Ashen Moon: Volume 1 - Chapter 2

The content warning is in the footnotes⁰.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

After Kato finished his shower, it was Soichi's turn. He had Kato check every corner of the bathroom again, making sure there wasn't even a gap for a mouse to get through. Even after Kato assured him the bathroom was secure, Soichi couldn't shake off the terrifying thoughts. So, while he bathed, Kato stayed in the bathroom where Soichi could see him.

While Soichi washed in the shower stall, Kato sat on a chair, reading a book. He seemed to have a fondness for historical novels and often read before bed. In the bathroom mirror, Soichi could see Kato’s profile, his hair still damp and tousled.

Kato was just humoring Soichi's paranoia. In this safe room, Kato had nothing to guard against. Bored, he had brought a book, yet every time Soichi saw him reading, he felt an urge to snatch the book away and throw it in the tub. Not that he wanted Kato to stare at him either. The indifference, the way Kato acted as if Soichi wasn't there, bothered him.

Out of spite, Soichi took his time soaking in the bath. By the time he got out, feeling dizzy from the heat, and began drying his hair, it was already past midnight.

After checking his emails on the tablet, Soichi climbed into bed. The sheets were stiff, perhaps from too much starch, and felt uncomfortable against his skin.

"Do you mind if it stays a bit bright?" Kato asked from the other bed.

"What’s up?"

"I'm almost done with this book," he explained, showing the thin stack of remaining pages. Soichi always kept a dim light on since he couldn't sleep in total darkness, and Kato, who often stayed with him at hotels, knew this. Despite that, Kato still asked out of politeness.

"Suit yourself."

Soichi lay down and closed his eyes. For a while, he lay there, but he felt too alert to sleep.

He turned over repeatedly. The other bed was quiet, with only the occasional sound of pages turning. Kato seemed engrossed in his book, unaware of Soichi’s restless observation.

Despite the difference in age, Soichi found Kato’s rugged profile appealing. His own face was not very yakuza-like, but he admired Kato's well-defined features, even if his eyes were slightly narrow and his expression often stern.

Heat gathered in Soichi's lower body. He knew he shouldn’t keep looking, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kato’s face, absorbed in his book. Predictably, he felt himself get hard under the sheets. He buried his head under the covers to hide his condition, knowing without checking that his pajama crotch was embarrassingly swollen.

"Can't sleep?" Kato’s voice startled him.

"Weren't you reading?"

"I heard you turning over."

At least he hadn’t noticed Soichi's intense staring. But with his current state, sleep was impossible. Staying under the sheets, Soichi asked, "Do you have... it?"

"It?" There was a brief pause. Soichi gripped the sheet edge tightly in embarrassment.

"It's in the car. I'll have it brought up," Kato said, getting out of bed. From under the covers, Soichi saw his back as he made a call. The item would likely arrive in less than five minutes. Soichi sat up, waiting.

Kato, having finished the call, walked to the window and slightly parted the curtain, revealing the unrelenting snowfall outside. Soichi watched him, wondering what thoughts were going through his mind.

"Is the book good?"

Kato turned around, pausing before answering. "It's decent. It's a mystery, and I already know the ending, but it's still engaging."

As they exchanged small talk, a ringtone interrupted them. Kato moved to the door, talking as he retrieved a small black briefcase. He checked its contents before setting it by Soichi’s side.

"I’ll step out," Kato said, taking his book and heading to the bathroom. Left with the briefcase, Soichi felt a wave of self-loathing. The persistent arousal only made him more frustrated.

He’d always had trouble finishing quickly, often getting too tired and annoyed before reaching orgasm. His libido was stronger than most, which only made it worse. He had learned that he could climax easily when stimulating his anus. Once he discovered that, he relied solely on anal stimulation. Now, he couldn’t ejaculate without a dildo.

Traveling always required the briefcase with his dildos. Before, he didn't need to carry them around. Reika had been there to help him release regularly, or he would call a professional woman if he was away. But everything changed after the assault.

He had become fearful of people, including Reika. Despite being smart and obedient in bed, he had started to distrust her, suspecting she might be involved with members of other gangs. He even had the gang members investigate her surroundings.

Even after being assured there was nothing suspicious, he couldn’t shake the paranoia. What if she turned on him someday, pointing a gun at him, trying to kill him? The betrayal of Kimijima, his trusted henchman, had cast a dark shadow over his psyche.

Unable to confront Reika about his fears, he devised a way to cope by having Kato, his bodyguard, present during sex as a guard against betrayal.

Soichi's reasoning was that Kato could act as a witness in case Reika ever turned on him.

At first, everything was fine. But as time went on, Reika began to resent Kato’s constant presence, leading to more arguments and a strained relationship. Eventually, they broke up.

Even without Reika, my sexual desires persisted. If I couldn’t perform with Reika without supervision, calling a professional was out of the question. I had no choice but to use a vibrator to satisfy myself.

Kato knew about my breakup with Reika and my reliance on dildos for self-pleasure. After the incident five years ago, I sustained severe injuries but survived and eventually recovered. Since then, Kato had moved into the apartment next to mine, and he accompanied me on trips, sharing a room with me. There was no hiding my habits from him.

When I needed to masturbate during a trip, Kato would kill time in the bathroom. I couldn’t let him leave, as I didn’t want to be alone. He had likely heard my pathetic moans before, but since he showed no reaction even when present during my acts with Reika, it didn’t matter anymore.

I opened the briefcase and took out the black bag inside, tilting my head in confusion. It felt too light. Dumping the contents onto the bed revealed only a small vibrator, some lotion, and condoms. My main item was missing!

Frantically searching the empty bag, I remembered. My favorite dildo had stopped working recently. I tried replacing the batteries, but it was beyond repair, so I had thrown it out and bought a new one. I must have forgotten to pack it.

