Deep Breath: Chapter 1 - part 2

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Work ended at 5 PM. After switching shifts with the evening staff, Yachi took off his apron. He retrieved his coat and wallet from the locker.

As he got on his bike, parked behind the shop, and began to pedal, the wind felt several times colder. He stopped by a convenience store near his house to buy dinner, and by the time he stepped outside, it was already getting dark, the night quietly settling in.

Arriving home, he wheeled his bike into the yard through the back gate and went around to the front door. The keyhole of the sliding door was acting up, and as he clumsily fiddled with it, the sound seemed to attract a tiger-striped cat, which approached with a "meow."

"I'm home," Yachi said, and the cat meowed again. Finally, the lock clicked open, and as he slid the door open, the cat darted inside ahead of him. The cat stared intently from the hallway, as if urging him to hurry up while he took off his shoes in the entrance. Feeling pressured by the cat's gaze, Yachi headed straight to the kitchen and opened a can of cat food before preparing his own meal.

As the cat ate intently, Yachi began his own preparations, which simply involved laying out the onigiri and side dishes he had bought from the convenience store on the table.

A quiet dinner began. Yachi’s mother had been strict about manners and never allowed the TV on during meals. That habit was still ingrained in him, so even now, after his mother’s death, Yachi didn’t watch TV while eating.

The kitchen window rattled, and the loud noise made the cat flinch. The road in front of his house was a one-way street, just off the main road, and his house, which had a garden, was set further back, making the area quiet at night. The sound of the wind echoed clearly.

Having passed the stage of finding solitude at mealtime comfortable, Yachi sometimes felt lonely. However, he had never made an effort to change that by starting a family. It wasn’t that he had avoided marriage, but once the opportunity passed, it became difficult to take the next step.

When Yachi was twenty-eight, he was engaged once. He started dating a woman he met through an arranged meeting, and they even set a date for the wedding. However, two weeks before the ceremony, she abruptly broke off the engagement.

The official reason was "differences in values," but Yachi later learned that she had been in a long-term relationship with another man. At the last minute, she chose the other man, leaving Yachi out of her life.

Since he had already sent out invitations to his superiors and friends, cleaning up the aftermath was a hassle. It would be a lie to say he wasn't shocked, but he didn’t feel particularly hurt either. Their relationship had been brief, and he hadn’t fully gotten to know her as a person, nor had they connected deeply enough for him to feel a significant sense of loss.

After that, he didn't receive any more arranged meeting proposals for a while, nor did he actively seek relationships with women. Time passed, and before he knew it, he was in his forties. Being single at this age makes you think about a lot of things—what has happened so far, and what lies ahead.

In the past few years, his physical strength has declined. An all-nighter is out of the question, and his vision has started to blur slightly. It also takes him longer to learn new things.

His senses are dulling, growing sluggish... and Yachi realized that this is how people age. He remembered a conversation he had with a colleague who was nearly fifty, back when he was still with the company. The female colleague had said that the dulling of one’s senses was a natural human instinct.

As people enter the latter half of middle age, their parents grow older too, and they face death more frequently. To be able to cope with the sadness, humans gradually become less sensitive, preparing themselves for their own inevitable end. If that's true, then the future only holds death.

But that’s not something to dwell on during a lonely night. With that thought, Yachi cleared away the empty plastic containers and plastic bags. He moved to the living room, sat down in front of the low table, and turned on the TV, but there was nothing on that caught his interest, just noise. When the news started with "Employment issues for middle-aged and older workers..." he turned the TV off.

He stood up again and went to the bedroom to grab a book. Reading was his only hobby. He had always been a fan of mystery and detective novels, and he had read most of the famous foreign ones.

As he started reading, the cat jumped onto his lap. He stroked the cat’s chin, enjoying its affectionate purring.

