Ashen Moon: Volume 1 - Chapter 5

The content warning is in the footnotes⁰.

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Against the backdrop of the dark night, the lights of the skyscrapers twinkled. Even if the buildings themselves were bland office towers, they looked beautiful from the outside. And beautiful things have value simply by existing; they are blameless.

Inside the restaurant, it was dimly lit, perhaps to enhance the view of the night scenery. Candle-shaped lamps on the tables emitted a faint glow. The quiet restaurant was filled with the faint clinking of tableware.

“This is delicious,” said the woman, who had a sleek hairstyle and wore a dress with a plunging neckline. She smiled contentedly, her lips stained with the sauce from her meat dish.

Not mentioning the mess, Soichi responded, “I’m glad it’s to your liking,” with a smile. His eyes, however, were devoid of any emotion, much like when he was reviewing the group’s ledgers.

Kato stood about five meters behind Soichi, watching the pair dine. He was bothered by the color of the woman’s dress from the start. It reminded him of a hostess’s outfit—eye-catching in the dim light but lacking in elegance.

The woman’s cheeks were flushed as she lightly caressed the nearly empty wine glass with her fingertips, as if asking for more.

“What would you like to drink next?” Soichi prompted. Despite hinting, the woman blushed and hesitated, “I might have had too much. It’s embarrassing.”

“Not at all,” Soichi replied, pasting a borrowed smile on his face. “I prefer someone who enjoys their food and drink without reservations. Do you have a favorite wine?”

Soichi raised his hand and requested the wine list from the waiter. The woman, without hesitation, named an expensive wine, a brand even Kato, who wasn’t well-versed in alcohol, recognized.

“It feels like a movie, just the two of us in such a wonderful restaurant,” the woman said, resting her elbows on the table and interlacing her fingers in front of her face. There were no other customers in the high-end French restaurant on the top floor of the hotel, just Soichi and Ayami, the second daughter of the Sakai group leader. The vague silhouettes near the entrance and the kitchen in the dim restaurant were the group’s bodyguards on lookout.

“I apologize that you couldn’t relax more without these boorish people around,” Soichi said, clearly referring to his own bodyguards, pretending not to notice. Leaders sometimes need to maintain appearances, even at the expense of their own people. There was no need to admit that the restaurant was reserved and cleared of people out of fear of attackers.

“You’re very important to the Motohashi group’s future, Mr. Soich. It’s only natural everyone worries about you,” the woman said, possibly believing the bodyguards were there on the group leader’s orders, not Soichi’s.

She finally noticed the sauce at the corner of her mouth and dabbed it away. Soichi let out a small sigh of relief.

Three weeks into his relationship with the Sakai group leader’s daughter, Ayami, with marriage in mind, Soichi, who couldn’t get an erection without being played with and who now could only satisfy his sexual urges with men, seemed to be progressing smoothly despite Kato’s initial concerns. This was their third meal together, following Japanese and Italian cuisines, now French.

Even the Italian restaurant was fully reserved, but the private room and fewer guards had kept the woman unaware. Soichi’s escorting skills were impeccable. He complimented her hair, makeup, clothes, and accessories, always with a pasted-on smile and never denying anything she said. He was like a doll programmed to be a “lover.”

“There’s something I’ve wanted to say from the start. May I?” the woman said, narrowing her eyes as she sipped the high-end wine. Soichi shrugged.

“What could it be? I’m scared... but go ahead.”

The woman, who hadn’t let go of her wine glass, placed it on the table.

“If it’s offensive, just ignore it. Mr. Soichi, you’re very handsome, stylish, and don’t look like a yakuza at all.”

Soichi blinked lightly before hunching over and chuckling.

“Did I say something strange?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Soichi apologized. “I’m undoubtedly part of the Motohashi group, but my work style differs from my father’s, so I might not look like an old-fashioned yakuza.”

A waiter poured new wine into her glass. The woman watched the red liquid fill the glass with dreamy eyes and took a sip before the waiter left. She seemed unable to speak without drinking frequently, as her lips were often wet with wine, while Soichi had barely touched his first glass.

“Yakuza today need to be smart. My father thinks highly of you, saying you’re the future. I agree,” she said.

“Even if it’s flattery, I’m happy to hear it,” Soichi responded.

“It’s the truth,” she insisted.

The waiter cleared the main course plates and brought dessert. Despite nearing the end of the meal, the woman ordered another glass of the same wine. True to the advance information about her alcoholism, she drank a lot. During the previous Italian dinner, she hadn’t been so noticeable, but now she seemed more comfortable and let her guard down.

As they finished their meal and prepared to leave, Kato, standing right behind Soichi, noticed the woman’s body sway significantly to the right as she stood. Reacting quickly, he caught her unsteady body. The scent of alcohol and sweet perfume wafted into his nose.

“Sorry,” the woman said, gripping Kato’s arm with eyes moist like honey.

