Cold Sleep - Chapter 4

The content warning is in the footnotes0.

Previous TOC Next

White Flower

Tohru Takahisa finished his shift at 7:30 p.m. Cleaning up took longer than expected. Usually, he would start tidying up before the store closed at seven, but today, customers kept coming in one after another right until closing time.

Tohru disliked cleaning while customers were still in the store, so he waited patiently by the register for the last customer to make his decision. The final customer, a man in his mid-twenties wearing a suit, crouched down, squinting as he peered into the display case, muttering softly to himself. Finally, the man asked, "So, which one’s the best here?"—a question that could stump even the most seasoned cake shop workers.

Tohru remembered how he had felt the first time he entered a pastry shop, overwhelmed by the dazzling array of cakes. He had stumbled over the long, intricate names more than once. He could empathize.

"Is this for your girlfriend?" Tohru asked.

"Oh, um, yeah, something like that," the man replied, scratching his head, a little embarrassed.

"Does she like chocolate and cheesecake?" Tohru continued.

"Uh, yeah, probably."

"Then I recommend the Forêt Noire and the Soufflé Cheesecake. They’re popular with younger customers."

The man decided to buy the two cakes Tohru suggested. As he paid, he remarked, "It’s not every day you see a guy working in a cake shop."

"Huh?" Tohru blinked, surprised.

"I mean, you don’t usually see guys working part-time in places like this," the man said with a friendly, casual tone.

"Oh, maybe you’re not a part-timer? Do you make the cakes?"

"No, I’m just a part-timer," Tohru said as he rang up the purchase and handed the man his change and receipt.

"My boyfriend loves cakes. He said the ones here are great, so I just sort of ended up working here," Tohru explained.

The man smiled, narrowing his eyes. "That’s pretty cool."

At first, Tohru had thought of cakes as just that—cakes. But now, he saw them differently. Behind each cake was someone’s smile. The fact that these small confections could make people happy just by existing felt incredible.

"If she likes them, be sure to come back," Tohru said, handing the man a small card with the store’s location printed on it. The man slipped it into his pocket, thanked Tohru, and left the shop. Even though Tohru should have been the one giving thanks, being thanked by the customer left him feeling warm inside.

After finishing the cleanup and packing the leftover cakes into a box, Tohru stepped out of ‘Port’ and was hit by a cold so sharp it made him shiver. Inside the store, they kept the heating low due to the nature of the business, so he hadn’t noticed how cold it was outside. Although, the wind that blew in every time the door opened had been chilly.

It was completely dark outside by now. ‘Port’ was located on the outskirts of town, with no other shops nearby, so the only lights came from a few scattered streetlights. As a gust of wind whipped past his ears, Tohru shuddered and pulled out a scarf and gloves from his bag.

The hospital where his roommate, Fujishima, was staying was a twenty-minute bike ride away. That meant the distance was about eight or nine kilometers (4.9 – 5.5 mi). Despite the rush of customers right before closing, overall sales had been low due to the cold, so there were more leftovers than usual. The box in his right hand felt heavier than usual. Tohru pedaled carefully, mindful not to drop it.

There were more cakes than usual today, so whatever Fujishima didn’t eat, Tohru planned to give to the nurses as a treat. This had turned out to be good advertising, as some customers had started coming to ‘Port’ specifically because they had heard from the nurses that the cakes were delicious.

The road was bumpy, so Tohru veered onto the smoother path along the river. Though it was windier and slightly longer, it was easier to ride there compared to the city streets. The path had recently been paved, and it was free from traffic, making it a pleasant ride.

Streetlights were spaced out along the riverside path, casting small pools of light in the darkness. The areas between the lights were dim, as if left behind in the shadows.

Tohru was riding through one of these pools of light when something suddenly appeared in front of him. Startled, he hit the brakes hard. The high-pitched squeal of the tires echoed in the night. The sudden braking sent a jolt through his hands.

