La Vie En Rose: Chapter 1 - Part 10

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After dinner and the 7 p.m. temperature check, the room suddenly becomes quiet. 

I haven't seen Ron-chan since I was admitted to the hospital. "He came by a few times late at night while you were in critical condition," my sister-in-law had told me. But I don’t remember any of it. 

Past 8 p.m., I thought to myself, "This is the busiest time at the club, isn't it?" as I fiddled with the TV remote. Then, I heard a knock on the door. 

Thinking it was a nurse, I replied, "Yes, come in," and turned off the TV. When the sliding door opened and I saw a shadow enter the room, I instinctively straightened my back. 

He wasn’t in a suit, so it seemed he had gone back to the dorm before coming here. He was wearing jeans, a plain T-shirt, and a shirt as a jacket. 

Ron-chan slowly approached me and stood beside the bed, looking down at me with a stern expression. But he didn’t say a word. 

I had turned off the TV by reflex, and now an uncomfortable silence filled the room. Unable to bear the tense atmosphere, I lowered my head and began to speak. 

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused. They said they'd take me to the drug manufacturing site, and I went along, but I got tricked. Looking back, there’s no way they’d casually offer a tour in the middle of all this chaos, with the cops keeping an eye on them.” 

Ron-chan didn’t make a sound. I could feel sweat slowly seeping into my palms. 

“Instead of being useful, I just ended up being a burden...” 

The one-sided conversation felt futile. Ron-chan had never ignored me like this before... He was really, really angry. 

"I... I should have just died..." 

The thought flashed briefly across my mind. 

“Matsushi Kimura confessed to the location of the meth lab,” Ron-chan muttered quietly. I looked up. 

“Really? That’s great... The pressure from the cops must be incredible. The yakuza don’t stand a chance, huh? Haha.” 

Ron-chan’s face remained as stern as when he arrived, and of course, he didn’t laugh. 

“Because of what happened to you, we were able to drag him to the station.” 

“So me becoming a punching bag was useful in some way, huh?” 

I wanted him to confirm it, but Ron-chan fell silent again. I clenched my teeth tightly. 

“...Tell me I was useful.” 

The silence was stinging my chest. 

“Even if it’s not true, just say it.” 

I loved spending time alone with Ron-chan. I always said, “It makes me really happy,” and I meant it. But now, I hated this. I was asking for just a few words, but he wouldn’t even give me that. His silence was painful. 

“Damn it.” 

I slapped my mattress. I wanted to leave the room, but I couldn’t. My right leg was in a cast, and my right wrist was broken, so I couldn’t use crutches yet. 

“My workplace is divided into several departments and sections...” 

Ron-chan suddenly began to speak. 

“I’m in the Violent Crimes Unit of the First Investigation Division of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, dealing with murder and assault. Drugs like meth are handled by the Organized Crime Division or the local crime syndicate division. The information about meth that you gave me, I passed on to a senior colleague in the Organized Crime Division at the Mejiro Station.” 

At first, I didn’t understand what he was saying. After thinking for a moment, I frowned. 

“A senior colleague... so that means you didn’t get any credit for it, Ron-chan?” 

Ron-chan neither confirmed nor denied it. 

“I gave my senior colleague the information you provided, and in return, he shared what he knew. He’s the one who told me you were being watched. We were able to find you at the port because my senior’s partner was tailing Kimura.” 

Now I understood why Ron-chan hadn’t told me I was useful... Because, honestly, I hadn’t been of any use to him at all. 

I wanted Ron-chan to get the credit. I wanted him to move up. I didn’t want him to keep getting dragged down by being with me. By providing useful information, I hoped he would think that maybe it wasn’t so bad to have me around. 

I laughed bitterly. Wanting to be useful to Ron-chan? That was a lie. It was all for me. I said it was for him, but really, it was for me. 

I didn’t want to be hated. I didn’t want to be abandoned. That’s why I wanted to be useful, to increase my worth. 

Because all I have is my feelings. The only thing I have is how much I like Ron-chan. I have nothing else to brag about. My worth is less than zero. 

“...I’m sorry,” I said. 

“What are you apologizing for?” 