The cat had started coming and going from Yachi's house about a year ago. It had been a kitten then, but now it had grown quite large. The first time it meowed in his yard, Yachi had whimsically fed it, and after that, it began coming by every night, eventually making itself at home inside. However, Yachi didn’t really consider himself as the cat’s owner. He didn’t know what the cat did during the day, and given how friendly it was, he suspected it was getting food elsewhere too.

That’s why he hadn’t given it a name. The cat was affectionate towards him now, but that could change, and it might not come back tomorrow.

When he was younger, Yachi used to think of the word "complete" as something absolute. Now, he understood that nothing is ever completely yours.

In a way, he was freer now. Being laid off was a shock, but being away from the organization and having time to himself turned out to be a good thing. And as long as he didn’t mind the salary or the type of work, there were plenty of jobs available.

He started working at the bento shop because it was close to home and didn’t require any qualifications. Other than the low pay, he had no complaints. The only thing that bothered him was the presence of his former boss, who came by on weekends. If not for him, Yachi could have enjoyed his job more.

Yoshihisa Haruno was what you’d call an elite, having graduated from an American graduate school. Perhaps because of his long time abroad, he disliked ambiguity and was ruthlessly logical.

When Haruno was assigned to Yachi’s department four years ago, he was barely thirty, yet he was in a supervisory position. The younger employees quickly adapted to his style of work, but Yachi struggled to keep up.

It wasn’t that he disagreed with Haruno’s methods or that they were in conflict; Yachi just found it hard to adapt. He wasn’t in a strong enough position to oppose him anyway.

Yachi still clearly remembered the day in July, just after the rainy season ended, when Haruno called him in. After a brief morning meeting with the entire department, Haruno stopped Yachi as he was returning to his desk.

Without explaining the reason, Haruno led Yachi to a small meeting room, where he handed him a "Notice of Termination."

The younger boss, without changing his expression, told his subordinate, who was ten years older, "I’m sure you have your reasons, but we need you to leave." He delivered the message like a machine, with no hint of sympathy or kindness in his words.

Yachi had known that he was off the promotion track and would likely remain just another cog in the machine until retirement. But he hadn’t thought he was so useless that he would be cut loose. The gap between the suspicion that it could happen and the shock of the reality was vast. As he faced the truth, Yachi couldn’t help but resent the fact that it was this man who had to deliver the news.

In a company where merit was paramount, having a younger boss was inevitable. But at least in moments like this, Yachi wished they had chosen someone older than him who could have at least said "I’m sorry, but..." out of courtesy.

Haruno left the meeting room with a parting remark: "Please return to your post by 10 o’clock." When Yachi looked up at the clock absentmindedly, he saw that there were less than ten minutes left until 10 o’clock.

Afterward, Yachi received the official termination notice and left the company. He spent about half a month in a daze, but knowing he couldn’t keep living off his severance pay and small savings, he began looking for a job. Just then, he noticed a help-wanted sign for a nationwide bento chain located next to the nearby park.

He only needed a temporary job until he found a place that would hire him as a full-time employee, so he went straight to the shop and asked to work part-time. Maybe it was because he said he was willing to work any hours, that he was hired on the spot and started working the next day.

At first, he worked only three days a week, but now he worked five days a week, excluding Mondays and Thursdays, from 8 AM to 5 PM. The physical strain was greater than his previous desk job, but his insomnia seemed to vanish as he slept better at night.

The house phone started ringing. As Yachi moved to answer it, the cat jumped off his lap. It was the bento shop manager, asking if he could switch to the evening shift because the night-shift worker had been in an accident and was hospitalized, and wouldn’t be able to come in for some time. Yachi thought working at night would be tough, but seeing that the manager was in a bind, he agreed on the condition that it was only until they found a replacement.

Despite agreeing, Yachi felt a sense of dread about the shift change. He worried whether he could manage the night shift, but as he fretted over it, he realized that if his hours changed, he might not run into his former boss anymore.

Is it strange to be so concerned about it? No, it’s not that Yachi hated Haruno. Even if Haruno was the one who told him to leave, it wasn’t solely Haruno’s decision. He was just the messenger.

