Utsukushii Koto: Volume 2 - Part 4

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Work had been hectic lately, and there was even the looming possibility of having to go in on his day off—but thanks to Hayama being there, Hiromatsu had somehow managed to avoid that fate. Even so, he’d stayed late on Friday to make sure he didn’t leave anything unfinished before his day off, and it wasn’t until two in the morning that he finally made it back to his apartment.

On the day of their overnight trip to the hot springs, Matsuoka came to pick him up by car. True to his punctual and precise nature, Matsuoka arrived right on time. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Hiromatsu stepped out of his apartment with his bag in hand.

Matsuoka wore a simple outfit—slim-fitting long-sleeved shirt and khaki pants. It was nothing fancy, the kind of clothes anyone might wear, and yet somehow, just by wearing them, Matsuoka made the whole look feel refined. Hiromatsu, by contrast, felt suddenly self-conscious about the corduroy pants and thick wool shirt he’d chosen—items he’d picked as the nicest from among his usual casualwear, but which now struck him as terribly dowdy. Matsuoka hadn’t said anything, of course, but Hiromatsu couldn’t help sinking into unnecessary self-doubt, convinced the other man didn’t think much of his fashion sense.

The radio played softly inside the car. Matsuoka had mentioned earlier, “We’ll be driving for quite a while, so if there’s any music you like, I can put it on,” but Hiromatsu wasn’t really into music and hadn’t listened to anything properly in years.

There was a highway route that could get them there in about two hours, but perhaps sensing Hiromatsu’s discomfort with both cars and speed, Matsuoka opted instead to take the slower national road. When Hiromatsu offered, “The expressway’s fine too,” Matsuoka had just smiled and said, “Nah, I feel like driving leisurely today.”

Hiromatsu had told himself that, at the very least, he shouldn’t fall asleep—it was only polite not to nap while someone else was driving for hours. But between the monotonous scenery, the warmth of the car’s interior, and his lack of sleep from the night before, he was soon overwhelmed by an intense drowsiness. Even as they talked, his eyelids kept slipping shut.

Eventually, he lost the battle altogether and surrendered to sleep. He woke again to the gentle jostling of the car. They had stopped—probably at a red light.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.

Matsuoka glanced over. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Matsuoka said easily. “You can sleep if you’re tired.”

“But you’re the one doing all the driving…”

“I actually enjoy it. It clears my head. Besides, you were working late, weren’t you?”

Hiromatsu scratched the back of his head and glanced over at Matsuoka. “Did I mention that?”

“Nope. But when I called Hayama yesterday, she mentioned you were staying pretty late at the office.”

“Ah, I see.”

Matsuoka and Hayama had known each other longer than he had known either of them—it made sense that they’d still keep in touch.

“She told me she was really glad you were at Koishikawa. Said work’s been intense, and the office manager’s hard to deal with, but just talking to you is soothing. I asked her if it was awkward working with an ex, but she said, ‘Not at all.’ Is that how it is?”

Hiromatsu let out a small laugh.

“To be honest, when I first heard it was going to be Hayama-san they were sending, I did feel a little awkward. But she… maybe it’s because she’s already engaged—she was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing.”

“Huh,” Matsuoka responded with a neutral-sounding nod.

“She told me you two talk a lot,” he added.

“Well, aside from the office manager, it’s just the two of us there. It’s less like a conversation and more like I just listen while she talks. But it was kind of like that when we were dating too. These days, half of what she talks about is work, and the other half is all about her fiancé.”

“Doesn’t that ever feel… complicated?”

“Complicated?”

Matsuoka glanced over at him.

“Like, when someone you used to date starts talking about their current boyfriend and stuff.”

Hiromatsu shrugged lightly.

“It doesn’t bother me. I only dated Hayama-san for a short while, and even then, it felt more like we were friends than lovers.”

“No lingering feelings at all?”

He was about to say “none,” but the memory of running into Hayama at the department store flashed through his mind.

“After we broke up, I did wonder what it would’ve been like if I’d married her. But I came to the conclusion that ‘it was for the best that I wasn’t the one she ended up with.’”

He meant it half as a jab at himself—it was probably good she hadn’t picked a man about to get laid off—but of course, there was no way Matsuoka could have picked up on that nuance.

