Ashen Moon: Volume 1 - Chapter 3

The content warning is in the footnotes⁰.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

A vibration in the inside pocket of his jacket woke Kato up. He must have dozed off while sitting deeply in the back seat. He had received an email. It was from Hamanaka, reporting that Yuki's apartment had been vacated. Yuki, who had persistently bombarded him with calls and emails, had suddenly gone silent two days ago. Initially, Kato hadn't noticed because he was busy, but by the second day, he got a bad feeling and sent Hamanaka to check on the apartment.

He replied with a "Good job" and put away his phone, simultaneously letting out a sigh.

"Tired?" Shima, who was driving, asked through the rearview mirror.

"No," Kato replied, to which Shima chuckled softly.

"I’ve never seen you fall asleep before, Mr. Kato."

Kato shrugged slightly and turned his gaze out the window. It wouldn’t be more than five minutes until they reached the apartment.

"Shima, can you turn around and head to Mukomoricho?"

"Huh? Oh, yes," Shima responded, signaling and making the turn. Despite his past as a reckless driver in cars and on motorcycles, Shima drove smoothly now. The high-rise luxury apartment building, visible even from a distance, grew smaller behind them.

"Can I ask you something?" Shima said cautiously.

"What?"

"It's nothing major, but do even people like you find Mr. Soichi intimidating?"

Kato raised his eyebrows and replied, "Yeah, I guess so," prompting Shima to let out a heavy sigh.

"He looks delicate and gentle, but he’s the heir to the Motohashi Group. I’ve been under him for two years, and I still can’t talk to him. He’s a university graduate and an intellectual. I feel like he’d just laugh at anything I say."

Shima scratched his short hair. Currently, Soichi had about ten direct subordinates, including Kato. Soichi rarely spoke to any of them unless necessary, as he only saw them as replaceable pawns. This tendency had worsened since the incident.

"The Motohashi Group is respected because of the money Mr. Soichi brings in. I could never make that kind of money in my lifetime. It’s amazing, but being around someone so different all the time must be suffocating. I understand why he needs bodyguards, but having someone as high-ranking as you live with him seems excessive..."

"The light’s green," Kato interrupted, pointing ahead. Shima quickly focused on driving, and the conversation ended there. Shima, being perceptive, likely sensed that Kato didn’t want to continue the discussion.

As they entered Mukomoricho, the sea came into view. This long, narrow town stretched along the coast. After driving along the seawall for a while, Kato had Shima park at a suitable spot, and they both got out of the car. The wind was strong enough to tousle Kato’s hair, and the air was thick with the smell of the sea. In the distance, he saw the lights of a night fishing boat. I wonder what they're catching this time of year, Kato thought.

Shima sat with his back against the seawall, playing with his phone. Kato sat cross-legged on the seawall and pulled out a cigarette. The wind made it difficult to light.

He didn’t particularly want to see the night sea. He just wanted to delay going back to the apartment a little longer. For the past six months, Kato had lived in the same apartment as Soichi, the only son of the Motohashi Group’s boss, acting as his bodyguard. During the day, Soichi was guarded by two men, and at night, he was protected by a building that boasted "the world’s best security." The layout of the entrance, the surveillance cameras, the positioning of the guards, and the security of the entrance were all perfect. The front door was a custom-made lead-lined door, and the windows were bulletproof glass. To be extra cautious, they had also rented the rooms on both sides. Short of a bombing, no one could harm Soichi in that fortress. As long as no one was invited inside, there was no need for further security inside the apartment.

When Soichi first ordered Kato to stay in the same room to protect him, Kato was perplexed. He already lived in the neighboring room and could be there in seconds if needed. No matter how thoroughly Kato explained the safety of the apartment, Soichi remained silent and displeased, refusing to retract his order.

The next day, Kato was summoned to the boss’s house, where he was directly asked by the boss himself to stay with his son until he felt safe. He was shown a medical report, dated the previous day, stating that Soichi couldn’t sleep at night and needed someone he trusted nearby due to the trauma from the incident.

The shrewd man had covered all bases, knowing Kato couldn’t disobey the boss’s orders. Living with Soichi wasn’t the issue. When Kato joined the Motohashi Group, old traditions still held, and he started by cleaning toilets and sleeping in a three-tatami-mat room with three other low-ranking members. Compared to that, being assigned a private room was luxurious.

The problem was the physical closeness to Soichi. Running his right hand through his wind-blown hair, Kato gently tousled it. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Some men, like Shima, have no education but are quick-witted and considerate. Others, like Soichi, might lack physical strength but have brilliant minds capable of generating vast amounts of money.

The era of using brute force and picking dumb fights as a yakuza was over. Now, brains and money mattered. Soichi was not hesitant to use violence, but it was never his first choice. He was a man who could see ten or twenty years into the future.

He had chosen to follow Soichi, believing in his leadership. But Soichi’s one flaw was his peculiar sexual preferences. There were men in the yakuza with unusual tastes, some who developed a preference for men during their time in prison. Soichi’s peculiar desires didn’t bother Kato. Compared to seeking children or other deviant acts, finding a woman who could dominate him with a strap-on was a minor issue. Such BDSM play required skill and knowledge, and previously, Soichi’s girlfriend was perfect for this role: intelligent, discreet, and deeply in love with him. For a man at the top of the underworld, she was an ideal partner to keep.

Countless times, Kato had seen Soichi panting like a cat in heat while being penetrated by a woman wearing a strap-on. Sometimes, he wondered if Soichi might prefer men, but as long as Soichi claimed to prefer women with strap-ons, Kato kept quiet. Perhaps, out of male pride, Soichi couldn't admit to wanting to be taken by a man. If Soichi could deceive himself until the day he died, then a lie would become the truth.

