Expired First Love: Section 1 - chapter 1

 T.N: I will keep certain terms in the original Japanese. I will also keep the order of their names Last Name First Name like in Japanese. I think you already know the meaning of these words, but I will still give the English definition for those who don’t.

1. さん (san): This is a general, respectful suffix used to address or refer to someone. It's similar to "Mr.," "Mrs.," or "Ms." in English. It's commonly used for people of all ages and social statuses in both formal and informal contexts.

2. 君 (kun): This suffix is often used for addressing younger males, or in a more familiar or casual setting. It can be used with people of the same or lower status, and it's commonly used among friends, students, or in professional settings where there is a clear hierarchy (like between a superior and a subordinate).

3. 先輩 (senpai): This term is used to refer to someone who is senior to you in a particular context, like in a school club, workplace, or other organizations. It's used to show respect to someone who has more experience or has been in the organization longer than you. The opposite of senpai is 後輩 (kōhai), which refers to juniors or newcomers.

◇:*:◆:*:◇

TOC Next

Section 1: Expired First Love

I've always liked the seats by the window. I avoid them when the sunlight is too strong, but otherwise, I usually choose the window seat. I like sitting by the window so much that I always go to the classroom early.

Even when bored, I never tire of looking outside. People rushing into the lecture building, chatting in the shade of trees, or sitting on benches fiddling with their cell phones. The unguarded behavior of people who don't realize they're being watched is amusing and intriguing.

Right now, a fine rain is falling outside the window. Although the lecture has just started, many people have already slumped over, their foreheads practically glued to their desks. Though I'm keeping my head up, I can't stop yawning. It's because I stayed up late last night after a drinking party. The usual scene during the first period.

With a loud bang, the door at the back of the lecture hall opened. Professor Gotou's lecture came to a halt. Takahito Murakami and Hinano Saitou appeared, bowing apologetically before sitting down together in the seats near the entrance, opposite from where I was sitting in the last row.

Although Professor Gotou frowned, he resumed the lecture without saying anything. Despite there being many empty seats, the two sat close together like magnets. Anyone could see they had a special relationship. In fact, they were dating, and they didn't try to hide it.

Even though there were colorful umbrellas passing outside the window, my attention was fixed on the two sitting on the right edge. When I casually glanced their way, I saw Murakami playing with Hinano's cotton-candy-like hair. Hinano didn't seem to mind and let him do as he pleased.

Murakami was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. During the drinking party, he was sitting diagonally across from me, and I remembered thinking the striped pattern was interesting. Now that I think about it, the two of them left together after we left the bar.

I looked away and gazed out the window. I tried not to think about anything, but thoughts kept coming. If I could have just one wish, I'd want to switch places with Hinano for just one day. It feels like that might help me give up.

...Not really sure why, but the corners of my eyes grew warm, and I covered it up with a yawn.

As the long lecture ended, students began to noisily stand up.

"Uno."

My body stiffened with a jolt. When I nervously turned around, the guy in the same clothes as yesterday was looking down at me, smiling.

"What are you so scared of?"

There's no way anyone could read my mind, and yet I wanted to hide it with both hands and tuck it away under my chair.

"You startled me by calling out all of a sudden."

"Did you take notes for the previous class?"

I closed the loose-leaf notebook that had been open and handed it to him.

"Thanks. I'll copy it and give it back right away."

After taking it, Murakami tilted his head.

"Your eyes are red."

"...Because I yawned."

"I get it. Gotou's lectures make you sleepy, don't they?"

Murakami and Hinano left the classroom together. Outside the window, the rain was still falling quietly...without a sound.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

I had a dream about my university days for the first time in a while. The clock on my smartphone read 6:30 AM. It's still dark. When I opened the curtains, a fine rain, just like back then, was falling outside the window.

Yuuki Uno sluggishly got out of bed, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and changed into a suit. He made himself some instant coffee and slowly drank it.

At 7:15, he left his apartment. It had been snowing a lot recently, but today it was raining. It probably meant the temperature hadn't dropped that much, but it was still early January. Cold weather is cold, no matter what.

