Utsukushii Koto: Volume 2 - Part 6

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“Oh my, if it isn’t Motofumi-chan!”

It happened on his way back from delivering goods to the local specialty center. He’d just bought a canned chuhai at the neighborhood supermarket and was straddling his Cub when the voice called out to him. Turning around, he saw Shimizu’s mother—Shimizu, a classmate of his, was getting married next week. Hiromatsu had been asked to give the friend representative’s speech at the wedding.

“It’s been a while, Oba-san. And congratulations, by the way.”

“Thank you!” she beamed. Her warm, familiar smile was the very picture of a friendly country aunt, and just seeing it made Hiromatsu feel a quiet warmth spread in his chest.

“So you’ve come back home for good, haven’t you? With both sons nearby, your parents must be so relieved. But tell me, Motofumi-chan, when are you getting yourself a bride?”

“I don’t know about that…”

He scratched at his neck and gave a vague, evasive answer.

“Didn’t meet anyone good while you were away?”

He gave her a strained smile, and she smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

“You’re a good-looking guy, Motofumi-chan. If you put your mind to it, you’d find someone right away!”

“I hope that’s true…”

After chatting for a little while longer, they parted ways. In the days just after he’d returned home, everyone he ran into would ask the same things—“Are you married yet?” or “When are you getting a wife?”—as if from a shared script. But after two or three weeks, those comments tapered off. Still, every now and then he’d bump into someone he hadn’t seen yet and get the same line of questioning all over again.

In the countryside, people either married young or very late. Shimizu, like him, fell into the latter category—some classmates were already on their second marriages. Back in the city, being an unmarried man in your thirties wasn’t unusual, and no one pointed it out. But back home, he couldn’t help but become more self-conscious of his age.

Hiromatsu rode his Cub along the coastal road. Even though it was late April and the weather had grown quite warm, riding a bike meant catching the wind full-on, and it was still cold. He couldn’t go without his nylon windbreaker.

The afternoon sun was soft, and the sea sparkled under it—it was beautiful. He stopped the bike along the way, sat on the breakwater, and gazed out at the glittering water. When he lived in the city, surrounded by gray buildings, he’d never stopped to look at the scenery like this.

By the time he got home from his detour, it was past 4 p.m. The factory job started at seven in the morning and ended at three, after which he went out to deliver goods. Since Hiromatsu didn’t drive, he used a bike, which limited how much he could carry. He only delivered to nearby retail shops and local centers, so he always returned earlier than the others.

He parked the bike in the garage and entered through the back kitchen door. Still crouched as he bent to put the canned chuhai into the fridge, he suddenly felt a thump against his back.

“Uncle Motofumi!”

It was his older brother’s eldest son, Hiroki, climbing onto his back. A mischievous second-grader.

“Hiroki, you’re heavy.”

“Hey, let’s play a game!”

“I’m fine with that, but did you finish your homework?”

The honest child immediately went quiet.

“If your homework’s done, I’ll play with you.”

“…I’ll do it after we play.”

“Hey!” a voice scolded—his sister-in-law had come into the kitchen. Hiroki squeaked and shivered on Hiromatsu’s back.

“You’re being a burden to Uncle Motofumi doing that. And homework first, remember?”

Hiroki pouted and whispered into Hiromatsu’s ear, “You have to play with me later,” before running off. His sister-in-law sighed softly as she watched him go.

“Sorry, Motofumi-san. Hiroki’s always glued to you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Nee-san. Hiroki’s adorable, and playing with him keeps me from getting bored too.”

She adjusted the baby in her arms. Even though it was her third, caring for a nursing infant clearly took its toll—her hair was disheveled, strands falling across her cheeks.

“Ever since the baby was born, I haven’t had much time for Hiroki. His little brother Yuuki doesn’t mind so much, but Hiroki’s been sulking nonstop. I think having you around to pay attention to him makes him really happy.”

“I like kids, so it’s no problem at all. Oh—Nee-san, want some tea?”