“You seem like the type who really wants to get married,” Matsuoka said, his tone unusually firm and certain.

“Why do you think that?”

After a pause, Matsuoka replied, “Back when you were with Yoko Eto, you said pretty early on that you wanted to get married.”

“Oh, that,” Hiromatsu laughed.

“It wasn’t really about wanting marriage itself. I just wanted to make her mine as soon as possible, and I figured marriage was the quickest way to do that.”

Even now, when he thought about Yoko Eto, a dull ache filled his chest—even knowing that the man driving the car beside him was that very same person.

After that, the conversation dried up for a while, and the radio filled the car all the way into the hot spring town.

The inn Matsuoka had arranged was a traditional Japanese ryokan on the outskirts of the resort area. While they had passed a few Western-style hotels near the center, this place was older but clearly well maintained, with a rustic charm that made it feel like a relic of a gentler, more graceful era. The bamboo gate and the dark, glistening cobblestones speckled with moss added to the atmosphere. Hiromatsu preferred places like this over newer, more stylish accommodations.

As was customary at ryokan, they were formally welcomed at the entrance and then guided to their room. The tatami-floored room was spacious, and when Hiromatsu opened the window, a small garden and pond framed by a bamboo fence came into view, making his heart quietly lift.

Sipping the tea brought by the attendant, he gazed absentmindedly out the window. The sight of the tatami and the alcove made him feel as if he’d returned to the countryside, though this was his first time ever setting foot here. And yet, it didn’t feel unfamiliar at all. The tension in his body eased, as though every muscle had remembered how to let go.

At first, Matsuoka sat on a cushion, legs stretched out in front of him. But when Hiromatsu laid down on the tatami, Matsuoka copied him and flopped onto his back beside him. Their eyes met at floor level, and that alone made them laugh for no particular reason. Then Matsuoka rolled onto his stomach and started inching closer, slowly and deliberately.

“I feel like I’m a useless adult right now,” he said, quite seriously.

“Why?”

“Because we just got to the inn and I’m already lazing around.”

“This whole trip is about healing from daily fatigue. So this is exactly what you’re supposed to do,” Hiromatsu replied.

“Yeah… I guess so,” Matsuoka murmured earnestly, and the way he said it made Hiromatsu laugh. That earned him a pout.

“Why are you laughing?” Matsuoka said, lips pushed forward. The expression reminded Hiromatsu of his nephew, and he gently stroked the sulking man’s head.

“If you can’t relax unless you’re doing something, it probably means you work too much. Today and tomorrow, you’re allowed to forget about work. Just take it easy.”

Matsuoka’s short hair was softer than Hiromatsu had imagined. As his fingers passed through it, Matsuoka’s face gradually turned redder and redder, until he finally buried it into the cushion to hide.

“What’s wrong?”

“…I’m not a kid, you know.”

His muffled voice was half-lost against the cushion.

“I know. But you’re cute. When you pout, you remind me of my nephew.”

That made Matsuoka’s ears flush red too, and Hiromatsu, finding it amusing, reached out and gently pinched one. Heat lingered at his fingertips.

“…Don’t do that,” Matsuoka mumbled.

The protest in his voice was weak, laced with a childlike neediness. Hiromatsu couldn’t even see his face—only heard his voice—yet the unexpected hint of sensuality in it threw him off, and he quickly pulled his hand away. Somehow, he was the one who ended up embarrassed.

The room was warm, the feel of the tatami pleasantly grounding… and the silence between them, just right. After a few small yawns, he slipped off into sleep without even realizing it.

He woke to the sound of footsteps passing in the hallway. Someone was very close by. When he opened his eyes, he found himself being gazed down at with gentle eyes. The calm expression looked familiar… Ah. It was Yoko-san’s face. Even now, it hit him—this really was the same person.

Hiromatsu rubbed both eyes roughly.

“Sorry, I dozed off again…”

When he apologized, Matsuoka smiled.

“Not for long. Maybe twenty minutes.”

Looking into his eyes made something stir uncomfortably in his chest. The feeling wouldn’t settle, and he quickly sat up, shaking his head lightly as if to shake the sensation off.

“Want to go for a bath?”

At his suggestion, Matsuoka’s shoulders seemed to twitch just slightly.

“Ah, yeah.”