Ron-chan’s voice was stiff, his expression complicated. 

“I just... felt like apologizing,” I replied with a laugh. 

“Let’s break up, Ron-chan.” 

My own words made my chest tighten. 

“Let’s not see each other anymore.” 

Ron-chan’s eyes widened, then he lowered his head. 

“...I want to know the reason why you want to break up,” he said. 

“Reason, huh…” I scratched my stubbly chin with my thumb. 

“I think it’s time. You’re over thirty now, and maybe it’s time to get married. If you have kids when you’re older, raising them is gonna be tough.” 

I shrugged. 

“And it wouldn’t end unless I said it, right? You’re kind and you take care of people, so you can’t just leave someone like me behind. I know I should set you free, but I’m scared... scared of being alone again.” 

I tried to smile, but my cheeks stiffened. 

“But we need to draw a line. And besides, I can’t walk right now. Even if I wanted to chase after you, I couldn’t, so this is perfect. So, please, just leave me behind.” 

I bowed my head deeply. 

“Please, go ahead and abandon me.” 

“No!” 

Startled by his shout, I looked up. The look in Ron-chan’s eyes as he glared at me sent a chill down my spine. 

“Have I ever said I wanted to get married, even once, in front of you?” 

“No, you haven’t... but normally, that’s what people do.” 

“Have I ever said I wanted kids?” 

“No, you haven’t either...” 

Ron-chan slumped into the chair beside the bed, running his right hand through his hair in frustration. His irritation was radiating off him like an aura.

"Every day off, I go to your apartment. Every time I stay over, my colleagues at the single dorm Punish Me, saying, 'Do you have a second home or something?'"

I never thought Ron-chan was putting up with that kind of embarrassment at the dorm.

"Oh, well... you don’t have to do that anymore..."

"I’m not doing it because I have to. I do it because I want to."

"But that’s because I keep saying I want to see you, right?"

"No matter how much you say you want to see me, if I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t go. Just because we’re lovers doesn’t mean I have to put up with things I don’t want to."

Ron-chan spread his arms wide.

"What do you want, Momo? Would you prefer a boyfriend who lives with you? Or would you rather have someone with lots of hobbies, who knows how to have fun, and can say witty things once in a while?"

Bombarded with questions, Momota felt flustered.

"I... I want you, Ron-chan. Even if I can't see you every day, I want you. I’ve never even thought about anyone else, and besides, they probably wouldn’t want me anyway."

Ron-chan put his right hand over his chest.

"Then what do I have to do for you to trust me, Momo? I’ve told you I love you. I’ve said I care about you. Every moment outside of work, I spend with you. What more can I possibly do?"

Ron-chan pleaded desperately, and Momota felt confused.

"What more can you do... Ron-chan, it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. I’m just the one who’s no good. I’m not smart, I’m not good-looking, I dropped out of high school, I was in a gang, and I’ve been convicted three times..."

Ron-chan interrupted, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"I’ve never said I didn’t want you because you’re not smart, or because you’re not good-looking, or because you dropped out of high school, were in a gang, or because of your three convictions. Not once!"

"But..."

"Did I say that or not? Just answer that."

He yelled at me like I was a child, and in a small voice, I answered, "...No, you didn’t." As I spoke, I realized something. Ron-chan never once said he disliked me because I was a former convict or because I wasn’t smart.

I thought it was because he was being considerate of me. But what if it wasn’t? What if Ron-chan genuinely didn’t care about my past at all... Could that really be possible?

Ron-chan stood up from the chair, knelt by the bed, and firmly grasped Momota’s right hand with both of his.

"I love my job. It’s busy, and I hardly get any days off, but I want to keep doing it forever."

"...Yeah, I know," Momota replied.

"But I also don’t want to give up on you, Momo."

Ron-chan pressed Momota’s palm against his own cheek.

"Yasuo Momota."

He always called me Momo, but now he used my full name.

"When I turn sixty and retire, will you marry me?"

My fingers trembled. Wha... What is he saying?