Even though he managed to avoid a collision, Tohru still almost hit the object and had to twist his body forcefully to steer the bike away. He lost balance, and both he and the bicycle crashed to the ground.

There was a loud clang as his right elbow slammed against the pavement. ...It hurt.

"Are you alright?" a man in his thirties wearing glasses and a tracksuit ran over to him. At the man's feet was a short-legged, foxy-faced dog with a two-tone coat of ochre and white, panting with its tongue out. This must have been the "something" that had suddenly appeared in front of Tohru.

"Oh, yeah, I think so," Tohru replied. The bike’s light wasn’t broken, and while his right elbow hurt, it wasn’t serious. But the real concern was the cake he had been holding. The box was nowhere in sight. Tohru lifted the bike and moved it to the side of the road, scanning the area for the box. ...There it was, a white object down the embankment. He hurried down the grassy slope to retrieve it. It didn’t make a sound when he shook it, which made him fear the worst—that it was completely ruined. He was afraid to open it.

"I'm really sorry," the man said, apologizing again when Tohru returned to the road. He had a timid look, his eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"If, uh, the cake is ruined, I’ll pay for it," the man offered.

Tohru quickly waved his hand. "N-no, it’s fine. It was just some leftovers anyway. Besides, I was going a bit too fast myself."

The man bowed repeatedly before leaving, dragging the dog along with him. Once the man was out of sight, Tohru sighed, holding the probably-destroyed cake in one hand. He couldn’t just throw it away on the roadside, so he continued riding with a heavy heart.

The cake likely wasn’t edible anymore. Fujishima might say he didn’t mind a smashed cake, but knowing how meticulously the boss crafted each cake with his thick, yet delicate fingers, Tohru felt conflicted. If the boss knew he was serving a cake with all its pieces mixed together, he would be furious.

In the end, this cake was not fit to be given to anyone. Even if Tohru took responsibility and ate it himself, he could only manage one piece at most since he wasn’t fond of sweets.

Tohru wondered if Fujishima was waiting in his hospital room, expecting a cake as a treat. If so, he felt bad. While Fujishima would likely understand if there wasn’t any cake, since it wasn’t guaranteed there’d be leftovers every day, Tohru still felt a bit guilty.

As he pondered, he considered whether there might still be a cake shop open at this hour. Pastry shops usually closed early. From what he could remember, the only shop that stayed open late was the one near the station. The cakes there weren’t as good as the boss's, but they weren’t bad.

When Tohru made it back to the station, he first went into the park. He sat down on a bench under a streetlight and cautiously opened the lid of the box on his lap. Even though he hadn’t heard any sound when he shook the box, he held on to a sliver of hope that at least one cake might have miraculously survived.

...But that faint hope was quickly shattered. The contents of the box were a mess, with no discernible shape left. Cakes that weren’t sold by the end of the day were destined to be thrown away, as their taste would change even after just one night. Even if he didn’t eat it, no matter how wasteful it seemed, the cakes would be discarded. He tried to console himself with this thought.

He took off his gloves and dipped a finger into the sea of cream, deciding to at least taste a bit before throwing it away. The moment the delicate sweetness spread in his mouth, he felt a sense of warmth.

"Meow."

A cat’s cry caught his attention. He looked down to see a white cat emerging from beneath the bench. It was a bit scruffy, but slender and graceful, with striking blue eyes.

The cat stared intently at the box in Tohru’s hand and meowed again, sniffing the air with its little pink nose.

"Are you hungry? But this is just cake..." Tohru wasn’t sure if it was safe for cats to eat cake or if they even liked it, but he scooped a bit of cream with his finger and held it out. The cat sniffed it cautiously before licking it off with its tiny, rough tongue.

The cat licked the cream off Tohru’s finger with obvious delight, then meowed for more. Tohru repeated the process several times. The way the elegant white cat enjoyed the cake made him think of Fujishima, and he couldn’t help but smile.

