COLD THE FINAL: Chapter 2

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COLD LIGHT – The Night Before

The wind slipping past the nape of his neck was cold as ice. Tohru hunched his shoulders as he made his way toward the large bookstore along the main road. It stayed open until midnight. Work had ended just after 10 p.m., and though he’d gone home once, a sudden impulse had sent him back out into the night.

Despite the late hour, the bookstore still had a few scattered customers. After checking the directory sign inside, he made his way to the section he was looking for. As he peered into the shelves tucked away at the back, his feet came to a sudden stop.

A man in a suit stood alone, absorbed in a book.

It was his roommate and boyfriend, Keishi Fujishima.

Tohru crept closer, making his footsteps as silent as possible. Even when he was within arm’s reach, there was no sign Fujishima had noticed him. Peering over his shoulder, he saw the title: French Conversation. In Fujishima’s right hand were three more books, all with “France” in the title.

After graduating from a pastry school, Tohru had worked for several years as a pâtissier-in-training at a hotel. With his workplace’s support, he’d secured a one-year pastry apprenticeship in France. That was when he had made a selfish request of Fujishima—he had asked him to come to France too. During sex, half-forcefully, he’d gotten him to say “okay.”

Since then, they had both been too busy to sit down and talk about life overseas. Tohru had worried that maybe Fujishima had only gone along with it in the heat of the moment, that maybe he didn’t really want to go with him. That was why seeing him seriously preparing now made Tohru genuinely happy.

Just then, Fujishima, who had been absorbed in his book, suddenly looked up. He sniffed slightly and glanced around. When he finally noticed Tohru standing directly behind him, he gave a startled shout and jumped, dropping all the books in his hands with a loud thud.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Tohru said with a laugh as he picked up the fallen books and handed them back.

“Were you planning to buy those?”

“…I don’t really know much about things over there. What about you?”

When Tohru said he’d come to buy a French guidebook too, Fujishima smiled softly. “We’re in sync, then.”

Even after Tohru got out of the bath, Fujishima was still in his suit, sitting on the sofa and engrossed in one of the books they’d just bought. Tohru plopped down at his feet like a puppy and rested his chin on Fujishima’s slender thigh.

“What’s this about?” Fujishima asked, closing his book and looking down at him gently.

“I was just happy.”

“About what?”

“I thought maybe you didn’t actually want to go abroad…”

“But I said I’d go with you, didn’t I?”

“You did, but…”

Suddenly overcome with the need to smell him, Tohru buried his face in Fujishima’s lap and took a deep inhale. Surprised, Fujishima grabbed at his hair.

“Tohru… I should probably go shower first—”

“No need.”

“But…”

“I like you better when you still smell like you.”

Fujishima’s body trembled at that. His face turned red—bright enough to seem like it might catch fire. It was too cute. When he tried to resist, stiffening his knees, Tohru forcefully pushed them apart. He unzipped Fujishima’s pants and pulled out the half-hardened shaft. The tension finally drained from Fujishima’s legs. As Tohru took him into his mouth, Fujishima covered his flushed face with both hands, his back rounded, trembling slightly.

“Over there… I think I’m going to work,” Fujishima said softly, not long after the heat between them had started to fade, his voice coming from within the embrace of Tohru’s arms. The sweet haze dissipated in an instant, and Tohru was pulled back to reality.

“Are we… gonna be tight on money?”

He asked hesitantly. Though the apprenticeship would come with a stipend, they’d been told upfront that it would be barely enough to live on—just the minimum, a pittance.

Fujishima chuckled softly.

“I have savings. As long as we don’t splurge, we’ll get by for about a year, even without me working. Still, I think I’d feel better doing something. I’ll have to start by studying the language, though.”

Tohru reached up and gently stroked the softly smiling cheek of the man he loved.

“You look happy.”

When Tohru spoke his honest impression, Fujishima replied, “Maybe I am.”

“It’ll be my first time in France. Just imagining what it might be like… it’s kind of exciting.”

“But,” Fujishima added, “it’s probably because you’ll be there with me.”

His pale, slender hand reached out and gently stroked Tohru’s hair.

“It’s because you’re going to be there… that I can feel excited about it.”

Tohru hugged him tightly, and was met with a soft protest: “You’re squeezing me too hard.” Even that voice was gentle and sweet.

“You smell like sweets,” Fujishima murmured, and his warm tongue gave Tohru’s shoulder a light, tasting lick, like he was sampling a dessert.

