That Person: Chapter 10

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Matsushita finished lunch with the woman his sister had introduced shortly after 2 PM the next day. Driving out of the hotel’s underground parking lot, the harsh afternoon sunlight through the windshield made him momentarily dizzy. Although it was mid-September, the midday heat still felt like summer, and it took a while for the air conditioning to cool the car. Returning straight to his apartment without making any stops, Matsushita parked in the garage and, leaving the engine running, called Kadowaki, who he assumed was at home.

“I’m back in the parking lot now,” he said.

“Welcome back,” came the usual calm reply. Nothing more. Matsushita found himself in a tangle of emotions. He didn’t want to be asked how it went, yet the lack of curiosity made him wonder if Kadowaki cared. What was he expecting? A hint of jealousy, maybe a sarcastic comment? He dismissed the foolish thought, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as if to chase it away.

“What are you doing right now?” he asked.

There was a pause before Kadowaki replied.

“Cleaning.”

“In that case, once you’re done, could you change into something suitable for a restaurant and come down to the parking lot?”

After hanging up, Matsushita reclined his seat, preparing for a quick nap. But less than ten minutes later, there was a tapping on the car window. Kadowaki must have hurried after hanging up. Sliding into the passenger seat, slightly out of breath, Kadowaki carried the faint scent of sweat.

“You could have taken your time,” Matsushita said.

“Waiting feels longer, doesn’t it? Besides, I wasn’t cleaning much anyway,” Kadowaki replied with a smile.

“Next time, let me help,” Matsushita said, “Don’t hesitate to ask.”

Kadowaki shrugged slightly.

“I actually enjoy cleaning. It’s a nice change of pace and keeps me from overthinking.”

He adjusted his collar, still catching his breath. The light pinstripe shirt and tie gave him a slightly formal appearance Matsushita hadn’t seen since an academic conference. Rare as it was, it made Kadowaki’s profile seem even more austere, stirring an unspoken tension in Matsushita’s chest.

“Is this outfit okay?” Kadowaki asked, misinterpreting Matsushita’s gaze.

“It’s perfect,” Matsushita replied.

As he pulled the car onto the road, Kadowaki said, “Oh! Your sister left a message on the house voicemail. She asked you to call her back as soon as possible.”

“I see,” Matsushita said, not particularly concerned.

“Are you sure?” Kadowaki pressed, seemingly unsettled by Matsushita’s indifference.

“She probably called the house because I didn’t pick up my cellphone,” Matsushita explained. “I’ll call her back when I get home. I already have a good idea of what she wants to say.”

The woman his sister had introduced was poised and beautiful, with an air of maturity befitting her age. Their conversation flowed well enough, and her words, “Can we meet again?” made it clear she had a favorable impression of him.

If he had been heterosexual, the encounter might have been ideal. But Matsushita declined. He confessed, “I didn’t tell my sister, but I’m in love with someone,” and sincerely apologized for agreeing to the meeting despite lacking genuine interest. The woman had smiled sadly, lowering her gaze. “That’s unfortunate,” she said, “but I understand.”

That his sister contacted him so soon suggested the woman had already informed her of his confession. Although the situation had been forced upon him, Matsushita felt responsible for not rejecting it outright from the start. Yet, the last thing he wanted now was to endure his sister’s scolding.

By the time Matsushita reached the city outskirts, traffic had begun to thicken. Even though he was heading away from Osaka’s downtown, the congestion still had some impact. Bathed in the glaring westward sun, Matsushita drove toward Suma Beach, guided by hazy recollections and road signs indicating decreasing distances.

After parking near the beach, Kadowaki looked around curiously.

“Shall we go for a walk?” Matsushita asked, leading him outside. They strolled side by side through the coastal park. It being Sunday, many couples were out, walking hand-in-hand. Matsushita wondered what people might think of the two of them—nearly a generation apart. Surely no one would assume they were a couple. The thought of it made Matsushita feel self-conscious, highlighting the gap between him and his youthful partner.

“That outfit suits you,” Kadowaki said unexpectedly.