The turning point was that detestable incident. Soichi, targeted out of personal grudge, was violently attacked and gang-raped by members of a rival gang. Ironically, it was the act of rape that bought him enough time to be rescued before being killed. While fortunate to be saved, the brutal violence left deep physical and emotional scars.

During the day, Soichi couldn’t go out without bodyguards. He couldn't endure being confined in a space with numerous unknown people for long periods and couldn’t use public transportation like trains, buses, or planes. When staying at hotels, he needed at least four bodyguards and Kato in the same room to be able to sleep.

His anxiety translated into a profound distrust of people. After the incident, he couldn’t be alone with anyone other than Kato, which strained and ultimately ended his relationship with the girlfriend who understood his deviant tastes.

Even after the woman who indulged his strap-on fantasies left, his sexual desires didn’t wane. He began to use dildos, toys modeled after male genitalia, to satisfy himself.

About six months ago, Kato had sex with Soichi in a hotel in Nagoya. Soichi had forgotten to bring his usual dildo and threw a tantrum. Feeling pitiful, Kato complied when Soichi demanded Kato use his own flesh instead of a toy.

When a man penetrated him, Soichi excitedly moved his hips and showed his pleasure. At that moment, Kato was certain that Soichi preferred men. For the next two days, they simply enjoyed the physical act of sex. It was a novel experience, like a child with a new toy. However, like a child, Kato quickly grew bored after indulging in and exhausting the novelty of a man's body.

It was supposed to end there. Kato thought he had only been a temporary stand-in, a mere substitute for a dildo. However, the look in Soichi’s eyes began to change, and Kato could feel the clinging emotions tangibly.

Sensing the dangerous shift, Kato tried to distance himself, but Soichi’s gaze, filled with lust and possessiveness, never wavered. Despite continuous invitations, Kato consistently refused. He didn’t believe it was right for a boss and his subordinate to engage in a relationship filled with affection. Moreover, he knew how strong Soichi’s possessiveness was. Most importantly, Kato didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with Soichi. No matter how slim, refined, or androgynous Soichi was, he was still a man. If Kato had to sleep with someone, he preferred women.

Kato might have continued if Soichi had treated him merely as a “flesh tool.” He didn’t mind sex, and he could do it with men too. Kato didn’t care about the shape of the object for physical satisfaction, but emotions complicate things, necessitating clear boundaries.

Since Kato had sex with Soichi, every woman he got involved with started to disappear one by one. They were threatened or bribed and driven away.

There was a pattern: if he slept with a woman more than three times, she vanished. Just last week, Yuki, who had moved out today, had slept with him for the third time.

Though women were chased away, Kato didn’t feel much anger. His relationships were never deep, and he didn’t care who satisfied his sexual needs. These were dry relationships, and women, not wanting trouble, quickly took the money and fled.

What disappointed him was seeing his boss, whom he respected, act out of jealousy, systematically removing any woman from Kato’s life. Kato wanted to tell him it was a waste of time and meant nothing, but finding the right moment to say this to a prideful man was difficult.

Soichi was a man Kato admired as a yakuza. Intelligent, capable of making money, and ruthless when needed. He was elegant and charismatic—an ideal leader. Such men were rare.

Therefore, Kato wanted Soichi to remain steadfast in his high position. Any dirty work could be handled by subordinates. Kato didn’t want to see the man he respected reduced to a helpless, jealous mess.

Working under the man he admired was what Kato desired, and that wouldn’t change in the future. He had always made his own decisions and never regretted them.

Listening to the crashing waves, Kato reminisced about distant memories.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

By the time he was aware of his surroundings, he was living in a large house with a vast garden and a pool. His father, a man who had built his business from scratch and become the company president, was generous and kind to his children. His mother, a quiet and frail woman, often bedridden, was replaced in her duties by his older brother, five years his senior.

He was showered with love from his parents and brother. Their housemaid, Yoshiko, kept the house spotless and always had homemade snacks ready when he came back from school. He swam in the backyard pool instead of a public one, played with his brother’s dog, Kate, in the water—he took all these privileges for granted.

Only after losing his parents in an accident did Kato realize how fortunate he had been. The accident occurred on the day of his brother’s high school entrance ceremony. The taxi carrying the three of them collided head-on with a small truck. His parents died instantly, and though his brother was barely rescued, he was in a coma.

Kato, who had just started fifth grade, was paralyzed with grief. He couldn’t fathom what lay ahead for him. He vaguely assumed he would stay with Yoshiko, the housemaid.

His uncle, his father’s younger brother, handled the funeral arrangements. Although Kato had never met him before, Yoshiko had seen him once. After the funeral, the uncle didn’t leave the house. Eventually, his uncle’s wife, Aunt Yoriko, and their children, Kato’s cousins, moved in with all their belongings and started behaving as if the house was theirs.

Kato had little interaction with his uncle, who worked during the day and was home only at night. But his aunt rearranged the furniture without permission and discarded his mother’s cherished dolls, calling them creepy.

"Those are my mother's clothes," Kato protested when he found his aunt wearing his mother’s clothes.

"Dead people can’t wear clothes, so it's wasteful not to use them," she retorted, leaving Kato speechless.

His mother was gone, so she couldn't wear her clothes anymore. Kato forced himself to accept it, but he couldn't accept his cousin taking over his brother's room.

"That's my brother's room!"

When he confronted his aunt, who was sitting on the living room sofa filing her nails, she blew on her fingers and said, "He's never coming back to this house."

"My brother will definitely get better!"