Soon, other cats began to gather around him—black cats, ochre-colored cats, a calico, and even something that looked like a Siamese mix. Surrounded by cats with gleaming eyes, Tohru set the cake box on the ground. The cats immediately pounced on it, licking away at the remains.

The white cat, being smaller and more slender, was quickly pushed aside by the other cats. Seeing its blue eyes filled with longing, Tohru scooped some cream from the edge of the box and offered it to the white cat. The cat licked his finger happily. He gently stroked the cat’s head with his now clean hand, but the cat flinched and darted away into the bushes as if startled.

Though it had seemed friendly, it couldn’t handle being touched. It was like it was pretending to be used to people when it wasn’t at all. In that sense, it reminded him of Fujishima.

By the time Tohru finished playing with the cats in the park, the cake shop near the station had already closed. His only option now was to buy a cake from the convenience store... As he considered this, something in the neighboring shop window caught his eye. He had known about the shop’s existence but had never had a reason to go there.

Drawn in almost against his will, he approached. The shop window was colorful, and a faintly sweet scent wafted through the air.

:-::-:

It was 8:30, meaning visiting hours were already over. Only thirty minutes remained until lights out. Tohru carefully walked down the hallway, trying not to make any noise or get caught by the nurses, and sneaked into the two-person room where Fujishima was staying. Both beds were surrounded by curtains, making it hard to tell if anyone was awake.

There was no sound, so he wondered if Fujishima was already asleep... but it was still before 9 p.m. Tohru remembered how, when he had been hospitalized, he had gotten into the habit of sleeping early because the lights were forcibly turned off.

Not wanting to disturb him, Tohru hesitated but then gently pulled back the curtain and peeked inside. Fujishima was lying down with the light still on, his eyes closed. It seemed like he was asleep.

It looked like he hadn’t intended to fall asleep but had dozed off while lying there. The blanket was only pulled up to his stomach. Tohru slipped inside the curtain and gently pulled the blanket up to Fujishima’s chest.

The slight movement must have been enough to rouse him, as Fujishima let out a small groan and opened his eyes. His sleepy gaze met Tohru’s, then drifted to the clock beside the bed.

“I know visiting hours are over… but can I stay just for a little bit?”

Fujishima yawned softly and slowly sat up. He seemed thinner than before, his chest visible through the thin hospital gown, and his wrists looked almost fragile.

Fujishima’s gaze focused on something. Following it, Tohru noticed Fujishima looking at his right arm. “What happened to your arm?” Fujishima asked.

“Huh?”

“Your elbow is red. Did you get hurt?”

Tohru lifted his arm and saw that the elbow of his jacket was stained red. It hurt a bit—he must have bled after all.

“I fell off my bike. It’s just a scrape, so it’s not that bad.”

“Are you sure? I can call a nurse to get a bandage—”

“Nah, it’s fine. Something like this will heal if I just lick it.”

“Let me take a look,” Fujishima insisted, his tone firm.

“I told you, it’s just a scrape.”

“I won’t be reassured until I see it myself.”

Once Fujishima got stubborn, he wouldn’t back down. Resigned, Tohru rolled up his sleeve.

The injury wasn’t deep since it was over his clothes. It was a wide scrape that had bled a bit, but the bleeding had already stopped.

“See? It’s fine.”

“But you should still get a bandage…”

“If you call a nurse, they’ll find out I’m here after visiting hours. I don’t want to get in trouble. They might even ban me from coming.”

“They might scold you, but I doubt they’ll ban you.”

“I’m fine, really.”

Despite Fujishima’s worried expression, Tohru insisted. He pulled out a folding chair. Either way, he would have to leave by lights-out at 9 p.m., and there were only twenty minutes left.

“Oh, that’s right,” Tohru suddenly remembered. He retrieved something from a built-in shelf outside the curtain. When he brought it inside, Fujishima’s eyes widened.

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“…Amazing,” Fujishima said, looking surprised, which made Tohru feel satisfied.