Matsushita stopped and turned. That morning, he had stood frozen before his closet, unsure of what to wear. He had thought it might be rude to wear his usual work attire but felt a full suit might be too formal in the lingering summer heat. Kadowaki had quietly approached, pointing out a soft-colored shirt. Following his suggestion, Matsushita paired it with slacks, finding it surprisingly well-coordinated. Kadowaki had even handed him a neatly pressed indigo handkerchief and opened the top button of his shirt. “It looks cleaner and cooler this way,” he had murmured shyly.

Now, as the sea breeze tousled Kadowaki’s bangs, Matsushita said, “You have… a great sense of style.”

Kadowaki looked surprised before laughing awkwardly.

“That’s the first time anyone’s said that. I’m not very good at dressing myself.”

The sound of his laughter put Matsushita at ease. They chatted idly as they continued through the park. Eventually, they wandered down to the sandy shore for a closer view of the sea. Being off-season, the beach was nearly empty, leaving the stretch of sand unusually quiet for a weekend afternoon. Though they had made it to the sand, walking proved challenging. With every step, the gritty sound of sand slipping into Matsushita’s shoes accompanied his unsteady strides.

"Sensei," a cheerful voice called out.

Looking up, Matsushita saw a young girl, likely a high schooler, waving enthusiastically from a short distance away. Squinting, he didn’t recognize her. She ran straight toward them, her energy causing Matsushita some unease, but it soon became clear she wasn’t addressing him—she was familiar with Kadowaki.

The girl had shoulder-length hair, wore a short-sleeved white shirt paired with cropped jeans, and red sandals dusted with sand. A striking red basket bag swung by her side.

“Sensei, what are you doing here? And dressed so sharp?” she teased.

“I had a little something to take care of,” Kadowaki replied calmly.

She clasped her hands behind her back and cast a quick, curious glance at Matsushita, her expression practically asking, Who’s this guy?

“What about you, Mai?” Kadowaki asked her.

“I’m here with my boyfriend.” She turned and gestured toward a young man about her age standing at a distance.

“My mom was really disappointed, you know. Ever since you started tutoring me, my grades shot up. She was hoping you’d keep teaching me forever. Plus, she’s a big fan of yours.”

“You were already doing well,” he said gently. “Once you figured out how to study, you didn’t need my help anymore.”

Her bashful smile made her look charming, even objectively. As she continued gazing at him, her expression abruptly shifted. She furrowed her brows and stepped forward, brushing a hand through his bangs. Matsushita felt a sudden surge of emotion, bordering on anger, rise within him.

“Sensei, you should do something about your bangs. Change the part, and tone down the volume on the sides. I used to think you only owned jeans and T-shirts, but that shirt today isn’t bad. Next time, let’s go shopping. I’ll help you pick something that suits you.”

“If you’re not careful, your boyfriend might misunderstand,” Kadowaki chided gently.

Waving her brightly manicured fingers in dismissal, she said, “He doesn’t matter.”

Matsushita’s irritation grew as he silently wished her to leave. Sensing this, Kadowaki firmly grasped his arm.

“Mai, this is my math professor from university,” Kadowaki introduced him unexpectedly.

Taken aback, Matsushita fumbled out a polite, “Hello.”

“Nice to meet you,” she replied with a brief nod.

“So, this is the professor?” she asked, her tone casual and unabashed.

“That’s right.”

“Hmm. I thought professors would be older.”

“He’s young, but very accomplished,” Kadowaki said.

Mai gave Matsushita an audacious once-over, her gaze traveling from head to toe. Normally, Matsushita would avoid eye contact, but her boldness stoked his pride, prompting him to meet her stare.

“I hate math and physics. Just looking at equations makes me sick. But some people are good at them, huh? I don’t get how they figure that stuff out so easily.”

The question seemed directed at him.

“It’s a matter of interest,” Matsushita answered in an even tone.

Mai tilted her head, confused.

“I study math because I enjoy it. Just like people who love drawing create art, or those who love singing perform songs. It’s fundamentally the same.”

“Hmm,” she murmured. A distant voice called her name.

“See you later, sensei.” Kicking up sand with her red sandals, she dashed off toward her boyfriend. Matsushita exhaled a quiet sigh of relief.

Though she was gone, the faint irritation she left behind lingered.