“Are you alright?” Soichi asked, approaching.

“I had a bit too much to drink,” she admitted, using Kato’s arm for support as she took a deep breath.

“Can I use the restroom?” she asked, tilting her head. Normally, Soichi would escort her, but he remained silent, likely not wanting to risk walking down unfamiliar hallways.

“I’ll show you,” Kato offered. The woman didn’t seem to mind Soichi not accompanying her.

“We’ll be back shortly,” Kato informed Soichi before leading the woman out of the restaurant. The restroom was shared with the hotel and a bit of a walk away. Following the signs, they turned a corner and left the sight of the restaurant’s entrance and the bodyguards.

Kato knew entering a women’s restroom would shock other guests, so he said, “I’ll wait here,” and let go of the woman’s alcohol-scented body.

“I might trip if I go alone,” she said, swaying. Leaving her alone and risking her falling and getting hurt would be a problem. If he was seen helping someone unwell, entering the restroom might be excusable.

Supporting her, Kato entered the restroom. Contrary to his worries, it was empty, as the restaurant was reserved and there were no other guests. The spacious, luxurious restroom had stalls about 3.5 square meters in size.

“I’ll be outside, call if you need help,” Kato said, but the woman grabbed his arm and pulled him into a stall, reversing their positions. Standing with her back to the door, she locked it with a click.

She looked up at Kato and rubbed against him like a cat. Trying to seduce the yakuza’s subordinate showed she had guts. After her return, it was said she preyed on the young men in the gang, which now seemed believable. Or maybe she was just drunk and letting loose.

Kato gently pried the woman off him, ensuring it didn't seem rough. 

“If you’re not feeling well, would you like to rest for a while? I can arrange a room for you here at the hotel.” 

Instantly, the woman's demeanor changed. 

“Stop pretending!” she snapped, slapping him across the right cheek. Although the slap wasn’t very powerful, the surprise of being hit left him momentarily stunned. The woman took advantage of this and pounced on him, forcefully pressing her lips against his. She licked his lips sloppily, her breath reeking of alcohol, and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I hate Soichi. He’s so uptight and boring to talk to.” This woman was a supreme troublemaker. No wonder her father was eager to be rid of her. “And,” she continued, “one of the young guys in the group said he’s gay. It’s disgusting to think of him moaning while getting screwed by a man with that pretty face.” She mimicked spitting in disgust. “Don’t you think my dad’s a monster? It’s cruel to marry me off to a small-dicked gay guy.”

She looked up at Kato with doe eyes. 

“I love guys like you.” She lifted the hem of her dress, and Kato couldn't help but glance down, shocked to see her crotch, thick with hair and no underwear.

“You look like you’ve got a big one,” she said, reaching for his crotch. She was even more of a bitch than the rumors said. While Kato did find such women alluring, this was not the right situation.

He quickly shifted their positions, unlocking the stall door and stepping out while holding it shut from the outside. The woman, still holding her dress up, hastily let it go.

“I’ll wait for you outside the restroom. Please return when you’re done.” Realizing she’d been brushed off, the woman’s face turned red with rage. “You impotent bastard!” she yelled. Kato bowed politely and stepped out of the ladies’ room. The woman had been steady on her feet when they entered the stall, so her earlier stumble was likely an act. Given her experienced seduction tactics, she had surely ensnared many men before.

Someone approached from down the hall. It was Hachi, who bowed his head when their eyes met. Hachi, a high school dropout and former low-ranking member of a theft ring, had entered juvenile detention when the group was arrested. He joined the Motohashi group upon his release, recruited by someone he met in detention. Though he initially lived in the main house, his keen senses and strong sense of caution made him a good candidate to guard Soichi, who was going out more often due to his engagement.

Despite Soichi’s dislike for Hachi’s pug-like face and dyed brown hair, he never complained, as he had entrusted the selection of his bodyguards to Kato. Hachi had proven to be reliable—intelligent, attentive, and cautious. Despite his rude first impression, he was extremely loyal, almost to a fault, grateful for being personally chosen by Kato from the main house.

“You’re supposed to be guarding Soichi! Don’t leave your post without permission!” Kato scolded, noticing Hachi nervously clutching the sleeve of his ill-fitting, high-end suit.

“Soichi sent me to check on you two because you were taking too long,” Hachi stammered. Kato wondered if Soichi had already seen through the woman’s act and true nature. Glancing back at the restroom, he saw no sign of her coming out.

“Wait here for Ayami. Once she’s done, escort her back to the restaurant.” 

“Yes, but is it okay if I do it?” 

“It’s fine,” Kato said, grabbing Hachi’s arm as he passed and whispering in his ear, “That woman is even worse than the rumors. No matter what, do not get involved with her. If word gets out that you messed around with a higher-up's woman, you’ll lose more than an arm or two.”