It wasn’t Haruno himself that Yachi disliked, but rather the emotions that Haruno brought with him. If Haruno didn’t come around, Yachi could just be an ordinary part-time worker at the bento shop. But when Haruno appeared, Yachi became the incompetent man who had been laid off by a younger boss.

The only person who knew that Yachi’s departure from the company was due to a layoff was Kitaoka. Neither the manager nor the other part-time workers had asked about it, and it wasn’t something Yachi felt the need to bring up.

Once, one of his coworkers asked, "Is that person someone you knew from your previous job?" after Haruno had visited the shop and exchanged a few words with Yachi. Yachi was relieved that they hadn’t asked, "Was he your subordinate?" He didn’t want to say, "He was my boss," nor did he want to see their reaction afterward. He could have lied, but he knew he would feel self-loathing if he did.

As long as Haruno didn’t come around, Yachi’s pride wouldn’t be shaken. He knew that it would be easier if he could accept that he was a failure, but he wasn’t able to do that just yet.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

The night shifts turned out to be less difficult than Yachi had imagined. Although the shop advertised itself as being open 24 hours, there were far fewer customers at night compared to the daytime. By 3 or 4 AM, there were stretches of almost an hour when no one would enter the shop.

There were only two employees on the night shift, so it was a small operation. There was cleaning and preparation for the next morning to be done, so it wasn’t like there was nothing to do, but the night shift was generally quiet. While Yachi tried to stay busy, cleaning the shelves where snacks were displayed or tidying up the kitchen, his coworker, Nishida, a university student, would take every opportunity to sit in a corner chair and snore loudly.

Once the cleaning and prep work were finished, there wasn’t much left to do. In the past hour, there had only been two customers, and they had come in separately, so Yachi was able to handle them on his own. He tried calling out to Nishida, but there was no sign of him waking up, and Yachi could smell alcohol on his breath.

At 4 AM, Yachi pulled out the folding chair that was propped up by the register and sat down. He retrieved a paperback book from the shelf under the counter. It was a book he’d brought to pass the time between customers. Although the shop was warm thanks to the heater, his feet started to feel cold after sitting still for a while. Yachi rubbed his feet together a few times to warm them up.

Earlier that day, on his way home from buying this book at the bookstore, he had bumped into Kitaoka at the supermarket.

"Isn’t that Yachi-san?" she had called out loudly.

He ended up listening to her complain about how her child’s teacher was blatantly favoring certain students, a topic Yachi had no interest in. Just as it seemed like her rant was winding down, Kitaoka suddenly remembered something and said, "Oh yeah."

"Your acquaintance came to the shop on Sunday, asking if you had quit."

When she mentioned an acquaintance, Yachi immediately thought of his former boss. Since leaving the company, Haruno was the only person he knew who had come to buy a bento.

"I told him you had switched to the night shift. Was that okay?"

"Yes, that’s fine."

Kitaoka looked relieved and patted her chest.

"You didn’t seem too happy to see him, so I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but I didn’t want to lie. Oh, look at the time—I’ve got to get dinner started," she had said, hurrying off.

Afterward, Yachi wondered why Haruno had asked about his whereabouts. Even someone as insensitive as Haruno, who frequently showed up at the bento shop where his laid-off former subordinate worked, was apparently curious enough to ask where Yachi had gone when he didn’t see him.

The sound of the automatic door opening caught Yachi’s attention, and he instinctively stood up.

"Welcome," he said, still holding the book, and leaned on the counter. "Let me know when you’re ready to order..."

His words trailed off when he saw that the customer was Haruno in a black coat. Haruno gave a slight nod and approached the counter directly, ordering a "special bento" without even looking at the menu.

"It’ll take a few minutes. Is that alright?"

"Yes," Haruno replied.