I grabbed the small vibrator. It wouldn’t do; it was just an accessory. Feeling helpless, I put everything back in the briefcase and walked to the bathroom, bent over.

“It’s okay,” I called out. Kato emerged immediately.

“Already done?” he asked.

I clicked my tongue lightly. “Of course not.”

His tall figure loomed, and he noticed my still-tent crotch.

“Perhaps you should take your time,” he suggested, trying to be considerate.

“It’s not here,” I replied curtly.

“What’s not here?”

“The new one. I forgot to pack it,” I explained.

Kato nodded, touching his chin thoughtfully. He glanced at the bedside clock.

“I’ll send someone out to buy one,” he offered.

As considerate as that was, it felt too pathetic to send a bodyguard to an adult store at this hour for such an item.

“It’s not necessary.”

“There’s a red-light district behind the station. Those stores are probably still open, and if not, a love hotel might have what you need.”

He was right; it was likely I could get one, but what would the bodyguard think about being sent out for a dildo in the middle of the night? Knowing Kato would never make such a request for himself, they’d surely realize it was on my behalf.

“Forget it.”

“Are you sure? It’s not comfortable like this.”

“I won’t die. I can manage for one night,” I insisted, ending the conversation and slipping back into bed. I pulled the sheets over my head, ignoring Kato’s concerned expression.

After a while, I heard the click of the lights going off. Peeking through the sheets, I saw the room dimly lit by the bedside lamp. Kato had also stopped reading and was getting ready for bed.

The room was quiet. If I listened closely, I could almost hear his breathing. I kept telling myself to sleep, but my mind was too alert. Despite my earlier resolve, the throbbing in my crotch became unbearable. With nothing else to do or think about, it only became more distracting.

I tried to relieve myself with my right hand. It felt good but not enough to climax. Frustration built as I couldn't reach the peak. Most men could do this easily, so why couldn’t I?

I needed something to insert to release the burning desire. Was there anything in the room that could serve as a makeshift dildo? It couldn’t be too big or too small... Maybe the showerhead? But it might be a bit too large for me.

Feeling desperate, I wondered if there was anything else I could use. If only I could find something suitable...

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath. This was beyond ridiculous. Searching for something to stick up my ass in the middle of the night, the absurdity of it all.

The bed next to mine creaked as Kato moved. I heard the rustle of fabric.

"Should I get some ice?" His voice came from above. I pulled the sheet down from over my head to my chin.

"If you cool it down, it might feel better," he suggested, referring to my crotch. Would cooling it work like a fever? Would chilling my penis make it go down? The idea was laughable, and with it came a wave of emptiness. I buried my face in the sheets to hide from his gaze, my crotch grinding against the fabric, making its presence known.

"No need," I refused. Kato didn't press the issue but started pacing the room instead of returning to bed.

"Mr. Soichi." His voice called to me from where he stood, holding a wooden hanger. The type with rounded shoulders to keep coats from losing their shape.

Why was he standing there with a hanger? Realizing his intent, my ears burned with embarrassment.

"I looked for suitable items in the room, but this was the best I could find," he explained.

I rubbed my burning ears nervously. Following the intense shame was a rage so hot it made my stomach churn.

"Are you suggesting I use that?" I asked, anger lacing my words. Hypocritical, considering I had been looking for a substitute myself. My perceptive subordinate bowed his head.

"Forgive me for overstepping."

A chuckle escaped my nose. "Fine, give it to me. I’ll stick it up my ass and get it over with. Isn’t that what you’re saying?"

He didn’t hand it over. "I'm truly sorry."

"Just give it to me!" I shouted, but he shook his head.

"Please wait a little longer. I'll go get it."

"Don't joke around," I snapped, slapping the bed. "You know I can't stay alone in a new hotel!"

"I’ll have a bodyguard stay in the room while I’m gone. One of them is on a break; I'll wake him and ensure the outside security is—"

"Enough!" I couldn't stand it anymore and ran my fingers through my hair frantically.

"But—"

"I said enough! I don't need a replacement. Are you trying to humiliate me further?" I saw pity in his eyes, and I threw a pillow at him.

"Don’t look at me!"

Finally, he looked away. "You probably think I'm a pervert."

He started to deny it, but I cut him off. "That's right, I'm a pervert who needs my ass played with. You have it easy. You can do it normally."

Kato couldn't be blamed for being normal. It was my problem that I couldn’t. My mind was a mess. What was I even angry about? That he had offered a hanger as a replacement? I had considered using the showerhead. Our thought processes weren’t that different. So what did I expect? How should Kato have responded to satisfy me?

"Give me that," I said, pointing at his crotch. "Not the hanger. Give me that!"

Kato, a straight man who always had a woman in his life, wouldn't do this with me. I wanted to trouble him with an impossible demand, a sure way to annoy him.

"Why use a silly thing like a hanger when you have the real thing? You wouldn't refuse, would you? It's an order from your boss."

His pity turned to confusion. I smiled thinly, expecting him to apologize again and refuse.

"If my body is acceptable, please use it," he said plainly, as if commenting on the weather.

His unexpected response left me stunned. I swallowed hard.

"As long as you’re comfortable with it, Mr. Soichi."

I couldn't speak. It was like wishing for something ridiculous as a joke and then having it handed to me. I wanted it but was too scared to take it.

"Are you serious?"

"Are you joking?" he replied.

He was serious. He meant it. Sweat trickled from my armpits. Did I want this man? I wasn't sure. If I were honest, I was very curious. I wanted to touch him.

But to jump at the chance seemed too desperate. I needed to stay calm. I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to humiliate myself.