He and his brother sometimes fought, but he was a kind brother. His aunt narrowed her eyes like a fox and prefaced her remark with, "A child wouldn’t understand, but..."

"Your brother broke his neck. He hit his head hard, and there's no chance he'll regain consciousness. He's just a doll that's breathing. Even if he regains consciousness, he'll be paralyzed from the neck down. I can't take care of such a child, so he'll have to go to a facility."

Though he couldn't fully grasp what she was saying, the words "living doll" echoed loudly in his mind. Dolls don't move, they don't speak... so his brother...

Seeing the confused child, his aunt looked up at him.

"It's really pitiful. To be alive like that and have to endure it is hard to watch. It might have been better if he had died with your parents."

His body trembled with anger. His brother was alive and fighting, yet she said he’d be better off dead.

"It's harsh to tell a grade-schooler this, but keeping your brother alive costs a fortune. He’s connected to so many machines just to stay alive. Continuing his treatment is pointless if he's in pain and there's no hope of recovery."

There wasn’t a trace of compassion in her words, only her self-centered viewpoint.

"Why are they staying in my house?" he complained to Yoshiko, the housemaid.

"They're here to look after you because you're still a child and need adults to take care of you," she admonished. Still, Yoshiko wasn’t entirely okay with his aunt's behavior, and he saw her confront his aunt several times.

Though he thought it was wrong, he endured the presence of these intruders in his home. Family photos were removed from the cupboard, and his mother's favorite tablecloth was discarded, slowly killing off the memories of his family. He was told to eat his meals later with Yoshiko and didn’t get any of the sweets that were given as gifts. He kept telling himself it was because he was just a child and needed adults to look after him. Despite his anger and sadness, he managed to bear it because he had Yoshiko, the dog Kate, and his brother, who was fighting for his life in the hospital, as allies.

Two months after his parents' death, in the middle of the rainy season, he came home to find Kate missing from the yard, her chain gone from the doghouse.

"Maybe she was taken for a walk," he thought, but Yoshiko was in the kitchen, and he couldn’t imagine his uncle’s family taking Kate for a walk. Kate was calm but didn’t warm up to his uncle’s family.

"Do you know where Kate is, Auntie?" he asked.

His aunt shrugged. "Maybe the chain broke, and she got out."

Worried, he searched for Kate until dark and was scolded by his aunt for staying out late.

The next day, he looked for Kate in nearby parks and rivers but couldn't find her. A familiar man suggested, "She might be at the animal shelter." He remembered a teacher saying that dogs taken to the shelter would be killed in about a week, and his body shook with fear.

On the third day of searching, he went to the shelter alone. After explaining the situation to a teacher, they helped him find the way and use his allowance for the bus fare.

At the shelter, he found Kate in a cage. She wagged her tail furiously when she saw him.

"This is my dog. Can I take her home?" he asked the staff.

The staff smiled, "I'm glad you found her. But where are your parents?"

"I'm here alone," he replied.

The staff member scratched his head. "That's a problem. Could you bring your parents here?"

"Why?"

"It costs money to get the dog back. We fed her, so you need to pay for that."

Back home, he told his aunt he had found Kate at the shelter and needed money to get her back. His aunt narrowed her eyes.

"But it costs money to get her back," he said.

"I'm not paying for that," she responded bluntly.

"But Kate will be killed if I don't bring her back."

She sighed and put a hand on her cheek.

"It can't be helped. It's the dog's fault for running away."

Kate was his... no, his brother's dog. If she ran away, it was her fault. The shelter said it cost 6,000 yen to get her back. He didn’t have that kind of money. He had spent his New Year's money and only had about 1,000 yen saved.

Realizing he couldn’t rely on his aunt, he turned to Yoshiko. He explained that he needed money to get Kate back from the shelter and that his aunt wouldn’t pay.

"I'll pay you back when I'm older. Please lend me the money."

Yoshiko remained silent, which made him anxious. "I'll even write a contract," he added.

"It's not about that," Yoshiko said, looking down.

"Even if you bring Kate back, she'll probably be taken back to the shelter."

"I'll use a stronger chain this time to make sure she doesn't escape."

"And..." he continued, "My brother would be very sad if Kate wasn’t here when he came back. Kate was a gift from our parents for his birthday."

Yoshiko shook her head.

"I heard Mrs. Yoriko took Kate to the park, removed her chain, and handed her over to the shelter."

"But she said Kate ran away..."

"Even if you bring her back, she’ll be abandoned again."

He shook his head vigorously.

"No! Kate is my brother's dog. She can't be thrown away."

Unable to hold back, he burst into tears. Yoshiko tried to console him, but he kept crying and couldn’t stop.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Yoshiko repeated, her voice filled with pain.

The next day, he took all the books from his shelf to a nearby secondhand bookstore. He had been there many times with his brother and was familiar with the elderly shopkeeper.

"You brought a lot today. What's going on?" the shopkeeper asked.

He explained that his dog was at the shelter and he needed money to get her back.

"Your uncle is supposed to be taking care of you. Why don’t you talk to him?"

He explained that his aunt refused to pay, saying it was his responsibility since it was his dog.

The shopkeeper was silent for a moment before asking, "How much does it cost to get her back?"

"6,000 yen."

The shopkeeper bought the books for 6,000 yen.

With the money in hand, he retrieved Kate from the shelter and ran away from home. He walked along brightly lit roads, avoiding the dark paths that scared him. With Kate by his side, no one questioned why a child was walking alone at night.

I walked endlessly along the road, and when I got tired, I entered a park I happened to find. Although I was fine during the day, it was a bit chilly at night. When I lay down inside the octopus-shaped slide, Kate snuggled up to me, keeping me warm. I vowed in my heart to always stay with Kate and protect her.