The station was already crowded, even on the platform. As Uno pulled out his earphones from his coat and stuck them into his ears, the train pulled in with a roar.

Even though the train was already packed, more people crammed in. Thinking that people were like livestock, he turned up the volume a bit. Escaping into the world of sound made the feeling of being crushed less intense.

The next song was "Save Yourself." "But, you know, that's kind of cool," a voice from memory echoed in his head, different from the one singing. He had only listened to Western music for as long as he could remember. And it was always singer-songwriters that most people had never heard of. When he mentioned the artist's name, only the most hardcore Western music fans would say they knew it.

"Uno, you're always listening to something, aren't you? Who do you like?"

He had been asked this while waiting in line at the checkout during a camping trip shopping. He answered, but as expected, the person said, "I don't know them."

"Like this."

When he handed over the music player he had in his chest pocket, Murakami put the earphones to one ear. After listening for just a few seconds, he replied, "That's cool."

"But, you know, that's kind of cool."

It was an exchange that lasted less than thirty seconds. The song title displayed on the LCD screen at that moment was "Save Yourself."

"But, you know, that's kind of cool."

The words that usually echoed like a charm for happiness felt strangely empty today. Maybe it was because of that dream I had this morning.

It's probably that. Yesterday, I received a wedding invitation from Kagami. Kagami was good friends with Murakami, so he's probably invited too. Just when I started hoping I might see Murakami for the first time in six years, my mind reminded me of reality, as if trying to keep me from getting too carried away.

As I wondered if this was a kind of self-defense mechanism, I arrived at the station near my office and was herded out of the train like livestock.

No one had arrived yet at the General Media Department. The empty floor was eerily quiet, like a completely different place from the bustling daytime. As I started up my computer and checked my emails, the silence was broken as employees began arriving one after another.

"Morning, Uno."

With a pat on my shoulder, my boss Kawasaki passed by. Her pantsuit always gave off a dashing impression.

"Good morning."

Kawasaki dropped her bag on the floor with a thud and turned back to me, saying, "Oh, that's right."

"Uno, can you go to Kousuisha first thing this morning? I talked with the person in charge yesterday, but we couldn't get anywhere over the phone."

I tilted my head.

"Is it okay for me to go?"

The Kousuisha job was Kawasaki's responsibility, and I was just the backup.

"I really can't step away this morning. Just go and see what you can find out."

"Understood."

Realizing that I was probably going to have to work overtime today, I mechanically replied to the emails.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Work ended a little after 7:00 PM. Since the official end time had long passed, only three people, including Uno, were still there. As Uno was gathering his things, Kawasaki, who had been monopolizing the adjacent reference room for a meeting since the evening, returned to the office floor. She pulled out a postcard-sized mirror at her desk, applied some lipstick, and asked, "Hey, Uno. Do you have any plans after this?"

"No, nothing in particular."

"Then come with us for a drink."

Having no strong reason to refuse, he replied, "Sure." The group heading to the izakaya consisted of Kawasaki, Uno, Mizuki, and a junior colleague, Suma.

The conversation initially revolved around Kousuisha, a small publishing company specializing in hobby magazines and practical books. Their fishing magazine was set to release an issue with a DVD, and Kawasaki's team was in charge of production. The design was finalized, and the project was proceeding on schedule when suddenly, the person in charge at Kousuisha asked them to stop the production. The reason, however, was unclear. When Uno went directly to the publisher to find out more, it turned out to be a trivial matter—the person appearing in the DVD had complained about the disc's design, which started the whole problem.

Having already approved the design, the person in charge was hesitant to request changes, but also couldn't proceed as things were, so they asked for production to be halted. When Uno explained the situation to the designer, they quickly made the necessary changes without any complaints, resolving the issue by the end of the day.

"They should've just told the truth from the start! We lost a whole day because of that!" Kawasaki's voice grew louder, even though she was only on her second beer. Her hair, cut sharply at the shoulders, made a strong impression. At 37 years old, she was a veteran and had been Uno's mentor. Because of this, even now that he's independent, he can't go against her orders.

