COLD THE FINAL: Chapter 18

Previous TOC Next

in Williamsburg Bridge

Once they’d passed through the old warehouse district lined with weathered red bricks, the entrance to the massive bridge came into view after about ten minutes of walking. Tohru Takahisa, who had been walking ahead, stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“You really wanna go through with this?”

“Ah, yeah…” Keishi Fujishima gave a small nod.

“We can still take a cab back, you know.”

“I’d like to walk across. Kusuda-kun recommended it too.”

He hesitated, though, and added, “But if you don’t want to, we can just take a taxi.”

Tohru looked down and muttered, “Doesn’t matter to me,” before turning away and starting off again. Keishi wondered why he always had to be the one walking ahead, but couldn’t find the courage to catch up and walk beside him. He feared it might annoy Tohru. Even after all these years of living together, Keishi still found himself hesitating over trivial things like this.

The sun had dipped low in the sky, the evening deepening with every step. The back of Tohru’s black T-shirt melted into the twilight, and it made Keishi feel strangely uneasy, as though Tohru might vanish into the darkness.

Earlier in the day, they had been invited to Masahiko Kusuda’s home in Brooklyn, where he treated them to a barbecue in the yard. Kusuda had been an acquaintance since Tohru’s student days, and now Keishi worked at the company where Kusuda’s older brother served as president. Although Kusuda held the title of executive director, there was no real hierarchy between them.

To Keishi, Kusuda was technically a superior, but for Tohru, he was a rare, irreplaceable friend.

They’d started talking about a September trip to New York around half a year ago, planning it around Tohru’s time off. With no fixed itinerary, the idea had been to leisurely visit museums and rest together. Then, just a few days before their departure, Tohru had said, “Kusuda invited me to grab a bite in New York. Said you should come too.”

"Sure," Keishi had answered, thinking that Tohru would want time to catch up with his friend. But Tohru’s reaction to his agreement had been strangely uncertain.

"You sure?" Tohru asked, almost awkwardly.

"Of course," Keishi replied. "Why?"

"Meeting Kusuda over there might end up feeling like work," Tohru said.

"That won’t happen. I want to see him too."

Tohru had only said, “Alright,” with a strangely unsatisfied look.

Keishi had assumed they’d be eating at a restaurant, but the day before, Tohru told him, “It’s actually gonna be a barbecue in the backyard of the house Kusuda’s renting.”

Keishi couldn’t quite picture Kusuda hosting a barbecue, but even less could he imagine Tohru fitting into a scene of cheerful backyard grilling.

There had been a time long ago, back when Tohru had lost his memories, when they had done things like that together... but Keishi hastily slammed a lid over those memories.

Thinking back on those days still makes me feel guilty, even now.

"Barbecue sounds amazing," he had said lightly.

"It’s not amazing," Tohru had replied curtly. "And that bastard’s going to be there too."

"That bastard?" Keishi asked.

"That asshole," Tohru spat out.

Just that one crude word was enough for Keishi to understand. Kaito Akizawa. A Japanese actor active mainly in the US. Also the face of CRUX, the accessory brand Keishi worked for. When they first hired him, Akizawa had seemed like a third-rate actor—experienced, but unknown. But once he became the face of CRUX, his career skyrocketed, making him one of the top actors in Japan and beyond.

To Keishi, Akizawa was less "an actor and model" and more simply "the man Kusuda was involved with." Self-centered, selfish, childlike—Kusuda had apparently gone through hell being dragged around by him.

Knowing the circumstances, Fujishima had found it hard to believe when he heard they had gotten back together. At least, until he saw them with his own eyes.

Kusuda’s house was a little smaller than the neighboring ones, but it was bright, the yard was spacious, and a pleasant breeze always seemed to be passing through. The inside was somewhat cluttered, perhaps because Kusuda wasn’t particularly good at tidying up, but the scattered belongings gave the place a warmth, the unmistakable feeling that someone truly lived there.

Whenever Akizawa came to New York, he always stayed at this house—and now Keishi understood why. There was something about it, some gentle ease in the air, that made you want to doze off on the corner of the couch. It just felt that comfortable.