"Even if I wanted to use it, could you get it up?" I tried to sound indifferent, as if it didn't matter to me.

"We won’t know until we try," he said honestly.

"Are you suggesting something you can't do?"

Blaming the sincere man, I watched as his eyes shifted left and right in thought. "Could you give me a moment to prepare?" he asked.

"Do whatever you want." I shrugged, pretending I didn't expect much, and buried myself under the sheets again.

The bed beside me creaked as Kato sat on the edge, lowering his boxers to his ankles. He pulled up the hem of his pajamas and revealed his penis, which was thick, long, and heavy.

His large hand stroked it. I propped myself up on my elbow, my face in my hand, watching his masturbation unconsciously.

The rhythmic sound of his fingers stroking filled the room. What had been still now began to swell in response to the rough friction. When I noticed the glistening drop at the tip, I found the grotesque organ endearing, and the feeling unsettled me.

His fingers stopped, and our eyes met.

"It's embarrassing to be watched," he said. The man’s expressionless face was flushed, and I realized it wasn't just from arousal but from shame. This realization sent a hot, wild sensation coursing through me. My palm grew sweaty. Watching him prepare himself aroused me too.

Despite his embarrassment, Kato continued. His erect, throbbing member no longer needed support. Even without his hand, it stood firm and proud.

It was slightly thicker than my favorite dildo. Could I really take it in? The last time I had taken a real man was during the violent assault five years ago. The memory of being ripped apart by two men still sent shivers down my spine. Pain, pleasure, self-loathing—these thoughts swirled in my head. Yet, I couldn't look away from Kato’s enticing body.

He wiped the precum from the tip and looked up.

"Mr. Soichi," he called in his usual tone, but it resonated within me like a freshly strung instrument.

"I think it's ready."

"Ah, yeah," I croaked, my voice cracking.

"May I come over?" he asked.

I hurriedly moved to the left side of the bed. It was wide enough but not spacious enough for two people to comfortably share.

Kato, fully erect, approached. The bed dipped under his weight, making my body rock unsteadily.

"How should I use this?" he asked. Embarrassed, I couldn't tell him to stick it in me. Instead, I ordered, "Take off your clothes."

Without a word, he threw his pajamas onto the adjacent bed, standing naked before me. His body was slightly lean but undeniably masculine. Despite seeing him daily, his naked presence beside me felt unfamiliar. Usually, he would follow my commands immediately, but now I was unsure how to proceed.

"Mr. Soichi?" His voice, questioning my inaction, brought me back. Awkwardly, I pulled the briefcase onto the bed, taking out the lotion and a condom with trembling hands, which I tossed to him.

"Put it on," I commanded.

Kato slipped the condom over his erection and took the lotion. He hesitated for a moment.

"This is for you, right? It’ll be easier if you lie down in a comfortable position—on your back or stomach," he explained matter-of-factly. His calm demeanor, even when discussing such intimate actions, unnerved me.

"Can you really do this?" I asked, doubting him.

He tilted his head slightly. "I've only had sex with women, but I've watched enough to understand the procedure."

I had made him witness my sessions with Reika many times. I had instructed Reika to finger me thoroughly before using the dildo. While it felt good to have my prostate massaged, it was also necessary to avoid pain. Pleasure should be free of suffering.

"Please, lie down."

Even with his encouragement, I hesitated. Being penetrated by Reika’s strap-on was one thing; letting Kato do it was another. The fear from five years ago lingered.

But Kato wasn’t like those men. This time, I was in control. I could stop it whenever I wanted. Above all, I desired his impressive erection. I wanted to feel it inside me, rubbing and thrusting.

After a moment's hesitation, I slowly lay on my stomach.

"Lift your hips, please."

I did as he asked, raising my hips with my knees bent, my head down. This position exposed my ass, making it easier for him to prepare.

"Excuse me."

He lifted my pajama top, and I felt a cool draft against my exposed buttocks.

Fingers touched my ass, gently stroking it. My skin felt hypersensitive, prickling under his touch. His grip tightened, and he spread my cheeks apart. The sudden strength made me flinch, and he immediately let go.

"Was that too strong?" he asked, concerned.

"It’s just surprising," I replied. "Don't stop every time I react."

"I'll touch your ass again. Please let me know if it’s too much."

Forewarned, I didn't flinch when he grabbed my cheeks again. His fingers spread me open, revealing my entrance. The thought of him seeing me there made sweat bead on my forehead from embarrassment.

It was just an orifice, not some erotic, inviting sight. He might lose his erection at the sight. But then, something warm and slick touched me, tracing the rim. The sensation sent shivers up my spine, making me clench involuntarily. I glanced back at him, and our eyes met.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"…Nothing," I replied, lying face down again. I never expected him to lick my ass. Reika had done it, but even some professionals hesitated at that.

His tongue slipped around the tight ring of my anus, loosening the hard ridges. The sensation was so pleasant I bit down on the pillow to stifle a moan. He generously wet the area before withdrawing his tongue.

"I’m going to use my fingers now," he said, his voice gentle. Then I felt something firm, slowly pressing into me, gently stretching me open.

"Aah… aah, aah…" I gasped. Only one finger, but thicker than Reika’s. I could feel it. Reika had always played around the entrance with her thin fingers, but this one was different, going deeper and deeper.

"It’s very hot inside," he commented. I couldn’t respond, my focus solely on the finger inside me.

"The entrance is soft, but deeper in it’s tight," he murmured, almost to himself. He twisted his finger, a large movement that sent a shiver through my hips.

"Does this feel good?" he asked.

I nodded repeatedly. His single finger started to move more vigorously inside me. I wondered if he was the kind of person who pressed hard on the gas pedal when fingering a woman. Should I ask him to go slower? Though it was intense, it did feel good.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head. The finger that had been moving vigorously suddenly withdrew. Before I could voice my displeasure, he announced, "I’m going to add another finger."

