Yellow Diamond: Chapter 1 - part 3

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Kunihiko left the office, leaving only a small portion of unfinished work for Monday. He had declined his coworkers' invitations and headed straight to the nearby supermarket by his apartment.

It was six in the evening when he got home. He opened the door with arms full of groceries, and immediately, Shun’ichi came running towards him, eager to help carry the plastic bags that were larger than him. When Kunihiko handed one over, Shun’ichi dragged it into the kitchen. From the back of the room, Isamu sat hunched over the kotatsu, staring at his phone.

In the kitchen, Shun’ichi clung to Kunihiko, excitedly repeating, "I'll help! I'll help!" To humor him, Kunihiko set him atop a cardboard box used as a makeshift stool, letting him shape the Hamburg steaks. It was no different than playing in the sandbox, and Shun’ichi gleefully crafted diamond-shaped patties. Proud of his handiwork—though the shapes were a bit uneven—he lined them up on the kotatsu.

Even as dinner began, Isamu didn’t put down his phone, which displayed job listings.

"Find anything good?" Kunihiko asked.

"Mm..." Isamu mumbled, finally putting down the phone and showing signs that he was ready to start eating.

"Why don't you try going to the employment office?"

"Employment office?"

"Yeah, the public employment security office. They help you find jobs. If you tell them your conditions, they can find something that suits you faster."

"Maybe I should…" Isamu muttered, adjusting his grip on his chopsticks.

"This is delicious! So good!" Shun’ichi suddenly chimed in, cutting into the adults' conversation with his innocent excitement.

"It’s amazing. The best in the world," Isamu said earnestly, matching his son's enthusiasm.

"Hehe!" Shun’ichi giggled, beaming. Isamu smiled back.

"Dad, are we going to live here?"

"Yeah, but as soon as we find a new place, we’ll move out," Isamu replied.

Shun’ichi's face fell, his head hanging low.

"I like it here… Uncle Kamioka’s here, and it’s warm," Shun’ichi mumbled.

"If we stay here forever, we’ll be a bother to Kunihiko."

Shun’ichi's expression darkened, like the sky before a storm.

"Am I a bother to Uncle Kamioka?"

"No, of course not," Kunihiko quickly interjected, shooting a mild glare at Isamu.

"I enjoy having you and your dad here. It’s lively and fun."

"But we’ll move out someday. You need to remember that," Isamu said, gently explaining to his son. "Uncle Kamioka has to get married too, and when he does, this place will get too small."

"Even with your wife, it’ll still be fun!" Shun’ichi protested, pouting and standing his ground. Isamu flashed a grin, exposing his gap-toothed smile, and playfully ruffled Shun’ichi’s hair.

Kunihiko silently stuffed a piece of Hamburg steak into his mouth. Isamu spoke about Kunihiko’s inevitable marriage as if it were a given, never doubting it for a second. But for Kunihiko, there would be no confessions of love, no living together with anyone. His fate was to stay nearby, neither too close nor too far, watching Isamu from the sidelines for the rest of his life. As he imagined that lonely existence, Kunihiko quietly continued eating.

After dinner, once Shun’ichi was tucked into bed, Kunihiko grabbed a beer from the fridge. He set out some crackers and nuts as snacks. Tomorrow was a day off, and since he was home, he could get as drunk as he liked without bothering anyone. He lined up several cans of beer on the kotatsu, feeling like indulging for the first time in a while.

"Whoa, what are you planning to do with all that? Trying to get a zoo elephant drunk?" Isamu laughed as he cracked open the first can.

"Man, it’s been a while. This is so good," he said, gulping it down with loud, satisfied noises.

"Don’t give me that. You were drunk as a skunk when you came over yesterday," Kunihiko retorted.

"That wasn’t even drinking. The booze tasted terrible, couldn’t enjoy a drop," Isamu said with a wry smile.

Kunihiko chuckled, grabbing his own can. Isamu downed his first beer like a vacuum cleaner, finishing it off in a flash.

"I didn’t want to come here yesterday, so I couldn’t even get drunk at all."

Isamu reached for his second beer, oblivious to the fact that Kunihiko was watching him. Kunihiko almost said, No wonder I got mad at you yesterday, but he swallowed his words. Yesterday was yesterday—there was no point in bringing it up and souring Isamu’s mood again.

"Look for a job that’s stable and during the day," Kunihiko said.

Isamu groaned, thinking.