“I want to try the open-air bath too, but it might be too cold at this hour…”

“I think it should be fine. The website said it’s right outside the indoor bath, so we won’t have to walk far.”

“Got it.”

As Hiromatsu rummaged through his bag for a change of clothes, a voice came from behind him.

“Should we go at different times?”

“We can go together. Why?”

When he turned, Matsuoka was staring at him intently.

“…You’re not uncomfortable being with me?”

That look in his eyes—like he already knew something—sent a chill through Hiromatsu’s chest. The memory of Matsuoka’s birthday night, the moment he shoved him away, came flooding back. Even then, he hadn’t really minded the kiss itself. If only it hadn’t come with the visceral, undeniable sense of “man” against his skin, it might’ve been fine. And yet…

“I’m not uncomfortable,” he said firmly, but the words trailed off at the end. His confidence suddenly waned, anxiety creeping in. He had no idea how he’d feel seeing Matsuoka naked. Would he just see it as a man’s body, or would some unexpected emotion—disgust or otherwise—well up in him?

Matsuoka gave a strained smile, as if to say I thought so.

“I think I’ll rest a little longer. You go ahead. I’ll come join you later.”

Sensing Hiromatsu’s hesitation, Matsuoka smoothly suggested they go separately. Even so, Hiromatsu didn’t have the nerve to insist let’s go together, and feeling awkward, he headed to the baths first.

It was a small inn, and thanks to the time of day, the men’s bath was empty. The bathing area was spacious, with a large tub and seven washing stations. The layout was classic, the deep green tiles on the walls and floor giving off a retro Showa-era feel.

He gave himself a quick scrub before slipping into the bath. The water was on the hotter side—just the way he liked it. Milky and slightly slick to the touch, it carried the distinct smell of sulfur.

Even with Matsuoka on his mind, the sheer joy of having the hot spring to himself was undeniable. Taking advantage of the solitude, he paddled lazily around the tub. It was a small, silly indulgence, but it felt like the height of luxury.

Through a door at the far right of the washing area, he stepped outside. Just beyond it was a stone-built open-air bath. A bit worn down, but that only added to its rustic charm. The sense of openness was wonderful—not just from being outdoors, but because there were no high fences blocking the view. The whole town spread out below him. He remembered thinking, during the drive up, how high they were climbing. Looking down now, it struck him anew just how far up they’d come.

He soaked in the warmth of the water and the beauty of the view, relishing the moment alone. Time uninterrupted by anyone else was a quiet bliss. But once he grew used to it, a powerful urge to talk to someone took over. He wanted to share this scenery, to talk about how good the water felt. Matsuoka should’ve just come with me… he thought selfishly.

Hiromatsu returned to the indoor bath and sank once more into the water. Compared to the open-air bath, the temperature here felt a bit higher. The door to the changing room slid open with a clatter. Two men, probably in their fifties, came in. Maybe Matsuoka’s planning to wait until I’m gone before coming in, he thought—just as Matsuoka finally appeared.

Noticing him, Matsuoka lifted his right hand in a small wave, then sat down in front of one of the washing stations. His body was slim. Hiromatsu had always known he had a lean frame, but seeing him without clothes, that thinness stood out with almost painful sharpness. …He’d held that body once, hadn’t he? But it felt unreal. He’d been drunk then and remembered hardly any of it. If he did remember it clearly now, in this moment, the rawness of it all would’ve made it unbearable.

After carefully washing his long limbs, Matsuoka slipped into the bath as well, settling a little distance away. Hiromatsu moved through the water, almost like swimming, to get closer.

“You took your time coming.”

Matsuoka gave a little shrug.

“Not like you, but I nodded off a bit.”

He murmured it with a soft yawn, hand covering his mouth. The stretch of his throat was pale, and his cheeks were tinged with a soft pink.

“The water temperature’s just right, isn’t it? Did you try the open-air bath?”

“Yeah. The view outside was really nice.”

“I saw reviews online saying the open-air one was great. Still, the idea of going out there sounds cold. I’ll warm up in here a bit before heading out.”

He placed a towel on his head, tilted his face up toward the ceiling, and exhaled.

“Hot springs really are amazing. The fatigue just melts away.”

“Yeah,” Hiromatsu agreed with a nod.