The company Uno works for, "Mountaintop," is a mid-sized general trading company divided into several departments. Uno belongs to the "General Media Department," which handles the orders and production of CDs and DVDs that come as freebies with magazines and books.

The department is a profitable one for the company, but recently, larger companies have entered the market, making the competition for clients fierce. Kawasaki's superiors had reportedly been telling her to secure more contracts, which had made her more tense lately.

"Ah, I don't even want to think about work when I'm off the clock. Isn't there something fun to talk about? ...Hey, Suma, what are you doing?!"

As if unwilling to deal with a complaining boss, the junior colleague, Suma, was skillfully fiddling with her smartphone with nails so long they looked like weapons. Although still a junior, with the new hires coming in April, she would soon become a senior.

"I was thinking of updating my blog."

Suma didn't even look at Kawasaki.

"Join the conversation here. Mizuki, what kind of training are you giving her?"

When the anger was redirected at him, Mizuki, who was sitting across from Kawasaki, went silent like a wooden bear. Two years younger than Uno and Suma's mentor, Mizuki had been struggling with training Suma to the point that he had complained to Uno, "Those guys live on a different level than us."

Suma was full of surprises. She didn't cut her long nails, couldn't use polite language properly, and wore makeup so heavy that clients had asked if she was a hostess—her reputation was filled with countless tales. However, when it came to products aimed at young women, she had an uncanny sense for what would sell. So, despite her appearance, she wasn't incompetent.

Having apparently finished updating her blog, Suma finally placed her smartphone on the table and let out a sigh. Her eyes, enhanced with circle lenses to make them appear larger, met Uno's directly. Suma's eyelashes were always densely packed, resembling caterpillars.

"By the way, Uno-san, do you have a girlfriend?"

Suma's way of speaking always struck Uno as loose, like a bolt about to fall out.

"No, I don't."

"Ah, I knew it."

She laughed without a care. Mizuki, beside her, tapped her on the head and said, "Hey, that's kinda rude."

"I'm sooorry," she apologized, not looking like she meant it.

"Uno doesn't really seem like the type to have a girlfriend. How should I put it, he's plain and lacks any sex appeal."

Kawasaki, sitting next to him, bit into a piece of squid like a hungry stray cat.

"Even if you don't have a girlfriend, don't you have someone you like?"

At Mizuki's words, everyone's attention turned to Uno.

"Well, I guess..."

"Right?"

Mizuki puffed out his chest proudly. "Hey, hey," Kawasaki leaned in to peer at Uno's face.

"Is the person you like someone from the company?"

"Ah, no. It's a classmate from university."

"Didn't you confess your feelings?"

Suma butted in.

"They had a partner."

"You should've just taken them away!"

The junior colleague, operating on a different level, threw out an irresponsible comment.

"Come on, think about Uno-san's personality. He's not the type for stealing someone else's love."

Mizuki scolded her, and Suma fiddled with her cheap-looking plastic bead necklace, saying, "But you know... If it's not going to work out, isn't it a waste of time to keep thinking about them? Wouldn't it be more constructive to direct your energy toward someone who might actually like you back?"

Mizuki crossed his arms, saying, "It's strange hearing the word 'constructive' come from you."

"Have you only had feelings for that one person since university?"

"Yeah."

"Then do you still see them from time to time?"

Uno gently touched his chin.

"No, I haven't seen them since we graduated."

Suma let out an exaggerated "Ehh?" and pursed her lips like a duck.

"Isn't that kind of creepy?"

"I told you to stop being rude!"

Mizuki flicked her forehead, and Suma cried out, "Oww!" while holding her forehead and pouting.

"But don't you think that's really heavy? It seems stalkerish and filled with resentment. I can't deal with that."

"Seriously, watch what you say! Uno-san doesn't have easygoing relationships like you, switching boyfriends every six months."

Listening to Mizuki and Suma's back-and-forth, Uno laughed.

"It's fine. I think it's weird too."

At Uno's response, Suma shot a triumphant look at Mizuki.

"Why don't you just move on and start dating someone? I can introduce you to one of my friends. There's someone who prefers serious guys."

Suma's eyes were serious.