"But, you know, without a high school diploma, the daytime jobs don’t pay much. Next year Shun’ichi’s starting elementary school, and that’s going to cost more money. I need to make what I can while I still can."

Kunihiko hesitated, unsure if this was the right time for the conversation, but he pressed on.

"I’ve suggested this before, but how about going to night school?"

"What, you want me to be a high schooler now?" Isamu laughed, shaking his beer can. Kunihiko didn’t crack a smile, keeping a serious expression to show he meant it.

"You work during the day and go to night school. If you get a high school diploma, you’ll have more options when it comes to jobs."

Isamu shrugged.

"Yeah, but then Shun’ichi would be alone at night. You’ve always told me I shouldn’t take night jobs because of him."

"If you go to school, I’ll look after Shun’ichi for you during that time," Kunihiko said, not letting the topic drop. Isamu averted his gaze, clearly uncomfortable with continuing the conversation. Kunihiko understood why, but he remained firm.

"Are you just avoiding studying? Taking it easy now will only cause trouble for you later," Kunihiko said sharply. Isamu’s face fell, his expression turning sullen as he looked down.

"I never said I was trying to take it easy. I’ve been working hard, haven’t I? Even when there were annoying people at the moving company, I kept my mouth shut and did my job, just like you told me to."

"Don’t change the subject," Kunihiko retorted. Isamu bit his lip in frustration, angrily shaking his can of beer.

"Ugh, the beer’s gone sour."

"That’s because you’re feeling guilty. If you had confidence in yourself, my words wouldn’t bother you."

"I think I’ll go to bed now," Isamu said with a big yawn, trying to stand up from the kotatsu.

"Isamu," Kunihiko called out, raising his voice. Isamu’s thin shoulders flinched.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

There was a brief pause before Isamu responded.

"No, you haven’t."

Kunihiko nodded slowly.

"Have I ever given you advice or warnings that ended up hurting you?"

"...No."

"Do you think me telling you to go to high school is a bad idea? Do you think it’s wrong?"

No response. Isamu couldn’t answer because he knew the truth.

"Look at me. I’m not finished talking," Kunihiko said firmly.

Isamu turned around lazily, his movements sluggish, clearly reluctant to continue. He even kicked at Kunihiko’s heel under the kotatsu without apologizing.

"Working during the day and studying at night—it’s going to be hard. But since I’m the one suggesting it, I’ll take responsibility and help you however I can."

"Aaah," Isamu groaned, resting his cheek flat against the table. "If only Riku were here…"

It was a casual remark, but it hit Kunihiko like a weapon. He squeezed his thumb in his fist, trying to stay composed.

"You want me to bring her back from the dead?" Kunihiko replied sarcastically, unable to stop himself. Isamu stuck his tongue out at him in response.

"She was way nicer than you," Isamu shot back.

"Of course, she was your wife," Kunihiko said, half laughing, half sighing.

"Hmph," Isamu grunted, reaching for another beer.

Kunihiko knew that he and Riku weren’t so different when it came to loving Isamu. The key difference was that Riku accepted everything about Isamu without criticism, while Kunihiko couldn’t let go of things he thought were wrong. Even knowing Isamu resented it, Kunihiko couldn’t stop himself from speaking up when he thought it would help Isamu. He was the nagging friend Isamu had grown tired of, but even so, Kunihiko couldn’t change.

"Isamu," Kunihiko called again. No answer. Isamu had rolled over onto his back, his face out of view. Kunihiko crawled around the kotatsu to check, only to find Isamu sleeping soundly, a peaceful look on his face.

"Change your clothes and brush your teeth. You need to set a good example for Shun’ichi."

Isamu, still asleep, smiled slightly, his lips twitching as if he was chewing on something in his dreams. Kunihiko watched him intently, just staring. With a trembling breath, he reached out and touched Isamu's hair. Soft to the touch. That alone sent a heavy, aching throb through his lower body. His warm cheeks, his thin lips—Isamu wasn’t exactly handsome, but Kunihiko was obsessed with him. Like a mother kissing her child, Kunihiko pressed his lips to Isamu’s hair and inhaled the scent of the shampoo they both used. He hesitated, longing to kiss Isamu’s lips. He whispered Isamu’s name softly, and when there was no sign that he would wake, Kunihiko slowly leaned in closer.

Just as their faces were less than ten centimeters (about 4 in) apart, Isamu's eyelids twitched, his lashes fluttering. Kunihiko had no time to pull back before Isamu’s eyes opened slightly, catching him at close range.