After being worked over by one finger, the second one slipped in easily. The entrance was stretched wide, which was embarrassing and made my ears turn red. I knew I had to be loosened up if I wanted to fit him inside, but it felt like he was peering into my soul. Despite the embarrassment, I was aroused. My semi-hard cock was now fully erect.

His fingers, initially focused on stretching the entrance, now moved deeper. They rubbed a particularly sensitive spot, sending a pleasurable jolt through me.

"Haaa…"

I couldn’t hold back my moans. I felt ashamed of the girlish sounds coming from my mouth. Reika had often teased me, saying I sounded like the neighborhood cat. Even though Kato had heard it before, moaning from his fingers was even more embarrassing.

"Hiih, aah…"

He rubbed the spot harder, making my hips tremble. The man behind me seemed to chuckle.

"This spot feels good, doesn’t it?" he said.

"No… no…" I tried to deny it, shaking my head, but he easily saw through the lie. He kept pressing the spot, and I writhed like a snake, unable to contain the pleasure.

"Stop… stop… aah, aaah…" I moaned, crawling forward to escape, but he pulled me back, his fingers relentlessly targeting the sensitive area.

"Hii, hii… no, no…" I flailed my legs as the familiar sensation built up. Could it be…? I hadn’t been able to ejaculate from just finger stimulation in ages, even with prostate massage.

"Wait… wait…" I pleaded, but he seemed to take it as an act and increased the intensity. My hips moved of their own accord, making him think I was enjoying it.

"Aah… aah… ahh, aaah!"

My hips convulsed, and I felt my insides clench around his relentless fingers. I watched, breathless, as I came, staining the sheets without having touched my cock once.

The fingers inside me were still twitching with residual pleasure when he pulled them out. The loss felt like having a favorite toy taken away. I turned to see him meticulously wiping the cum from the sheets with tissues.

"I see you could come," he said, satisfied.

I snapped. "Why did you keep going when I told you to stop?"

Kato blinked several times, looking bewildered.

"I wanted to come with something bigger inside me, not just fingers. Why did you prepare me then?"

Kato apologized again, even though the fingers felt good, and I managed to come with them. But I wanted that. And despite the time that had passed, he hadn't softened at all.

"Is it too late now?"

I sat up and spread my legs wide, pointing at my crotch. "It won't work now."

My spent cock lay limp, drained of energy.

"I'm truly sorry."

He kept apologizing, head bowed. Maybe tonight, even my jokes could become reality. I grabbed his hair, pulling his head up forcefully. His half-open mouth twisted to the right, pain showing on his face. His lips seemed surprisingly thick. Just imagining that mouth on me made my recently spent lower half tingle again.

"Give me a blowjob and get me hard," I ordered, letting go of his hair. Kato sighed softly and, without changing his expression, knelt between my lewdly spread legs, holding my thighs. He delicately touched the sparse pubic hair around my pitiful penis.

"Did you shave here?" His question ruined the mood, and I frowned.

"Of course not."

"It's very thin," he said, hitting a sore spot and making me blush. My body hair was naturally sparse, just fine hairs on my arms and legs. It didn’t bother me much, but I hated having sparse pubic hair. Reika had once teased me, saying I looked like an adult film star.

Kato lightly pinched my thin pubic hair between his fingers.

"Are you a pubic hair fetishist?"

"No. I prefer it gone."

When our eyes met, he smiled with his eyes. "I prefer no hair, so all the women I've been with shave for me."

He buried his face in my sparse pubic hair, holding my flaccid penis and running his thick tongue up the shaft. I quickly covered my mouth with both hands, stifling a strange sound that almost escaped.

His hot tongue slowly traveled from the base to the tip and back, repeating the motion. My hips trembled as he flicked his tongue around the ridge. He gripped my thighs tighter, as if to keep me still, even though I had ordered him to do this. Yet, I felt dominated instead.

"Aah, aaah..."

It felt good, so good. I looked down at him, embarrassed by the lewd sounds he made, loudly sucking me. Reika’s blowjobs had felt like a cat’s tongue, and that was nice, but this felt like a large predator. The illusion of being devoured almost made me dizzy. Despite having come so recently, his skillful tongue brought my cock back to life. Kato pulled away, wiping the saliva from the corner of his mouth.

"You said you preferred it from the back, right?"

I nodded, and he flipped me over. He pushed a finger into the exposed opening.

"Aah..."

My ass, already tender from earlier, greedily welcomed his fingers. It almost seemed to try to wrap around his moving fingers.

"I think you’re ready... If it hurts, tell me."

After his preamble, he placed his hot shaft at my entrance. Just knowing it was Kato’s made my heartbeat quicken.

Considering how aggressively he’d used his fingers, I expected him to thrust in all at once. But he didn’t. He slowly stretched my entrance, almost teasingly.

"Aah… mmm, ahh…"

The feeling of his swollen shaft rubbing against my inner walls made my spine arch. Though there was no pain, the deeper it went, the more intense the pressure in my lower abdomen became.

"Hah... nn... nn..."

I exhaled, trying to endure the pressure in my lower abdomen. As I did, I felt the coarse touch of his pubic hair against my buttocks. That thick, large thing was now fully inside me, all the way to the base. I was being impaled and ravished... just imagining it made the heat in my groin rise.

"I'm going to move now."

The thick shaft slowly rubbed against my inner walls. Unlike a toy, this was the real thing, hot and vividly alive.

"Ah, ahh..."

My hips moved naturally. Sensing my reaction, he aimed for the good spots and rubbed against them.

"Ah, ahh, it feels good, good, good..."