“She’s a student I used to tutor until recently,” Kadowaki explained.

That much, Matsushita had suspected.

“I didn’t know it was a girl,” he replied.

“She’s straightforward and cute, don’t you think?”

Matsushita crossed his arms.

“I can’t say I’m fond of her gaudy nails or her unrestrained way of speaking.”

Kadowaki’s expression darkened immediately.

“She’s still young…”

“Young, yes, but she’s a high schooler. It’s about time she learned proper manners when addressing her elders.”

A tense air hung between them. Matsushita regretted letting his jealousy surface under the pretense of critiquing the girl’s manners, especially after his behavior earlier in the day. But regret didn’t give him the words to smooth things over. Frustrated, he sat down on the sandy beach halfway to the water and stared at the horizon.

Kadowaki walked to the water’s edge as if escaping the silence, only to return moments later and sit beside him. Though it didn’t seem he had waded into the ocean, droplets of water dripped from his fingertips.

“It’s such a complex shape,” Matsushita murmured absently.

Kadowaki tilted his head. “Droplets look simple, but they’re difficult. The equations for fluid dynamics lead to approximate solutions, right?”

“That’s correct. But in the case of seawater, viscosity complicates things, and the singular points…”

Matsushita trailed off, realizing that such seamless, responsive conversation was something unique to his relationship with Kadowaki. Startled by the thought, he fell silent. Kadowaki glanced at him curiously but didn’t push the conversation forward.

Gazing absently at the distant horizon, Matsushita noticed thin clouds overlapping the sinking sun. Even at the smallest scale, clouds exhibit repeated structures, marking them as fractal in nature. Meanwhile, the clear skies stretching behind them embodied chaos. Chaos theory—also known as nonlinear dynamics—was part of Matsushita’s field of research.

“Once, I learned that Isaac Newton, after devoting his life to mathematics, turned his focus to studying the Bible. I found it strange at the time,” Matsushita began. “I couldn’t understand why he ventured into the seemingly opposite realm of religion.”

Kadowaki turned to him, nodding.

“I know that story,” he said. “Newton believed the world was built on the magnificent order of mathematical principles, so he assumed the Bible, written by the Creator of such order, must also be a masterpiece expressed in mathematical terms.”

If the world truly operates under divine laws, then perhaps even our meeting and falling in love were part of a cosmic calculation. Matsushita wondered if there was a formula to render such love eternal. It was the nature of those drawn to mathematics to want to describe everything numerically. Yet, for now, perhaps it wasn’t necessary to know everything—just as it was impossible to fully comprehend Kadowaki. DNA might define the structure of a human being, but personality, built upon it, remained unpredictable.

Once, Matsushita had jokingly told him, “I’d like to record your entire day and figure out your patterns.” Even if he managed to predict his actions with some accuracy, the influence of environmental factors and countless variables meant his actual behavior would never align perfectly with those predictions. Kadowaki was chaos personified—impossible to summarize into a neat formula, yet endlessly captivating.

The wind blowing off the sea grew stronger. Matsushita glanced sideways at Kadowaki, who gazed quietly at the ocean, his thoughts unreadable.

As the world around them dimmed into twilight, Matsushita stood up.

“Shall we head back to the car?”

At Matsushita's suggestion, Kadowaki gave a small nod and followed him. Along the promenade of the seaside park, streetlights had already flickered on, turning the dim twilight into a faint, hazy glow.

“Did we come here just to see the sea?” Kadowaki asked, walking beside him.

“It didn’t have to be the sea,” Matsushita replied. “But when I first moved to Kobe, I heard that the Suma Beach area was a nice spot for dates. I thought it might be good to take a leisurely walk outside with you for a change.”

Even in the fading light, Matsushita could see the curious expression on Kadowaki's face.

“Is this a date?”

The question took Matsushita by surprise, sending a faint ripple of anxiety through him.

“That was my intention. Was it strange?”

“No, not exactly, but…”

Matsushita regretted not clarifying his intentions earlier. Kadowaki clearly hadn’t recognized this outing as something that could be categorized as a date.

“It just felt odd to have time to dine with a stranger, yet no time to go on a date with you,” Matsushita explained.

