?”

“He’s not the type to keep dead weight. He’s ruthless with underperformers.”

“Dan’s gay. That’s probably why he was into Sakawa—on that level.”

The shock was enough to make his heart seize. Betty muttered, “I can’t believe this…”

“Sakawa’s a homophobe,” she added. “Just earlier, he was badmouthing Evan.”

“I heard it too,” Mikhail said. “But maybe it was because he didn’t want anyone to suspect he’s gay.”

Betty fell silent for a moment, then said, “If he really was involved with Dan, then it makes sense how someone with his skill level got pulled into headquarters.”

“Dan’s popular—he could have anyone. I don’t think he was ever serious about Sakawa. And let’s be honest, Sakawa couldn’t survive in New York HQ or any overseas branch. He’s only here because Dan’s here. Once Huey takes over as president, he’ll be gone for sure.”

“I’ve worked with Huey before,” Mikhail continued. “He’s even tougher than Dan when it comes to work. The moment the power shifts to Huey, someone like Sakawa is getting cut. No question.”

Sagawa couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped back and slipped away.

Saying I cozied up to Dan? That I’ll be fired once the next president takes over? Saying whatever they want… After everything he’d sacrificed to get here, this was the thanks he got? Are you kidding me? Screw that. I’m not quitting. I’ll never let things go the way those two think they will.

The image of Huey Adams, that sleazy foreigner who had harassed him, surfaced in his mind. So all I have to do is make sure I don’t get fired when that guy takes over. Simple. Huey was gay too, if he remembered correctly. Just like Dan. If I can negotiate terms with sex again…

He knew exactly what sex between men entailed, and he had no resistance to sleeping with a man—but if he kept doing things like this, maybe his body would never go back to normal. Maybe it would only continue to break down, piece by piece.

He returned to the Administration Division and sat down in front of his computer. He told himself to get back to work, but Betty and Mikhail’s conversation kept looping in his head, unrestrained. The weight in his chest grew heavier. He wanted to escape—just bolt—but he didn’t even know what he was trying to run from anymore.

Betty and Mikhail, the two who’d just been badmouthing him, reappeared in the office. He shot them a glare from beneath his brows. He’d always known they didn’t like him, but hearing it so plainly, from their own mouths, had left a deeper wound than expected. The air around him felt saturated with hostility, like he was suddenly surrounded by poison.

Stewing in the discomfort, as if he were trying to work submerged in filth, Sagawa glanced up when the gossip-monger herself, Betty, approached shortly after 3 p.m. He braced himself, putting on a show of being too busy to talk.

“What is it?” he asked coolly.

“Starting tomorrow, I need you to hand your work back over.”

The phrasing startled him. After what he’d just overheard about being fired once Huey arrived, “hand your work back over” sounded like a prelude to dismissal.

“W-Why?” he stammered.

“You’ll be filling in as President Dan’s secretary for the next two days.”

“…What?” he blurted.

“You’re aware the president has two secretaries, right? One of them is back in the U.S. right now. And the Japanese secretary who was still here—she was apparently in an accident this morning. It’s not life-threatening, but she’ll be hospitalized for a few days. The president is going to Sapporo on business tomorrow and the day after. He can speak Japanese well enough, but his reading and writing aren’t perfect. He asked for someone to support him. And within headquarters, you’re the most suitable option.”

Sagawa was the only Japanese employee in the Administration Division. If they needed someone to handle delicate Japanese-language explanations, there really wasn’t anyone else. Whether or not he had been Dan’s lover didn’t matter here—Betty was making a purely business decision. He understood that, logically.

But the idea of being alone with Dan for two days was unbearable. Dan had seemed fond of him. Then Sagawa had abruptly cut ties. There was no way that hadn’t left some bitterness. He was certain of it. Dan might use work as an excuse to throw impossible tasks at him.

“I’ve already emailed you his schedule. If anything’s unclear, ask the president directly.”

Her tone made it clear there was no room for refusal. With a look that seemed to say “Is this really all you do?”, Betty took his remaining assignments and walked away.

Now stripped of his usual duties, he was left with nothing to do. Reluctantly, he opened the email. It contained Dan Carter’s minute-by-minute schedule for the next two days.

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