Goosebumps rose all over my body. This was incomparable to the thrusting of a toy. The real thing felt amazing. Each thrust produced obscene, wet sounds, amplifying my shame even further.

My knees and arms lost their strength, and my body was supported solely by Kato. I was just a body being ravished.

"Ah, hah... more, more, more..."

Good, so good... unbearably good. A man was dominating me, and I was shamelessly pushing my hips out. Being controlled by a male penis...

"Hii..."

I screamed when he grabbed my erect front. He intended to stimulate me both front and back, but even just my ass felt this good. If he played with the front, I'd surely faint.

"Not there, not there!"

Even as I protested, his hand didn't stop. He pressed his thumb into the tip, making me squirm and shake my head in a frenzy.

"No, I can't... can't..."

"It feels good, doesn't it? Your insides are clenching."

"Really..."

He squeezed my front hard, making me let out an indecent cry.

"Yah, ahh, ahh, hah, ahh..."

Each squeeze made me cry out reflexively.

"Hii, ahh, ahh, ahh..."

My mind started to blur. He rubbed me inside and out, and the pleasure coursed through my entire body, making it hard to breathe.

That familiar feeling came, much stronger than usual, and I cried out, "Ahh." I was going to die. I was going to die from too much pleasure.

A burst of light exploded in my mind. Everything went white... and as I lost consciousness, I released my pent-up desire into Kato's hand.

When I came to, Kato's face was close. He brushed my bangs aside with his fingers.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, not really understanding.

"Do you feel sick? You passed out for a short time."

The stimulating sex flashed in my mind. The excitement had passed, but I still felt lightheaded, as if I was dreaming.

I made no sound, only moving my lips slightly. Kato leaned in, trying to hear the inaudible voice, and brought his ear to my mouth.

I stretched out both hands and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. We repeated the kiss many times, tongues entwined. The kiss I had initiated was quickly taken over, and our tongues clashed fiercely.

With lips wet with saliva, I voiced my desire. "I want it. I want your big, thick cock."

I had been feeling empty and unsatisfied from behind, and I wanted to feel that intense pleasure again.

"It's better not to force it," he said, shaking his head like a reluctant child.

"No, I want it. I want it to stir me up, to make me all sloppy inside."

I rubbed my lower body against him, making lewd demands.

"I want to do it, but I can’t do it right away either," he said, stroking my head in a soothing manner.

"Then kiss me."

That wish was granted. As we kissed, I felt like I was going to suffocate, and Kato began to get hard again.

When I realized this, I lay down on my back, wrapped my legs around him, and gazed at his penis with a sultry, inviting look. His body pressed against me, and I felt a sense of being crushed. The hot, hard rod of flesh was about to penetrate the completely loosened opening.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah..."

As the angle changed, the parts that touched also changed subtly. The strong force holding my waist made the pleasure surge, and I could see his penis moving in and out of me.

"Ah, it's good. It's good. Right there, it's good. Thrust harder, thrust harder."

I didn't care about making a shameful face or saying shameful words. If I could experience this pleasure, I would do anything.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah..."

So I wanted him to penetrate me more, to make me feel good. There was no one else around, so I could become a shameless, lewd bitch, reveling in his penis and extracting more pleasure from the penetrated opening. I desperately continued to writhe my hips.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

The snow had stopped during the night. Although the highway was open during the day, I didn't return to Tokyo. For two days, I didn't leave the hotel room, dragging Kato into bed and having sex from morning till night. I was obsessed, like a middle school student who had just discovered masturbation. I was desperate to have his penis inside me, and I even forgot to eat and sleep. My tongue had already memorized the taste of his semen. My backside remembered the movement of his fingers and the shape of his penis.

Kato had strong stamina and was willing to indulge my desires like a shameless bitch. I even shaved my pubic hair because he preferred it that way. It was more exciting to see him get excited about shaving my hair than to feel embarrassed about not having any hair.

Even when I was tired and took short naps, I fantasized about going to a southern island with him for a week, just to have sex. My body and mind were completely consumed by lust, unlike my usual self, who was always calm and collected. On the third day, he suggested, "Let's go back." When I refused, he said, "I have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow." I had forgotten to check my schedule, which was unlike me. I had neglected even the most basic tasks, like checking my email, while I was indulging in sex.

I agreed to return, and for the first time in a while, I put on clothes. On the way back, I lay down in the back seat of the car, feeling pain in my waist from overusing it. Kato must have noticed, because he brought a soft cushion into the car for me.

Even though the location had changed, I still felt like I was in a dream. I had never experienced such excitement and satisfaction from sex before. The pleasure was so intense that it reached the tips of my toes. Now that I had experienced that taste, I couldn't go back to the way things were before.

I gazed at the man sitting in the passenger seat from behind. Although his body was hidden under his suit, I knew exactly how his muscles were built, how hard he was, and what he tasted like. I knew everything about his body.

Our eyes met in the rearview mirror.

"Are you okay?"

I answered with a sultry gaze, "Yes."

"If you need a break, just let me know, and I'll stop the car."

I nodded and buried my face in the cushion. Just hearing his voice made my waist ache with desire. Although I had had enough of him for two days, I still wanted more sex. I felt the weight of his chest and wanted to spread my legs wide, shamelessly exposing my hairless groin, and be penetrated. I wanted to moan and be shaken to the point of losing consciousness.

That wish would be granted in just a few hours, when we returned to the mansion. Since the meeting was scheduled for the next night, I would have the entire day to monopolize his body.

I closed my eyes, feeling satisfied. Although I had pretended to prefer women for a long time, I realized that I couldn't experience true pleasure without a man. And I was grateful that Kato was the one who had given me that pleasure.