Hachi swallowed hard and nodded. Leaving Hachi to take care of the woman, Kato returned to the restaurant. Soichi had moved from the window-side table to a sofa against the wall, surrounded by four bodyguards standing like sentinels.

“Sorry for the wait. Ayami will be a bit longer,” Kato reported, though Soichi didn’t respond. Instead, he sighed and said, “I’m tired. That woman lacks intelligence.” He propped his cheek on his hand and muttered.

“She’s beautiful and lively,” Kato offered, though he agreed inwardly. 

“She’s an uncouth alcoholic who guzzles high-end wine like beer,” Soichi retorted, slowly standing up and pointing at Kato’s chest. Kato looked down and saw a red stain under his collar, likely from when the woman had clung to him in the restroom.

“I might have soiled it while helping Ayami,” Kato explained. Soichi grabbed Kato’s tie, yanking him forward, and raised his right hand high. Even expecting it, Kato couldn’t dodge and took the slap directly. Though Soichi wasn’t very strong, he was still a man, and the slap sent Kato sprawling, knocking over a table. The loud crash echoed through the quiet restaurant.

The bodyguards stood rigid, pale with fear. None of them dared to intervene. 

“My apologies,” Kato said, kneeling on the floor. Regardless of the truth, it had to appear as though he was at fault for getting too close to Soichi’s woman. To preserve Soichi’s dignity, he had to take all the blame.

After a long silence, Soichi commanded, “Raise your head.” Kato lifted his head, seeing Soichi’s well-maintained leather shoes moving slowly. Expecting a kick, Kato tensed.

Instead, Soichi used his shoe to wipe Kato’s mouth, then roughly rubbed it on his shoulder. Kato’s chest felt a chill; perhaps his chest wasn’t the only part that got dirty during the encounter in the restroom.

“Arrange a room,” Soichi ordered slowly. 

“Will you be staying here tonight?” Kato asked, surprised. Soichi rarely stayed overnight unless absolutely necessary, and this new foreign-owned hotel was unfamiliar territory. 

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Soichi snapped. 

“I apologize,” Kato replied, bowing before exiting the restaurant to arrange a suite on a high floor. After checking the room thoroughly with hotel staff, Kato determined it was safe as long as the windows remained closed.

Returning to the restaurant, Kato found the woman had returned, her lips glossy with freshly applied lipstick. 

“Sorry for the wait,” she said, as if she had just returned from the restroom. It had been almost fifteen minutes since she left. Though it seemed excessive, Soichi just smiled his doll-like smile and said, “Don’t worry about it.”. It was like a fox and a raccoon playing tricks on each other. Neither of them was telling the other their true feelings.              

“Since you’re not feeling well, would you like to rest in a room for a while?” Soichi suggested. The woman blinked in surprise, then narrowed her eyes and smiled. 

“That sounds nice,” she agreed.

Flanked by bodyguards, Soichi and the woman headed to the room. Kato was internally surprised, having assumed only Soichi would stay. He hadn’t expected Soichi to be interested in a woman he’d called unintelligent.

This was their third date, arranged with the prospect of marriage. If Soichi viewed the marriage as a strategic alliance to strengthen ties between the groups, it made sense to progress to the bedroom. But Kato doubted Soichi could perform, given his current inability to engage sexually with anyone but men.

Kato whispered to his subordinate, instructing him to retrieve the bag kept in the car for Soichi. Since Kato had to act as Soichi’s substitute dildo in the past, the bag was now always in the trunk. However, the bag didn’t contain a strap-on. Even if it did, there was no guarantee that the woman would be able to use it to penetrate Soichi.

Despite his worries, the two walked together, arm in arm. When they reached the room, Kato asked them to wait outside while he checked the room once more. After confirming it was safe, he invited them in. The woman’s eyes widened as soon as she stepped inside.

“What a wonderful room,” she exclaimed. It was the highest-ranking suite. The living room was spacious enough for a children’s sports day, and the furnishings bore high-end brand logos. There were two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

“Please, make yourself comfortable,” Soichi offered, gesturing to the sofa. But the woman ran to the window. Kato felt a sense of foreboding. As expected, she tried to operate the curtain switch, and he hurried to stop her.

“Please leave the curtains as they are,” Kato said.

The woman turned and glared at him, irritated. “Why?”

“Because it compromises security.”

The woman covered her mouth and laughed conspicuously. “We’re on a high floor of a hotel. There’s no way we’re being targeted from outside.”

True, but for Soichi, it was essential, even if it seemed “ridiculous” and “laughable” to others.

“Security is my job, so the curtains stay as they are,” Kato insisted.

The woman clicked her tongue theatrically. “Soichi, I want to be alone with you now,” she said, trying to get rid of the nuisance.

Soichi stood up from the sofa and approached her. “Kato is my bodyguard, so he stays. He’s a bit of an eyesore but think of him as a piece of furniture and bear with it.”

