The Eyes of a Child: Chapter 09
"Why are you so quiet?"
Satoko peered into Domoto’s face. He was the one who had called her, saying he
wanted to talk, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to share his troubles with
his twin sister sitting across from him.
"Did something bad happen at
work?"
Even with Satoko’s slow and gentle
way of speaking, the tension inside him didn’t ease. If it were just work
stress, that would’ve been better. That kind of problem usually had a solution.
But he couldn’t bring himself to speak, because deep down, he knew this was a
taboo.
"There’s a kid at school who’s
really attached to me. I thought he was kind of cute, but…"
Satoko’s eyes widened more than he’d
ever seen before.
"You mean… you like that
boy?"
Domoto gave a slight nod. In a calm
voice, Satoko declared, "I think you should stop."
"But maybe… maybe it’s not even
that kind of impure feeling. Maybe I just think he’s cute…"
"The fact that you’re wavering
means you do like him, Hiroki. But it’s not going to work out."
"Why not…?"
"Because you’re an adult."
He knew that. Of course he
did… He almost said it out loud, but stopped himself.
…It had started a few weeks earlier.
That day, Domoto was in the social studies prep room, but Jotaro didn’t come by
to hang out. He had shown up to class, so he must’ve been at school. Domoto
wondered why, but went home without giving it too much thought. The next day, Jotaro
still didn’t come. On his way back to the teachers' room, walking down the
hall, Domoto spotted him playing soccer in the schoolyard with classmates. He
looked like he was having fun. If the bullying had stopped and he was doing
well with his peers, then that was the best outcome. Kids that age were meant
to play with others their own age. Domoto knew that, but he couldn’t completely
shake the twinge of loneliness he felt.
The next day it rained. And then,
after two whole days without a word, Jotaro suddenly showed up again. As
always, he tucked himself in a corner reading, occasionally interrupting Domoto’s
work.
"Did you make up with your
friends?"
When he asked, Jotaro replied with a
bright "Yeah," smiling.
"But y’know, just hanging out
with them all the time kinda wears me out. I don’t even know about the new
games and stuff. Dad won’t buy them for me. Says, ‘Why should I waste money on
your games?’"
Jotaro stretched dramatically on his
chair.
"And Hitoshi just does whatever
dad says, so even if I beg and beg, he won’t buy me anything. Says, ‘Not until dad
says it’s okay.’ Hitoshi’s the president of a big company and he’s still a
cheapskate."
He pouted as he spoke.
"But I guess it’s fine. Since Hitoshi
became president, dad doesn’t have to skip lunch anymore ‘cause there’s nothing
to eat. And we don’t just have croquettes for dinner now."
Jotaro let out a sigh far too heavy
for a child, his gaze low.
"I can’t say everything I’m
thinking to the kids in my class. I worry they’ll laugh at me or think I’m
dumb. There’s stuff I can’t even tell dad… but I can talk to you about
anything, Hiro-sensei. That’s why this place feels the safest to me."
Domoto could tell exactly what the
boy was hoping for as he leaned in close. So, just like always, he ruffled that
jet-black hair, giving him what he wanted.
"I’m glad you’re at this
school, Hiro-sensei."
It was the ultimate compliment, a
teacher’s greatest honor. If Domoto had been just a “normal teacher,” it might
have ended as a heartwarming story. But in that moment, Domoto found himself
wanting to hold the child who adored him… and take him home.
Satoko had looked at him with
sorrowful eyes, then quietly left. To feel something for an elementary school
student, it was madness. He knew that. He knew it too well. But even so,
he had to talk to someone, or he wouldn’t be able to contain it. He wouldn’t be
able to manage the feelings swirling inside.
The doorbell rang, ding. He
glanced at the clock: past 3 p.m. Maybe Satoko had forgotten something? He
walked to the entryway and opened the door.
Standing there was the very child
who had seized his thoughts and filled him with turmoil until just moments ago.
"Jotaro? What are you doing
here at this hour?"
His voice rose in surprise. The boy
looked down, silent.
"How did you get here?"
"I walked."
Just the fact that he’d come to his
teacher’s home, alone, at this time of day, something about it was not normal.