He then sat down on the bench beside the counter. Yachi needed to head into the kitchen, but making a special bento took time, and that would mean leaving the register unattended for a while. He tried calling out to Nishida and shook him, but Nishida didn’t stir, sleeping like a log. It was frustrating to have a coworker who was useless when it mattered. Yachi debated whether to wake him up by force, but since Haruno was the only customer, and he could still see the entrance from the kitchen, he decided it would be fine for about ten minutes. He washed his hands and got to work.

After finishing the bento and returning to the register, Yachi saw Haruno stand up from the bench.

"That’ll be 850 yen."

Haruno took out a bill from his wallet. As Yachi handed him the change and receipt, he was sure he had placed them in Haruno’s palm, but the coins scattered across the counter with a clinking sound.

"Oh, I’m sorry," Yachi apologized.

"No, it’s fine," Haruno muttered as he picked up the coins from the counter. Even after he had put the money in his wallet, Haruno made no move to leave, standing in front of Yachi with a blank expression that still seemed somewhat dazed.

"Haruno-kacho?" Yachi asked hesitantly.

Haruno’s eyes widened as if snapping out of a trance, and he lightly shook his head.

"I’m no longer your boss, Yachi-san, so there’s no need to use my title."

Haruno’s calm remark made Yachi catch his breath, and he felt his cheeks flush with heat.

"I’m sorry..."

"There’s no need to apologize. I was simply stating a fact."

Yachi’s thoughts flashed back to when he worked at the company. His younger boss had always disliked the typically Japanese way of speaking ambiguously, as if holding something back, and only accepted clear "yes" or "no" answers.

Silence hung over the counter. As Yachi felt embarrassed by his own attachment to titles, he glanced at Haruno and wondered why he hadn’t left yet, even after getting his change.

"Is that book interesting?" Haruno asked.

"Huh?"

"Isn’t that your book, Yachi-san?" Haruno asked, pointing to the book Yachi had left on the counter.

"...Yes, it is."

"I remember you mentioned during a company gathering that you liked reading, and I was curious about what kinds of books you read."

Yachi couldn’t recall ever having that conversation.

"Is that a literary novel?" Haruno asked.

"Sorry?"

"I’m asking about the content of the book."

Yachi was annoyed at himself for needing to ask for clarification multiple times when the question was simple.

"No, it’s a mystery novel. I’ve liked them since I was young."

Haruno stared intently at the book’s cover.

"I’ve never read anything in the mystery genre, but I’m interested."

"I see..."

Silence fell again. Haruno showed no sign of leaving, and Yachi began to feel increasingly uneasy with his presence.

"Are you off tomorrow?" Yachi asked.

"No," Haruno replied, then added, "Strictly speaking, we’re talking about today, right? It’s Thursday, and I don’t believe it’s a holiday."

...It felt like Haruno was nitpicking, and Yachi started to find the conversation tiresome.

"I know it’s Thursday. It’s just that you seemed so relaxed in the middle of the night, so I thought you might be off."

"I have work at 8 AM today," Haruno sighed.

"I couldn’t sleep, so I had a drink and then realized I was hungry," he explained.

Yachi finally realized that Haruno was being overly talkative because he was drunk. His steps were steady, and there was no redness in his face, so it hadn’t been obvious.

"Did you drink a lot?"

"More than usual. I finished an entire bottle."

Yachi was startled by the contrast between the man’s calm demeanor and the fact that he had downed a whole bottle. When Yachi was younger, he used to drink socially, but after he turned 35, his tolerance suddenly decreased. Now, he only drank occasionally, and even then, it was just a small can of beer with dinner.

"Did my tone sound strange to you?"

"No..."

Haruno picked up the plastic bag with his bento inside. Seeing that he was finally about to leave, Yachi felt a sense of relief.

"There’s something I’d like to ask you."

The man’s clear voice made Yachi straighten up instinctively.

"Did you switch to the night shift because of me?"

The bluntness of the question caught Yachi off guard. After the shock wore off, he responded slowly.

"I took over because the night shift worker was injured. I plan to return to the day shift once they find a replacement."

Haruno looked directly at Yachi and then suddenly smiled.

"I see. Well, then, I’ll be on my way."

