Yellow Diamond: Chapter 1 - part 2

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Every time he thought back on it, Kunihiko couldn’t help but feel a mix of nostalgia and deep embarrassment for how desperately he had acted back then. He had been just a high school student, unfamiliar with the concept of compromise. He charged forward, trying to drag his friend along the straightest path he could see, without realizing that people are different—some take detours, others go their own way, and that’s fine too. But at the time, he didn’t have the capacity to understand that. He kept hounding Isamu to work hard, to study, even though he knew better than anyone how quickly Isamu grew bored and how slow he was to grasp things. After leaving the facility, Isamu worked at a food factory for a while, but the relationships there didn’t go well, and in the end, he quit. Isamu struggled to find his next job, and Kunihiko would run all over town searching for him, dragging him away from nights out with bad company, then lecturing him endlessly.

"You’re scarier than the cops," Isamu often said, watching Kunihiko, who was always so frantic.

The worst period was probably that first year after they reunited. After that, things gradually began to calm down. On his fourth job, Isamu landed a newspaper delivery gig. The work was simple—just delivering papers—and even though he complained about the early mornings, he managed to stick with it for half a year.

By then, Kunihiko was busy preparing for his own college entrance exams and couldn’t visit Isamu’s apartment every day, though he still made sure to check on him at least once a week. When the endless cycle of studying finally ended, and Kunihiko finished his third year of high school, he passed the entrance exam for the local national university. With that, he set a new goal for himself:

"I’m going to get Isamu into night school."

If Isamu could graduate from high school, maybe he could even go to college someday. Kunihiko was sure this would be good for him. He went to visit Isamu’s apartment to share the news, surprised to find the place tidier than usual.

"I got into university," Kunihiko said, feeling a mix of pride and awkwardness.

Isamu’s face lit up.

"That’s awesome, man! You worked so hard for it."

It wasn’t because he was smart, but because he had studied. Hearing praise for his effort, more than the congratulations themselves, made Kunihiko happier than anything else.

"Anyway," Kunihiko began.

"Actually," Isamu said at the same time.

They both paused, sitting across from each other at the small table in the center of the tiny four-and-a-half-tatami room.

"Go ahead, you first," Kunihiko said, urging him on.

Isamu fidgeted for a moment, shifting his shoulders awkwardly.

"No, you go first."

"Really, it’s fine."

After glancing up at the ceiling and rubbing his fingers along the tabletop, Isamu finally spoke, hesitantly.

"Well… I’m getting married."

With a bang, the bathroom door swung open, pulling Kunihiko back to the present. The sound of footsteps, like a penguin waddling, came closer, and Isamu—now twenty-five years old, with a towel still draped over his head—peeked his face around the doorway into the living room.

"Come on in."

Isamu slowly shuffled in and, glancing sheepishly at Kunihiko, slid both his feet into the kotatsu, the low table with a heater underneath.

"Feel good?" Kunihiko asked.

"Eh, so-so," Isamu replied as he roughly rubbed his head with the towel, spraying water droplets in Kunihiko’s direction.

"Dry your hair properly. You’ll catch a cold."

"Yeah, yeah," Isamu mumbled, clearly not intending to do so.

"Alright," Kunihiko said, sitting up straight in front of the kotatsu, steeling himself. Sensing the serious tone, Isamu’s mouth twisted into a frown.

"That face isn’t going to stop me from asking. Why did you leave the apartment?"

Isamu fidgeted with the damp towel in his hands, looking back and forth between his hands and Kunihiko’s face. After a long, heavy silence, he finally gave in and reluctantly answered.

"I was told to leave if I couldn’t pay the rent."

"Why couldn’t you pay?"

"Because I quit my job!" Isamu spat out, his expression turning defiant.

Kunihiko wasn’t surprised. He had suspected as much. Hearing the reason didn’t shock him at all.

“When did you quit?”

“September.”

Four months ago.