"Uno-san, you really shouldn't take her up on that. All of her friends are like her. They're on a different level, so you'd have to reach enlightenment just to deal with them."

Suma gave Mizuki's shoulder a playful slap, saying, "That's so mean!"

...The interrogation about love ended there, and the conversation shifted to Kawasaki's husband, who was a soccer fan and even traveled overseas to watch games. Uno had heard the story before, so he just nodded along and tuned out.

The drinking party, which had turned into a venting session for a stressed-out boss, ended after about two hours. The other three decided to go to karaoke, but Uno declined. He wasn't fond of karaoke because he couldn't sing well, and when he said he was tired, they didn't push him.

After parting ways with the others, Uno walked alone down the dark night road. Though the rain had stopped, the wind was still damp and cold. Kawasaki had told him, "I'll leave the new hires coming in April to you." Last year it was Mizuki, so it seemed like a rotation.

He wondered how Murakami was doing now. Since Murakami was competent at work, he might already have a high job title. A cheerful guy like him would be adored by his bosses and trusted by his subordinates... Maybe he still goes camping on weekends. Uno stopped himself from imagining further. If Murakami goes camping, Hinano is probably by his side.

...Murakami had been Uno's classmate in university. He was tall, had a well-proportioned face, and no matter what he wore, he always looked much more stylish than others. In short, he was a noticeable guy. The friends gathered around him, whether male or female, were either beautiful or handsome, always drawing attention.

Although they were in different faculties, there were times when their classes overlapped. Whenever Uno saw Murakami, he found himself wondering where that brightness came from and how it was so different from his own. It wasn't jealousy, just pure curiosity.

"Hey, do you have a moment?"

It was about two months after enrolling when Murakami first spoke to Uno. Having never spoken to him before, Uno didn't even think he was the one being addressed and instinctively looked around.

"So, are you interested in camping?"

Murakami asked with a sudden burst of a smile. Uno didn't like the outdoors. He preferred quietly reading books at home. He was about to say so, but Murakami spoke first.

"It's not about climbing mountains or anything strenuous like that. It's more about gathering people together to cook, pitch tents, play around, and just have fun together. I'm thinking of starting a new club, but I'm having trouble gathering people."

Murakami seemed like he would have many friends, so why hadn't he asked them first? Maybe even his friends thought starting a club was too much trouble and turned him down, saying, "I'm out."

"My ideal is to have an even ratio of men and women. It would be awkward if it were unbalanced. What do you think?"

Even though Uno intended to decline, Murakami's expectant gaze made it hard to say no. Besides, Uno wasn't involved in any other clubs or circles. So...

"If it's just lending my name, I'm fine with that."

Murakami's refreshing smile quickly stiffened. Uno realized he had said something wrong but didn't know exactly what.

After a brief silence, Murakami forced a smile and said, "If you don't want to, you don't have to force yourself."

"I saw you reading a book by Yoshihiro Motohashi in the cafeteria or somewhere... the adventurer's book. I've read that too. I thought if you liked that kind of thing, you might be interested in camping as well."

Murakami had genuinely asked if Uno was interested. He wasn't just randomly approaching anyone. And yet, saying, "I'll lend my name only," was inappropriate. Uno began to feel small and ashamed, wanting to disappear. But the harsh reality continued before his eyes.

"...Sorry."

Uno apologized first.

"I'm shy, so I'm not good with groups. Even if I join, I'm not sure if I can participate, but... I don't hate camping."

He made an excuse and added a small lie.

"You don't seem shy at all. I don't really get that feeling. I tend to talk to anyone easily."

Murakami's face softened, his stiff expression replaced by a gentle smile.

"For now, just sign up with us. If it seems interesting, you can join in. Also, can you give me your name and contact info?"

They exchanged phone numbers and email addresses on the spot, and with a light tap on Uno's shoulder, Murakami left. He was an easygoing guy but not a bad one. That burst of a smile left a strong impression on Uno.

After that, whenever they had a class together, Murakami would occasionally chat with Uno, asking things like "How are you?" or "What book are you reading now?" He also sent a monthly invitation email to camping events. At first, Uno declined, but when his friend Kagami saw one of those emails, he expressed interest in joining. It seemed there was a girl in the camping club that Kagami was interested in.