When Haruno left, Yachi felt the tension drain from his shoulders. He sat down and sighed. He had always found Haruno difficult to talk to, but he hadn’t realized just how out of sync their conversations were.

It was surprising to learn that Haruno had sensed Yachi’s discomfort and had been concerned about it. If Haruno knew, Yachi wondered why he kept coming around. If Haruno felt responsible for laying Yachi off and was checking up on him out of guilt, then perhaps Haruno was more caring than his actions or appearance suggested. But caring and being considerate were two different things. From Yachi’s perspective, the best thing Haruno could do would be to acknowledge Yachi’s feelings and leave him alone.

...That parting smile. Yachi had always thought Haruno’s face was as expressionless as a Noh mask, but when he smiled, he seemed strangely human to Yachi.

The next day, Haruno showed up at the shop again at 3 AM. This time, there was already another customer, so Haruno had to wait for his bento to be ready.

Earlier that morning, Yachi had reprimanded Nishida for sleeping on the job. He had told him not to drink too much before work. Yachi hadn’t intended to be harsh, and since it was clear who was at fault, he expected Nishida to apologize. Instead, Nishida had fallen silent with a sullen expression.

Yachi was surprised by Nishida’s reaction. Nishida was a third-year university student, so he had to be over 20. His attitude didn’t seem fitting for an adult.

Today, Nishida hadn’t been drinking, but his work attitude was still poor. Whenever he had the chance, he sat down in a chair, and although the night shift break was supposed to be 30 minutes, he had stayed in the break room for nearly an hour.

Even when preparing Haruno’s special bento, a task that should have taken 7 or 8 minutes for someone efficient, Nishida took almost 15 minutes, dragging his feet the entire time.

Without saying "It’s done," Nishida placed the finished bento on the counter. Yachi put it in a plastic bag, accepted the 1,000-yen payment, and rang up the sale.

"I bought the mystery book you were reading yesterday," Haruno said suddenly, stopping Yachi mid-motion as he handed over the change.

"I just finished reading it, but to be honest, I didn’t find it very interesting."

Yachi had found the book to be fast-paced and enjoyable, so Haruno’s comment felt almost like a critique of his own taste. He couldn’t help but smile wryly.

"Well, people have different tastes in books."

Yachi tried to steer the conversation away, but Haruno didn’t move.

"Which mystery books do you find interesting?"

"People’s opinions vary, so I can’t say which one is the best."

"Then, could you recommend one?"

If Haruno was interested in mysteries, he could easily search online for book reviews and find something to his liking. But saying that here would have been too blunt.

"If you’re new to the genre, you might enjoy the White Rose series by Eric August, which is fairly standard."

"Yachi-san!"

A loud, unnatural voice called out his name from behind.

"Could you refrain from chatting during work?"

Of all people, Nishida, who had a habit of slacking off, chose to scold Yachi right in front of Haruno. Yachi felt his face flush with embarrassment. He mumbled an apology and looked down. Despite the fact that Yachi had done most of the night shift tasks himself, Nishida’s attitude was clearly payback for the reprimand.

Nishida, feigning ignorance, stepped out from behind the counter and started tidying the snack display, which wasn’t even messy, as if to show off how hardworking he was.

"I apologize for talking to you during work," Haruno said to Yachi before turning to leave. But instead of heading out, he walked over to the snack display. Sensing Haruno’s presence, Nishida stiffened.

Haruno picked up a pack of gum and then stood directly in front of Nishida, who had moved to the side.

"Now that I think about it, we met yesterday too, didn’t we?"

Nishida frowned in confusion and tilted his head.

"Huh?"

"It’s no surprise you don’t remember me. Yesterday, you were snoring loudly in the back while you slept quite comfortably."

Haruno’s sarcastic tone made Nishida’s expression tighten. Haruno then pointed to Nishida’s feet.

"I don’t think you should be out front much. Your shoes and jeans give off an unhygienic impression, which isn’t suitable for a place that handles food."