The next day, I woke up to Kate's barking. When I emerged from the octopus slide, I saw Kate being held by a man in a light blue uniform.

"That's my dog!" I cried, running over and hugging Kate. The man, who was from the animal shelter, explained that a nearby resident had reported a large stray dog in the park where children play and asked them to do something about it. The shelter worker asked, "You're a grade-schooler, right? Today is a weekday. What about school?" I couldn't come up with a good answer, so he continued with, "Where's your home? What's your name?" I said nothing, fearing that they would discover I'd run away. Eventually, he called the police.

My escape lasted only one night. My aunt came to pick me up from the police station with a stern expression and didn't ask a single question about where I had been or what I had been doing.

When we got home, my uncle scolded me harshly. He angrily lectured me about how irresponsible and dangerous it was for a child to be out alone at night and blamed my parents' poor upbringing. Despite repeatedly saying how dangerous it was, he never asked if anything had happened to me.

My uncle declared that Kate was a dangerous dog for biting my aunt and would be taken to the shelter. However, I had never seen Kate bite anyone. Even when a kindergartner grabbed and swung her tail, she patiently endured it.

"That's a lie!" I protested, only to be slapped hard by my uncle. I was knocked to the floor, lying on my back in the kitchen. It was the first time I had experienced such violent force. The taste of blood filled my mouth, and the pain in my cheek lingered. As my anger quickly faded, I noticed the disgusted looks on the faces of my uncle, aunt, and cousins, as if they were looking at a cockroach.

The next day, my homeroom teacher asked, "What happened to your face?" My uncle had told me, "Don’t tell the teacher I hit you. Say you fell down the stairs." So I lied, "I fell down the stairs."

When I returned home, Kate and Yoshiko were gone. Even when I asked why, my aunt and uncle only said, "She left on her own." I was devastated, crying all night in bed.

No matter how sad I was or how swollen my eyes were, they forced me to go to school. I couldn't concentrate on my studies, constantly thinking about Kate and Yoshiko. Memories of my deceased parents overwhelmed me with sadness.

I didn’t want to go home after school, so I wandered around the schoolyard. Then I heard a familiar bark and saw Kate running toward me from the school gate. Behind her stood Yoshiko.

Yoshiko explained that she had been fired for opposing my aunt's plan to take Kate to the shelter.

"But I think that was just an excuse. They were looking for a reason to let me go because having me around cost money. I'm glad to be rid of those greedy people," she said with a relieved smile. She had moved to an old house with a garden on the outskirts of town. Every day after school and on weekends, I went to Yoshiko's house to walk Kate.

After Yoshiko left and my escape attempt, my aunt and uncle's treatment of me worsened. They claimed financial hardship, saying, "One meal a day is enough," and stopped feeding me dinner. They refused to do my laundry or give me an allowance. Yoshiko was furious when she heard and called my homeroom teacher. The teacher visited our home and brought up the issue, but my aunt lied, saying, "That child is making things up. We feed him." That night, my uncle kicked me in the stomach until I vomited.

Complaining only made things worse. Yoshiko cried and began feeding me dinner at her house.

Kate died shortly after I entered middle school, passing away quietly one afternoon, as if waiting for me to come home. She was twelve years old and died of old age.

Before summer that year, Yoshiko was hospitalized with an internal illness. After her release, she moved in with her son and his wife in a neighboring prefecture, giving up her rented house. On the day we said goodbye, she, looking pale and unwell, worriedly handed me a memo with her son's address and 50,000 yen in cash. "Don't let them find this. Use it to buy food if you get hungry," she said, tearing up. Although I had lost faith in people, her kindness and hope rekindled my trust.

Living in a house filled with malice, I received no care or food and felt as though I was being erased. My aunt would get angry if I scored better than my cousin on tests, so I deliberately did poorly. In this oppressive environment, I sought ways to make my life a little easier.

When my aunt laughed at my bad grades, saying, "You're so stupid," I would go to my room and devour books borrowed from the library. The free knowledge they provided couldn’t be taken from me. As I glimpsed the world through these books, I became convinced that my aunt and uncle were terrible people who abused me.

I endured it all for the sake of my brother, who relied on my uncle and aunt for his medical expenses. I feared that defying them would result in my brother, my only remaining family, being denied treatment. With no one else left, I clung to the hope that my brother and I could at least support each other. Each weekend, I used the 50,000 yen Yoshiko gave me to take the bus to visit my brother. The nurse told me she hadn’t seen our guardians even once that year. My brother turned twenty, still unconscious, lying in his hospital bed.

"You don't need to go to high school; you're too dumb for it," my aunt said, arranging for me to work at a candy factory. In February of my last year of junior high, my brother died of pneumonia. He never regained consciousness.

Despite losing my brother, I didn’t feel the expected despair. He had been alive, but he could never talk to or comfort me. His existence was just a void. I realized he was simply a body, nothing more.

After his lonely family-only funeral, I wanted to contact his friends and others who still cared for him. But my aunt warned me not to bother, saying, "We’re keeping this private. Don’t go calling people and making a fuss." In the empty room where his funeral was held, I sat quietly with his ashes for a long time.

"It's finally over," my aunt said. I turned to see her in her mourning clothes, standing behind a partially open sliding door.

"Sis, be careful," her sister said, grabbing her arm. "That boy's brother is still alive. What if he hears you?"

"It doesn't matter. He'll be gone soon anyway," my aunt replied.

"You're terrible," her sister sighed. "Isn't he starting a job soon?"

"Yes, he’s too stupid for school. Isn't it ridiculous?" my aunt laughed, tilting her head.