"Hiro-sensei… let me stay over
tonight."
His voice was barely more than a
whisper.
"I don’t mind," Domoto
said gently, "but does your father know where you are?"
"I don’t give a damn about dad!"
The boy snapped, his face stiff with
defiance.
"Did you have a fight with
him?"
Jotaro clammed up again. There was
no getting anywhere at the door like this, and it was cold outside. Domoto
stepped aside and let him in.
Jotaro sat down in the middle of the
room, hugging his knees. He wouldn’t meet Domoto’s eyes, just kept staring at
the floor.
"You got into a fight with your
dad, didn’t you?"
The boy nodded, just once.
"Can I ask what it was
about?"
Jotaro hesitated, clearly unsure
whether to answer. But then, slowly, he raised his face and opened his mouth.
"I told him I wanted to join a
boxing gym… but he said no."
There was still a lingering spark of
anger in his eyes.
"He said I couldn’t because I’m
still a kid."
Domoto stared at the crown of his
head. The fact that this child, after fighting with his parent, had come
straight to him, it was endearing. It meant Jotaro trusted him, relied on him.
That was something to be proud of.
But Domoto reminded himself: he
couldn’t let that affection cloud his judgment.
"I agree with your dad. I think
it’s not a good idea for you to join a gym either."
Jotaro looked up, his expression on
the verge of tears.
"But why…"
"A gym costs money. And—"
"There’s a gym for kids near
our place. It does cost money, but I told dad I’d use my allowance. I want
to box! I want to be strong!"
It was the kind of passion that kids
threw themselves into headfirst, like catching the flu.
"Why do you want to be
strong?"
"Because… it’s cool."
"You want to be cool, so you’re
going to spend your dad’s money to learn boxing?"
Jotaro’s mouth tightened. His eyes
shimmered with unshed tears.
"The Jotaro I know would
realize that doesn’t quite make sense."
"Damn it!"
He yelled, pounding his fists on the
floor again and again.
"You don’t have to join a
boxing gym to become strong."
Face buried in his arms, curled up
tight, Jotaro slowly lifted his red, tear-streaked face.
"If you want to be strong, study
hard. Play hard."
"What the heck is that supposed
to mean?! That has nothing to do with boxing!"
"Boxing training is tougher
than most sports. You have to be patient, disciplined. But you say you hate
schoolwork. I don’t think someone who gives up on studying can stick with
boxing either."
"I would do the
training!" Jotaro shouted.
"Studying is easier than
boxing. If you can’t even handle that, I don’t believe you’d last with
boxing."
Big tears spilled from his wide
eyes, falling in heavy drops.
“But… but I really want to do
boxing…”
“If you really want to do boxing,
then you need to learn how to work steadily and consistently. And you should
spend time playing with your friends, running around, and building up your
stamina.”
Domoto could see Jotaro clenching
his back teeth tightly.
“If you can stick with that for
about a year, then I’ll ask your dad together with you. I’ll say, ‘Please let
him join a gym.’”
The tear-streaked face of a child
who had been the picture of tragedy lit up instantly. He clung to Domoto’s
right arm and started shaking it wildly.
“Really? Really?”
“It’s true. I’ll ask him with you.”
“…Okay.”
It seemed the explanation had
satisfied him, and he gave a small, obedient nod. A child's interests are
endless. No matter how serious they claim to be, you can't take it all at face
value. That’s why Domoto had proposed a one-year preparation period. If, even
after a full year, Jotaro still wanted to learn boxing, then fine, he could
start. But if it was just a passing phase, he’d probably forget all about
wanting to box before the year was even up.
Since Jotaro was sniffling and his
nose was running, Domoto pulled out a few tissues and pressed them to the boy’s
face. After he blew his nose with a loud honk, the tip of it turned
bright red, silly-looking, yet somehow endearing. So endearing, in fact, that Domoto
almost felt like kissing that red spot…
A tiny achoo of a sneeze
snapped Domoto back to his senses. Realizing just how close he had leaned in,
close enough that he could’ve kissed him, he hurriedly pulled his body
back. …A sudden wave of fear gripped him.
“Uh… well, how about I walk you home
now?”
His voice came out just a little too
high.
“What? No way!”