“Are things hectic for you right now too?” he asked.

“You mean work? The end of the fiscal year’s always hectic in sales, so yeah. Why?”

“You seem thinner than before.”

With a little splash, the towel on Matsuoka’s head slipped into the bath. He hastily scooped it up and wrung it out at the bath’s edge. His neck and face flushed so deeply it looked like his skin had been dyed beyond even cherry-blossom pink.

“What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing.”

He pressed the towel to his face.

“Are you feeling okay? You’re super red.”

He looked down, not saying anything. Something was off.

“Did you… see?”

The question came in a faint, hoarse whisper.

“See what?”

“I mean…” Matsuoka faltered.

Only then did Hiromatsu realize he was talking about seeing him naked. Once he understood, it wasn’t even anything lewd—but still, he felt embarrassed too.

“I didn’t stare or anything. Just caught a glimpse while you were washing.”

Still, the fact remained—he had seen. “Sorry,” he added quietly.

Matsuoka leaned forward, resting his chin on the edge of the bath. “...Think I got a little dizzy,” he mumbled.

“You okay?”

When Hiromatsu touched his shoulder, Matsuoka jolted so sharply it startled him. Surprised, he quickly pulled his hand back.

“Ah—sorry.”

“I’ll head out first. You stay and take your time,” Matsuoka said.

Barely a few minutes after getting into the bath, he climbed out. Hiromatsu sat there, stricken with guilt, feeling like he’d just committed sexual harassment. He’d thought nothing of it—guys seeing each other naked wasn’t a big deal. But for someone like Matsuoka, who had feelings for him, being seen naked probably carried a very different kind of weight.

Not long after, Hiromatsu also got out, but Matsuoka was nowhere to be seen in the changing room. He must’ve gone back to the room. Hiromatsu didn’t know what kind of face he was supposed to return with, and he spent nearly thirty minutes stewing in awkwardness in the changing area. In the end, he bought a juice as a peace offering and made his way back.

Matsuoka was by the window, dressed in a long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans, staring absently outside.

“Ah, welcome back.”

The redness had vanished from his face, and he was back to looking like his usual self.

“Sorry about earlier… Here.”

Hiromatsu held out the juice. Matsuoka took it with a sheepish smile.

“No, I’m the one who said something weird. Sorry about that.”

“No, no, I should be the one apologizing…” As they exchanged apologies back and forth, something about it became ridiculous, and they ended up looking at each other and laughing. Hiromatsu had been worried about how awkward things might be between them for the rest of the trip, but it seemed like they’d be fine—and that was a relief.

“On my way back from the bath,” Matsuoka said, “one of the attendants told me there’s a spot with a great view if you go a little ways up the mountain behind the inn. The scenery’s supposed to be really nice from there. Want to check it out?”

With nothing else planned, Hiromatsu let himself be led along by Matsuoka’s suggestion. According to the attendant, it was supposed to be just “a short climb,” but the path turned out to be fairly steep and longer than expected. What’s more, it was barely wide enough for a single person to pass through—a proper animal trail. Since Matsuoka worked in sales and was used to walking around outdoors, this level of terrain didn’t seem to faze him. He climbed easily. But Hiromatsu, who mostly sat at a desk, was already short of breath not long into the ascent.

“Can we take a quick break?”

The moment Matsuoka said it, Hiromatsu nodded eagerly. Sitting down at the edge of the trail, he gazed out at the distant mountains shrouded in mist.

“That slope’s tougher than it looks.”

Even as he said it, Matsuoka didn’t seem tired in the least.

“Looks like I need to work on my stamina.”

There was about a five-year age difference between them, but even so, Hiromatsu felt embarrassed by his own lack of endurance.

“Come to think of it, an acquaintance of mine started going to the gym recently to build up strength. After just a month, his body had completely changed.”

“The gym, huh…”

“Want to try going to one together? I’ll help you find a good place. Somewhere we could stop by after work maybe.”

He was interested. The idea of going alone felt daunting, but if Matsuoka came too, he’d feel more confident. Still, with his job ending next month, signing up for a gym didn’t seem wise. There was always the possibility he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the membership fee.

“Maybe I’ll hold off on the gym.”

Matsuoka looked slightly disappointed for a moment but smiled warmly. “If you ever change your mind, just let me know.”