He placed his hand on her shoulder and led her to the bedroom. Normally, Kato would enter the bedroom too, but he hesitated today. As he stood outside, Soichi’s voice called out, “Kato, come.”

Entering the bedroom, he saw the woman sprawled on one of the twin beds. “Are we really doing this with him watching?” she asked, feigning modesty despite her bold approach in the restroom.

“I get more excited being watched,” Soichi replied nonchalantly, to which the woman teasingly called him a pervert in a sweet voice. The man and woman began their foreplay on the bed, while Kato stood by the door. He placed the bag with Soichi’s dildo on the floor, ready to hand it over if needed.

The woman’s high-pitched moans filled the room. It had been a while since Kato had seen Soichi with a woman. Regardless of the situation, seeing a man with a woman was more reassuring than seeing him with another man. In the light, the woman’s legs swayed seductively as she bent her knees.

“There, there... ahh...” Her voice was loud and unrefined. Though not Soichi’s type, Kato himself preferred vulgar women. Perhaps his first woman’s lewdness influenced this preference; women who climbed on top of him excited him more than those who were shy.

Kato took out his smartphone and, while glancing at the copulating pair, opened the email screen. They had originally planned to return to the apartment, so he needed to change the security arrangements. While they would probably stay the night here, Soichi might whimsically decide to leave. He sent an email instructing the security team to rotate shifts and keep the car in the parking lot. When he glanced back at the bed, Soichi was now naked, but still just caressing the woman.

“Kato,” Soichi called. Kato knew what was expected and approached the bed with the bag.

“What’s that?” The naked woman, her cheeks flushed and eyes hazy, whispered. Soichi gently stroked her hair.

“I thought we’d let this man join us.”

“You mean, we’re doing it with three people?”

“Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you.”

The woman sat up slowly, sucking on her thumb. “Okay. I love that kind of thing.”

She spread her legs wide, fully exposing her vulva. Kato wasn’t so jaded as to feel nothing at the sight of a woman’s genitals. He looked away and took the dildo from the bag. Without a stopper, he might have to hold it in place during insertion.

“That won’t be necessary,” Soichi said. Holding the dildo, Kato looked at his naked boss.

“Undress and get on the bed,” Soichi ordered. Kato felt a pang of anxiety but complied. He stripped and climbed onto the bed.

The man and woman both stared at his groin. It was awkward, but hiding would be even stranger.

“Get yourself hard,” Soichi commanded, pointing at Kato’s penis. Was he supposed to entertain them by masturbating? Confused, he hesitated until the woman mocked, “Can’t you masturbate in front of your boss? How cute.”

“Hurry up!” Soichi’s voice was sharp. It seemed they wanted to enjoy watching him get aroused. Accepting his role as a clown, Kato kneeled on the bed and began to stroke his penis. However, performing for others dampened his mood, making it slow to respond.

“It’s big but slow. How pathetic,” the woman taunted, licking her upper lip. “Let me give you something nice to look at.”

She spread her legs wider and began to play with her labia. Despite her vulgarity, it was arousing, and Kato felt himself harden.

Relieved to finally comply with the order, he glanced at Soichi, who glared at him with a demonic expression.

“So, how will we do this? You take the front, he takes the back? Or one at a time?” the woman asked.

Soichi pushed her down and straddled her. She laughed muffledly. “You got excited seeing your subordinate’s big, hard cock. You’re such a pervert.”

The woman didn’t seem entirely displeased. “Kato, put it in me,” Soichi ordered.

“What?” the woman asked, frowning.

“Hurry up!” Soichi snapped.

Kato finally understood Soichi’s intent. He wanted Kato to penetrate him anally to become erect enough to penetrate the woman. This deception was necessary to hide his true preference.

It would have been easier with a dildo, because Soichi likes him. But if Kato backed out now, he'd be a subordinate who doesn't follow the boss's orders, and he'd hurt Soichi's pride in front of the woman, so now he had no choice but to comply. He retrieved lubricant and a condom from the bag.

“Excuse me,” he said. Soichi’s anus, even though it's taken a man many times, it still has a neat and tidy appearance. Kato applied lubricant to his fingers and inserted one into the twitching hole.

“Ahh... unnn...” Soichi moaned. Despite no real stimulation, the tightness gripped Kato’s finger. His penis, which had been limp despite the woman’s show, began to rise with just the finger’s movement. Even as he slowly stretched him, Soichi urged, “Hurry.”

“Hurry, put it in,” Soichi demanded, his hips writhing obscenely. Fully erect, Kato quickly put on the condom and thrust into the inviting hole.

“Aaah! Yes!” Soichi’s back arched as he cried out. The woman, still pinned beneath, looked up at him, her face twitching in shock as if encountering a monster.