Jotaro frowned, wrinkling his
forehead.
“If you don’t go back, your dad’s
going to worry.”
The boy hugged his knees and
suddenly started fidgeting.
“I don’t wanna go home. I still
don’t want to see dad’s face.”
“That might be true, but the longer
you put off apologizing, the harder it’ll be.”
“I’ll go back properly tomorrow
morning. So just let me stay at your place tonight, okay?”
“I don’t mind, but your dad…”
Whether Jotaro stayed or not, they
at least had to let his father know where he was. Domoto eventually convinced
the reluctant boy and called his father’s cell. As expected, the man had been
worried sick, searching all over for his son who’d suddenly run off.
Domoto explained that Jotaro was at
his apartment, his homeroom teacher’s place, and that they had agreed to put
the boxing gym idea on hold for a year. The father, on the other end of the
line, kept apologizing profusely.
“I’m so sorry. It’s all that idiot’s
fault. I’ll come get him right away. I’m terribly sorry for the trouble.”
“Well, about that, Jotaro’s still a
little worked up and says he doesn’t want to go home just yet. If it’s alright
with you, I’ll let him stay here tonight, and tomorrow I’ll make sure he gets
home safely.”
“I couldn’t possibly impose on you
like that. I’m sorry, but could I talk to my stupid son for a second?”
“Your dad wants to talk to you.”
Even when Domoto held the phone out,
Jotaro shook his head furiously.
“If you want to stay here, you have
to talk to him yourself.”
Looking very reluctant, the boy
finally took the phone. Still, considering the tone of his father’s voice, Domoto
was worried it might turn into an argument, and sure enough, it did, right over
the phone.
“Dad always said no no no, no matter
how many times I asked! But Hiro-sensei actually explained why it wasn’t okay!”
Even when Domoto tried to hush him
with a “Try to use your calm voice…”, the boy wasn’t listening at all.
“You like Hitoshi more than me,
don’t you, dad?! You don’t need me, as long as Hitoshi’s around!”
When he shouted loudly, Jotaro threw
down the phone and leapt onto Domoto’s bed. Curling up like a hibernating bear,
he covered both ears with his hands. Domoto picked up the phone; the call was
still connected to his father. Still holding the device, Domoto moved to the
kitchen to continue the conversation. Perhaps realizing there was no way to
bring his son back after such an outburst, the father repeatedly apologized,
saying, “I’m truly, truly sorry. Please take care of my son. I’ll come get him
myself first thing in the morning.”
After hanging up, Domoto sat down on
the bed beside the child curled into a ball.
“Your dad kept saying over and over,
‘Please take care of Jotaro.’”
The small back twitched in response.
“He might be a little
short-tempered, but he seems like a kind, good father.”
At that, Jotaro suddenly burst into
loud sobs. Domoto was at a loss for words, unsure of what to say, when the boy
abruptly pushed himself up with both hands and clung to him like a baby monkey.
“Because... dad likes Hitoshi more
than he likes me.”
The child’s body, clinging to him,
was burning hot.
“He still sleeps with Hitoshi, but
he won’t sleep with me anymore. We used to always sleep together, the three of
us, but ever since I started second grade and we moved, he told me I should
start sleeping alone, and I hated it so much.”
Domoto chuckled a little.
“That’s how it is in every
household. Once kids reach elementary school, they start sleeping on their own.
It’s not like you’re the only one, Jotaro.”
“But Hitoshi…”
“Misaki and Hitoshi are lovers,
right? It’d be sad if they had to sleep in separate rooms.”
Jotaro still looked a bit
unconvinced, but he pressed his face into Domoto’s chest with a soft thump.
“I like sleeping all snuggled up.
It’s warm and feels good.”
He tightened his arms around Domoto’s
back.
“Just at night, I wanna be
Hiro-sensei’s kid.”
Jotaro murmured softly.
“You wouldn’t get mad if I cuddled
up to you at night, right?”
If only something like that were
truly possible… It was a child’s silly wish, and yet, it stirred something real
in the adult. Domoto wrapped his arms tightly around the small body radiating
heat.
“When I first said I wanted to be a
boxer, dad told me, ‘That’s great.’”