At Kagami's request, Uno joined the camping event for the first time, and it turned out to be unexpectedly fun. Murakami, while being energetic and bright, was also somewhat absent-minded. That day, he had forgotten to buy barbecue sauce. It wasn't until the meat was cooked that they realized the oversight. The only nearby store was a convenience store, but everyone who could drive had been drinking, so they ended up eating the meat with just salt. Though it was still tasty, everyone playfully blamed Murakami.

"I didn't forget it on purpose!" Murakami defended himself like a desperate elementary school kid in front of a teacher, shattering the too-cool-to-approach image he had, and suddenly making him feel more relatable. As a punishment, he had to buy ice cream for everyone at the camp from the convenience store.

Going out, eating, laughing, drinking, and sleeping in a group of about 15 or 16 people. Just as Murakami had said, it was a casual but fun club.

Kagami, eager to spend time with a girl named Miku, continued to attend, and as Uno kept getting invited, he eventually became a regular member. Despite his reputation for being perfect, Murakami always forgot something, which became a running joke of the camp.

Uno always found himself watching Murakami. Just observing him was entertaining. Whether it was getting completely soaked while playing by the shoreline, being the only one stung by a bee and causing a big fuss, or finding a stray cat and having everyone at the camp send out emails looking for a new owner, only to have more volunteers than there were cats, leaving him scratching his head.

Uno imagined that if being with Murakami was this much fun just during camping, it must be incredibly enjoyable to be his friend in everyday life.

It wasn't just Uno who felt this way. It seemed the other club members shared the sentiment, as there was always someone by Murakami's side. Uno wanted to be a closer friend, to be special. Friendships, in his mind, were something that naturally formed because you clicked or shared similar interests. But with Murakami, it was a bit different.

Even though he wanted to get closer, Uno wasn't good at talking and didn't share the same interests. Knowing Murakami liked soccer, he even tried watching some matches on TV. Despite building up common topics, Murakami was always surrounded by friends, and Uno couldn't bring himself to push through and talk to him.

About two years after the club was formed, a girl named Hinano Saitou, who had transferred from a junior college, joined after being invited by a friend. She was small, with slender arms and legs, and her skin was snow-white. As a quarter-European, her light brown hair curled softly like cotton candy.

Uno still remembers the look on Murakami's face when Hinano introduced herself. He stared at her, mouth slightly open, as if mesmerized.

"Hey, Murakami, don't get too caught up just because she's pretty!"

When Kagami teased him, Murakami, who usually brushed off such remarks lightly, turned bright red and looked down. Uno had been watching the whole process—how someone falls for someone else and gets completely captivated.

During the first camping trip that Hinano attended, Murakami was unusually excited. Watching him was usually fun, but this time Uno felt a strange sense of discomfort.

After the barbecue ended and the cleanup was done, everyone sat around the remaining embers, chatting. Uno noticed that Murakami was nowhere to be seen. Since Murakami was on breakfast duty the next morning, Uno wanted to confirm something with him. When he asked if anyone had seen Murakami, Kagami's girlfriend, Miku, said, "He went towards the bridge."

"But if you want to talk to him, you might want to wait a bit."

Even though she said that, Uno figured it would be too late if he waited. Without fully understanding the implications of her words, he walked toward the bridge. Using the moonlight to navigate the unpaved forest path, he eventually saw a figure in the distance. He started to run towards it but stopped in his tracks. Murakami wasn't alone.

"Um... if it's okay with you, would you go out with me?"

Murakami's voice, which reached Uno through the air, was slightly trembling, unlike his usual tone. Uno turned on his heel and walked away. It wasn't something surprising. Murakami had been interested in Hinano from the start. Yes, it wasn't surprising at all...

About fifteen minutes later, Murakami returned to the group gathered around the embers, holding hands with Hinano. As if showing off a prize, he lifted their joined hands slightly and announced happily, "We've started dating."