“There was this sweet scent in the bookstore… and when I turned around, there you were.”

It tickled like being licked by a cat. When Tohru retaliated by tickling his sides, Fujishima curled his back like a shrimp and flinched in protest. After a mix of teasing that blurred the line between playing and foreplay, Fujishima eventually fell quiet, perhaps from exhaustion, lying beside Tohru.

“If you ever get time off while we’re over there… would you want to visit the countryside? I’d like to see Les Baux-de-Provence.”

“Anywhere you want to go—I’ll go with you.”

Even with Tohru so clearly willing, Fujishima still added, “You don’t have to push yourself.”

As long as this person is with me, I’ll be okay.

Even if his memory never returns, no matter what happens—so long as Fujishima is by his side, he’s sure he can endure it. The past no longer scares him.

Tohru climbed on top of Fujishima.

“...T-Tohru?”

The swell of affection inside him needed somewhere to go, and it churned in his hips. The weeping tip of him, thick with desire, kissed softly at Fujishima’s flat belly. He wanted him so badly—but any further would be too much. He restrained himself, rubbing the head along that pale stomach instead. Slowly, Fujishima’s thighs parted beneath him. When Tohru looked up, the man pinned beneath him was smiling.

“…It’s okay.”

“But—”

“It’s okay. As long as you’re gentle.”

The sweetness of those words made Tohru’s spine tingle with pleasure. But once he was inside that warm, soft, overwhelmingly good place… he couldn’t stay gentle. He moved feverishly, unable to stop himself.

“I love you… love you, love you…”

He whispered like a spell into Fujishima’s ear as their bodies tangled, wrapped around each other, the night growing late.

Fujishima fell asleep first. Stroking his lover’s cheek, Tohru pressed a soft kiss to the still-warm skin behind his ear.

Thump—a dull ache echoed deep in his head. It didn’t hurt much, but felt like caramel melting over his brain—cloying and sluggish. Probably just from staying up too late.

A short nap and it would fade.

Tomorrow he’d go pick up the passport application. He’d borrow one of the books Fujishima had bought and read it. He’d look up that Provence place, or whatever it was. He wanted to know more about the places Fujishima longed to see. They had to be beautiful.

To be loved by the one you love. To be cherished. There was no greater happiness in the world than this.

Tohru wrapped himself around his own happiness and gently closed his eyes.

When Keishi Fujishima woke up, both he and Tohru were completely naked. The night before, without even taking a shower, Tohru had clung to him over and over, until finally Fujishima had passed out from exhaustion. His whole body ached, and the place where he had accepted Tohru throbbed faintly with numbness.

He’d known he had work today, and yet he hadn’t stopped it. He couldn’t. Not when Tohru looked at him with such desperate longing. He’d wanted it too. He’d wanted to be loved…

After showering, Fujishima came back to the bedroom. He noticed an empty condom wrapper on the floor and quickly tossed it into the trash. There were so many traces of their lovemaking everywhere, and it embarrassed him. He quickly averted his eyes.

A soft groan escaped Tohru’s lips as he turned over in his sleep. His upper body had slipped out from under the blanket, so Fujishima gently pulled it up to cover his bare shoulders.

He should already be getting ready for work. And yet, he couldn’t help but look down at the sleeping man’s face.

He wanted to stay there, just gazing at him forever.

Kneeling beside the bed, Fujishima rested both elbows against the mattress. He leaned in and placed a quiet kiss, as if drawing in the rhythm of Tohru’s peaceful breathing. Then, gently by his ear, he whispered, “I’m heading out.”

Outside, the wind was even colder than the day before. As he stood waiting for the train on the station platform, an unexpected urge surged through him—to go back home. He wanted to see Tohru’s face. It had already been six years since they started living together. They had spent countless nights side by side, and yet, his heart still stirred with tenderness. Was this what it meant to love someone? Did everyone who loved find themselves swept up in such helpless, overwhelming feelings—both aching and blissful?

“Tohru.”

He let the name slip softly from his tongue. Just that alone sent a surge of warmth blooming inside his chest, making the tips of his ears burn.

His phone chimed. Pulling it from his pocket, he saw it was the last alarm he had set to make sure he wouldn’t oversleep. January 25th, 7:45 AM. After confirming the date and time, Fujishima lifted his gaze to the sky. Gray clouds loomed in the west, heavy and low, creeping steadily closer. It looked as if it might snow at any moment.

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