Something fluttered down from above. Hiromatsu looked up at the sky. Snow. It had been cold, and the clouds had hung thick and gray, but he hadn’t expected snow in mid-March.

There was no wind, so the snow drifted down gently, almost vertically. Matsuoka tilted his head up beside him, opened his mouth wide. Then closed it. Then opened it again. It brought back memories from long ago—back in elementary school, when just the sight of falling snow had been enough to make him grin. Hiromatsu had done the exact same thing then.

He stared at Matsuoka’s profile as he repeated the motion, thinking how someone so put-together could have such a childlike side too.

“Does snow taste good?”

At once, Matsuoka’s cheeks flushed and his mouth shut tight.

“It doesn’t taste like anything. Just cold.”

Hiromatsu imitated him, catching a flake with his tongue. Before he could even tell if it had landed, it melted away like a bubble.

“…You look like one of those koi waiting for food by the pond. Watching from the side, you seem pretty funny,” Matsuoka muttered.

“You were the first koi here, you know.”

“Well, yeah. But isn’t there a saying about seeing someone else’s behavior and fixing your own?”

“That’s a pretty rude way to talk, coming from the leader of the koi.”

Matsuoka squinted, laughed aloud. “It’s going to get cold fast. We should finish the climb.” He pointed farther up the trail.

After their break, Hiromatsu felt a little more energized and climbed at a decent pace, but before long, fatigue caught up to him again. As he trudged forward, bent slightly at the waist, a hand suddenly reached out to him from ahead—Matsuoka’s right hand, offered wordlessly.

Looks like he wanted to help him up the slope.

“I’m almost there, it’s fine,” Hiromatsu said.

“I’ll give you a bit of a handicap for the five-year age gap,” Matsuoka replied.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hiromatsu wasn’t sure how to respond, but Matsuoka’s comment about giving a “handicap for the age difference” was so silly it made him want to fluster him a little—so he reached out and took his hand. Though Matsuoka’s hand was smaller than his, it was surprisingly strong, pulling him up with determined force. Rather than unsettling Matsuoka, it ended up being genuinely helpful, and thanks to that, Hiromatsu finally made it to the lookout.

Despite being high up the mountain, the spot opened into a wide, flat clearing—easily large enough to fit two houses. Scattered stones, like the foundation of an old home, lay half-buried in the ground.

The view from up there was worth every step of the steep climb. In the distance, mountains lay softened by mist, encircling a basin dotted with hints of early spring—the gentle green of budding leaves peeking through here and there. And somehow, snow was falling upon that tender landscape, creating an uncanny but beautiful contrast.

Hiromatsu gazed out at the scenery, dazed by its quiet beauty. Through their joined hands, he could feel Matsuoka trembling. Only then did he realize that they were still holding hands from the climb up.

“Are you cold?”

“Ah… just a little adrenaline shake.”

“What’s that? Want my jacket?”

“No, it’s fine. If I take it, you’ll be cold.”

Matsuoka let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around his own shoulders. Watching that slender frame shake was hard to bear, so Hiromatsu took off his own coat and draped it over Matsuoka’s back.

“It’s cold… Want to head down?”

Still wrapped in Hiromatsu’s jacket, Matsuoka nodded. Going downhill was easier, so Hiromatsu took the lead.

“Think I’ll take another dip in the hot spring when we get back,” he said, exhaling a puff of white breath.

“I want to too. I never ended up trying the open-air bath.”

The awkwardness from earlier in the bath came to mind, and Hiromatsu offered gently, “Why don’t you go first this time? I’ll go in after.”

Matsuoka didn’t answer at first, and Hiromatsu took the silence as agreement. But then a voice called out from behind.

“We could go together.”

Hiromatsu turned around, stopping in his tracks. Matsuoka had stopped walking too.

“Ah, but earlier—”

“That was really just from the hot water. If you’re okay with it, I am too. Plus, we’ll probably want to head straight for the bath when we get back, right?”

“Yeah… yeah.”

So it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be seen naked…? Then again, if he was fine with going in together, maybe that wasn’t it at all. Hiromatsu’s thoughts spun in circles, growing less and less coherent. He still didn’t know exactly what Matsuoka was thinking.