"Hmm... Kunihiko, what are you doing?" Isamu mumbled groggily.

"Nothing," Kunihiko muttered, quickly retreating.

Isamu, still half-asleep, roughly shoved Kunihiko away, stood up with a big yawn, scratched his head, and headed for the bathroom. Kunihiko pressed a hand to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. His breathing was ragged, and when he finally regained some semblance of calm, he felt cold and hollow, like a draft blowing through an empty room.

Kunihiko had kissed Isamu a few times before. It was back when Isamu was spiraling after Riku’s death, in the midst of his worst days. Isamu kept saying, I want to die, I want to die, and was drowning himself in alcohol. Unable to bear the reality of a world without Riku, he was constantly drunk. No matter what anyone said, it didn’t get through to him. Kunihiko had dragged Isamu through those dark days, furious with him, locking him in the bathroom at times to keep him from drinking. And yet, despite all that, Isamu found ways to sneak alcohol, numbing himself with drink. Kunihiko, feeling a painful pity for the sobbing, broken Isamu, had held him close and kissed him again and again. Back then, he’d been so caught up in it that he might have even told Isamu he loved him. But Isamu, in his drunken haze, remembered little of that time.

It wasn’t Kunihiko’s scolding, his anger, or his constant intervention that pulled Isamu out of that pit. It wasn’t Kunihiko, who took three months off from university, nearly failing out in the process. No, it was Shun’ichi, Riku’s son, the last thing she had left behind. After Riku’s funeral, Shun’ichi had been taken in by his maternal grandparents, but apparently, he had cried every day, begging to see Isamu. One Sunday, he snuck away from his grandparents, boarded a train, and came to Isamu. Not even four years old, Shun’ichi managed the half-hour trip by train and on foot, though it took him half a day to reach Isamu.

"Dad! Dad!" Shun’ichi cried, running toward him. Even in his drunken stupor, Isamu’s eyes cleared when he heard his son’s voice. "I’m all Shun’ichi has," he muttered, and with that sense of responsibility, he finally let go of the bottle that he had clung to so tightly. He started working again. His life, which had been scraping the bottom of the pit, slowly returned to something resembling human decency. It was only after Kunihiko was sure Isamu could manage on his own that he returned to his own apartment. He had visited occasionally to bring clothes or money, but for the last three months, Kunihiko hadn’t slept in his own bed. His half-finished report, whose due date he had long forgotten, still lay untouched on his desk, and the vegetables in his fridge had grown moldy. He had abandoned everything to take care of the drunkard. But in the end, it wasn’t him who helped Isamu recover—it was the child’s presence.

Even though Kunihiko was genuinely happy that Isamu had gotten his life back together, a deep bitterness gnawed at him. He was frustrated. So frustrated that it brought him to tears. And the tears wouldn’t stop.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Kunihiko had been avoiding overtime, wasn’t socializing as much, and was rushing home. With all these signs lining up, his female supervisor, Tachibana, who loved gossip more than anything, made a loud declaration for everyone to hear.

"Kamioka, did you get a girlfriend?"

The volume of her voice caused everyone to turn and look. Embarrassed by the attention, Kunihiko thought this might even qualify as harassment, but he just shook his head and replied, "It’s not like that."

He hadn’t been able to refuse the invitation to the work party, even though he had planned to leave early after the first round. But Tachibana grabbed him by the sleeve and forced him to stay.

"Don’t try to hide it! Someone said they saw you at the supermarket looking all happy, holding a kid’s hand while shopping."

"That’s my friend’s child. There are some circumstances, and right now, they’re staying with me at my apartment," Kunihiko explained.

Tachibana leaned in and looked up at Kunihiko’s face.

"It’s a woman, right?"

"It’s a childhood friend… a guy."

Tachibana let out an exaggerated sigh and shrugged.

"Ugh, boring, boring, boring. I was really curious about what kind of girl managed to snag the stiff Kamioka."

Kunihiko was more bothered by being called "stiff" than by the comment about being "snagged."

"People think I’m stiff?" he asked.

Tachibana, waving her hands in an exaggerated panic, replied, "Oh no, not in a bad way! Just, you know, the general impression people have. You’re serious about your work, and there’s never any gossip about you."

Then, for some reason, she lowered her voice.

"And whenever someone subtly tries to invite you out, you just slip away without giving them any chance. You’re pretty cool like that."