“Yes, yes! Rub inside me. Make it messy,” Soichi pleaded in a voice Kato had never heard. The woman’s face contorted in revulsion.

“I’m sorry. This is part of the act,” Kato lied. He had to make this work. Thrusting deeply into the tight heat, he moved Soichi’s slender hips closer to the woman.

Soichi’s penis was fully erect, dripping precum like saliva. Kato gripped the base to prevent premature ejaculation and slowly pushed Soichi’s hips forward. Just as Soichi’s tip touched the woman’s vagina, he resisted, stiffening his arms and legs.

When Kato tried to force him, Soichi shook his hips to avoid entering the woman. Frustrated by his reluctance at this point, Kato’s irritation grew.

“Soichi, relax,” he coaxed, stroking his side. But Soichi shook his head, childishly refusing.

It was a difficult situation, but Kato had no choice but to press on.

"...What the hell are you two doing?"

A cold voice cut through the absurd charade between the two men. Soichi grabbed a handful of the woman's disheveled brown hair spread across the sheets.

"Stop it! It hurts!" The woman's face twisted in pain.

"Drunken bitch," Soichi spat, his voice dripping with contempt. The woman stared at him in shock.

"Trying to seduce what's mine. This man is mine," Soichi declared, moving his hips back and forth to pleasure himself. "Ah... oh... yes..." he moaned, sounding convincingly turned on, as if he were an actress in a pornographic film.

"Get off me, you faggot!" the woman screamed, her voice shrill. Soichi twisted her hair harder, making her yelp in pain.

"Are you jealous?" Soichi laughed. "Are you jealous that I'm having sex with him?" he taunted.

Kato, unable to stand the chaos any longer, decided that the only way to salvage the situation was to ensure Soichi actually penetrated the woman. If he could just achieve that, they could pass it off as a kinky role-play. He pushed Soichi's hips harder, trying to force the connection.

"No! Stop it!" the woman protested, her limbs stiffening in resistance.

"Soichi, you love it, don’t you? You love being insulted and humiliated," Kato tried to maintain the act, but Soichi's refusal—"I don't want to enter this filthy woman, she's disgusting"—ruined it.

The resistance and the effort to force the issue ultimately led Soichi to ejaculate, not inside the woman but on her stomach.

"Fuck this!" the woman shrieked, leaping off the bed. Soichi's semen trickled down her abdomen.

"You both can go to hell!" she yelled, slipping on her dress and storming out of the bedroom. Soichi collapsed onto the bed, laughing maniacally. As Kato withdrew from him, Soichi let out a sweet moan.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" Kato demanded. Soichi raised his head and crawled towards Kato, who was still kneeling on the bed, his erection not yet spent. Soichi ripped the condom off Kato's still-hard penis and took it into his mouth, sucking with a voracious hunger.

"Ah... ah... mm," Soichi moaned, devouring Kato’s member with relish. Feeling the hot, wet pressure of Soichi's mouth, Kato quickly reached his peak.

"I'm about to come," he warned, but Soichi didn't pull away. With no other choice, Kato released into Soichi's eager mouth. Soichi swallowed it all, licking his lips clean with satisfaction, and looked up at Kato with a dazed, blissful expression. The sight made Kato's anger and arousal dissipate, replaced by a chilling realization.

The woman would likely tell her father everything. She would refuse to marry Soichi, and the marriage proposal would be nullified due to their misconduct. This would inevitably lead to penalties from the Sakai group. A minor punishment might be losing a few fingers, but worse outcomes were possible.

With his genitals still exposed, Soichi bent one knee.

"That woman had a scar under her armpit. Those big breasts are fake," Soichi observed, pressing his foot against Kato's crotch. "You still got aroused by her."

Soichi pushed harder with his foot, painfully mashing Kato's genitals.

"Any naked woman will make a man aroused," Kato replied calmly, though Soichi's expression darkened. He pressed down harder, causing Kato considerable pain.

"That was my fiancée. You got hard looking at something that belongs to me. You're a worthless scum," Soichi spat out with venom.

Kato knew better than to deny the truth or to argue, which would only aggravate Soichi further.

"You embarrassed me," Soichi declared.

There was no point in asking where, how, or why.

"As punishment, cut it off," Soichi commanded, digging his heel into Kato's penis.

Kato swallowed hard. "Are you saying you want me to cut off my penis?"

"Otherwise, there will be no punishment," the master said coldly.

I looked down at my lower body, seeing my cock flattened under the sole of Soichi's foot. It was the symbol of my masculinity. The first thought that crossed my mind was, "Why do I have to cut it off?" I couldn't make sense of it. My thoughts didn't go any further than that, but I asked myself why I disliked the idea. Losing my cock was disgraceful in a way, but outwardly it wouldn't be noticeable. I enjoyed sex and women, but I wasn't obsessed. I had no intention of having children. In conclusion, it was preferable to have it, but losing it wouldn't be a disaster.