Kadowaki chuckled softly at the remark, then stepped ahead with a light gait. As Matsushita mulled over whether it was unnatural to bring Kadowaki on a date right after having what resembled a matchmaking meal earlier in the day, Kadowaki turned back with an easy stride.

“It’s a shame that, even on a date, we can’t walk arm in arm,” Kadowaki said with a hint of playful regret.

Inside their home, they could do anything—kiss while undressed, hold each other as they pleased. But outside, even holding hands became a bold act subject to curious stares. Matsushita, who had resigned himself to the reality of their circumstances, found himself, for the first time, deeply frustrated by the inability to hold Kadowaki’s hand in public.

The two walked in silence until they returned to the sparsely populated parking lot. Once inside the dark car, Matsushita reached out and firmly pulled Kadowaki’s arm toward him. Kadowaki stumbled slightly, and Matsushita caught him, wrapping him in an embrace and kissing him deeply.

Kadowaki smelled faintly of the sea. Though Kadowaki’s eyes widened in surprise at first, he soon softened, his body relaxing as he reciprocated the kiss, tracing Matsushita’s lips with his tongue and clinging to him.

In the cramped, enclosed space of the car, with the heavy intensity of their kiss, Matsushita felt a faint dizziness wash over him.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

The original plan had been to enjoy dinner at the hotel before retiring to their reserved room. Matsushita thought such indulgence might be a rare but welcome treat. However, as soon as they checked into the hotel, he canceled the dinner reservation.

The moment they entered the twin room, Matsushita closed the door behind them and pulled Kadowaki into an embrace. Wrapping his arms tightly around the slender waist, he kissed the sweet lips before him with fervent intensity. The soft gasps escaping Kadowaki’s throat thrilled him, and loosening Kadowaki’s tie felt like the most satisfying act imaginable. Though it wasn’t the first time seeing Kadowaki’s bare body, Matsushita felt a rush of excitement like an infatuated teenager.

It seemed Kadowaki shared the same charged anticipation; even a gentle kiss on his chest made his body quiver. Overwhelmed, Matsushita couldn’t savor the smoothness of Kadowaki’s skin with his fingers as he might have wished. Instead, pressing Kadowaki’s back against the door, he entered him directly, face-to-face. Soft cries spilled from Kadowaki’s lips, and the typically reserved man clung to Matsushita’s hips, wrapping his legs around him in a shamelessly passionate embrace.

"Naofumi, Naofumi," Matsushita called his name repeatedly, thrusting his hips with each syllable. Every time, Kadowaki faithfully responded with kisses and tightened around him with almost deliberate intensity. After reaching climax, Matsushita carried him in his arms and sank to the floor by the door. Tears shimmered faintly at the corners of Kadowaki’s eyes as he whispered softly, “To the bed…”

His knees trembling, Matsushita helped him to the bed, removing his socks so they were both entirely naked. They embraced again. The second time, Matsushita took longer to climax, teasing Kadowaki until he cried and begged for mercy.

After making love to the point of exhaustion, they dozed briefly. Matsushita woke to the sensation of Kadowaki stirring beside him. Seeing him sit up, Matsushita asked, "Where are you going?"

“To shower,” Kadowaki replied.

Unwilling to be left alone, Matsushita followed him to the bathroom. It was spacious, large enough for both of them without feeling cramped. There, Kadowaki washed Matsushita’s hair, the sensation of his fingers gentle and soothing. Matsushita found it so relaxing he nearly drifted back to sleep.

They filled the bathtub and stepped in together. Matsushita pulled Kadowaki close, and Kadowaki straddled his lap, facing him.

The memory of the young girl from earlier—the one who had been Kadowaki’s student—briefly crossed Matsushita’s mind. That girl could never imagine this side of him, so shamelessly intimate. She would never know. Only Matsushita knew this Kadowaki, this side of him that gave himself so freely, and the thought filled Matsushita with a profound sense of satisfaction and superiority.

“You’re so beautiful,” Matsushita murmured in a dreamy voice as he looked up at Kadowaki’s damp hair, dewy eyes, and flushed cheeks. At his words, Kadowaki’s face grew even redder. Matsushita held him close, feeling the young man’s body respond once more, his hips pressing against him.