“I can pour my own, you know.”

“It’s okay, I’ll do it.”

He served tea for two at the kitchen dining table. His sister-in-law smiled and thanked him. After returning to the countryside, Hiromatsu had moved back in with his parents. Both his brother and sister-in-law had encouraged him to do so. Ever since leaving for Tokyo at eighteen, he hadn’t lived with family. At first, he’d been unsure of what it would be like, sharing a household with his parents, his brother’s family, and their children—but to his surprise, he’d slipped naturally into that circle as if he’d never left.

When he’d vacated his apartment, he’d gotten rid of most of his old furniture and appliances. He hadn’t been particularly attached to his belongings, so his luggage ended up being surprisingly minimal.

The house was spacious, and his old room was still intact, so he’d taken up residence there. He had assumed he’d need to start job-hunting again right away, but since his sister-in-law had her hands full with the new baby and couldn’t go to the factory as often, he naturally fell into helping out instead. He didn’t earn a salary, but they told him he didn’t need to pay for food or utilities, which made it easier to accept.

“Hiroki really takes after my brother, doesn’t he?”

“Really?” she said, tilting her head, then chuckled.

“Like how he wants to do all the fun stuff first and puts off the hard things.”

They shared a laugh. In her arms, the baby rocked gently. His tiny niece slept with her mouth slightly parted. When Hiromatsu reached out and gently touched her cheek, her small lips moved in a little mouthing motion.

“So cute…”

His face relaxed without him even realizing it.

“You should hurry up and get married too, Motofumi-san, and have some kids of your own. I bet you’d make a wonderfully doting dad.”

“I don’t have anyone to marry.”

He replied with his usual line. But his sister-in-law, who had been smiling, suddenly turned serious.

“You were seeing someone back there, weren’t you?”

The face that flickered in his mind was Matsuoka’s. Though they’d never officially been in a relationship, it was his face that came to him—no one else’s.

“Well, I’m at that age, so… here and there.”

“Didn’t you ever think of marrying any of them?”

Hiromatsu gave a wry smile.

“The person I liked most… turned me down.”

He’d loved Yoko Eto so much—and yet, now that he thought about it, that was Matsuoka. So maybe saying it like that didn’t even make sense. Changed forms, maybe? No, that sounded ridiculous. He let out a quiet chuckle at his own thoughts. Probably from watching too many tokusatsu superhero shows with Hiroki.

“And aside from that person, no one else seemed right?”

“I loved that person too much to even think about anyone else.”

“Heartbreak happens to everyone,” she said lightly.

The words were so ordinary—and yet they struck him with startling clarity.

“No matter how deeply you love someone, there are just people you’re not meant to be with. When it’s no good, it’s no good. The sooner you accept that, the easier it gets.”

“I’ve already given up. I just… can’t forget.”

The trembling thrill of falling for Yoko Eto—the odd fullness of simply being near her. That singular intensity, that chaos of emotion—before or since, no one else had ever made him feel anything like that.

“How long were you together?”

“We started out as friends, so only about two months as a couple.”

“Then that was the height of it, wasn’t it? The peak of the romance.”

“The peak?”

“Relationships have waves, don’t they? The beginning is always the most exciting. If it ended during that time, maybe that’s why it’s lingering so strongly.”

It felt like she’d put something private and precious on the discount rack. He wanted to say it wasn’t some cheap romance like that—but the words wouldn’t come. It felt petty to get defensive.

“You’re soft-spoken, polite, and gentle, Motofumi-san. Honestly, I’m surprised someone like you is still single. If Norifumi weren’t around, I might have volunteered myself,” she joked.

A questionable remark? she teased, then laughed. “You must’ve been pretty popular, huh? Come on, confess.”

“I’m really not much at all,” he answered quietly.

He could count on one hand the number of people he’d dated, and none had lasted even half a year. More often, people said they liked him—and yet, it was always him who got dumped. He wasn’t good with words, and he lacked the kind of attentiveness others found charming. The only person who’d ever said he was “interesting” was Matsuoka.