"Doctors said the other boy wouldn't live a year, but he lasted five. It was costly and pointless," she added with a cool smile.

When I revealed myself, my aunt's sister quickly left. My aunt narrowed her eyes and said harshly, "Go away if you have no business here. Eavesdropping is a nasty habit."

I approached her, grabbed her kimono collar, and slapped her hard across both cheeks. Blood spattered from her lips and nose. She screamed, "Help me!" as I shoved her to the floor.

Hearing the commotion, my uncle burst into the room. Before he could grasp the situation, I swept his right leg, making him stumble, and when he fell, I kicked his abdomen and waist multiple times. Leaving the two of them writhing on the floor like maggots, I walked out of the house, never intending to return.

With nowhere to go, I just kept walking. My uncle and aunt might send me to a juvenile detention center for my violent actions. If that happened, I’d lose the job at the candy factory too.

I had no money or anything, but I needed to survive. I figured that in a bustling city, even a child like me might find work more easily than in the countryside, so I headed towards a lively town.

When I got hungry, I drank water from parks. At night, I sought out abandoned houses to sleep in. It was terribly cold, and I endured by layering tattered blankets and cardboard. I walked at sunrise and slept at sunset. After two or three days, the hunger became unbearable, and I started to feel dizzy. Unable to move, I lay down on a bench in a park. Just when I thought I might die from the cold and hunger, a woman’s voice called out, "Hey, what are you doing?"

She was heavily made-up and had large breasts. When I told her I was hungry, she bought me bread from a convenience store. "If you have nowhere to go, you can come to my place."

I followed her, and as soon as we entered her apartment, she pushed me down and took my virginity. Thus, I ended up living with her.

The woman often said, "I used to be a bit prettier," while riding me every night. She had moles all over her body, and I found it amusing to count them during sex.

She worked at a bar and often came home past two in the morning. "It’s dangerous walking home alone," she’d say, so I went to pick her up every night. In the year I lived with her, I grew over ten centimeters, surpassing 170 cm (5′7″). Eating three meals a day made me gain weight and build muscle, making me look older than I was.

She drank at work and at home. Her body always smelled of alcohol when I held her. Needing money, I started working at a tobacco shop she frequented. Although I had no desire to study or attend high school, I read books. She would glance at the titles and say, "You’re an intellectual," though she didn't really understand.

After two years of living together, I came home from my part-time job to find her sitting on the tatami mat with a travel bag. She looked up at me and smiled, "Let’s go to Tokyo together."

We boarded a night bus. Debt collectors had been visiting the apartment several times a month. I didn’t know how much or why she borrowed money, but I figured we were fleeing in the night.

Though she had no money, she still took me with her. At least she had that much affection for me, I thought as she leaned against my shoulder and slept.

Through a distant acquaintance, we rented an old apartment on the outskirts of Ikebukuro and started living together. She searched for work in bars and clubs but struggled due to her age and plain appearance. Eventually, she ended up working in the adult entertainment industry.

As she started working in the industry, her drinking increased, and she even started using drugs, introduced to her by the brothel owner. Although she never used them in front of me, she was often half-drunk, and I didn’t realize it at first. By the time I noticed, she was already addicted.

I told her to stop, but she dismissed my concern, saying, "It’s just a little bit. It helps me not hate my job."

Even in Tokyo, she wanted me to pick her up after work, so every night, I went to the back of the brothel’s office at 2 AM. On cold winter nights, her coworkers sometimes gave me canned coffee.

Some people mistook me for her son. Given that she was over forty, the age difference made it believable. One night, as usual, I went to pick her up and saw a middle-aged man in a black suit and a young man in a tracksuit arguing violently in an alley. They started fighting, but it was wise not to interfere in a yakuza brawl, so I ignored them.

About fifteen minutes later, the young man in the tracksuit left. The man in the suit was lying face down on the ground. Unsure if he was alive or dead, I called an ambulance.

Two weeks later, the middle-aged man, now with a faint bruise on his face, approached me at the back of the brothel office. Nervous that he might blame me for not intervening, I was relieved when he thanked me for calling the ambulance.

After that, I occasionally ran into him in the red-light district. When he learned I was a runaway minor, he offered, "How about joining our organization?" With my background and limited future prospects, I had no hesitation in bowing my head and saying, "Please take care of me."

The woman cried and begged me not to join the gang, but I didn’t listen. I moved out of her apartment and into the home-office of a senior yakuza member, starting from the bottom with chores like cleaning the toilets. At seventeen, I was a fledgling yakuza and the toy boy of an older woman.

About three years after moving to Tokyo, the woman started to break down. In quiet places, she’d clutch her head and say she heard strange voices. The brothel manager, who introduced her to drugs, said, "She’s probably experiencing hallucinations from overuse." She didn’t listen when I told her to stop and ended up hanging herself. I was the one who found her.

"It’s good to be rid of that drunk, drug-addicted, old hooker," laughed one of the senior yakuza members at the office. The woman constantly said, "I want to be free," and "I want to die." Given how miserable she found life, maybe it was for the best, I thought.

After her death, I slept with other women for the first time. I was surprised to find hair on their genitals. The dead woman had no pubic hair, so I assumed all women were like that.

Even as a yakuza, being young meant women were attracted to me. Some were one-night stands; others lasted a bit longer. When relationships became longer, I’d have the women shave their pubic hair. I found it more arousing, possibly due to the first woman’s influence.

Over twenty-five years have passed since I entered this world. Times have changed, and yakuza can no longer survive on violence, intimidation, and traditional extortion alone.

The ringtone of my smartphone echoed. The caller ID displayed "Motohashi Soichi." It was my boss.

"Where are you?" came the cool, intelligent voice that matched his refined appearance.