If Soichi was fixated on my penis, then getting rid of it, rendering it useless, might prevent him from projecting his desires and emotions onto me in that sense. If I became useless as a sexual object, my boss might regain his reason and self-control.

With this new perspective, the conclusion came quickly. "Understood."

Soichi's expression showed surprise, despite having suggested it himself.

"Please wait a moment," I said.

I got off the bed, put on my underwear and pants, and donned my shirt before heading to the door. Carrying a knife was enough to get the police's attention, making it risky. Since the risk was the same, I usually carried a gun while guarding Soichi, which would guarantee killing an opponent.

Opening the door, I saw two subordinates, who quickly straightened up. "Do you have a knife?"

"Yes, I do," said Kaneko, the short-haired subordinate, handing me a folding survival knife. It was hefty in my hand. "I'll borrow this for a while."

I slipped the knife into my back pocket and picked up a few other useful items before returning to the bedroom. Soichi was still sitting naked on the bed.

I spread a bath towel on the floor and placed a wooden tray on it. Cutting off a finger was straightforward, but I wanted to sever it cleanly and quickly, minimizing the pain. I also placed a hand towel within reach for immediate use to staunch the bleeding afterward.

After preparing, I removed my lower garments and sat on the bath towel. Laying my cock on the tray, I applied an ice pack to numb it. Once it was numb, I positioned the knife beside it. All I had to do was press down.

Although I still had all my fingers, I'd cut off the fingers of subordinates who'd messed up. A chuckle bubbled up—I never thought I'd be cutting off my own cock tonight. With everything ready, I took a deep breath and looked up.

"Mr. Soichi, could you do it?"

On the bed, the master who had ordered the cutting shook his head violently. I preferred someone else to do it because I'd hesitate. But there was no choice.

I gently stroked my cold member. Would I still be able to ejaculate afterward? Without masturbation, I'd probably just leak semen involuntarily. Grasping the knife handle, I stretched my cock a bit and pressed it against the tray.

If losing this would help my boss regain his senses, it would be a small price to pay. Taking a deep breath, I prepared to bring the knife down in one swift motion. Suddenly, I was flung backward with a jolt. Still clutching the knife, I swung instinctively, feeling it slice through something. Realizing it wasn't myself, sweat poured from my body.

"Soichi!" I cried.

A thin red line ran diagonally from Soichi's temple across his beautiful face, splitting his skin. Blood streamed from the wound, tracing his cheek like tears.

Shaking, Soichi wrenched the knife from my hand and hurled it against the wall. Blood dripped from his jaw, staining the crumpled bath towel below.

"I’m so sorry. Let me see your wound. I'll call a doctor immediately."

Soichi shook his head, crouching like a cat, and brought his face close to my slightly bleeding cock. He licked the blood from its base, like a mother cat grooming her kitten.

After stopping the bleeding, he took it into his mouth, down to the base, and began to swallow. Even as he gagged and sobbed, he continued sucking, tears streaming down his cheeks. Finally, exhausted, he fell asleep with his face buried in my crotch, breathing softly.

I looked down at the man, limp and asleep. I'd made a mistake. But I didn't know how to undo it.

I wanted a strong man, not just physically, but mentally tough, cold, and charismatic. Soichi had the potential to generate endless wealth.

I didn't care if he was gay, perverted, or addicted to pleasure, as long as he could control his emotions and desires. If he'd carried out his own command without hesitation, I wouldn't have regretted losing my manhood.

But he couldn't go through with it, cherishing and clinging to what he ordered to be cut off. I'd tolerated his wild behavior and driven away women because I saw potential in him. But Soichi remained an emotional, weak-willed puppy.

I stroked his soft hair. "I'm tired," I muttered, not realizing I'd spoken aloud.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

In the boss's office, there was a large fish tank against the wall. The fish had changed since the last time I was here. Back then, there were many colorful fish—red, blue, green—but now there was only one type of plain, light brown fish.

"I got new fish," the boss said, noticing me looking. He tapped the tank with his finger while holding a cigarette in his mouth. "They're piranhas. You know the name, right? They're interesting. Put some meat in, and they'll eat it down to the bones."

The koi in the reception room also eat chopped-up human flesh. He seems to like carnivorous fish.

"Come to the office. Alone," the boss had contacted me two days after the incident between Soichi and the daughter of the Sakai group at the hotel. When I arrived at the office, I was led straight to the boss's room and sat facing him on the sofa.

I expected to be asked about what happened between Soichi and the Sakai group's daughter, but the boss just made small talk about the weather and his high blood pressure, which his wife nagged him to check. The room was perfectly soundproofed, so no outside noise could be heard. The only sound was the occasional splash from the piranhas hitting the water's surface.

"If I cut off Soichi's dick and gave it to them, it wouldn't last ten minutes before it was gone," he said suddenly. Shocked, I looked at the boss, meeting his calm gaze.