“These were extras they were going to throw out, so they gave me a lot. Though I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that… But I didn’t have much money with me…”

Fujishima narrowed his eyes and chuckled softly.

“The price doesn’t matter. They’re very beautiful.”

When Tohru handed him the large bouquet, Fujishima accepted it with a quiet “Thank you.” The white, elegant flowers reminded Tohru of Fujishima’s fair skin and graceful demeanor, and he had liked them immediately.

As he pretended to adjust the flowers, Tohru lightly touched Fujishima’s hands holding the bouquet. Fujishima’s slender fingers twitched slightly.

“These flowers are called calla lilies. The girl at the shop told me.”

As Tohru gently stroked the back of his hand, Fujishima blushed and looked down.

“Did you know that, Fujishima?”

“Uh… what?”

“Weren’t you listening? I was talking about the name of the flowers.”

“Sorry.”

Hearing Fujishima apologize made Tohru feel as though he was being cruel, and he started to feel sorry. Fujishima was such a timid and gentle person. Tohru let go of the hands he had been playfully teasing.

“You don’t have to apologize. I didn’t bring any cake today, so the flowers are a substitute. There were a few leftovers, but on my way here, I fell off my bike and smashed them.”

Fujishima looked up.

“So that’s how you got hurt?”

“Well, it’s not much of an injury. But I ended up giving the smashed cake to some cats.”

“Cats?”

“Yeah, there was this cat in the park that came up to me looking all hungry. I gave it some cake, and it seemed to really enjoy it.”

“Wow, I didn’t know cats would eat cake.”

“That cat reminded me of you, Fujishima.”

As soon as he said that, Fujishima bit his lip and looked down. Tohru had a feeling he might have offended him.

“I didn’t mean that you’re like a cat… it’s just that the cat was white and beautiful, like you.”

But regardless, comparing someone to a cat wasn’t exactly complimentary. The more Tohru tried to explain, the deeper the hole he felt he was digging.

“Sorry, did it bother you that I said you looked like a cat?”

“…No, that’s not it.”

Fujishima’s quiet denial was barely audible.

“But you seem upset…”

“I’m not upset. I just think I must look pretty pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic, Fujishima.”

“But… you said that cat looked hungry. I probably look the same when I’m waiting for your treats.”

It seemed it wasn’t the cat comparison that had bothered Fujishima, but the idea of looking desperate.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression. You don’t look desperate.”

“Let’s just drop it.”

“Seriously, you always look so happy when I bring you cake. I love seeing that expression.”

The back of Fujishima’s pale neck flushed red, and Tohru found himself growing more affectionate, feeling a deep tenderness toward Fujishima’s honest reactions.

“That cat was really cute, you know? It had this little red tongue that would lick my fingers, but whenever I tried to pet it, it would run away.”

Tohru noticed Fujishima clutching the bouquet tightly.

“See? Doesn’t that sound like you?”

“It’s a cat, though.”

“Yeah, I’m talking about the cat.”

The white flowers seemed to tremble as they nestled against Fujishima’s now bright-red neck.

“If you squeeze the flowers too hard, they’ll suffocate,” Tohru said softly.

Fujishima startled and loosened his grip. “S-sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Fujishima looked up at Tohru, his expression troubled. Seeing this, Tohru couldn’t resist leaning in to kiss him. Their lips barely brushed before Fujishima pulled back, creating distance between them.

“Did you not like it?” Tohru asked.

Fujishima lowered his gaze and murmured, “I’m just tired.”

Tohru doubted that was the real reason for the retreat, but he didn’t push further. Instead, he picked up the bouquet from Fujishima’s lap and gently brushed the flowers against his pale neck.

:-::-:

The vase was too small, so only half the flowers fit. Tohru thought of giving the rest to the nurses, but when he peeked into the nurse’s station, he saw the one nurse he wasn’t fond of. Not wanting to be scolded for overstaying visiting hours, he decided to take the flowers back home.