"Taking care of some personal business."

"Come back soon."

With that, the call ended. I turned on my heel and called out to Shima, who was still engrossed in his smartphone, "Let’s go back."

◇:*:◆:*:◇

The car entered the underground parking lot of the apartment building. After dismissing Shima, Kato got into the elevator. The security system included a double lock with a PIN and a key card, and surveillance cameras monitored from four directions. It was almost impossible to enter unless you were a resident. This building, known for its top-notch security, was rumored to house celebrities, though Kato had never seen any.

The elevator stopped silently on the thirty-fourth floor. The hallway was so quiet it made one wonder if anyone lived there. Each apartment was spacious, with no less than four bedrooms and a living room, and there were only a few units per floor.

Kato opened the door with his key card and stepped inside. The foyer was large enough to take a nap in and had a compact stool designed by a Scandinavian designer placed against the wall. The hallway floor was polished to a shine, and the abstract oil paintings on the walls were framed with ornate decorations. Kato didn’t particularly like the heavy atmosphere, but the boss did.

“You’re late,” Soichi said, sitting on the living room sofa, dressed casually in a V-neck T-shirt and jeans. A half-drunk bottle of mineral water sat on the table.

“I apologize. I made a brief stop on my way back. Is there something you need?”

Soichi picked up the bottle with delicate fingers and took a sip of water.

“No, nothing,” he replied.

“Then excuse me while I change.”

Kato went to the room assigned to him, about 30 square meters in size, with only a bed and a desk. His clothes were in the built-in closet.

There was no TV, but he rarely watched it. If necessary, he used his smartphone. Unless a book was exceptionally good, he would discard it after reading. This habit of keeping things minimal, combined with the starkness of his room, subtly indicated that he had no intention of staying long.

As Kato unbuttoned his shirt, he sensed the door creaking open.

“What is it?” he asked, knowing who it was without turning around. Footsteps approached, and the bed creaked as Soichi sat down. Kato continued changing, ignoring the silent presence.

“Who did you sleep with?”

Kato turned to see Soichi’s narrow eyes filled with anger.

“I didn’t sleep with anyone,” he replied honestly, but the suspicious look didn’t fade.

“I was going to visit a woman, but she had suddenly moved,” Kato added, knowing well that Soichi was behind the woman's disappearance.

Soichi lay back on Kato’s bed, his voice harsh, “Come here.”

Kato approached as ordered.

“Take off your pants.”

This was the first time he’d been so openly invited. As he tried to understand Soichi’s thought process, Kato decided not to comply.

“Hurry up. I’ll make you come with my mouth.”

Despite his degrading words, Soichi’s face remained cool.

“Thanks, but I can manage on my own. Using my right hand is easier.”

Soichi’s pale cheeks flushed red.

“You’d rather use your hand than be with me?”

“You’re not experienced in this, are you?”

Soichi’s fingers trembled.

“I want to do it.”

“Shall I call someone?”

There were reliable men, experienced with other men, who were kept on standby. At first, Soichi had resisted the idea of being with strangers, but having Kato present during the acts helped him adjust. Now, Soichi sometimes requested Kato to call someone, and other times Kato would suggest it.

This time, despite it being Kato’s suggestion, Soichi shouted, “Enough!”

He got off the bed but didn’t leave the room, sitting back down instead.

“Call someone,” Soichi muttered darkly, lifting his face. “Anyone will do. Just one.”

Due to the sudden request, none of the regulars were available. Eventually, they managed to contact a man named Kazuki.

An hour later, Kazuki arrived at the apartment. When he saw Kato, he greeted him with a friendly smile, “Hello.”

Kazuki was a twenty-three-year-old former host who had to quit due to liver problems from excessive drinking. Now, he was attending vocational school.

Kazuki had become a host to pay off his parents’ debts, and after destroying his liver by drinking too much, he managed to clear the debt. However, he hadn’t earned enough for his school fees and was looking for short-term, high-paying jobs.

Although his hair was still dyed brown and his clothes were flashy, reflecting his host days, he had a good personality. He had cut ties with his former life and didn’t keep in touch with his past associates. Being a mostly clean, straightforward person made Kazuki easy to handle.

“Sorry for the sudden call.”

“No problem. I was just free anyway.”

Kato led Kazuki into the building, checked him for any weapons, and then took him inside. They went up to the thirtieth floor. Due to the increasing frequency of summoning men for sex, Kato had prepared a dedicated room for Soichi’s use.

Leaving Kazuki in the room with a guard, Kato went to fetch his boss. Soichi, still wearing a displeased expression, accompanied Kato and the bodyguard to the room on the thirtieth floor. At this point, only Kato remained inside with Soichi.

“Long time no see, Mr. Makoto,” Kazuki greeted Soichi with a smile. He had been told that Soichi was “Mizuhara Makoto,” a wealthy second-generation. For safety, detailed personal information was kept secret from the numerous partners.

“How would you like it today?”

Kazuki took Soichi’s hand and led him to the bedroom, which was about 20 square meters in size. Kato sat on a sofa near the door, watching from a distance.

Inside the room, Kazuki wasn't bothered by being watched by Kato. Initially, he seemed uneasy, but eventually, he got used to it and became as indifferent to Kato's presence as to the paintings on the wall.

"Here," Soichi said, pulling out a black eye mask from his pocket and handing it to Kazuki. Unlike typical masks, it looked thin and supple—likely made of leather.

"Am I supposed to wear this?" Kazuki asked, a bit confused.

"No, I am. I want to do it without seeing anything."

Kazuki understood and took the mask. "I see, got it. It's said that your senses become more acute when you can't see. You're feeling naughty today, Mr. Makoto."