That was something Yachi had also noticed before. Nishida always wore faded, holey jeans and dirty shoes. The jeans were secondhand but expensive, and Yachi had been shocked when he heard the price. Regardless of how expensive they were, Yachi couldn’t see the appeal of wearing dirty, torn clothing, and he thought Nishida looked one step away from being homeless.

"It’s none of your business," Nishida retorted, his voice faltering.

Haruno laughed softly through his nose.

"You’re right, it’s not my business. So, you can take it as a customer’s opinion. All I’m saying is that your outfit doesn’t match the purpose of this establishment. Of course, it’s fine to wear it outside of work. In short, it’s about knowing the right time and place."

Nishida, overwhelmed by Haruno’s rapid speech, stood there with his mouth hanging open.

"Do you have any objections?"

Haruno’s typical phrase during meetings slipped out.

"Don’t you understand what I’m saying? That’s strange. I’m only using words that someone with a basic education should be able to comprehend."

The stinging sarcasm made Nishida’s face turn beet red.

"You’re so annoying!" Nishida growled, his anger barely contained. But Haruno didn’t back down.

"What do you mean by annoying? That’s just an emotional reaction, not a response to my words."

This is bad... Yachi thought. He stepped out from behind the counter and inserted himself between the two, whose tension was almost palpable.

"Nishida-san, I’m sorry about earlier," Yachi apologized quickly, then turned back to Haruno.

"I think it’s time for you to leave; your bento is getting cold."

Haruno seemed like he had more to say, but after placing the gum back on the shelf, he finally showed signs of leaving. As he turned to go, he addressed Nishida over Yachi's shoulder.

"Before you criticize others, it would be wise to reflect on yourself."

It all happened in an instant. Before Haruno could finish speaking, Nishida pushed Yachi aside and lunged at Haruno. Panicked, Yachi grabbed Nishida from behind, restraining him. Violence toward a customer was absolutely unacceptable.

"Stop it!"

Despite Yachi’s attempts to stop him, Nishida stubbornly refused to let go of Haruno’s jacket. While Yachi wasn’t small, it was difficult to hold back a determined young man on his own.

Nishida struggled, and his fists struck Yachi's head and shoulders several times.

"Cut it out!"

Yachi’s raised voice seemed to jolt Nishida, and his movements became stiff and awkward, like a broken puppet.

"Hitting someone is unacceptable, especially when that person is a customer. Do you realize that if you injure him, you’ll be held responsible?"

Nishida looked down without saying anything. Although he didn’t nod, Yachi assumed he understood and motioned with his eyes for the sullen Haruno to leave.

Haruno turned silently and headed for the automatic door. Just then, Nishida moved again. Before Yachi could react, Nishida lunged at Haruno, grabbing him by the collar.

Haruno, caught off guard by the sudden attack, didn’t remain passive. He seized Nishida’s right wrist, which was gripping his collar, and twisted it upward. While Nishida was distracted by the pain in his arm, Haruno swept his right leg out from under him. Nishida lost his balance and fell awkwardly to the ground, like a toppled frog.

Yachi quickly grabbed Nishida’s left arm and pulled him up. But Nishida, undeterred, tried to go after Haruno again, so Yachi yanked him back by the arm.

"Enough already!"

"Get out of the way, you old fart!"

Nishida’s raised right hand struck Yachi hard on the side of the head, near his ear. A loud crack echoed in Yachi’s head, and he staggered, falling backward into the snack display. The contents of the shelves scattered noisily. The sound seemed to shock Nishida into stillness.

"Are you alright?"

Haruno rushed over. Yachi, grimacing in pain from the blow to his back, stood up and immediately noticed something was wrong.

He couldn’t hear. Not completely, but everything sounded distant. Haruno said something to him, noticing the dazed look on his face, but Yachi struggled to hear, even though Haruno was standing so close.

He tried covering his right ear. The silence wasn’t due to the late hour or the awkwardness of the situation.

...His left ear had gone deaf.

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