...I had finally acknowledged my own sexual desires and accepted them. And I was grateful that Kato was the one who had given me the best sex of my life.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

In the apartment parking lot, two bodyguards accompanied them up to the elevator. But once they got on, it was just Kato and him. There was no one else inside.

Soichi stared intently at the man standing beside him. Kato was carrying Soichi's luggage and glaring at the elevator display, alert for any stops or potential threats.

Soichi imagined the side of the man's face. In this confined space, he envisioned being taken by Kato. The thrill of possibly being seen if the elevator doors opened on any floor... Lost in his fantasy, the elevator stopped, bringing him back to reality. The dependable man checked their surroundings and called out, "Please, come out."

Nothing happened, and he returned to his home for the first time in three days. The air inside was stale from lack of ventilation. It was almost 4 p.m. They had left Nagoya just after eleven and, despite driving nonstop, it had taken this long.

After bringing the luggage inside, Kato bowed slightly and said, "I’ll take my leave now." He intended to return to his apartment next door.

"Won’t you have a drink?" Soichi used it as an excuse to keep him there. Kato started to refuse, "I should..."

"I'm in the mood for a drink. Have one with me."

"It’s a bit early for an evening drink."

"Drink whenever you want to."

Soichi took a prized bottle of wine from the cellar and uncorked it, pouring the aromatic red liquid into glasses. He handed one of the glasses filled with this natural masterpiece to the man.

"Thank you."

Kato accepted it with gratitude but didn’t drink until Soichi did. Always prioritizing his boss, he was ever the serious man.

Even though he wasn’t a lightweight, Soichi felt dizzy after one glass. He staggered and hurriedly sat down on the sofa. Perhaps because he was hungry, the alcohol hit harder. He hadn't eaten lunch. Though offered several times, he had declined, feeling full and content without eating.

"Are you alright?"

That familiar voice, the one he had heard so many times at his ear. He crooked his right index finger to beckon. As Kato approached, Soichi grabbed his arm.

"...Take me to bed."

He invited him with the gaze of a feverish bitch in heat. The man looked down at him steadily.

"I can’t walk."

Prompted, Kato lifted him sideways. Just like in the hotel when his legs had given out, Kato had carried him to the bathroom multiple times.

He was gently laid on the bed in the bedroom. When Kato tried to move away, Soichi held him back, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. He wanted to kiss him but was pushed back by Kato's hand on his shoulder.

"...Can I talk to you for a moment?"

He had a serious expression, and it seemed the passionate encounter was unlikely. Soichi reluctantly let go. Kato got off the bed and pointed to the chest beside it, asking, "May I open this?"

Inside the drawer were condoms and lotion. Kato, having witnessed his sessions with Reika, knew this. He must have wanted to prepare in advance, so Soichi nodded.

From the drawer, Kato took out lotion, condoms, and a dildo one after another.

"Please use this."

He handed Soichi a dildo shaped like a male organ. It was the one he had forgotten to bring to Nagoya, the one he had just bought...

"Use this, please."

Soichi didn’t understand what he was saying.

"I got a call from the boss yesterday afternoon. He told me to show my face at the mansion when I got back. Since I've been away for so long, I also need to drop by the Kabukicho office on the way."

He was telling him to use the dildo for comfort while he was away. Soichi threw the dildo against the wall with all his might.

"Don't make fun of me!"

He shouted angrily. Kato, expressionless, looked between the rolling dildo and Soichi.

"I'm not making fun of you."

"You're telling me to use that toy while you're gone!"

Kato held his chin with his right hand, silent for a while. In the pause, Soichi's head cooled. He understood that Kato couldn’t defy an order from his boss, his father. It just pissed him off to be handed a toy like a child left alone. Calming himself, he asked, "When will you be back?"

"Could you wait for a bit? A day... no, about two days."

Just checking in with his father and visiting the Kabukicho office shouldn’t take more than a few hours.

"What are you planning to do at the office? Build a house or something?"

He threw out a sarcastic comment.

"My visit to the office and asking you to wait for two days are unrelated. If you tell me your type, I will responsibly find a safe partner for you to play with."

His cheek twitched.

"You've discovered a taste for men and prefer them now, so you want a partner you can share a bed with, correct? I will be careful in my selection, but if you're uneasy, I can supervise like I did with Reika."

...His chest ached. It felt like it was being twisted. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t grasp the meaning of what was being said.

"You'll do just fine."

"I must decline."

He was flatly rejected.

"You’re safe and hassle-free. Why look for someone else?"

There was a short silence. Kato put his hands on his hips.

"You're right about the safety part. But it would be better to keep these things separate..."

Soichi knew Kato was straight. He knew but couldn’t accept it.

"You've fucked me so many times!"

Kato looked down at him like he was a child throwing a tantrum.

"I have a strong sex drive and can get erect, so I can perform. Just like the other day, if ordered, I can comply..."

The sweet connection, the passionate kisses, the voice, fingers, and body ravishing him—those were the acts of lovers. It couldn’t have felt that good if it wasn’t.

"Do you hate me?"

When Soichi pressed him, Kato looked troubled.

"If I made you misunderstand something through my actions, I apologize. I'm sorry."

He bowed deeply.

"When you asked to use my penis, I simply complied. In my mind, I was just following orders. To me, I was just a tool, like the toy you threw earlier."

"But you came inside me, over and over!"

He pointed out the facts. The silence that followed was long.

"Did you develop feelings for me after sleeping together?"

At the straightforward question, Soichi clenched his teeth. The silence was taken as an affirmation.

"All the more reason, I should stay away. I respect you, Mr. Soichi, for your capabilities as the heir to the Motohashi clan. But having a relationship beyond that isn't right."

"You're always with me. If you're with me, then sleeping with me should be no different."