“So, you only lasted six months at the moving company? After all the trouble it took to finally get that job.”

“Well, the guy I worked with was a real jerk,” Isamu insisted, sounding defensive, but to Kunihiko, it just came across as selfishness.

“There’s always someone unpleasant. It’s nothing special. My boss is a neurotic jerk too, but part of being an adult is learning how to deal with that.”

“But…”

Isamu started to argue back.

“He was lazy. At first, I put up with it—I really did. You kept telling me to stick with it, and I knew I had to take care of Shun’ichi. But no matter how hard I worked, that guy made me do all the heavy lifting while he just sat in the truck sleeping. It pissed me off so much, so I thought about what to do, and I decided to talk to the boss and get him to warn the guy. But then he got angry and somehow found out about my past. He told everyone at work that I’d been in a facility for shoplifting, even though the boss was the only one who knew. Things got really awkward after that, and before I knew it, the boss told me, ‘We have to consider everyone’s feelings, so I’m sorry, but I need you to quit.’”

“You got fired?”

“I quit,” Isamu stubbornly insisted.

“I’ve been trying to find a job, you know. But no one will hire me. Construction sites are the best option, but now they’re hiring foreign workers who work for cheap. And I can’t work nights because Shun’ichi would be alone. While all this was happening, the little money I had saved up ran out.”

Kunihiko sighed, and Isamu looked down, falling silent. Then, he sneezed twice in quick succession. Kunihiko got up and plugged in the hairdryer, which had been left out after drying Shun’ichi’s hair.

“Sit down. I’ll dry your hair.”

“Okay.”

Isamu’s hair, previously clumped together with sweat and dust, had been cleaned and now felt soft as Kunihiko ran his fingers through it.

“Your hair’s even softer than Shun’ichi’s.”

“Really?”

Isamu’s head tilted slightly.

“I dried Shun’ichi’s hair too, but afterward, it stood up all over the place.”

“Hmm. So, are you not mad anymore?”

“What?”

Kunihiko turned off the loud hairdryer and looked at Isamu in surprise. Isamu glanced back at him.

“You always get so mad at me whenever I do something. But today, you’re being kind.”

Kunihiko gave a light pat to Isamu’s fluffy hair.

“If you didn’t do anything wrong, then I wouldn’t be angry.”

Isamu muttered, "I wish I’d known that sooner. If I knew you wouldn’t be mad, I would’ve come to you earlier."

Kunihiko sighed, exasperated at how blatantly opportunistic Isamu was. As he ran his fingers through Isamu’s soft hair, checking to see if any dampness remained, his fingers brushed against Isamu's bright red nape. Isamu flinched, likely because it hurt. The thought of Isamu scrubbing himself furiously in the bath, following Kunihiko’s instructions, made him smile.

“Stay here until you find another job and apartment.”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll start over from the beginning.”

“Sounds about right,” Isamu said, letting out a big, yawning stretch.

“If you’re going to sleep, use my bed. Shun’ichi’s already in there, so be careful not to wake him.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll lay out a futon on the floor. That bed’s too small for three people.”

“Sorry, man,” Isamu mumbled.

“I’ll move out as soon as I find a job and a place. But if you ever bring a girlfriend over, give me a heads-up, okay? I’ll take Shun’ichi to a convenience store or family restaurant.”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Kunihiko said, lightly knocking Isamu on the head.

“I’m not exactly popular. Apparently, girls don’t find quiet guys like me interesting.”

Isamu tilted his head in confusion.

“You never have a girlfriend. I don’t have much over you, but there’s one thing I can definitely brag about.”

“What’s that?”

“The number of girlfriends I’ve had.”

Isamu puffed out his chest with pride.

“You’ve never even had a girlfriend, right?”

“Nope.”

“Hehe, well, when you do get one, I’ll teach you everything. If there’s anything you don’t know, just ask me, the great Isamu!”