Rationally speaking, two guys bathing together was no big deal. And the discomfort he’d feared—some repulsion at seeing Matsuoka’s naked body—hadn’t materialized. All he’d thought was he’s really thin. That was it. And really, it was a body with the same parts as his own. There was nothing to be repulsed by.

“I wonder if they’d let us bring sake into the open-air bath,” Hiromatsu murmured.

Matsuoka blinked. “Wait, are you serious?”

“Why not? Having a drink while watching the snow from the bath sounds amazing. Let’s do it together.”

“Me too?”

“It’d be boring alone, wouldn’t it?”

Matsuoka sighed, half in exasperation. “Well… I guess unless it’s a private bath, it might not be allowed, but we could ask.” He gave a small shrug.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Bringing alcohol into the outdoor bath was prohibited, but even without sake, the snowy outdoor bath was amazing. The two of them warmed their bodies, chilled from mountain walking, and chatted endlessly. Evening turned to night, and their fingers pruned like old men's.

Dinner was sumptuous, as Matsuoka had always wanted to try the food there. The delicious meal complemented the sake perfectly. Feeling secure in knowing they could sleep in the next room, Hiromatsu drank not only beer but also sake. As he got warmer, despite Matsuoka's warning not to, he opened the window and tried to mimic having sake in the snow as they couldn’t do it in the bath. Within five minutes, he was shivering from the cold, and Matsuoka laughed, "I told you not to."

The small moments were fun, and Hiromatsu felt glad he came on the trip. Though he often traveled alone, trips with someone were rare, including school trips and company retreats. He never thought traveling with someone could be this enjoyable, even though they just bathed and climbed steep mountain paths.

After a hearty meal and drinks, they moved to the next room, where the futons were already laid out. Crawling into bed felt comforting and warm.

Matsuoka turned on a paper lantern-style light and turned off the room's main light.

"Oh, are you going to sleep? Should I turn this off too?" Hiromatsu asked.

"Leave it on," he replied. Though tired, he wasn’t sleepy. He still wanted to talk.

"Thanks for everything today."

"What’s with the sudden gratitude?" Matsuoka, hugging his pillow, turned to face him.

"For booking the inn and driving all the way."

"I like driving."

Lying down, Hiromatsu looked up at the wooden ceiling. It reminded him of the countryside home with its stained spots that used to frighten him as a child, thinking they were ghosts.

"Hiromatsu," Matsuoka called, eyes serious.

"Yes?"

"Are you enjoying this?"

"Do you mean the trip?"

Matsuoka nodded while still lying down.

"What about you?"

After a pause, Matsuoka replied, "I'm having fun."

"Then I'll say I'm having a lot of fun."

"Then I'll say I'm having a whole lot of fun," Matsuoka countered.

"Why are you talking like a child?" Hiromatsu teased. Matsuoka blushed and buried his face in the pillow. Spending time together had revealed a surprisingly childish side of Matsuoka, something his suited appearance had never hinted at.

"But it's true that I'm having fun," Matsuoka mumbled, and their conversation dwindled.

The room was quiet but not uncomfortable. The pleasant afterglow of the day warmed Hiromatsu's heart. But he knew reality awaited once the trip ended—his busy job and the fact that he'd be forced to leave at the end of March. Facing that reality was inevitable, though he'd already resigned himself to it. The problem was finding a new job.

Job hunting was the hardest part, not physically but mentally. Rejections made him feel worthless, sinking his spirits lower each time. It made him wish he hadn't even applied or gone to interviews.

"Maybe I should move back to the countryside," he muttered to the ceiling.

"Move back? For a holiday?" came Matsuoka's voice from beside him.

"Not a holiday, I mean permanently," Hiromatsu clarified.

Matsuoka was silent. Hiromatsu added, "Just kidding." He couldn't return to the countryside; there were no jobs there. He couldn’t rely on his parents at his age.

"Is your hometown far?" Matsuoka asked.

"Yeah, with poor transport links. It takes about two hours by Shinkansen from Tokyo and another forty minutes by local train."

"It's a port town, right?"

"Yeah, the fish is delicious. My parents run a fish processing business, but my brother and his wife have taken over now."

"I'd like to visit sometime."

"Sure, but there's not much to see. Your family’s in Tokyo, right?"

"On the outskirts."