Soichi couldn’t understand why he was being rejected. The man who had embraced him so passionately, who could hold a man, what was he hesitating for?

"I respect you, Mr. Soichi."

Kato repeated himself.

"I have no prejudice against homosexuality. Sexual preferences are varied and personal. But understanding something and accepting it are different."

"That's obvious."

Kato fell silent, checking the time. His attention to the boss and the office during a serious conversation irritated Soichi.

"I'll be blunt. I respect you, I can have sex with you, but I cannot love you as I would love a woman."

Soichi gasped.

"I'm promiscuous and lack principles, so if ordered, I can sleep with a man. But I cannot reciprocate emotions. You are a person with feelings. If you want a constructive relationship, you should choose a man who already prefers men."

His body trembled. The passionate two days they had shared began to crumble in his mind.

"Don’t look at me like that."

Kato said, though Soichi couldn’t see his own face.

"If I'm going to have sex with someone, I'd rather it be a woman, no matter how old or unattractive. I'm truly sorry."

Kato bowed deeply and looked at the clock.

"I have to go out now. If you have more to say, we can talk when I get back. As usual, there will be guards inside and outside the apartment."

Kato picked up the dildo from the floor, placed it on the shelf, and left. The sound of the door closing echoed painfully in Soichi's chest.

Sitting on the bed in a daze, he felt his memories of their time together rapidly fading. What was he to Kato? What had he been to that man? Were those passionate kisses an act? The desperate gasps he heard in his ear, the way he moved inside him... It made no sense. Or maybe he just didn’t want to understand. The man wasn’t as enthralled as he was, didn’t feel as intensely as he did...

He hadn’t been played. He had ordered it. The serious man had just followed those orders. He was satisfied. So he couldn’t be angry. And he couldn’t cry, staring blankly at the door through which Kato had disappeared.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

After Soichi showered and went to his bedroom, he was startled to find a man sitting on his bed. He looked to be in his mid-twenties. With brown hair and tanned skin, his piercings were vulgar. His features weren't bad, but his lack of refinement spoiled it all.

The man, unaware of the "worst" judgment passed by the client, smiled pleasantly at Soichi. He averted his gaze. The man approached, and Soichi could see his feet out of the corner of his eye.

"Hello."

Even clothed, Soichi knew the kind of body he had, what kind of penis he possessed. He had checked the photos in advance.

The file had been handed to him two hours ago while he was savoring his favorite wine. He felt good for the first time in a long time when he heard that a hostess who was close to Kato had left town for a few million yen. Although Kato wasn't attached to the woman, seeing her as merely a regular for his sexual needs, her presence had been a constant annoyance.

"What’s this file?"

Soichi hadn’t asked for any documents regarding stock dealings, which were Kato's responsibility. Or maybe it was something from his father, the boss.

"If there's anyone you fancy, we’ll arrange it."

Was he being told to increase his entourage? He honestly didn’t want more people around him than necessary. A bunch of stupid men were useless as anything but cannon fodder.

Opening the file, he nearly spit out his wine at the sight of full-body nude photos of effeminate men. Their heights, weights, and even penis sizes were meticulously recorded.

Each page contained another naked man with his measurements. Why so many naked men... he pondered until reaching a conclusion. Anger flared up inside him, and he slammed the menu shut.

"What is this?"

When he tried to shove it back, Kato didn't take it.

"Don’t mess with me!"

He threw the file, which Kato caught with his face without flinching.

"I don’t want men!"

With his face still red, Kato retrieved the file and slid it into the edge of the bookshelf.

"Get rid of it! Don’t keep it in here."

Kato stared at him silently before pulling the file from the shelf.

"Tear up the photos."

The obedient dog did as he was told, tearing the naked photos over the trash can.

"All of them."

Kato quietly shredded each photo one by one until he finished. Soichi kicked the trash can violently once the last piece was torn.

The scattered photos mingled with the trash on the floor.

"Now I want to see them. Piece them back together."

"I can get you new ones in ten minutes."

"I want the ones you tore up. Do it now."

Kato left the room without a word. Soichi thought he had finally angered him, but Kato returned with tape in hand. He picked up the torn photos and began piecing them together on the floor. Since they weren’t shredded into tiny pieces, it only took an hour to reassemble the five copies into their distorted forms.

While watching him piece together the photos, Soichi’s anger at being given a mate like an animal in a zoo turned to emptiness. To Kato, he was just an animal, satisfied as long as he had a partner.

He wasn’t an animal, and any partner wouldn’t do. Kato didn’t understand that. Five torn photos laid out on the floor. Soichi stood up from the sofa and stomped on the one in the middle.

"Bring him."

It just happened to be in an easy position to step on. It didn't matter who it was. "Understood," Kato said, bowing. "Is now okay?" he asked.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

"You're so pale," the man said, unabashedly touching Soichi's face. Soichi's body trembled at the memory of being violated by multiple men, and the fear that wouldn't dissipate despite being told he was safe. Seeing this reaction, the man chuckled in a muffled voice, "Is this your first time with a man?"

"Needing supervision is pretty overprotective. Just how sheltered were you raised?" Kato had told Soichi not to reveal anything about his identity to his sex partner. The man believed Soichi was a rich son, keeping his affairs discreet by buying safe, secretive encounters.

For confidentiality, the man had to leave his phone and any other communication devices with Kato upon entering the room. He was contracted to only provide his body and leave with no other memories.

"What kind of sex do you like?" the man asked, parting Soichi's bathrobe and gripping his crotch.

"Hmph." Soichi gasped in shock. Kato, seated in a chair at the back of the room, started to rise.

"You wouldn’t know what kind of sex you like if you’re not used to it, right?" the man said, slowly tightening his grip, causing Soichi to writhe in fear.