“…There was one person,” he said.

He didn’t know why, but suddenly he wanted to talk about Matsuoka—wanted it intensely.

“There was someone who told me they really liked me. I always felt comfortable around them, and we’d often go out for meals or hang out together. They said they loved me, but I… couldn’t see them as a romantic partner. Right before I came back here, I told them the truth—that I could only see them as a friend. And they said if that was the case, then they didn’t want to see me anymore. Because being just friends would mean they’d have to watch me fall for someone else. That it would be too painful.”

“I think I understand how they felt,” his sister-in-law murmured.

“How long were you seeing each other?”

“We met two years ago, but it was only in the last six months that we really started spending time together. Still, we were never officially a couple.”

“Then I think… that person had it rough.”

She lowered her eyes.

“For that first year and a half, they were basically in one-sided love, right? Then just when things finally started looking hopeful, you still said it was just ‘friendship.’ I think that would be pretty hard to take.”

Hiromatsu recalled the red, tear-filled corners of Matsuoka’s eyes that night.

“I wanted to fall in love with them too…”

“You should’ve just tried marrying them,” she said suddenly. “It might’ve turned out better than you expected.”

Surprised, he blurted, “Huh?”

“When it comes to living together, it’s better to be with someone you feel at ease around rather than someone you’re head-over-heels for. Romance is exciting, sure, but it burns hot and cold. That alone can’t sustain a shared life. Compatibility matters so much more. Even if there’s love, if you’re not compatible, it’s doomed eventually.”

Suddenly, the chair felt uncomfortable beneath him, and Hiromatsu shifted slightly in his seat. If she knew Matsuoka was a man, would she still say the same thing? The thought came uninvited, and he hated himself for it.

“There was one person I loved most… I imagined marrying them, building a house, having kids… I really thought about all of it. But with this person, I just couldn’t picture that kind of life.”

“Were they that… wild or something? Like, too free-spirited for that kind of thing?”

Matsuoka was stylish and put-together, but never flashy or reckless.

“Finished my homework!” Hiroki announced, bursting into the kitchen.

He grabbed Hiromatsu’s hand and tugged on it. “Come on, come on!”

Hiromatsu wasn’t convinced any real homework had been done in that short time, but a promise was a promise. With a wry smile, he let Hiroki pull him away.

As he played games with his nephew, he thought of Matsuoka again.

Someone who had said, over and over, how much they loved him. Someone who made him feel at ease. Someone who truly cherished him. There might never be anyone else like that again. If Matsuoka had been a woman, there would’ve been no problem. Someone easy to be around, who loved him unconditionally. If things had been different, just as his sister-in-law said… maybe he really would’ve ended up with Matsuoka.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Before and after dinner, Hiroki clung to Hiromatsu, ignoring his little brother entirely. After running around wildly, he eventually fell asleep at Hiromatsu’s feet. When their father carried him off to the children’s room, he returned with a can of beer from the kitchen and handed it over.

“Sorry he’s all over you every night.”

Their parents had already gone to bed in the back room, and his sister-in-law was in the next room putting the baby to sleep. Now it was just the two of them in the living room. His brother drank about half the beer in one go and let out a satisfied breath.

“Ever since you came back, Hiroki’s been over the moon. He always liked you, but now he’s more attached to you than to me. Pretty sad for me, as his father.”

“I’m just a good playmate, that’s all.”

His brother glanced left and right, then said, “Just one,” and reached for a cigarette. He opened the window and lit up. Outside, the frogs were croaking. The air was cool, and the soft chorus of the countryside night filled the room. The light buzz from the beer made him a little sleepy—and it felt nice. Every day was simple, predictable, kind. It was only now, in this peace, that he realized how much stress he’d been under back in the city.

“Oh yeah. I think I saw you earlier today—around sunset, while I was out on deliveries.”

His brother looked up as he exhaled smoke.

“You were down by the seawall, right?”