He placed the flowers in a bucket and searched for a proper vase. He remembered Fujishima receiving one as a wedding favor from a colleague. After rummaging through the living room cabinet, he found it, still in its box, shoved into a corner. It was a tall, simple glass vase, and the flowers fit perfectly.

Tohru set the vase on the living room table and ate the dinner he’d bought from a convenience store. Since Fujishima had been hospitalized, Tohru had almost entirely given up cooking. It felt like too much trouble, and eating alone was no fun.

Without the TV on, the room was silent, and Tohru felt a strange sense of being watched. He looked up to find the pristine white flowers seemingly staring at him. They reminded him so much of Fujishima that he felt a bit unsettled. He hurriedly finished his meal and left the living room to take a shower.

As the warm water cascaded over him, Tohru closed his eyes, and Fujishima’s image came to mind. He recalled the trembling fingers and the lips that only allowed the lightest of kisses. Remembering the faint sensation of that kiss, Tohru let his hand slide down to his lower half. He imagined those small, delicate hands comforting him and grew aroused by the thought. Fujishima’s reserved expressions, his shy demeanor… Tohru wondered if Fujishima had ever been with anyone before. It was hard to picture. He couldn’t imagine Fujishima in such an intimate situation with anyone.

Tohru knew Fujishima was likely no virgin, but in his fantasies, no matter how much he imagined making Fujishima lose control, the real Fujishima always remained as pure as those white flowers.

After washing away his fantasies and desires, Tohru left the bathroom. Dressed only in his underwear, he shivered from the cold as he crossed the living room and was startled once again by the sight of the white flowers seemingly watching him.

He turned off the living room lights and retreated to his bedroom. After putting on a sweatshirt and setting his alarm clock, he slipped into bed, but sleep didn’t come easily. Perhaps it was because of what he had done in the bathroom. It wasn’t the first time he had indulged in such fantasies, but tonight he couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling. As he lay there, listening to the ticking of the clock and staring at the ceiling, he wondered if Fujishima was already asleep.

After tossing and turning several times, Tohru felt thirsty and got up to get a drink of water. The hallway floor was cold against his feet, making him shiver. When he turned on the living room light, the white flowers glowed softly in the darkness, catching his eye. After drinking a glass of water, he looked back at the flowers, still there, unchanged. But something about them seemed lonely, so Tohru decided to take the vase to his room.

He placed the vase on the bedside table, and the flowers seemed to look down at him. It wasn’t bad, he thought. Feeling as if Fujishima himself was watching him, Tohru let the sight of the flowers stir something within him. He slipped his hand under his sweatshirt and began to heighten his excitement.

Overcome with desire, Tohru stripped off his lower clothes. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, he stroked himself, almost as if he were showing off to the flowers. The flowers seemed to gaze at him intently, but Tohru imagined that Fujishima wouldn’t be able to watch him like this. Fujishima would probably look away, embarrassed…

His hips tingled, growing hot. His breath quickened as the climax approached. Tohru crawled on all fours, inching closer to the bedside table. The white flowers reminded him of Fujishima’s pale neck, and he found himself running his tongue over them. The petals felt thick and moist, almost like human skin. In a trance, he licked them, even giving a playful bite. The taste of bitter greens filled his mouth, and he hastily pulled back, just as he reached his peak.

His desire spilled onto the delicate white petals, and the drops clung to the flowers, sliding down the soft curves like sensual tears.

“Ah, sorry…”

Tohru apologized, then chuckled to himself. Who was he apologizing to, and for what? He carefully wiped the desire from the flowers and sighed. The white flower, now marked with teeth marks, seemed to be reproaching him.

“I’m really sorry.”

Even so, unable to resist the lingering playfulness and excitement, Tohru gently ran his tongue over the bitten petal.

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW.

Previous TOC Next

Comments

Popular Posts

COLD HEART Series [Illustrated]

COLD HEART in NEWYORK: Chapter 17

List of Novels by Konohara Narise (Chronological Order)