Voices from the group congratulated them, saying things like, "I knew it," and "Good for you." Meanwhile, Uno felt like something had been drained from his body, leaving him in a daze. That feeling persisted the next day after the camp and even after he returned home. It was just that someone he knew had found a lover. That was all. But when Kagami had told him he was dating Miku, it hadn't felt like this.

He couldn't bring himself to go to university and took two days off, spending the time lying in bed, lost in thought. On the third day, he finally realized that he might actually be in love with Murakami. Wanting to get closer might have been a sign of romantic feelings.

He didn't want to acknowledge it. Even if he could argue that he had met Murakami first, it was Hinano whom Murakami fell for. And with the same-sex situation, it was over before it could even begin. There was no way it could work out.

After Murakami and Hinano started dating, Uno consistently declined invitations to camp. He came up with various excuses, saying he was busy with his seminars or needed to visit his family. He didn't want to see them together, and most of all, he felt miserable about himself.

"Uno."

A while after he had been turning down invitations, Murakami approached him. After the lecture, Murakami, who had been sitting in the middle of the classroom, went out of his way to come to Uno, who was sitting by the window in the back row.

"You haven't been showing up to the club lately."

Even though he now had a girlfriend, Murakami's endlessly bright smile hadn't changed. It felt like a sharp pain stabbing into Uno's chest.

"I've just been busy with a lot of things."

"Can you make it next time? It's next week."

Maybe he should just clearly say that he wanted to quit the club. But how would he explain it? Perhaps he could say his seminars were getting busier...

"You used to always come, right? So it's been lonely without you."

The expression on Murakami's face as he said this looked genuinely lonely. Even though they didn't talk much during the camping trips, Uno felt a surge of happiness that Murakami noticed his absence. He found himself blurting out, "I'll come next week."

In the end, Uno started attending the camping trips again. Although it was fun when he participated, he didn't want to see Murakami and Hinano together. So he tried not to look at them. It was a little exhausting. He would crouch in the shade of trees where no one was around, cursing in his mind. Murakami was awful—terrible for not understanding how he felt...

"Hey, are you okay?"

Hearing the voice of the very person he had been cursing, Uno hastily looked up.

"You look like you're feeling unwell."

Murakami, though forgetful at times, was always attentive to people's expressions.

"I'm fine... I just felt a bit dizzy."

Murakami sat down next to Uno. Why sit next to me? It made him happy, but he couldn't relax. After all, he had been cursing him just a moment ago...

"Is something bothering you?"

Murakami leaned in, asking as if peering into Uno's face, leaving him speechless.

"Kagami mentioned that you didn't seem to be yourself. You haven't been coming to the camp, and I was worried too. If something's on your mind, I'm here to listen."

The fact that Murakami was worried about him made Uno ridiculously happy. Even though he knew it was just casual concern, nothing more.

"I've just been busy, that's all. But I'm fine... thanks."

Murakami lightly placed a hand on Uno's head.

"Is that so? Well, that's good to hear."

The warmth of his hand made Uno so happy he felt like crying. Even in the shade, Murakami's smile was dazzling.

"I like lively things, but I also enjoy quiet moments. There's something calming about being around you, Uno."

Just as Uno felt like his cup of joy was about to overflow, Murakami added:

"It's like when I'm with Hinano."

The cup shattered, and the water splashed everywhere. A voice called Murakami's name from afar, and he responded with a cheerful "Yeah!" as he stood up.

"You should take it easy."

He was alone again. Despite hearing so many kind words, Uno felt far more miserable than when he had been sitting there sulking. Murakami liked Hinano. No matter how much Uno complained or vented, that fact wouldn't change. Nothing would change.

In the end, Uno never quit the club and continued attending the camping trips. It was because Hinano became busy with her practical training and started skipping many of the trips. Without Hinano by his side, it wasn't painful for Uno to watch Murakami.

In the third year, the club was officially recognized by the university. That year, a bit of an incident occurred. There was a junior who often gazed at Murakami with intense admiration. Despite Murakami having a girlfriend, Hinano, this junior couldn't help but want him. The situation escalated during a camping trip that also served as a way to view the autumn leaves, one that Hinano participated in for the first time in a while.