Mumbling against Domoto’s chest, Jotaro
continued to speak in a low voice.
"Did he say it was a good
thing?"
Domoto gently stroked the small head
resting against his chest.
"He said it’s good that I found
something I want to become. There are people who never figure out what they
want to be, or what they want to do, even after becoming adults. But I found
something I love, so I'm lucky."
So that's why… Domoto thought. Jotaro's
sincerity and straightforwardness must come from the way that father raised
him.
"Jotaro’s dad is a wise
man."
The boy lifted his face. From up
close, his large eyes looked up at him.
"Dad says he's dumb
though."
"I don’t mean academically… I
just think he’s someone who understands things the right way."
As he traced the boy’s smooth cheek
with a fingertip, Jotaro squinted as if it tickled. His earlobe was soft, and
when Domoto blew a breath across it with his nose close, the small body
twitched in surprise. He cupped the boy’s cheeks with both hands, and their
gazes locked.
He pressed a long, lingering kiss to
Jotaro's forehead. Just as he began to move to his lips,
“Hiro-sensei?”
The voice pulled him back to
reality. Domoto abruptly pushed himself away from the child and jumped off the
bed. In his rush, his feet tangled and he fell headfirst, slamming his forehead
into the corner of the room.
Grasping his forehead, he stood back
up and ignored the voice calling “Hiro-sensei, Hiro-sensei” as he fled
the room. He passed through the kitchen, exited out the front door, and
collapsed against the wall beneath the gas meter, clutching his head.
His heart was pounding so hard it
felt like it would leap from his chest. When he opened his hands, they were
trembling violently, as if stricken with some kind of illness.
He had almost done something
unthinkable. That much, he understood. Hugging him could be brushed off as a
joke. A kiss? In foreign countries, it's just a greeting… Would that excuse
work on that boy?
The boy who said his parent was gay.
Even if he could forgive his own parent, how would he feel if someone like his
teacher directed those kinds of feelings at him?
He wished he could disappear. If
there were a hole here, he’d crawl into it… or better yet, someone just kill
me, he thought. That’s how low he felt.
With a creak, the front door opened.
He turned around, and locked eyes with Jotaro, who was quietly watching him.
"Hiro-sensei, why did you go
outside?"
He asked, half-hiding his body
behind the door.
"I… I have things I want to
think about alone."
It would’ve been better if he’d just
gone back inside, but for some reason, Jotaro came out too. He sat down beside Domoto.
Scary, scary, scary. If this child called him a homo, a freak, or said
he was disgusting, he felt like he’d just start crying right there.
His emotions were being thrown
around by a child. These messy feelings, fear and regret, how could anyone even
begin to put them into words?
Even though just allowing Jotaro to
exist beside him was already pushing him to his limit, he felt a tug on the hem
of his shirt.
"W-What?"
"Hiro-sensei, aren’t you cold?
I’m cold."
"I’m an adult… If you’re cold,
go back inside. You’ll catch a cold."
Their fingertips touched. The small
fingers, slightly smaller than his trembling ones, gripped his tightly.
"Hiro-sensei, you’re really
cold too."
Just from the sensation of being
touched, his mind went blank. Blank, but he was now staring into Jotaro’s
puzzled face.
"Hiro-sensei, do you like
me?"
Domoto looked down and shook his
head.
"T-The thing earlier… that
wasn’t what it meant."
"You kissed me because you like
me, right?"
Having the thing he did spelled out
in words made his back burn with shame.
"A kiss on the forehead doesn’t
count as a real kiss…"
"But you tried to kiss my mouth
too. My heart was pounding. Sensei, you like me, don’t you?"
With him inching closer from the
front, there was no escape. Behind him was the wall.
"You like me, right? Then say
you like me properly!"
His right hand, which was being
held, was shaken hard, and he felt dizzy.
"If you like me, then just say
you like me already!"
It was almost like a threat. Tears
welled at the corners of Domoto’s eyes.
"If I say it, what are you
going to do then!?"
He yanked his arm away and shouted
in a tone that bordered on panic. Jotaro looked surprised, blinking wide.
"If Sensei says he likes me, I might
let you go out with me."