"What’s wrong? I've just touched your dick. Doesn't it feel good to be groped?" The man's eyes mocked Soichi, looking down on him.

"This is your first time, isn't it? Tell me. I won't make fun of you for being a virgin in your thirties."

He was already belittling Soichi with his words and actions.

"I have experience," Soichi retorted.

"Really? You don’t seem used to it at all. Maybe you’re just bad at it?"

His lips twisted into a sneer. Soichi caught Kato’s eye, as if to tell him to get rid of the man immediately, but was suddenly lifted and thrown onto the bed, his mouth sealed with a forceful kiss.

"Mm, mmph..." The man’s heavy body pinned him down, his tongue aggressively exploring Soichi’s mouth. The intensity made it hard to breathe. Even when Soichi tried to turn his face away, the man grabbed his chin to keep him in place.

The rough tongue probed under his tongue and around his mouth, making Soichi’s sensitive body react despite himself.

"Ah... fuh..."

He exhaled sharply through his nose. The man grabbed Soichi’s penis and testicles, kneading them harshly as if washing dishes. The pain furrowed Soichi's brows. Despite the pain, a numb pleasure began to build in his lower back.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He had planned to ignore the man's advances and pretend not to feel anything, to prove he wasn’t just an animal at the mercy of anyone assigned to him. But the man was too rough, and Soichi couldn’t stop feeling it. He didn't want to get an erection, but the man was teasing his ass while kissing him. The man scooped up Soichi's saliva from the corner of his mouth and spread it between his legs.

"Hey, could you get me some lube and condoms?" the man called out to Kato. Soichi, finally able to speak, cried out, "Let me go!"

He tried to yell, but he was out of breath and his words were slurred. He couldn’t speak properly. As he tried to push the man away with his hands on his shoulders, the man asked "Hmm? What's wrong?" and licked Soichi’s ear. He lost all strength as he inserted the tip of his tongue into his ear.

"Could you put the condom on my fingers?" The man extended his middle and index fingers towards Kato, who silently complied. Soichi watched through teary eyes.

"K-Kato. I-I...Ahhh."

The man's fingers slipped into his ass.

"Ah, no!"

The fingers moved deeper, stretching him inside. Soichi's back arched, his feet and knees trembling.

"So you really weren't a virgin," the man whispered in his ear.

"Your ass is so sensitive, it’s funny. I’ve never seen anyone react like this, not even women.”

"I don't like it... pull out," he said, but the man just laughed and said, "Don't be stubborn, and just say it feels good."

The fingers hit a sensitive spot inside Soichi, making him cry out. The man’s fingers expertly worked him, finding the good spots and rubbing them relentlessly.

"No, no, stop!" Soichi screamed, thrashing his arms wildly. The man laughed, "Bro, you’re loud. Too noisy."

Pleasure overwhelmed Soichi, and he ejaculated, his semen splattering the man’s stomach, dripping down like honey.

Without a pause, the man lifted Soichi's legs and entered him with something much larger than his fingers, making Soichi’s lower abdomen tighten. He lifted his upper body slightly and saw the man's cock moving in and out of him.

It wasn’t Kato’s, but it excited him. His body temperature rose, and his breathing quickened. He was thrilled by the snake-like movements inside him.

"Ah... ah..."

Tears streamed down his face as the man pushed in deeper, rubbing his rough pubic hair against Soichi.

"Stop, please..."

Even though his nipples weren’t being touched, they were erect and sensitive. His cock was hard and bobbing with each thrust.

"What’s wrong? It’s twitching inside and you’re rock hard," the man taunted.

"Or is it just a habit of yours to say no? Do you like being forced into situations like this? Maybe you have a rape fantasy?"

"No!" He denied it, but the man laughed.

"I’ll make you feel amazing. I’m pretty flexible."

The man bent forward, taking Soichi’s erect cock into his mouth.

"No, no...!"

The sensation of being fucked while his cock was sucked was too much.

"Ah, ah, ahh!"

Soichi panted, drooling. His vision blurred as he saw Kato watching them, his face calm and unaroused, observing Soichi’s debasement as if he were an experimental animal.

His chest tightened, and tears fell. What was he doing, being violated by someone he didn't want? Even though he felt intense self-loathing, his body still sought pleasure, greedily accepting the stimulation.

"Help me," he wanted to cry out, but the pleasure overwhelmed him. His mind went blank as he came, his body convulsing like a fish out of water.

"You're really loud," the man whispered in his ear with a laugh.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

When it was over, the man left quickly. The bedroom was empty, with only the smell of semen clinging to him. He got out of bed, trying to wash away the unpleasant feeling. His legs were unsteady, and he stumbled. As he was swaying, Kato, who had seen the man off, came back and asked if he needed help, but he refused... He didn't want to be touched right now.

Somehow, he made it to the bathroom, but that was his limit. He crouched down, and the shower rain poured down mercilessly on his back, washing away the dirt. He looked at his limp penis. The man's body, whose name he didn't even know, had given him pleasure. His pathetic self had been delighted, and every time he was touched, he had trembled like an excited dog. It had felt good. But why did he want to die right now? He had called the man, enjoyed it, but didn't really want to do it. He didn't want to feel that way. He didn't want to be seen that way. He didn't want to be known that way.

Tears started flowing again. Why was he crying? Kato had been good. He had wanted Kato. He had wanted to be with Kato like that, but why...?

Any man who inserted his erect penis would bring him joy. He didn't want to know that about himself, that he was like a female dog in heat.

He turned up the shower pressure. The water splashed into his half-open mouth, making him choke violently. He hunched his back and covered his face. The intense sound of the water seemed to scold him, and gradually, he sank to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW, dub-con, r*pe mention.

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