“Ah… yeah. The ocean was so pretty, I just stopped and watched for a while.”

His brother laughed. “You’ve always done that kind of thing, zoning out.”

“Have I?”

“Sure. I remember back when we were in elementary school, you didn’t come home one day, and Mom and Dad got worried and sent me out to look for you. Found you asleep on the beach. Said you were watching the ocean and got sleepy. They were both totally exasperated.”

He didn’t remember it clearly, but it sounded like something that might’ve happened.

“When you called and said you wanted to come home, honestly I wasn’t sure what you were going to do. There’s no real work out here. But even before the job stuff, I thought maybe this kind of life just suits you better. You’ve looked a lot better lately than you did when you first got back. With the baby just born and my wife overwhelmed, and Mom and Dad getting older, we’ve really appreciated you helping out.”

“Well, I can’t just freeload.”

Hiromatsu smiled faintly.

“But you’re working full-time at the factory. I wish we could at least pay you something…”

“Just having a place to stay, that’s already more than enough. Really—don’t worry about it.”

The baby’s crying could be heard through the sliding door, and his brother quickly stubbed out the cigarette.

“…You ever think about going back to the city?”

Hiromatsu took a sip of beer. Back then, in the city, he never could’ve imagined living like this—so quiet, so easy. The city moved too fast, the seasons changing in a blur. Maybe, as the saying goes, it was a matter of the right person in the right place—and he just wasn’t suited to city life.

If there was anything he regretted leaving behind…

“If you want to stay, just stay. Mom and Dad seem really happy to have you around. I’ll ask around, see if anyone knows of a good job for you.”

Then, as if remembering something, his brother smacked his knee.

“Oh, right. Yosshiko Oba-chan, three houses down, said she wants to introduce you to someone. This girl just moved back here and opened a hair salon in the next town over. She’s thirty-three, never married, and apparently pretty good-looking.”

“Right now… I don’t think I’m ready.”

But his brother scooted forward on his knees, leaning in.

“Don’t take it too seriously. Just meet her, that’s all I’m saying.”

Claiming he was sleepy, Hiromatsu excused himself and retreated to his room. He climbed the stairs and closed the sliding door behind him. Faintly, the sound of the baby crying drifted up from downstairs.

Lying in bed, he could see the bookshelf along the wall. The books he’d read as a student. Old textbooks. Staring at them gave him the strange illusion that time had somehow stopped.

This life didn’t come with the inferiority complex that had dogged him in the workplace. At home, he had a place, a role. Maybe it wasn’t that the company hadn’t suited him—it was that he hadn’t suited the company.

All the stress, once it was over, faded fast. The outlines of it grew vague, and it became harder and harder to understand what it had been that had felt so unbearable. In the end, he realized he'd been trapped by something that had no real shape. Calling it stupid felt unfair to his past self, but still—that’s what it was.

On a whim, he reached for his phone. He’d never had many friends he kept in touch with via email, and since moving to the countryside, contact had completely dried up. No calls, no messages today either—but he didn’t feel particularly lonely about it.

He scrolled through his email history. It used to be full of Matsuoka’s name, but the moment April began, it disappeared entirely. Just as he’d said, Matsuoka hadn’t sent a single message or made any attempt to call.

Lying on his back, he stared up at the wooden ceiling and thought of the ryokan they’d stayed at together during that short trip.

He began to imagine—What if… What if he had become Matsuoka’s boyfriend? What would that have looked like? Kissing, having sex, living together? He couldn’t picture it.

And yet, maybe… just maybe, like that night they’d spent in the inn—sharing a room, laying out their futons side by side, talking about nothing in particular, laughing… Maybe that could’ve become their everyday life.

He realized now that it was probably his sister-in-law’s words from earlier still lingering in the back of his mind.

“You should’ve tried marrying him. It might’ve gone better than you thought.”