Here he was, nearly crying, and this
kid had the gall to say he might let me. And yet… Domoto stared at this
child’s face, looking far calmer than himself, clearly holding the upper hand.
"Hiro-sensei is my fourth most favorite
person in the world. So I could be your boyfriend."
Standing at the chilly entranceway,
with the cold wind blowing through, Domoto found himself, like he’d fallen into
a trap, murmuring the words I like you in front of a child who was
clearly waiting for him to say it.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
After breaking into tears in front
of someone he had just met, Domoto secured a promise of employment before
leaving the cram school. He’d thought for sure they’d be appalled by his
pathetic display, but Kuraho, the school’s owner, had simply smiled and said,
“I like people who are unabashedly human.”
After that, after sincerely
confessing his feelings to a fourth grader and making him his boyfriend, Domoto
lay on the floor of his unfamiliar new apartment, staring up at the ceiling.
He had said “I love you,” but Domoto
hadn’t really thought about what would come after that. It was like a teenage
love, reckless and impulsive, without any thought for what came next. If it had
been with an adult, things would’ve been easier: go on a few dates, have
dinner, sleep together. But with a child, none of that was possible.
Their time spent together in the
social studies prep room after school was the closest thing they had to a
“date,” but even that hadn’t changed at all from how things used to be. At the
very least, even after Domoto’s confession, Jotaro’s attitude toward him
remained the same. It was only Domoto who found himself restlessly yearning, wanting
to be with him more, to hold his hand, to embrace him.
There had been a moment, Domoto
couldn’t recall exactly when, when Jotaro had asked him, “When do you think
I’ll be able to live at your place, Sensei?”
“Live with me?” Domoto had echoed.
“They call it cohabiting before
marriage, right? I wanna live with you soon, Sensei. Then we can sleep all
cuddled up together. Do you think dad will let us once I’m in middle school?”
He asked it all so innocently. But
the idea of two men cohabiting… it probably wouldn’t even be possible until
after high school, or maybe not even until adulthood. The reality of being
involved with someone who couldn’t yet make those kinds of decisions hit Domoto
hard. Jotaro surely didn’t even understand what sex between two men entailed.
He probably had no idea that the word “sleep” could carry two meanings.
He’s just a child… Thinking that way
was how Domoto justified everything. He doesn’t know, because he’s a child. He
doesn’t understand, because he’s a child. Even if their relationship couldn’t
be romantic, Jotaro still cared for him. That was enough, he told himself he
shouldn’t ask for anything more.
It was around the middle of the
third term. Domoto happened to be walking past a classroom when he saw Jotaro
chatting happily with the girl who sat next to him, Ujie. Two kids the same
age, whispering to each other with their heads close together. It was a
completely normal, even charming, scene… and yet Domoto was consumed with
intense jealousy. The fact that it was a girl made it even worse. He wanted to
barge into the classroom and say, “Could you not talk to Jotaro?” He was
startled, and a little frightened, by the sheer force of his own emotions.
That day, Jotaro came to hang out in
the prep room as usual. When Domoto casually brought it up, “You seem pretty
close with Ujie-san lately”, Jotaro just smiled brightly and said, “Yeah.”
“She’s funny, kinda like a guy. She
said she wants to try boxing too, so we promised to go to the gym together next
year.”
…It was a shock. Domoto wasn’t
really into martial arts and would’ve probably declined even if Jotaro had
invited him, but still, it didn’t mean he had to go with someone else.
“…Hiro-sensei?”
Jotaro leaned in to look at Domoto’s
face, which had gone quiet.
“What’s wrong? You suddenly got all
quiet.”
They were dating… so he wished Jotaro
would be a little more considerate. He didn’t want to hear him talking so
happily about other people. And if he was going to talk about them, then
at the very least, he wished he’d follow it up with something like “But the
only one I love is you, Sensei.” That kind of follow-up.
Suddenly, the whole thing struck Domoto
as absurd, and he laughed.
What could a child that age possibly
understand? Just how much of this kind of adult give-and-take was he even
capable of grasping?