The barbecue had been held out in the yard. Akizawa and Tohru had taken turns grilling the meat and vegetables. When Keishi offered to take over for a while, Tohru flatly refused, saying, “You’re too clumsy.” Keishi didn’t say that he actually had more experience with barbecues and camping. And yet—even though Tohru had no memory of any of it—his hands moved deftly, as if his body still remembered what his mind had forgotten.

As Keishi sipped a little beer and chatted pleasantly with Kusuda, Akizawa, who had just traded places with Tohru at the grill, barged in on the conversation. There was something subtly self-centered in his tone, and even if Keishi felt guilty for thinking so, it rubbed him the wrong way. Then, without warning, Akizawa leaned over and kissed Kusuda, who had been sitting right beside him.

Even before that, the intimacy between them had been obvious enough to make a bystander blush. But seeing it happen right in front of his eyes—witnessing it—struck Keishi like a stray bullet. His heart started pounding wildly, and with the awkward sense that he’d just seen something he shouldn’t have, he reflexively looked down.

There had once been such a rift between those two, a deep and seemingly irreparable one that made it hard to imagine they’d ever see each other again. And yet, here they were—back together. It had been years, yes. But even so, it was hard not to wonder at it. Then again, people change. Even the man walking ahead of him now, there had been a time when Keishi had despaired, thinking he could never stay by his side again. And yet, even now... their relationship had continued, calm and steady.

On the asphalt beneath his feet, graffiti scrawled across the bridge walkway. A cartoonish woman’s face was drawn there, and Keishi stepped right on top of it as he walked. No matter how much one might curse their past self, time moved forward. People forgot. Life carried on with quiet indifference.

A jarring clatter, gatan-gatan, approached, and a train roared past on the other side of the chain-link fence. The wind it stirred pushed up Tohru’s now slightly longer hair, making it dance.

Was Tohru not walking beside him because two men walking side-by-side would draw attention? That silly thought crossed his mind, only to be abruptly scattered when a cyclist came speeding toward him, as fast as a motorbike. Keishi instinctively dodged right, and though the rider didn’t touch him, it was a near miss. A surprised “Whoa!” escaped him.

Tohru, walking ahead, turned around and rushed back toward him. “What happened?”

“The bike came real close.”

“Did it hit you?”

“No, I’m fine… but it startled me.”

Without a word, Tohru grabbed Keishi by the arm and guided him over toward the fence. He continued walking alongside him, but his grip was strong—his stride too long—making Keishi feel like some criminal being hauled away. But he couldn’t bring himself to pull free, and he didn’t have the nerve to complain that it hurt.

Suddenly, Tohru stopped. Beyond the wire mesh, the Manhattan skyline stretched into the distance. A gradient of dusk had begun to swallow the light, melting it into the encroaching night. Then, as if unlocking a latch, Tohru’s fingers released Keishi’s arm.

“Can I take a few shots?”

As if Keishi would say no. He nodded silently. Tohru pulled his camera from the bag and raised it. The shutter clicked over and over as he snapped the city skyline through the fence. After a few shots, he swapped out the lens. Vertical, horizontal, angled—he captured the scenery from every possible perspective.

It was as if he had remembered something essential to who he was. With quiet fervor, Tohru lost himself in the act of photographing the twilight. Keishi leaned back against the fence, watching the sunset… and his partner’s silhouette. Right now, all that existed in Tohru’s world was that view. Keishi himself had probably disappeared from his awareness completely.

His lips were dry. He rubbed them with his thumb and winced slightly. Maybe he had burned them on the barbecue—some of the meat had been really hot.

…About twenty minutes had passed. Night had fully fallen. And then, without warning, Tohru turned to look back at him.

"...Sorry. I got carried away."

"Yeah."

"My bad."

"It’s fine. The sunset was beautiful, wasn’t it?"

Tohru stashed his camera away, still wearing an annoyed expression.

"I might have another chance to come to New York. But this trip... it was supposed to be just for us. No work."