But it wasn’t that simple. The other person was a man. Even though Hiromatsu had felt something like affection for Matsuoka, the moment things got physical, something deep within him had recoiled. The feel of something that wasn’t supposed to be there on a woman’s body—he didn’t know why, but it had filled him with such visceral aversion.

He touched his own chin. Felt the faint stubble under his fingers. Honestly, he didn’t even fully understand why it had bothered him so much.

Even seeing a naked body, or—crudely speaking—even seeing male genitalia hadn’t stirred any particular reaction in him. What he’d seen in the bathhouse had simply registered as: a man’s body. That was all.

The parts of Matsuoka that had drawn him in weren’t the physical ones. It was his expressions when he smiled, the way he looked at him, the little moments when his guard slipped. Those had seemed cute. Strange as it was to say about another man, there had been something undeniably charming in that.

But as he thought and thought, it all turned into a confused tangle. He couldn’t love Matsuoka as a partner. But he had liked him as a friend. That was where it ended.

If there was any lingering regret from his time in the city… it was only about Matsuoka. Making him cry at the end. That alone.

When I was about to leave… did you think about me at all? he’d asked.

Hiromatsu should’ve just said “I did”—even if it was a lie. But he hadn’t had the emotional margin to think that far. Not even enough to be considerate.

He should’ve at least given him his new address, or his parents’ phone number. He could’ve said he’d reach out once he’d settled in. Then Matsuoka wouldn’t have left, that hurt, that broken. But ultimately, “You don’t need to tell me”—those were Matsuoka’s words.

I want to talk to Matsuoka. Now that he was free from the entanglements of work and the company, he felt like maybe he could speak more honestly. He wanted to apologize for how cold he’d been, how prideful. He wanted to tell him about life in the countryside. And he had a feeling Matsuoka would listen.

But the man had said, “If we can’t be lovers, I don’t want to be friends.” He’d said he wouldn’t contact him anymore. So reaching out now, sending an email or calling out of the blue… Hiromatsu hesitated.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that if he did reach out, Matsuoka would respond the same way he always had—gently, openly.

He didn’t remember the office. Or the job. But Matsuoka… he remembered well. In fact, he couldn’t remember anything else besides Matsuoka.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Shimizu, his best friend, had a wedding where the ceremony and reception were held with quiet dignity—but from the second party onward, it turned into a full-blown class reunion. Since the wedding was held back in their hometown, all the guests were familiar faces. No one paid much attention to the guests of honor—instead, everyone just started having fun in their own way.

After quitting his job, Hiromatsu hadn’t really gone out to eat, so the lively atmosphere of a bar felt unusually fresh. And being able to talk to old friends for the first time in a long while was genuinely enjoyable.

Shimizu’s wife was slightly plump, more cute than beautiful. In her early twenties, she was more than ten years younger than the groom.

Everyone teased Shimizu endlessly, saying, “Ten years ago this would’ve been a crime!”

Shimizu had already been drinking heavily since the first venue, and by the time they were at the bar that served as the second party, he was half out of it. Spotting Hiromatsu quietly nursing a drink in the corner, he dragged him up and made a loud declaration:

“When this guy gets married, I’ll give the speech! Please, someone introduce him to a good partner!”

Thanks to that, about five people came up and asked, “So, why aren’t you getting married?”

Each time, Hiromatsu would vaguely reply, “Well, it’s not that simple,” and brush it off.

Some even jokingly—or maybe not—offered, “What about my little sister?” and it took a bit of effort to turn them down gently.

Eventually, the groom passed out drunk and was taken home by his new wife.

Even after the guest of honor left, the party kept going, and it wasn’t until the first trains began to run that they finally called it a night.

Hiromatsu walked home at dawn, side by side with a childhood friend from elementary school. Home was still a ways off, but not far enough to bother with a taxi.

At one point they reached a road by the sea, and the smell of salt grew stronger all at once. The waves and wind were rough—the ocean was slightly agitated.

Even though Hiromatsu told him it was dangerous and to stop, his friend climbed up and started walking along the seawall.