"I'm sorry, but could you not touch me?"

Murakami, who was tending the barbecue grill, firmly addressed the junior who had sidled up next to him.

"Oh, was I touching you? Sorry about that," the junior apologized, her tone casual and unrepentant, as if it had been an innocent mistake. Murakami remained silent for a moment, staring intently at the junior before speaking.

"Could it be that you like me?"

The junior responded with a vague "Um..." and left her answer ambiguous. The people around them, who had been pretending not to notice, collectively held their breath.

"If you don't like me, then it's fine. But I do have a girlfriend, so I'm worried that being close with other girls might lead to misunderstandings. Could you please be more careful? Sorry about that."

Despite his gentle tone, his words were a clear rejection. The junior, with a blank expression, stood up straight and ran off without another word.

"Serves her right," muttered Misawa, a girl from the same year as Uno, standing behind him.

"She was so annoying."

If Uno's intuition was correct, Misawa also had feelings for Murakami. She was likely jealous of the junior for doing what she couldn't. Uno, too, found the junior's blatant advances annoying, and seeing Hinano's sad expression gave him a small sense of satisfaction. It was the bitter envy of those who weren't chosen. Hinano had done nothing wrong, except for being the one Murakami chose to date.

Murakami had decisively rejected the junior and protected Hinano. Uno couldn't help but imagine: if he were a woman and confessed to Murakami, would he have been rejected and turned down just like that junior?

After that, the junior stopped coming to the club, and about six months later, Uno saw her walking arm-in-arm with a guy he didn't know on campus. Despite how obsessed she had seemed with Murakami, she had already moved on to someone else, which left Uno feeling cold and dismissive, as if her feelings had been shallow all along.

Despite being the subject of some envious glances, Hinano and Murakami continued their relationship smoothly. Right after starting their fourth year, Murakami secured a job offer from a major company and spent the rest of his student life indulging in camping trips and partying. Uno, who had also secured a job offer from a smaller company early on, tagged along with him. However, with several new and interesting juniors joining the club, Murakami bonded with them, and his conversations with Uno became less frequent. Murakami, always cheerful, didn't seem to notice the decrease in their interactions with his peers.

On the day of graduation, Uno felt an overwhelming urge to talk to Murakami, thinking it might be his last chance. After the ceremony, he searched for Murakami but couldn't find him anywhere. Worried that Murakami might have already left, Uno was about to call his phone—a number he had never used in a private setting—when he spotted him in front of the camp club's room, standing with Misawa. As Misawa gave Murakami a pat on the shoulder, she walked towards Uno with a bright, cheerful expression.

"Take care, Uno-kun," Misawa said as she passed by, her face looking radiant. On the other hand, Murakami wore an expression Uno had never seen before—one that wasn't quite distressed, but also not sad. If anything, he looked deeply troubled.

"Oh, Uno," Murakami said, sounding relieved when he noticed him.

"Were you talking about something with Misawa?" Uno asked, and for the first time, the usually straightforward Murakami hesitated and stumbled over his words.

"Uh... well..."

Then, Murakami looked directly at Uno.

"Did you overhear our conversation?"

Uno quickly denied it, but Murakami laughed lightly as if he didn't quite believe him.

"Misawa confessed to me that she's liked me for a long time."

The heaviness in Uno's stomach felt like he had swallowed lead.

"...And then?"

"Aren't you surprised?"

Murakami's unexpected retort left Uno momentarily speechless.

"Did you already know?"

Uno looked down and added vaguely, "Kind of."

"I thought so. I had a feeling Misawa might like me too, but with Hinano in the picture, I couldn't think about anyone else..."

Murakami had noticed Misawa's feelings but chose to pretend he didn't. Uno's heart pounded louder and faster than ever before. He had assumed that he recognized Misawa's feelings because he was in a similar situation himself. After all, Misawa hadn't openly approached Murakami like the junior had; she had only watched him from a distance, just as Uno had done.

"She said she wanted to express her feelings before it was too late since she'd be moving back to her hometown after graduation and we'd probably never see each other again. I felt really bad about it."