Tears spilled out. One moment he’d
gone quiet, then burst into laughter, and now he was crying, perhaps even Jotaro
sensed something was off. He moved close, pressing up against him. Domoto felt
the boy’s touch on his face, thin fingers brushing lightly against the tears
that had fallen to the outer corner of his eye. It was such a small hand. A
hand too small to hold much at once.
Domoto lifted his head. That little
face, that mess of unruly hair. Arms and legs as slender as sticks, but still
flexible and full of life. They would grow. All of it, his body, his heart, would
continue to grow. Those small eyes would see more of the world, absorb more
stimulation, and eventually… what kind of person would he become?
He wanted to see it. He wanted to
watch Jotaro grow. See how he matured. But the truth was, he adored this child.
He loved him. He wanted to keep him all to himself. Every time Jotaro got along
with another kid, would Domoto always feel this same ugly, pitiful jealousy?
Being lovers, that was
impossible. At last, Domoto understood that. Having an elementary school lover
and trying to carry on a relationship like any normal couple, it was
impossible. No matter how much he cared, no matter how deeply he loved, it
couldn’t work.
Then maybe, if he confessed now,
they could go back. Back to being just a close teacher and student.
"I'm okay now..."
He gently took hold of the small
fingers that had been trying to comfort him.
"It was just something
unpleasant. But I’m fine now.”
“I’ll listen,” Jotaro said, gazing
up at him with a serious look in his eyes.
“I’ll listen to the things that make
Hiro-sensei sad. Boyfriends have to support each other, right? I can’t always
be the only one telling you my problems.”
It’s because of you that I’m
struggling. It’s you who makes this so hard… But Domoto couldn’t say that. So instead, he
forced a smile and said, “It’s okay.”
It hurt, how seriously he’d fallen
into this toy-like romance all on his own.
It took about two weeks before he
was able to bring himself to suggest they break up. Thoughts kept cycling
through his mind, If I just put up with it, maybe we could stay like this...
and No, this will only happen again and again…, making it impossible to
come to a decision.
He wasn’t suitable for a boy like Jotaro,
who was still in the middle of growing up. For Jotaro’s future, it would be
better if he wasn’t around. Domoto had a feeling that, if he tried to explain
anything about what lay ahead, things Jotaro had no experience with, the boy
wouldn’t be able to understand. So instead, he told a lie that a child could
understand: “I’ve fallen for someone else.”
Jotaro’s anger was terrifying. It
couldn’t even be compared to the time he fought with Kobayashi. He shouted at
the top of his lungs, “You cheated on me, even though I’m right here, even
though I’m right here!”, and lunged at Domoto. With the fists he’d once
said he wanted to use for boxing, he punched Domoto, and in the end, he clung
to him like an adult and cried, “I absolutely won’t let you go!”
Domoto held back his urge to take it
all back and, hardening his heart, shook off the child who clung to him. And
from that day forward, he never spoke a word to Jotaro again.
Even so, no matter how much Domoto
ignored him, Jotaro came to the social studies prep room every single day. But
he never came inside, he always just sat out in the hallway. Whether Domoto was
there or not, every single day, Jotaro sat there, never playing with his
friends, waiting in silence for Domoto to give in. And the more Domoto watched
him like that, the more that wordless devotion became unbearable.
He couldn’t stand the thought of
that silent protest continuing all through fifth grade, and then sixth.
The day the third term closing
ceremony ended, Domoto handed in his resignation to the principal and then
headed to the prep room. As he expected, Jotaro was sitting there in front of
the door.
“…Go home now.”
Because he knew it would be the last
time, he finally spoke to him. Jotaro’s sulky eyes lit up in an instant.
“I’m heading home too,” Domoto
added.
The child stood and walked over to Domoto’s
side.
“I love you, Sensei.”
It hurt so much it felt like his
chest was being torn open.
“So even if I can only be your
second choice… make me your boyfriend.”
He couldn’t reply. To think the boy
had agonized so much that he was now saying he’d be okay with being second,
even though he used to care so much about being first, it broke his heart.
“Just go home for today,” Domoto
murmured quietly.
“…When the new term starts again…”
Jotaro whispered, “Okay,” and left.
Domoto watched that small figure
disappear down the hallway, and quietly said goodbye. This was the end. They
would never see each other again. And if, by some chance, they did cross paths
someday, he hoped they would both have changed so much they wouldn’t even
recognize each other.