"I heard that for two men to get married, they have to adopt¹ each other. But as long as I’m still working, I can’t become the adopted son of an ex-convict like you, Momo. I’m not interested in promotions, but I don’t want to quit being a detective. If the rules change in the future, there might be some flexibility, but it’s impossible for now. It’ll be a long wait, and you might feel lonely, but I want to be with you forever, Momo."

"Y-you’re kidding..."

My voice trembled.

"I’m not kidding."

"Then it’s a joke..."

Ron-chan gripped Momota’s right hand so tightly it hurt.

"I don’t joke around."

He’s right. Ron-chan never jokes. He’s always serious and never lies. In that moment, I felt with my whole being that I was deeply loved by this younger man, and my chest grew warm, and suddenly, tears started pouring out.

I sobbed like a child. Ron-chan grabbed a bunch of tissues from beside the bed and pressed them to my face.

"Momo, don’t cry..."

"Wh-why are you saying this...?"

"Would you rather not have me by your side?"

"Of course not!"

He gently cradled my head, and I caught a faint whiff of Ron-chan’s scent.

"If you love me, Momo, then take better care of yourself. Don’t say you’re worthless. Please..."

Like a child, he wiped away my endless stream of tears.

"I’ll never say ‘you were useful’ again. That’s what made you take such reckless actions in the first place, right? Whether you’re useful or not, it doesn’t matter. It never mattered..."

I used up an entire box of tissues with all my tears. Feeling exhausted, I held the hand of my lover, who had fallen asleep by my bedside, and stared at the ceiling with my swollen eyes, muttering softly.

"I’m the luckiest person in the world, aren’t I?"

◇:-:◆:-:◇

"Hello, this is Punish Me♪ Emanuel Club Hyper.'"

It was past 7 p.m. on the fourth floor of a small six-story commercial building in front of Uguisudani Station, and the club was getting busier.

After finishing a call with a regular customer, Momota poked his head into the girls' waiting room across from the office.

"Kaede-chan, you've got a request. It's for ninety minutes, and you'll need the flight attendant costume."

"Okay," Kaede replied.

She had been chatting with another girl, but she stood up and packed her costume into a small carry-on bag.

"It's in Room 308 at the P Hotel. The customer is Ito-san, one of our regulars. And the rain is getting worse, so watch your step."

"Okay," Kaede replied again.

At the beginning of September, a sister store to "Punish Me♪ Emanuel Club" opened in Uguisudani called "Punish Me♪ Emanuel Club Hyper."

In mid-June, during the height of the rainy season, Momota, who had just started walking with crutches, was visited by the boss, Suzuhara, who asked, "Momo-san, what are you planning to do next?"

"What do you mean, what am I planning to do next...?"

"About work. Do you have anything lined up?"

"No, I haven't really thought about it yet..."

"Actually, I’m thinking of opening another call girl club. We’re planning to open in Uguisudani in September. How would you feel about managing it?"

When Momota told Ron-chan about it the next night at the hospital, Ron-chan had a complicated expression on his face. Momota looked up at him for approval.

"You think it’s a bad idea? But it’s far from Ikebukuro, and it’s not in Matsuzaka gang territory."

Momota had heard that Kimura and his henchman, who had been arrested on charges of assaulting him, had hanged themselves in custody. They had confessed to the location of the meth lab, and the police raided the place shortly afterward. "I heard there was nothing suspicious about their deaths, but maybe the Matsuzaka gang pulled some strings behind the scenes," Ron-chan had speculated.

The Matsuzaka gang itself had been falling apart after multiple crackdowns on methamphetamine, leading to several arrests of its members. On top of that, they were hit with additional raids on charges of soliciting prostitution and illegal gambling, bringing the group to the brink of collapse.

Ron-chan had said it was hard to believe that Kimura and his henchman, the only ones who knew Momota had been the snitch, would have told the underboss from jail. Even so, to be safe, Ron-chan had arranged for some local detectives to keep an eye on the hospital while Momota was still recovering. "If they were going to do something to you, it would be when you were still unable to move," he explained.

But with no movements from the Matsuzaka gang, Momota recovered, and Kimura and his henchman died. This convinced Ron-chan that "Kimura and his henchman can’t tell anyone about Momo now. You won't be targeted by the gang anymore."