Isamu laughed, shrugging his shoulders with exaggerated confidence. Watching him, Kunihiko felt a wave of emptiness rise inside. The idea of getting a girlfriend seemed impossible. How could he settle for someone else when the person he truly cared about was right in front of him, completely out of reach?

“I wonder what kind of girl your girlfriend will be,” Isamu said, grinning. “I’ve got a picture in my head. She’ll have long hair, be small and cute, and definitely smart.”

“Smart, huh…”

Kunihiko muttered, and Isamu responded with certainty.

“Of course. You don’t like dumb girls, right?”

Those words hit Kunihiko hard. He was speechless. In hindsight, he realized that Isamu must have picked up on the way Kunihiko had disliked Isamu’s first girlfriend, a girl who had dropped out of high school due to bad behavior and worked in the nightlife industry. But at that moment, it felt like Isamu had unknowingly rejected Kunihiko’s hidden feelings. The sharp pain in his chest was like being pierced by a needle.

“Man, I’m getting really sleepy now,” Isamu said with another big yawn.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Kunihiko had forgotten to set an alarm, but a little after seven, Shun’ichi woke him up.

“It’s seven on the clock,” Shun’ichi said, shaking Kunihiko’s shoulder with his small hands.

“Ah, right,” Kunihiko yawned, rubbing his sleepy eyes hard.

“Dad’s not waking up. He has to go to work. Can you wake him up, Uncle Kamioka?”

Shun’ichi’s father lay curled up in the futon, clutching his pillow, his face slack as he slept deeply.

“Shun’ichi, your dad’s off work today. Let him sleep a bit longer.”

“Is that okay?”

“It’s fine. Come here. I’ll take you to kindergarten today.”

“Yay!”

Kunihiko lifted the small boy up to help him wash his face at the sink, which was too tall for him. While Shun’ichi dressed himself, Kunihiko put on his own suit and got ready. By 7:30, they left the apartment, leaving a spare key and a note behind. On the way to kindergarten, they stopped by a café near the station and ordered a breakfast plate. Kunihiko wouldn’t have eaten if it were just him, but with Shun’ichi, skipping breakfast wasn’t an option. Shun’ichi struggled with a piece of toast nearly as big as his own face, biting into it with fierce determination. His face and fingers were smeared with jam and sauce, but he didn’t seem to care. Adults might frown at such behavior, but from a child, it was more endearing than anything.

“Chew slowly, and make sure to count your bites,” Kunihiko reminded him.

With his mouth stuffed, Shun’ichi nodded his small head. The boy had a fair complexion and a well-defined face, with dark eyebrows that gave him an air of determination. He didn’t resemble Isamu at all; he looked just like his mother, Riku. Every time Kunihiko thought of Riku, a deep sadness spread in his chest, like black ink dropped into a pool of water, slowly rippling outward.

It was near the end of their third year in high school when Isamu had told him he was getting married. He hadn’t even been dating the woman for six months. Kunihiko had objected immediately, not even letting Isamu finish speaking. That’s when Isamu confessed that his girlfriend was pregnant with his child.

“How could you be so thoughtless?” Kunihiko had clenched his fists, trembling with anger. Why is Isamu like this? he wondered. Isamu had barely gone to school, his parents were a mess, and now he was becoming a father at 18, without any real means of supporting a family. “Get a grip,” Kunihiko had raged, while Isamu looked confused.

“I’m going to be a father. That’s amazing! Why are you so mad? I was so happy that you were the first person I told.”

At the time, Kunihiko had responded, “Having a child isn’t some miracle. It happens when a man and a woman have sex. If you don’t use protection and aren’t sick, anyone can make a baby. But people don’t do that because they understand how hard it is to raise a child. You can’t just make a baby on impulse and then toss it aside when things get tough. That’s irresponsible.”

Isamu had buried his head in his hands.

“I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you’re saying. I love this woman, so I’m marrying her. The baby just came a little earlier, that’s all. Why is that so bad?”