"Do you visit them?"

"Not much. My younger brother got married last year and lives there now, so only during Obon and New Year."

As they talked, Hiromatsu gradually drifted off, waking up the next morning. They took a morning bath and had a luxurious breakfast fit for a lord. After checking out, they strolled around the inn before heading home.

It had been an incredibly enjoyable trip. Though Matsuoka was quiet on the way back, Hiromatsu figured it was because he was tired from driving alone.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

The day after they returned from the hot springs, Hiromatsu was swept right back into the storm of overwork. Late nights until nine or ten became routine, and at this point, he and Hayama were less coworkers and more comrades-in-arms.

One afternoon, a frantic phone call came in from the office manager’s wife. Apparently, she’d mistaken all the recent overtime for signs of an affair. To make matters worse, Hayama had been the one to answer the phone initially. Watching the manager hunch over and cover the receiver while scrambling to explain himself was pitiful even from a distance.

“My marriage is going to fall apart…” he muttered, and it didn’t sound like a joke.

The kid who’d fractured his hip wouldn’t be back until the end of April, and the one on sick leave wouldn’t return until mid-month at the earliest. Both Hiromatsu and Hayama were set to resign at the end of March. With the team gutted, the manager grew genuinely alarmed about how things would run come April and tried to convince HR to extend Hiromatsu’s layoff by even just one month. But the response was a flat “Use the new hires starting in April,” and nothing more.

“I really wanted you to stay on, though,” the manager said quietly when he called Hiromatsu over just before lunch to speak in the corner of the office. The sentiment was appreciated. But because he’d let himself hope—just a little—that maybe he could stay, the disappointment hit harder than it should have.

During lunch break that day, he ate with Hayama in the courtyard of the research center. With no convenience stores nearby, they always ordered boxed lunches. Hayama had packed her own lunch at first, but the constant overtime must’ve worn her down, because lately she’d switched to ordering delivery just like him.

“Can I ask you something?” Hayama said, her voice serious as Hiromatsu drank from his plastic bottle of tea.

“What is it?”

“Are you… really quitting?”

It was March 15th. Official notices would be issued in ten days. He could’ve brushed it off, but Hayama was trustworthy, and he felt like it was okay to tell her. With only three people in their department, there wasn’t really anyone else for her to tell, anyway.

“Yeah. But where did you hear about that?”

She looked slightly embarrassed and glanced down.

“I overheard the manager on the phone with someone from HQ in HR… Are you going to start a different job or something?”

Hiromatsu gave a dry laugh.

“If only. In my case, it’s more like I’ve served my purpose and I’m being let go.”

That alone should have made it clear it wasn’t a resignation by choice. Hayama went quiet for a moment before murmuring, “They’re letting a guy in his thirties go from Sales too.”

“…Huh?” Hiromatsu said in surprise.

“I’ve heard similar things from other departments. Supposedly it’s the older staff, people in their fifties, who are supposed to be the targets—but even people in their thirties are getting tapped. And that’s the age group that does most of the heavy lifting in any department. Everyone’s confused. Honestly, I don’t know what this company’s thinking. I mean, they know how much of a problem it’ll be if you’re gone in the current situation…”

Learning that he wasn’t the only one in his thirties being let go eased the sting a little. It made him feel like maybe it wasn’t just a reflection of his own inadequacy. Still, if he were someone like Matsuoka—so competent that even those around him acknowledged it—maybe he wouldn’t have been forced out at all…

“Have you found something else yet?”

Hiromatsu gave a small shrug.

“I’ve been job hunting, but I don’t have any certifications, and my age doesn’t help either. Nothing’s come through so far. And then this place suddenly got so busy, I couldn’t really focus on it anymore. I’m thinking I’ll either job hunt after I quit, or maybe just head back to the countryside.”

Saying it aloud made it feel like a real possibility. He realized he wasn’t especially attached to life here.

"Is your hometown far from here?"

"About three hours by Shinkansen and local train."

"What about the person you like? Would you take them with you?"

The person who came to mind was Matsuoka. Moving back to the countryside would mean seeing him less frequently. Even if that thought saddened him a bit, it wouldn’t determine his decision. This was his life to decide.

"I don't know," Hiromatsu mumbled, whether to himself or to Hayama.

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