Ron-chan then asked, "You want to run the club, right, Momo?"

"Yeah… I kind of left the previous place halfway, so I was happy to be asked if I’d like to take this on."

"If it's something you want to do, I have no right to object. ...I’m a little worried, though."

"Don’t worry, I won’t do anything reckless again. I promise."

Ron-chan smiled faintly and glanced at the pile of manga books on the bedside table.

"Are you reading these, Momo?"

"When I complained about being bored, Mani brought them over. He said I might get a bit tougher if I read them. He’s making fun of me, but they’re pretty entertaining."

Ron-chan picked up a mahjong manga and flipped through it.

"Has Mani been visiting you here?"

"Now and then. Oh, by the way, Ron-chan, I heard you hit Mani after I went to see Kimura. I was surprised when I heard. It wasn’t Mani’s fault that I left without saying anything. He doesn’t deserve to be blamed."

Ron-chan suddenly made a sullen face, like a child pouting, and slightly averted his gaze from Momota.

"That’s because you like Mani."

"It’s not that I like him or anything; he’s just an interesting kid. He’s open and straightforward, without any reservations. He’s totally different from you, but Mani’s serious too."

Ron-chan suddenly fell into a sullen silence.

"I don’t want to talk about Mani."

"Oh, okay..."

I wondered if something had happened between him and Mani, but since Ron-chan said he didn’t want to talk about it, I couldn’t ask. Ron-chan had mentioned that Mani was his younger brother from another mother, so maybe there were some complicated circumstances. Since then, I haven’t asked Ron-chan about Mani.

Kaede, pulling her carry-on bag out of the waiting room, stopped in front of the full-length mirror and twisted her body to the side.

"Looking good, Kaede-chan. You look cute today, too."

"Thanks, Momo-chan," Kaede replied with a smile, then tilted her head slightly.

"Hey, Momo-chan, you’re wearing a ring!"

She grabbed Momota’s left wrist.

"And on your ring finger, too!"

When Momota chuckled and said, "Yeah, that’s right," Yuri and Rui, who had been waiting in the back, came out and surrounded Momota.

"You know, I’m kind of taken," Momota said.

"What? Momo-chan, did you get married?" asked Yuri, who had known him since the days of "Punish Me♪ Emanuel Club."

"We haven’t officially registered or anything, but we’re engaged... sort of. Ron-chan said wearing a ring would keep other people from hitting on me."

All three of them squealed, "Kyaa!"

"But to be honest," Yuri said with a serious expression, "I don’t think there are many girls who’d go after you, Momo-chan. I mean, you’ve got a good personality, but..."

Momota laughed. "Yeah, I don’t think I need to worry about that either. But still, it makes me happy, you know?"

Then Kaede asked with a serious look, "Hey, Momo-chan, is Ron-chan the possessive type?"

Momota tilted his head.

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he gets jealous easily?" added Rui.

"Really? I’m not sure. Well, whatever. I’m happy, so it’s fine. Come on, Kaede-chan, you should get going so you’re not late. Alright, off you go."

One by one, the girls disappeared into the night. Back in the office, where the calls had quieted down, Momota let out a sigh of relief. He gently touched the ring he had just received yesterday.

Like I told the girls, it’s just a ring. It’s a promise, but there’s no guarantee. Ron-chan’s feelings might change in the future. But there’s hope. And no matter what happens, I won’t have any regrets. I’ve gained enough courage not to back down.

The phone started ringing again. It was the line for regular customers.

"Hello, this is 'Punish Me♪ Emanuel Club Hyper.'"

Through the window, I could hear a distant police siren. I wondered if Ron-chan was out chasing some bad guy right now... Shaking off the thought, Momota switched gears and asked, "I’m sorry, could you please tell me your preferred time again?"

Foonotes

1. A “koseki” (戸籍), or “family register,” lists all the members of a household and records any changes such as additions or subtractions due to marriage, birth, adoption, disowning, or death. An adoptee is entered into the adopter’s register. The phrase “enter the register” is also used to refer to getting married. Since same-sex marriage is not legally recognized in Japan, same-sex couples often “enter the register” and become family through adoption instead of marriage.

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