Kunihiko had been convinced it was just an excuse, and he couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t bring himself to be happy for Isamu. Three weeks after that conversation, Isamu, unusually confident, introduced Kunihiko to his fiancée. They met at a family restaurant near Isamu’s apartment, where Riku was waiting for them at a window seat.

“Hello, I’m Hirosaki Riku,” she introduced herself in a small, barely audible voice, her head bowed.

She wore her long hair tied back in a simple style, with minimal makeup. She was a quiet, unassuming woman, far more subdued than Kunihiko had expected. If she had been like the shallow, fickle girls Isamu had dated when he was 15, Kunihiko would have unleashed all the righteous anger he had been bottling up. But Riku, who was ten years older than both Kunihiko and Isamu, spoke politely to them, even though they were just high school students. Sitting there, suddenly self-conscious of his own immaturity at 18, Kunihiko could only stare at the table, clenching his hands in his lap. He couldn’t say a single word of protest.

"You're Isamu’s best friend, aren't you? I look forward to getting to know you better from here on," Riku said as she bowed her head to Kunihiko.

"Ah... uh, same here," he mumbled, awkwardly nodding in return.

"You're acting weird," Isamu muttered, placing a hand on Riku's shoulder. "This guy usually talks a lot more. It's weird that he's so quiet today. I wonder if he's nervous?"

Kunihiko felt his face and ears flush with embarrassment, realizing how red he had become. Without much conversation continuing, time passed with Isamu talking non-stop.

"Hey, I'm just going to the bathroom," Isamu said, getting up and leaving Kunihiko and Riku alone, facing each other. To ease the awkward tension, Kunihiko kept raising his glass of water to his lips repeatedly.

"Are you surprised that he's with an older woman?" Riku asked suddenly.

"No, that's not...," Kunihiko started to reply, but Riku gave a small laugh.

"It makes sense you'd feel uneasy seeing your friend caught by someone much older."

As Riku laughed, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ah..."

Her fingertips wiped at the corner of her eye, but tears continued to flow uncontrollably.

"Sorry, I can't stop," she apologized as she pulled a handkerchief from her tote bag and pressed it to her eyes. "I think I just lost control for a moment. To be honest, I didn’t want to meet you. I heard you were against the marriage, and I was terrified of what you might say to me today. But when Isamu said you were his best friend, I couldn't say no to meeting you."

"I'm sorry." Kunihiko bowed his head. Once didn't feel like enough, so he bowed deeply two or three more times.

"I’m sorry for opposing your relationship without really knowing anything. If I caused you any pain because of that... I’m truly sorry."

Riku, far from stopping her crying, began to sob even harder.

"Even when I told people we were getting married, neither my parents nor my friends were happy for me. I know it's my own decision, and I need to bear with it. I understand that, but..."

Her voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Isamu is unbelievably honest, kind, and straightforward. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter now. Why can’t anyone understand that?"

When Isamu returned from the bathroom, his face turned pale upon seeing Riku in tears. He immediately rushed over to Kunihiko, snapping, "Don't bully Riku!" Although Riku quickly denied it, Isamu didn't seem entirely convinced.

After parting with the two outside the restaurant, Kunihiko walked home alone, his mind drifting. Along the riverbank, cherry blossoms in full bloom crowded the sides of the path almost annoyingly. In three days, the university entrance ceremony would be held. Even though he had worked so hard to get into that university, it felt like none of it mattered anymore.

Riku had said she loved Isamu. A woman who could say that about him so earnestly. There wasn’t a single reason left for Kunihiko to oppose them. More than that, he had finally understood. From now on, he no longer needed to take care of Isamu. Riku could handle everything—meals, laundry, even the bare minimum of self-care. Riku would change Isamu for the better. She was, without a doubt, the best person for him. Someone like her might never come around again, no matter how much they wished for it.