Though Matsushita no longer had the youthful vigor to grow aroused repeatedly, he found Kadowaki’s embarrassed squirming utterly endearing. That Kadowaki could desire someone like him so unabashedly brought him immense joy. Gently, Matsushita reached out and wrapped his hand around Kadowaki’s hardness, squeezing firmly and pressing against the tip. Kadowaki let out a cry that echoed around the bathroom, clutching tightly to Matsushita.

“P-please stop!” Kadowaki stammered, his voice high with both pleasure and embarrassment.

“But it must be uncomfortable for you like this. You can release yourself,” Matsushita replied soothingly.

“...It’ll dirty the water,” Kadowaki protested weakly.

“I don’t mind,” Matsushita said with a soft smile.

“But…”

Kadowaki hesitated, visibly torn, before attempting to rise from the tub at the very last moment. Matsushita instinctively grabbed his hips to stop him, but as he did, something warm and wet splashed onto his face.

Startled, Matsushita touched his cheek, his fingers coming away coated in a sticky white liquid that stretched into thin strands. Kadowaki’s face twisted into an expression of sheer mortification as he snatched up a towel and hurriedly began wiping Matsushita’s face, his hands trembling as if on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry."

His voice was earnest, his face desperate with apology. Though Matsushita often willingly took him into his mouth, this accident of being ejaculated on hardly seemed like a big deal. Yet Kadowaki, in his peculiar earnestness, was clearly distressed. Matsushita pulled his trembling lover into an embrace, placing a soft, comforting kiss on his lips as though to scoop away his worry.

"You're warm," Matsushita murmured, his words both literal and filled with unadulterated affection.

Kadowaki gave a faint, ambiguous smile—half a grimace, half an apology—before collapsing into Matsushita's arms, clinging to him like a child seeking solace.

When they left the bathroom, both were utterly spent. They collapsed into the unoccupied, clean bed, still wrapped in their bathrobes, and fell asleep tangled together. In the middle of the night, they awoke, hunger gnawing at their bellies. When Matsushita began sneezing, Kadowaki quickly fetched the hairdryer and started drying his hair. Sitting compliantly as Kadowaki tenderly fussed over him, Matsushita couldn't help but notice the faint glimpse of Kadowaki's now-softened member peeking through the opening of his bathrobe. The temptation to touch it surged within him, but he restrained himself, sensing it might make Kadowaki uncomfortable at that moment.

Once Matsushita's hair was dry, they ordered sandwiches and coffee through room service. The pair ate in the bed, plates balanced precariously, a scene of casual indulgence that felt novel and exciting to Matsushita, who had grown up in a strict household. As the edge of their hunger faded, sleep once again began to tug at Matsushita’s eyelids. Pulling Kadowaki into his arms, he closed his eyes.

Kadowaki, however, remained awake a little longer, gently stroking Matsushita’s hair. "Why does it always stick up in the same spot?" he mused aloud, smoothing the rebellious strands with his fingers as though taming a small, unruly creature.

On the brink of sleep, Matsushita felt a sudden, possessive thought rise within him: I want to keep him somewhere, hidden from the world. I don’t want anyone else to see him, to have him.

But reality wouldn’t allow such indulgences. They both lived in a society, a world that couldn’t be ignored. There was no locking him away, no keeping him for himself.

Back in Tokyo, Matsushita hadn’t been this jealous, nor had he felt this desperate need to hold on. He had once been able to resign himself to the impossibility of having Kadowaki. But now, things had changed. He had felt the bitterness of separation, and worse, the intoxicating sweetness of the moments they now shared.

He wondered where such all-consuming obsession might lead. Would his jealousy become their undoing? He couldn’t imagine a happy ending to that path, and the thought filled him with quiet sorrow.

More than anything, he wanted their relationship to last—for as long as possible, perhaps even forever. To make that happen, Matsushita knew he had to temper his emotions, to view their love with the calm rationality that his younger lover seemed to wield so effortlessly. He resolved to carve the word restraint deep into his heart, leaning down to place a kiss on Kadowaki’s slightly damp hair as he drifted back into sleep.

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