“Being single’s great, huh? You can do whatever you want. Having a family’s nice too, but… it’s like, all these things that have nothing to do with you just keep piling up.”

This was the same friend who had said he’d become a section chief this year and had three kids.

His hair had started to thin, as if to reflect the weight of all those responsibilities—but his body had grown noticeably rounder in contrast.

“It’s not like I regret getting married or anything,” he added.

His hefty frame wobbled on the seawall, and Hiromatsu lunged forward and grabbed his legs to keep him from falling. He managed to make him sit down, narrowly avoiding a fall onto the beach on the other side. The seawall was about five meters high.

Even if it was just sand below, falling from that height would mean getting hurt.

Hiromatsu’s heart pounded.

“I told you it was dangerous.”

When Hiromatsu scolded him, the man hunched his shoulders and drooped his head.

“…You know, I once had a woman I really liked.”

Out of nowhere, he started talking.

“It was about ten years ago. I already had a girlfriend—my wife now—and she had a boyfriend too, so I couldn’t say I liked her. But I always felt like she kind of liked me too, you know? And even now, I wonder: what if I had said something back then? If I’d told her I liked her, would something have changed? Would my life have turned out different…?”

He gave a small laugh.

“I mean, before I got married, I went out with a bunch of girls. But she’s the only one I ever think about. I really do wonder if I should’ve said something back then. Maybe I regret it because I didn’t say anything—maybe that’s why I still can’t let it go.”

Hiromatsu let out a quiet breath and sat down beside that overly round back.

As he stared out at the sea, he sank into thought.

“Maybe it’s because nothing ever happened that you end up imagining all the ‘what-ifs,’” Hiromatsu said.

“Imagining?” the man turned to look at him.

“If you don’t know someone that well, there’s more room to imagine. And with imagination comes hope, doesn’t it?”

The man gave a wry smile.

“Imagination, huh. But imagination isn’t reality. Maybe I’ve idealized her.”

The word idealized caught on something inside Hiromatsu. Someone had once told him he was too idealistic. Was it… his brother?

He felt like Hayama had said something similar too. Yes—it was when they were talking about Yoko Eto. If you took away the fact that she had been Matsuoka, Yoko Eto was perfect in Hiromatsu’s memory—flawless. If the woman from that man’s memories was a product of idealization, then what about his Yoko Eto?

The difference was that he and Yoko had actually been together. So that wasn’t an ideal. That had been real.

“There was someone I loved that much too. Someone I still can’t forget.”

The man slowly turned toward him.

“And then?”

“That’s all. We dated a little while.”

“Why didn’t you marry them?”

The question left him speechless. The one person he had seriously considered marrying had been a man. The silence must’ve led the guy to some alternative interpretation.

“Wait… was it an affair? Doesn’t really sound like you though.”

Hiromatsu gave a small, crooked smile.

“No. It wasn’t anything like that. Just… there were a lot of complications.”

“Still, I envy you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re still single. You still have a chance, right? To get back with her. Wait—does she have someone else now? Or did she get married?”

“They’re single. As for whether they’re seeing someone now… I’m not sure.”

They had broken up at the end of March, when the chill of winter still lingered in the air. Matsuoka—who didn’t usually raise his voice—had shouted, emotions laid bare, and told him he loved him. Even now, Hiromatsu felt like Matsuoka might still love him. But maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Just like Hayama, who had said she loved him but ended up engaged barely a month after they broke up, it wouldn’t be strange if Matsuoka had already moved on to someone else. Come to think of it… he remembered.

After he found out Yoko Eto was Matsuoka, they had broken up once. He’d thought Matsuoka had just been toying with him by dressing as a woman. Later, he realized that wasn’t true—that Matsuoka had been sincere in his own way.

After they broke up, they’d had a ridiculous reunion at a dinner where someone tried to introduce Matsuoka to a girl. It had been several months since they stopped seeing each other. Matsuoka had been searching for someone else too.