His mind went as blank as the petals fluttered before him. Slowly, he began to count. From the spring of his first year in high school until now. Most of that time had been consumed by Isamu. "Consumed" sounded so self-righteous. It was something he had done of his own accord. He believed it was his duty to take care of Isamu, to save his friend from going astray, and that only he could be the savior. In fact, he had pulled Isamu away from bad influences and helped him live a decent life.

A savior? The shame burned his back. His head spun as he collapsed into the shade of a cherry tree. What arrogance. The only one who thought Isamu couldn’t do anything without him was himself. Maybe Isamu would have eventually realized his mistakes on his own and found a way to fix them. After all, he’d been able to find and choose someone who truly loved him, someone who was perfect for him. Isamu had that kind of perception all along. It was just him, pretending to be the good guy, full of pride...

He stood up shakily. The hypocrisy of everything he had done made him feel sick. If only he could go back and crush each and every one of his conceited actions. But there was no way to do that. The past could not be erased.

These emotions, he couldn’t tell anyone. Even if he tried to talk about guilt or obligation with Isamu, he’d just get a simple, "I don’t get complicated stuff like that," and it would end there. He had realized the murky water festering in his chest. There was no outlet for it. It would surge through his body and then return to the same place.

In the end, he didn’t attend the university entrance ceremony. Even the Japanese literature department he had chosen out of interest felt dull and unfulfilling, and day after day passed in monotonous emptiness. He used to find reasons to visit Isamu’s place two or three times a week, but ever since being introduced to Riku, he hadn’t seen him once. Was he doing his job properly? Was he eating well? Was he bathing every day, keeping his hair in order...? The worry made him get on the train heading toward Isamu’s apartment, but he quickly jumped off in a panic. Riku was taking care of him now. There was no need to worry. It would be better if there wasn’t this hypocritical concern. He chewed on the meaning of the word "estrangement" anew.

He got used to the dullness of college life, and one day during the long summer break, a postcard arrived.

"A child was born."

Isamu wasn’t the type to be thoughtful enough to send something like that, so Riku must have told him to. The baby’s name was Shun’ichi. A boy. The day after receiving the postcard, he found himself on a train heading toward Isamu’s apartment, telling himself he was only going to see the baby’s face. When he got off the train, he realized he was empty-handed and fumbled for his wallet. Not knowing what would make a good baby gift, he bought a basket of fruit, the kind one might bring when visiting a sick person.

"Welcome."

It had been half a year since he’d last visited Isamu’s apartment. Riku greeted him at the door.

"Thanks for coming. I’m sorry, Isamu’s not home. He’s at work. But please, stay and see the baby."

The room was tidy and comfortable. Sunlight streamed in through the window, and the baby was sleeping in a sunny spot.

"He finally fell asleep. He’s so small, isn’t he? He weighed just over two kilograms (about 4 lb) when he was born."

Isamu’s child... It felt unreal. Even seeing him in person, Kunihiko couldn’t quite believe it. He had a silly thought that they must’ve brought the baby from somewhere else. As the baby’s peaceful face suddenly twisted, he let out a wail like a fire had been lit. Startled, Kunihiko instinctively backed away, but Riku quickly picked up the baby, gently rocking him.

"...He seems lonely."

While soothing the baby, Riku spoke without looking at Kunihiko.

"Isamu seems lonely without you. When I ask him why he doesn’t just go visit you, he says you’ve probably made new friends, and that university life must be keeping you busy. But... it’s like he’s holding back."

Kunihiko clenched his fists tightly. He felt his heart shrink, a sharp, painful sensation spreading through his chest.

"I have a lecture this afternoon, so I should get going."

Riku saw him off at the door, still holding the baby.

"Come by again whenever you feel like it," Riku said.