"If he needs to be penetrated by a man to get off, wouldn't it have been better if he were a woman from the start?" I couldn't reply. After a pause, the boss informed me that the engagement with the Sakai group's daughter was off. He must have heard what happened from them. I stood, knelt on the floor, and bowed deeply, pressing my forehead to the carpet.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why?" the boss's voice came from above.

"The cause of the broken engagement is me. I'll cut off a finger or an arm to make amends. Please let me take responsibility."

"Well, look up. It was my mistake to pair my gay son with a woman," he said.

"But..." I was cut off by his glare.

"When did my son become such a bitch?" he muttered.

"Soichi is smart. So..." I began.

"Being smart isn't just about being good at studying. He's good with money, but he lacks the charisma to lead. And on top of that, he's obsessed with men. Some in the group think he's not fit to be the successor."

The yakuza world is an old-school patriarchal society. It's no surprise some couldn't accept Soichi's preferences. There are plenty of bosses who have a wife in public and male lovers in secret. If Soichi had been more discreet, people might have turned a blind eye.

"He's like a rotten peach. Touch him, and you'll get dirty too. Maybe the best we can do is leave him be."

He's not rotten. If he could control his sexual urges and stop fixating on me...

"I know what kind of man you are. You're capable and well-liked. That's why I'm telling you to stay away from Soichi."

I gasped.

"I'm grateful that you look after my son, but if you stay with him, you'll be dragged down too. I care about you."

"But Soichi..."

"And besides," he interrupted, "he's in love with you, isn't he?"

I couldn't respond to his piercing gaze.

"It's obvious when you watch him. The way he looks at you is like a woman's gaze. But you don't feel the same way, do you? Even if he destroys himself with worthless men, he deserves it. But you're too good to be wasted as his pet."

I clenched my fists.

"Things have been getting tense in Kansai lately. More skirmishes. I need to send someone. You go."

I'm a pawn of the Motohashi group. I had no reason to refuse the boss's orders.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

Normally, I'd return to Soichi immediately after a job. I manage his security detail. But since he had no plans to go out today, the guards were only around his house.

"Stop the car," I said.

"Here?" asked Hachi, the driver, pulling over near the entrance to the entertainment district.

"You go back. If Soichi asks, tell him my talk with the boss is taking longer than expected."

"Got it," Hachi nodded, driving off.

Entering the back street of the entertainment district, I headed to a cabaret club run by the group. The owner, who was my age, greeted me with a "Long time no see."

I said I was here privately and didn't need a special room, but he led me to a private room anyway. Soon, Saki, a familiar hostess, joined me.

"It's been a while, Kato," she said, sitting next to me in a silver dress. She was the oldest hostess in the club, often joking about being "on the edge," but her good personality kept the big clients coming back.

I never knew what to talk about with young women. Older ones were easier. Knowing this, the owner never assigned me anyone too young.

"I've missed you," she said, even if it was just part of the job. She was soft and smelled of alcohol. When I brought my nose to her ear, the mix of perfume and body odor made me intensely aroused. Maybe because of the intimate start, she soon suggested, "Should I leave work early?"

"No, that's not it."

"Then what?" She pretended to be angry, but when I pulled her close, she said in a sweet voice, "You're so mean."

Her gentle touch on my head felt soothing. Maybe I was tired.

"Have you ever been with a woman?" I asked, not expecting an answer.

"Yes," she replied nonchalantly. "I'm okay with either," she said, shaking her ample chest.

"I like anything that feels good. But if I had to choose, I'd pick men. It's easier."

She pinched my cheek lightly.

"What's gotten into you? Did the boss's son make a move?"

Even the club hostesses knew about Soichi's preferences. It was hopeless.

"I've never seen him, but I hear he's very handsome. But he’s gay and likes group sex, right? Those things don't change."

Hoping for comfort, I felt worse. After one drink, I left, leaving Saki sulking.

The streets were filled with dressed-up women and drunken men. A cool breeze brushed my neck. Summer was over, and the cicadas had gone silent.

I had chosen the yakuza world, the nightlife. I fell for Soichi and vowed to support the group under him. But maybe... I needed Soichi, but he didn't need me.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

When I returned to the apartment, it was just past midnight. At this hour, he was probably still awake. Depending on his mood, he might even say, "Call a man."

Sure enough, Soichi wasn't asleep. He was sitting in his room, reading a book.

"I'm back," I reported from the entrance. He beckoned me to come in, so I stepped inside the room.

"What were you doing until now?" His glare was hostile. It seemed Hachi hadn't managed to lie well.

"I was talking with the boss..."

Before I could finish, the book he was holding flew at my face. It hit my forehead and dropped to the floor with a thud.