"Was that just now... work?"

Tohru fell silent. Keishi couldn’t help laughing a little at how bad he was at lying.

"You were shooting because you wanted to, right? It’s fine. I like watching you when you’re behind the camera. It’s fun. My trip is your trip too. You should shoot whatever you want, whenever you want."

"...Don’t spoil me."

That sulky expression was too cute. Just seeing it was enough to make up for the time he’d felt forgotten.

“Let’s finish crossing before the sun completely sets.”

When Keishi started walking, Tohru fell into step beside him. This time he’s not walking ahead, he thought. The shift in behavior was subtle, but it was there—and he didn’t know how to read it.

No matter how much time they spent together, no matter how deeply they intertwined, there were always parts of each other they would never fully understand. They were different people, after all. He knew they loved each other. He knew he was loved. And yet, sometimes he had this irrational fear that Tohru might suddenly vanish from his life.

It was probably that. That Tohru possessed a brilliant talent. And Keishi… didn’t. There was nothing he had that could consume him so entirely that he’d forget the person he loved, even for a moment.

Maybe it was because they were in a new, unfamiliar place. Usually, the silences between them didn’t bother him, but now—he had the urge to talk.

“The barbecue was fun.”

After a beat, Tohru nodded. “Was it?”

“Eating outside felt good. The meat was really delicious. Jessica-san brought dessert later, too—I’d never met her before, but she was so friendly and lively.”

“Yeah.”

“And the dog... it was a little scary when it barked. But... I’m glad we went. Seeing Kusuda-kun doing well made it worthwhile.”

"You too, huh?"

Tohru muttered it almost to himself.

“More than enjoying the meal, it was kind of... checking in, wasn’t it?”

In the end, they had both been worried about Kusuda, who had rekindled his relationship with that eccentric man. But all those worries had turned out to be groundless. The two of them were getting along better than expected, seeming genuinely happy together.

“I was ready to deck that bastard if he pulled anything.”

Tohru clenched his right hand lightly.

“I hold back because it’s work and Kusuda asked me to, but honestly, there are times during shoots when I seriously want to punch him.”

“They’ll be fine now.”

Tohru looked at him.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t... I just do. A feeling, maybe.”

From below, the rumble of the subway echoed up again.

“They kissed, by the way.”

Tohru whipped around, startled. His eyes widened in surprise.

“It was when you were grilling meat, I think. Kusuda-kun doesn’t really seem like the type to show affection publicly, but Akizawa-san was quite bold. I guess people get used to showing affection more openly when they live here.”

Keishi absentmindedly touched his lips—they still tingled from the slight burn earlier.

“It was a little embarrassing to watch, but... well, it’s nice, right? It means they’re close.”

Suddenly, his arm was grabbed. For a second, he thought it was another reckless cyclist—but instead, he was pulled close. A little roughly, his chin was tilted up, and Tohru’s lips pressed against his own. Before Keishi could even process what was happening, the kiss ended, and Tohru lowered his head, hiding his face.

“Ah, th-thank you… but, why so sudden?”

Tohru’s ears were burning red as he quickly strode ahead. Keishi hurried to catch up, and when he managed to walk beside him, Tohru’s pace slowed just a little. His gaze flicked over, clearly aware of the presence at his side.

“…Because you said it was okay.”

He muttered it like an excuse, the words strained.

“Because they said it was okay…”

Keishi realized Tohru must’ve interpreted his earlier comment as envy toward the couple who kissed in front of others—that it had sounded like a request. The realization hit him all at once, and his face flushed hot with embarrassment.

They walked in silence, eyes meeting without a word. The sun had fully set now, and the city lights behind Tohru were beginning to shimmer. But in that instant, Keishi could feel it—Tohru’s eyes held nothing else. There was only him.

Far in the distance, skyscrapers sparkled against the twilight. And right in front of him, the sight of this man—shoulders hunched, flustered and vulnerable—was slowly being etched into memory, becoming a moment of happiness Keishi knew would never fade.

Previous TOC Next