It was the first time Soichi used an eye mask. Kazuki gently placed it over Soichi’s eyes and tightened the strap at the back of his head.

"Is this okay?"

"A bit tighter."

"If it's too tight, it'll leave marks on your face."

"I don’t want it to come off during."

Kazuki chuckled, "You're quite particular," and adjusted the strap again.

"What do you want to do?"

Deprived of sight, Soichi only wanted to engage in sex.

"Roughly," Soichi said indifferently.

"Roughly, huh?" Kazuki chuckled, then lifted Soichi and threw him onto the bed.

"Whoa!"

Soichi let out a small cry as Kazuki's body pressed down on him. Kazuki quickly yanked off Soichi’s T-shirt and threw it to the floor, then roughly pulled off his pants.

While stripping Soichi naked, Kazuki also undressed. His swift, efficient movements suggested he had been quite active in providing sexual services during his host days.

Unlike Soichi’s thin frame, Kazuki had a well-toned, fit body, with a large penis. Although most of the men Soichi summoned were only in it for the money, Kazuki's actions occasionally showed hints of genuine affection.

"Mmm... mmph..."

They began to kiss as a prelude to their lovemaking. Kato let out a small sigh, watching the intertwining bodies on the white sheets out of the corner of his eye.

In the beginning, Kato meticulously monitored their encounters. Even though the men were carefully selected, nothing was 100% safe. Any vulnerability during sex could lead to an irreversible situation. But as he got to know these men better, Kato grew more confident in their reliability. None of them would dare attack Soichi, knowing that doing so would mean immediate death at Kato's hands.

Perhaps it was time to consider delegating the monitoring role to someone trustworthy, like Shima, provided Soichi agreed.

"Ahh... ahn..."

Soichi's thin, pale legs flailed in the air. Watching the muscular, manly form of Kazuki didn't stir any feelings in Kato, but the sight of Soichi’s androgynous body being dominated did evoke some arousal. That was part of the reason he had once slept with Soichi. However, he still regretted getting too involved in his boss's sexual life, leading to Soichi’s obsession with him.

Now, his esteemed boss was naked, shamelessly spreading his legs and letting another man suck his meager penis.

"You're quite the sight, Mr. Makoto," Kazuki teased, flicking Soichi’s erect, dripping penis with his finger. The member swung back and forth like a metronome.

"Why do you shave here? Everything's exposed."

Kazuki licked Soichi's hairless crotch.

"It's so smooth and clean... What? Does this turn you on? You're so naughty."

Soichi, undulating his body sensually like a snake, ordered in a calm voice, "Don't talk."

"...I want to do this without hearing your voice."

"Hmm," Kazuki muttered, amused. "You wanted it rough today, right? And with the blindfold on, you want it to feel forced, huh?"

At Soichi’s request, Kazuki stopped talking during the act. This made every moan, the rustling of the sheets, and the creaking of the bed stand out even more.

Two flesh-colored bodies intertwined, switching positions repeatedly. Kato glanced at the shelf to his right. It was an otherwise empty room, only used for sex. However, a book, likely Soichi's, was placed there, probably for passing the time while waiting.

Kato walked over, picked up the book, and read the synopsis on the cover. It appeared to be a mystery novel. Kazuki, who had been keeping an eye on Kato's movements, seemed momentarily distracted but quickly focused back on his task as Kato returned to his seat.

"Oh, ah... ahhh... ah," Soichi moaned loudly, taking in the man deeply from behind. With each thrust of Kazuki's hips, lewd, wet sounds filled the room.

With these obscene noises as the background, Kato opened the book. The first scene was set in winter. The winter sea. Even before he got halfway through the first page, the vivid imagery sprang to mind. The writing was excellent. Kato turned the book over to check the author's name. It was a writer he had never read before. He made a mental note of the name.

"Yeah... ah... ahh..." Soichi's lewd moans punctuated the gaps between the lines Kato read.

"Ah... there... there... oh..." Soichi's voice mixed with the unfolding narrative, which had now shifted to Vietnam. The descriptions remained top-notch, effectively conveying the stifling heat.

"Ah... ah... ahh... no... yes..." Soichi's moans were getting louder. Kato flipped the pages faster, increasingly absorbed in the fictional world.

"Ah... Kato... Kato..." Soichi's voice broke Kato's concentration. When Kato looked up, Kazuki had paused his movements.

"More... more... move more," Soichi pleaded, writhing his hips like a snake.

"Don't stop... thrust... thrust," Soichi begged. Jolted back into action, Kazuki began to thrust vigorously. Soichi let out a loud cry as his swollen member spasmed.

Kazuki withdrew, leaving Soichi limp and panting on the bed. "That felt... so good," Soichi murmured, saliva dripping from his slack mouth.

"...Kato," he called sweetly, like a cat seeking affection. "Kiss me... kiss me..."

Kazuki glanced back at Kato, his face as impassive as a Noh mask. When Kato nodded, Kazuki casually kissed Soichi. Soichi's wanton lips hungrily sought Kazuki's.

"Mm... mm... mmm..." After thoroughly ravishing Kazuki's lips, Soichi gradually rolled over onto his stomach, raising his knees. It was less seductive than animalistic—a display of submission. The shamelessly exposed hole, visible even to Kato, was a delicate pink from being roughly used.

"Do it from behind," Soichi begged in a sweet voice, swaying his slender hips. "I want it big."

Kazuki didn't move. His body wasn't ready for more. Silently, Kazuki moved to Soichi's head and pressed his soft member against Soichi's flushed cheek. Recognizing what was against his face, Soichi sniffed it like he had found a sweet treat, then took it into his mouth without hesitation.