"Why?"

Murakami tilted his head in confusion.

"Maybe if she hadn't liked me, she could've found a boyfriend. She was always joking that there wasn't a guy who could match her, and I used to tell her to stop being so arrogant."

If Murakami had noticed Misawa's gaze, had he also noticed Uno's? Had he realized that Uno had been watching him all along?

Murakami lightly ran his hand through his neatly styled hair.

"Maybe I shouldn't overthink it. Misawa said she just wanted to tell me, so I guess I should just take her at her word. But still, I couldn't tell someone to give up on me when I wasn't even sure if they liked me in the first place."

It was hard to tell if Murakami was being kind or arrogant, but Uno couldn't help feeling a surge of irritation. Misawa had known that Murakami was deeply in love with Hinano and that she didn't stand a chance. Yet, she chose to stay close, even though she could have walked away like the rejected junior had. She chose to stay by his side, enduring the pain. How could Murakami not understand that?

"...Misawa wasn't the only one who liked you. There were others too, I think."

Murakami looked at Uno in surprise.

"Huh? Who?"

His eyes were genuinely curious, completely oblivious. Relief and disappointment mixed in Uno's heart. Even though Murakami had noticed Misawa's feelings, he had never realized Uno's.

"I'm not going to say. If you didn't notice, then I think it's better if you don't know."

Murakami, looking serious, muttered, "Yeah, I guess you're right." Tears welled up in Uno's eyes, but he fought hard to hold them back. Even if he cried, there would be no way to explain why.

After graduation, Uno never contacted Murakami again. Despite how close the camping club had been, there was no sign of any post-graduation get-togethers.

About three months into his job, Uno ran into Kagami by chance in town. During their conversation, Kagami mentioned that Murakami was busy with work, even giving up his weekends. That was the last bit of information Uno ever heard about Murakami. His connection with Kagami had dwindled to just exchanging New Year's cards, but now an invitation to Kagami's wedding had arrived.

Until now, Murakami was the only person Uno had clearly recognized as someone he liked. Because of that, he didn’t know when this love would end.

It had been six years since they last met. The Murakami in Uno's mind remained just as he was back then—endlessly cheerful, with a bright smile, living vividly in his memories. And Uno still hadn't met anyone who could stir his emotions more than Murakami did.

What is romantic love, really? Even if you can't see the person, does it linger on like this, slowly and steadily? Like the junior who went too far and got rejected, does it naturally fade when you think it's over and your attention shifts elsewhere? Or does it need to be put to rest somehow, like how Misawa confessed before moving back to her hometown?

On graduation day, would it have ended if Uno had told Murakami, "I liked you too"? But even if he had said it, it would have caused Murakami more distress than Misawa's confession.

A childish fantasy—what if everyone in the world died and only Murakami and Misawa were left? Maybe then, Murakami would choose Misawa. But even if only Murakami and Uno were left, Uno would never be the one chosen.

He was tired of it. There was no point in thinking about it. Murakami didn't know about Uno's feelings. Even if Uno kept thinking about him, it would be nothing but wasted energy that would eventually dissipate. What Suma had said was right—it wasn’t constructive.

This love was like running on a treadmill. Uno could keep running as long as he wanted, but there was no finish line in sight.

If Uno could forget Murakami, maybe he could start liking someone else. He took out his smartphone. Should he end it? Like Misawa did? No matter how it would make Murakami feel, should he confess just to free himself?

Murakami's name appeared on the screen. A single touch would connect them. But Uno couldn’t bring himself to do it. The courage that had eluded him for years wasn’t about to surface now.

He put the phone back in his pocket. A raindrop splashed onto his cheek. The rain was thick and heavy, like the last remnants of snow.

...There was the wedding, after all. If Uno went to Kagami's wedding, he would surely see Murakami. The current Murakami. There, he would say, "I used to like you." In the past tense, so it wouldn’t be a burden to Murakami. This time, he would finally end it. This ghost-like love.

It felt foolish. Love begins the moment you become aware of it, and if you do nothing, nothing happens. It’s a phenomenon where only you end up being drained.

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