So it wouldn’t be surprising if Matsuoka were dating someone now. He had said they couldn’t be lovers. He’d left without even sharing his new address. There was no reason for him to feel bound to Hiromatsu anymore.

Matsuoka with someone else—he hated even imagining it.

He didn’t want to see that version of Matsuoka. But why?

Was it because he didn’t want to lose someone who had said they loved him so much? Even though he couldn’t bring himself to make Matsuoka his partner, no matter how much affection was shown?

It wasn’t that he had hated Matsuoka. They had ended things because Matsuoka said they couldn’t even stay friends, but otherwise, Hiromatsu would’ve liked to keep seeing him.

“The girl I liked ended up getting married,” the guy said. “Not to my friend or anything. I heard she’s living in Saitama now.”

Murmuring “Yo,” he lightly jumped down from the seawall to the sidewalk below.

“She was actually pretty good-looking, you know. But I’ve gotten this fat, and I probably don’t even resemble who I used to be… If we saw each other now with our age showing, maybe we’d both be disappointed and finally let it go.”

Just as Hiromatsu was thinking that’s a pretty extreme approach, the guy stretched dramatically toward the sky and said, “Ah—nope, forget it.”

“A man’s pure-hearted longing,” he declared, “should stay locked away, beautiful as it is. Everyone needs dreams, yeah?”

As they parted ways, he warned, “Don’t tell my wife about my pure-hearted longing,” and Hiromatsu smiled as he replied, “I won’t.”

“I don’t regret getting married, you know. A man’s sentimental side—that’s just a separate compartment. But hey, wasn’t Shimizu’s wedding yesterday great? That bride’s ten years younger—he’s laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think? You’re next.”

After seeing his friend off as he disappeared into the public housing complex, Hiromatsu walked alone along the seaside road.

In the pale morning light, he stopped and slowly looked around. There really was nothing here. Nothing at all—just the sea, the mountains, and a scattering of little houses. That was it.

Come to think of it, Matsuoka had once said he wanted to visit Hiromatsu’s hometown. He should have invited him. There was nothing here—but still, he had said he wanted to come. Yet Hiromatsu had the feeling that, even if he had, this scenery wouldn’t have suited Matsuoka all that well.

When he returned home, his sister-in-law was already up making breakfast. He had told her he’d be back late, but not that he wouldn’t return until morning, so he felt slightly awkward.

“Welcome back, mister early morning,” she said the moment their eyes met.

He offered a quick “Sorry.” She smiled with a soft laugh.

“Weddings around here go wild at the afterparties, don’t they? Norifumi even said he figured you wouldn’t make it home until the next morning. Oh, and he left you a message—you’ve got the day off.”

“Ah, but…”

She shrugged lightly.

“Come on. If he said so, just take it easy for once. He’s been worried since you came back—how you’ve been helping out nonstop without a break.”

When she asked if he wanted breakfast, he declined. Without even taking a bath, still in his suit, he collapsed onto the bed.

There was something hard digging into his lower back. When he reached for it, it turned out to be his phone. The notification light was blinking.

His throat tightened. He swallowed hard. Could it be from Matsuoka?

He imagined it might say something like I want to talk, Can we meet?

Being told I love you would be hard, but… if it was just to see each other—just to talk—he wanted that. He opened the message. But when he saw the sender’s name, he was honestly disappointed.

It wasn’t Matsuoka. It was from Hayama.

She wrote that she had something she wanted to talk about, and asked when would be a good time to call. It didn’t sound urgent.

Besides, it was still before 7 a.m.…

Hiromatsu clicked the phone shut with a soft snap.

Why did I think it would be from Matsuoka?

Matsuoka had said clearly he wouldn’t call or message anymore. It had been a month and a half with not a word—and yet, why did he assume it would be today, of all days? Maybe because he had been thinking about Matsuoka on the way home. Or maybe because, deep down, he had wanted to talk to him.

He placed the phone on the nightstand. Rolling over in bed, he eventually drifted off—and it wasn’t until the afternoon that he finally contacted Hayama.

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