"Mm... mm," Soichi sucked desperately, massaging Kazuki's balls. Gradually, Kazuki's member showed signs of revival.

"Hurry... hurry," Soichi urged, shaking his raised hips. As desired, the throbbing member entered his eagerly awaiting hole, which seemed to suck it in.

"Ahhh!" Soichi's thin back arched dramatically. "Yes... yes... Kato..." Kazuki stopped moving.

"No, don't stop. Move, move," Soichi pleaded. With a sudden burst of energy, Kazuki thrust violently, making the bed creak loudly. The condom rolled up from the intensity.

"Break it... break it... ah... yes... yes... break it, break it... ahhh..." Kazuki's hips spasmed as if in a seizure. The condom had slipped off, and remnant residue dripped from the tip onto Soichi's pale back.

The satisfied bitch lay face down, unconscious. Kazuki, having fulfilled his role, got off the bed and dressed without showering.

"...Could you give me a ride?" Kazuki's voice was flat, emotionless. Kato covered Soichi with a sheet before leading Kazuki out of the room.

They waited in silence for the elevator. Both cars seemed slow to arrive.

"Why not you?" Kazuki suddenly asked, meeting Kato's gaze with sharp eyes. "Why don't you take care of him yourself?"

His voice was calm, but it carried a note of anger. "He really wants you, doesn't he?"

The elevator finally arrived. They got in, and Kazuki, still agitated, continued talking.

"Why buy someone like me when you can do it yourself? He's not much different from a woman in bed."

Perhaps irritated by having to play the substitute and facing the object of his resentment, Kazuki didn't stop.

"Or can’t you handle him multiple times? He has a strong sex drive."

The elevator reached the ground floor. After passing through the security door, Kato grabbed Kazuki by the collar and dragged him roughly to the grassy area, throwing him onto the lawn. Kazuki's face showed a fearful, distorted expression.

"You're just an annoying tool bought with money," Kato said in a low voice, throwing a wad of cash at Kazuki's chest. Kazuki grabbed the money and quickly fled like a stray cat.

Kato had held back, considering Kazuki was an outsider, but it was unlikely the former host would come again.

Returning to the room, everything seemed frozen in time. The bed reeked of the recent, animalistic affair, with Soichi's white body lying face down.

"...Are you awake?"

The eye mask remained on, and the small head nodded slightly.

"Will you rest here for a while longer? Or will you go back to the room upstairs?"

"Shower, I want to take a shower."

With a sluggish movement, Soichi sat up and crawled to the bedside. He tried to stand up, but his knees buckled, and he collapsed onto the bed. Perhaps due to the condom coming off, white cloudy semen dripped out from between his legs. He tried to stand up again, but his waist wouldn't cooperate. He had overdone it and couldn't stand up anymore.

When Kato lifted him up and stood him up, Soichi clung to him. Since he couldn't walk, Kato carried him to the bathroom. Even when Kato put him down, Soichi wouldn't let go of his arm.

"Let go of my hand."

No matter how many times Kato asked, Soichi wouldn't release his grip. Kato adjusted the shower temperature and handed it to Soichi, but he wouldn't take it. The eye mask was still on, just like before.

"Should I take off the eye mask?"

Kato asked, but Soichi shook his head. Kato had no choice but to help him. He sat Soichi down and showered him, washing away the dirt from his body.

"...That place, it's itchy."

Soichi muttered, standing up and exposing his embarrassing area.

"Take out what's inside."

It wasn't surprising that the condom had broken and was still inside, considering how violently they had moved earlier. Kato stopped the shower and inserted his finger into Soichi's red, swollen anus.

"Ah..."

The inside was incredibly soft, like melted flesh. As Kato moved his finger, he touched something that wasn't a mucous membrane. He grasped it with his fingertip and slowly pulled it out.

"Ah, ah, ah..."

Even though Soichi had ejaculated so much, he was still erect just from having the condom removed.

"It's still itchy."

There might be something else left inside. Kato inserted his finger again, but Soichi's breathing only grew heavier, and he couldn't feel anything. Just in case, Kato spread Soichi's legs and washed away the inside with hot water. From the erect, pitiful tip, a sweet, sticky liquid dripped out like tears.

"It's over."

As soon as Kato spoke, Soichi clung to him. Kato was pushed down, and Soichi mounted him, kissing him violently.

It was easy to push him away, but Kato didn't. He let Soichi have his way, indulging his desires. After Soichi had kissed him one-sidedly, the man with the eye mask looked down at Kato.

"Wasn't it you who held me just now?"

The eye mask was wet, sticking to Soichi's narrow face.

"Wasn't it you?"

The answer was something only Soichi knew best.

"Even if you lie, say it's you."

Soichi's hand, which was holding Kato's chest, was shaking. Kato sat up, and gently stroked the naked back of the man clinging to him.

"That's right... It's me."

"Liar!"

He sobbed deeply. When the wet eye mask was removed, his long, narrow eyes were bright red.

"Liar, liar!"

Soichi cried, clinging to Kato. Kato couldn’t help but feel pity for the man, but... there were things in this world that couldn't be helped. And Soichi was crying because of his love for him. It was a cheap, shallow emotion, like a flyer.

"Mr. Soichi," Kato whispered softly into Soichi's ear.

"Please don’t disappoint me any further."

Soichi's slender body trembled with a jolt.

"What I want is a strong boss. Not a bitch who cries and wags his tail, begging to be fucked."

Kato sealed Soichi's earsplitting wail with a kiss, holding him tightly to prevent him from getting hurt as he cried and struggled.

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW, child abuse, dub-con, r*pe mention, su*cide.

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