"The talk ended a while ago. Were you out with a woman?" Since the incident with the daughter of the Sakai group, Soichi had become increasingly uncontrollable. Before, he would have sensed if I had been with a woman and scared her off with threats and money. Now, he nervously accuses me like a jealous wife.

"You were with some filthy slut, weren't you?"

How did he end up like this? What changed him? Was it the rape by those three men? Even after killing the three culprits, Soichi remained broken.

"...Call two men."

I didn't respond. "I said call them!" he shouted. I blinked slowly.

"I won't call anyone."

A tense frown formed between Soichi's brows.

"You want me to suffer while you enjoy yourself?"

"I have something important to discuss with you."

Still glaring, he sighed as if resigned. "What is it? Speak."

I took a small breath. "I’m going to Osaka."

His lips twisted. "Osaka?"

"They need more hands over there due to ongoing skirmishes between groups."

"Anyone else could go. Why you?"

"The boss ordered me to."

Immediately, Soichi spat out, "It's a woman, isn't it? You have a woman there!"

His jealousy was pathetic. It was unbearable to watch. But I was the one who had drawn out this ugly side of my boss.

"The duration of my stay in Osaka is undecided. Someone else will take over your security and care."

His eyes widened in shock. "...What?"

"I'm returning to serve under your father."

"But... you're my subordinate."

"Yes, but first, I'm a member of the Motohashi group."

"No."

Soichi shook his head vehemently. "Absolutely not. I won't let you go!"

"I will ensure a trustworthy person takes over. You don't need to worry."

"I said no!"

His face twisted as if he was about to cry. "But... what if I'm attacked again..."

"I've felt our security measures were excessive at times. I went along with it to give you peace of mind, but perhaps it's time to reconsider our approach."

"What if I'm killed? How will you take responsibility?"

"You can discuss future arrangements with your new associated. Nothing will change without me. Everything will be as it has been."

"That's impossible!"

Soichi grabbed his smartphone from the table. "I won't let you go to Osaka. You won't escape. I'll keep you caged under me forever."

The person he called seemed to be his father. "Why are you sending Kato to Osaka? He's my subordinate! Father! ...Father! Damn it, hanging up on me like that is cowardly!"

He threw the smartphone against the wall, shattering it. Holding my hand to my chest like an oath, I spoke softly.

"I'm tired of finding men for you."

Soichi turned, his jaw clenched. "From now on, make your own decisions."

"Ah..."

His mouth hung open, but no words came out. His face looked like a child throwing a tantrum after losing a toy.

"Do you love me?"

The "rotten peach" as the boss had called him, Soichi's cheeks trembled.

"Even if you love me, you throw yourself at countless men when I’m not around. You're unfaithful and shameless, a bitch in heat."

Soichi, trembling, stared straight at me.

"You know you're a perverted deviant. I thought someday you’d control your emotions and urges, but you never change. That must be your true self."

Silence fell between us.

"I can sleep with men, but my sexual preference is for women. I no longer want to see you make a disgraceful display of sex between men again."

Soichi, head hanging, didn't move.

"I’ll take my leave now."

As I turned to go, Soichi rushed at me, shoving me hard. I fell on my back, and he straddled me, grabbing my collar and hitting me.

Tears streamed from his bloodshot eyes. "I wish you were dead!"

He spat hatred, yet his lips came closer. Ah, I was sinking into despair. Even when he said he wished I were dead, he couldn't kill me. Despite my harsh words, he still couldn't stop loving me.

I grabbed his shirt and tore it open, sending buttons flying and exposing his flat chest. Shocked, he sat up, and I yanked down his pants, revealing his crotch.

"..."

He let out a small gasp. The symbol of his manhood hung limp, looking pathetic and miserable.

"You have no breasts, no vagina. Every time you asked me to use your ass, it was like being forced to eat something repulsive."

I pushed him off me and stood up. Soichi, half-naked and pathetic, didn't move. He didn't curse or strike back; he just looked wounded. I would rather be killed by my angry boss than witness him display this pathetic, helpless self.

After leaving Soichi's room, I called Hachi. He arrived quickly, because he was still nearby.

"I have a favor to ask. It's important for the future of the Motohashi group."

Hachi nodded solemnly. "What is it?"

◇:*:◆:*:◇

A week after parting ways with my once-admired boss, I was on the bullet train to Osaka. I wanted more time to hand over responsibilities, but the Osaka office had urgently requested personnel, so my plans were moved up.

I left Soichi's care to Hachi. Of the subordinates, he was the most capable and smart. The security system was also well-organized to function without me.

Leaning back in my seat, I closed my eyes, and Soichi's slumped figure appeared in my mind. It would be best if he could hate me, discard those hopeless feelings, and become a cool-headed, ruthless leader with the charisma to lead the group.

Would I ever return to Soichi? Would I even want to?

No matter how much I thought about it, no vision of the future came to mind.

TO BE CONTINUED IN VOLUME 2

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW.

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