On the walk from the school back to
his apartment, the tears came. Just remembering the boy’s expressions, his
gestures, his words, tears welled up and wouldn’t stop. When he told Satoko,
she said nothing, just held him. When she whispered “That’s so sad”, it
only made the tears come harder.
The version of himself who had
become serious about a child, and the version of himself who had run away for
the sake of that child, neither of them could be laughed off. Both had been
deadly serious. That much was true.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
Seven Years Later – Early Autumn
Kuraho stopped him and asked,
"Are you interested in martial arts?"
In the staff room of the private
school Kuraho-an, Domoto gave a wry smile.
"I'm not really… I'm not good
with pain," he said.
Kuraho shrugged. "Actually,
neither am I."
Outside the window, the last cicadas
of the season were buzzing faintly, as though their voices were nearing the
end.
"The thing is," Kuraho
continued, "my nephew is about to make his professional debut in boxing.
You know the saying about even withered trees adding to the mountain's bustle…
well, I was asked if I could bring people to cheer him on."
Boxing. The word stirred old
memories deep in Domoto’s chest.
"Ah, I see. But that’s amazing,
to be professional," he replied.
"It's my sister's kid,"
Kuraho said. "She told me she’s worried sick. No parent wants to see their
own child getting hit in the ring, after all."
As they chatted, Domoto somehow
found himself agreeing to go and watch the nephew's debut match, if only as a
show of support.
On the day of the match, Domoto went
with his colleagues from work to the nearby general gymnasium. They had arrived
just before the match was set to start, yet the arena was sparsely filled. He
felt he finally understood what Kuraho had meant by the "withered
trees" comment.
As soon as he sat down in the nearly
empty spectator stands, the opening announcement began.
"The headmaster's nephew is
apparently in the third match," one of his coworkers said, handing him a
flyer.
On the flyer were only the start
times and the names of the competing boxers. It seemed Kuraho’s nephew was the
third match, someone named Usami Nao.
Casually scanning the flyer, Domoto’s
eyes froze on a name printed for the first match. His fingertips began to
tremble. No way, no way…
Ignoring Domoto's growing unease,
the announcer called the name of the first match’s fighter, and the boxer
climbed into the ring.
"Red corner… from Fukoku Gym, Jotaro
Kashiwabara…"
The man standing in the ring was
tall, a young man with sharp, piercing eyes. There was not a trace, not even the faintest shadow, of the face he had once known as a child. He
was now a strong, feral young male.
At the sound of the gong, the young
boxer launched into an aggressive offense, and in a matter of seconds, sent his
opponent crashing to the mat. Yet even after his victory, he left the ring with
an expression of dissatisfaction.
Domoto excused himself, saying,
"I’m feeling unwell…" and stepped outside the gymnasium.
He recalled the young boxer’s face.
It reminded him of that young father he had seen a few times. The child he had
once known was no longer there. The boy he had once been so enamored with was,
in all likelihood, gone forever.
Domoto laughed softly to himself,
alone. Even if it was like this, from a distance, he was glad he had gotten to
see that boy’s figure again. He was glad the boy had realized his dream, had
become strong. And he felt, at last, as though he could let go of the feelings
that had been lodged deep in his throat all these years.
It had been brief, but it was the
most intense love he had ever experienced. Sending it off with a single tear, Domoto
slowly lifted his head.
THE END
What was this chapter 💀 it felt like a fever dream reading this lol. When was this published? What was Konohara on? 😭😭 I hope nobody on novelupdates reads this because they’re gonna have some choice words lol. I want to read more about the main couple!!!! What’s going on 😭
ReplyDeleteHaha, yeah… this is definitely one of Konohara’s more problematic novels. I can already imagine the one-star ratings on NU from readers used to sanitized BL. Konohara doesn’t do that—she woke up one day and decided, “I’m going to write about brothers falling in love, one of them with the mind of a child, and a teacher falling for his elementary school-age student,” and this is what came out.
DeleteHonestly, people can either approach it by disregarding the premise and understanding that love doesn’t always follow morality or ethics… or can reject it entirely, because it really is beyond what society would consider acceptable.