Kunihiko fled from Isamu's apartment, almost as if running away. He didn't know why he was crying, but tears kept spilling down his face. Worried about the stares of passersby, he rushed into the station's bathroom, locked himself in a stall, and sat there. It wasn’t true that he didn’t want to see Isamu. It wasn’t true that he wasn’t curious. That was a lie. He did want to see him. He was curious. He had been consumed with jealousy, seeing Riku so happy, holding Isamu’s child in her arms. He had wanted to be the one to make Isamu happy. He wanted to go back to the carefree days of childhood, when they would laugh together, knowing nothing but play. But what could he have done? Everyone said they couldn’t stay children forever. As his best friend, he had no choice but to be strict with Isamu. If he had spoiled him, Isamu would never have grown up. If Isamu didn’t become a responsible adult, the world would never accept him.

What exactly had he been expecting from Isamu? To grow up? To live a proper life on his own? And then what? What was supposed to come after that?

A respectable job and a stable life that no one could criticize. Once Isamu achieved that, Kunihiko had thought they could return to the days when they ran around and played like kids without a care. Back to when they were never bored as long as they were together. But even if Isamu did get his life together, would that time really come back? They were too old to still be called children. Would they really be satisfied swimming in the river, napping on the riverbank, chasing snakes up trees? The dream of running free through the fields with Isamu now felt like a distant memory.

The reality was harsh. Isamu had grown up, no longer the boy who could live on playful memories alone. Kunihiko knew this, yet he couldn’t let go. He wanted to stay by Isamu’s side. He wanted to be noticed by him. He wanted Isamu to see only him. He didn’t want to give him to anyone else.

He had never known such strong emotions. Nor had he ever known such painful ones. His fingers trembled. It was absurd for two grown men to want to be together like this. He was acting strange. Why did he get so worked up when it came to Isamu? It wasn’t sympathy, nor was it pity. Because deep down, if it weren’t for society’s judgment, Kunihiko thought Isamu didn’t need to change at all. So then why did he still want to be so involved?

What would he do if it was just him and Isamu, alone together? Suddenly, he remembered Isamu’s back from when they were kids— covered in scars and swollen welts, so tragic that they made his heart ache. In his mind, he reached out and touched that back, only to realize it had transformed into the present-day Isamu. Though he had grown taller, his body remained thin, painfully frail. He gently embraced that body, as if afraid to hurt him. His lower body grew heavy, and a familiar sensation welled up from within him.

"Ah..."

He crouched down, holding his crotch, and let out a low groan. In that moment, he understood the meaning behind why he could never stop being involved with Isamu. The true nature of his obsessive attachment, hidden beneath the guise of helping a friend. He had never realized the truth of his feelings until his body made him face them. He loved that man. From the depths of his heart, he wanted the man who had been rejected by society. Realizing this, Kunihiko was filled with shock. No matter how much he loved him, Isamu would never be his. Everything had already been taken away—from him—by someone kind, someone who understood Isamu, someone who had built a family with him. Kunihiko would never be able to compete with Riku.

"Uncle Kamioka?"

Hearing his name, Kunihiko snapped back to reality. In front of him stood Riku and Isamu’s child...

"Did you finish eating?"

Shun’ichi nodded energetically. The only thing left on the breakfast plate was a few crumbs of bread.

"Alright, let’s go then."

"Yeah!"

Holding hands, they began walking. When Kunihiko noticed Shun’ichi’s small feet struggling to keep up, he slowed his pace. The little head tilted up to look at him, their gazes meeting. Shun’ichi gave him a soft smile, and in that moment, Kunihiko’s heart melted. That smile was so much like Isamu’s when he was a child that it made Kunihiko’s face relax into a grin.

"Shun’ichi, what do you want to eat today?"

"Hamburg steak!"

"Alright, then. Tonight, Uncle will make you hamburg steak."

"Yay! You promise?"

When they reached the kindergarten, Shun’ichi let go of his hand and ran inside. Halfway there, he stopped and turned back, waving enthusiastically. So Kunihiko waved back just as hard.

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