She grabbed his arm with one hand and pushed another drink at him with the other. Feeling pressured, Kunihiko couldn’t refuse and quickly downed the drink she poured.

"Alright, I’m going to head out now," Kunihiko said, thinking he had fulfilled his duty. But once again, Tachibana forced him back into his seat.

"Hold on, I’m not finished talking. I’ve been asked to discreetly find out your type. There’s someone who thinks you’re too distant and wants some information to get closer to you."

"...That’s ridiculous," Kunihiko muttered under his breath. Tachibana promptly pinched his cheek.

"Excuse me? What’s so ridiculous about it?"

"If someone wants to know something about me, they can just ask me directly. I don’t like people who rely on others to handle their personal matters."

Tachibana lightly slapped his hand, as if scolding him.

"If you like novels, you should at least understand the meaning of the word 'romance.' Asking someone you like, 'What kind of type are you into?' face-to-face is just tacky, if you ask me."

The wine bottle in Tachibana’s hand wobbled threateningly, and Kunihiko, resigned, reluctantly held out his glass for a refill.

"Such a straightforward guy," Tachibana said with a satisfied smile as she poured more wine.

"Now, since I’ve pried this much, indulge me. What type of person do you like?"

Kunihiko realized that giving a vague, evasive answer might just prolong the conversation. It might be better to say something, anything, to get her off his back. He thought for a moment. The face of the person he liked came to mind. How could he describe it? It wasn’t a traditionally handsome face. He hated studying and was easily bored. He used to be good at sports, but that was a long time ago—back when they were kids.

"A straightforward person," Kunihiko finally answered after some hesitation.

Tachibana tilted her head. "That’s surprisingly simple."

Kunihiko finally managed to shake her off and left the bar. As he walked home alone, his mind drifted to the person he liked. His friend, with whom he had spent so many years. They had grown up together since childhood. Somewhere along the way, his own heart had broken. He hated feeling like it was broken, so he shook his head forcefully, trying to rid himself of the thought. Denying that he loved Isamu felt like denying his entire self. It seemed that way to him.

He saw the light on in his apartment window. A warmth bloomed in his chest, and he wondered if this was how men with families felt. When he opened the door, Shun’ichi came running to greet him. He picked him up and carried him into the living room, where the man he was in love with sat, lounging in the kotatsu, still holding his phone.

"Did you find anything good?" Kunihiko asked as he took off his suit jacket.

"Well... I had an interview," Isamu replied.

"How did it go?"

"Who knows. I can’t tell. They said they’d call me tomorrow, though. Also, this arrived today."

Isamu handed over an envelope—it was the admission packet for the nearby night school. Kunihiko opened it and quickly skimmed through the contents. Meanwhile, Shun’ichi clung to his side, refusing to leave. Isamu seemed annoyed by this and complained, "Why is he more attached to you than his own father?"

As if that wasn’t enough, Isamu went so far as to seriously ask his five-year-old son, "Who do you like more, me or Kunihiko?"

The fact that Isamu was considering enrolling in night school meant this lifestyle would continue—Isamu staying nearby, in Kunihiko’s life, for a while longer. Kunihiko told himself that wasn’t the reason he’d suggested it, but deep down, he knew better. If there was nothing to feel guilty about, he wouldn’t be so bothered, he thought to himself. The fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about it meant that he had some selfish desires.

“April seems like a good time to start,” Kunihiko said.

“Yeah,” Isamu replied.

“You’ll find a job, get used to it, and then school will start. Feels like good timing, right?”

“Guess so,” Isamu responded, sounding indifferent, as if it were someone else’s life he was talking about.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Isamu found a job at a cleaning company. The position offered full-time employment with daytime shifts only. Though the salary was disappointingly low, there were opportunities for raises, and most importantly, it came with proper benefits. After some deliberation, Kunihiko decided to take charge of managing Isamu’s finances. With Shun’ichi starting elementary school and no rent to worry about, Kunihiko wanted to set aside as much as possible for savings. He calculated the costs of school expenses and determined Isamu’s monthly allowance.

"My life’s pretty much in your hands, huh," Isamu muttered. It was clear he wasn’t thrilled with the modest allowance he was getting. Kunihiko had thought carefully about his decision, but he wasn’t sure if managing Isamu’s money was truly the best way to help him.

A month passed, and life with Shun’ichi and Isamu became routine. If he were to put it in grand terms, Kunihiko could feel how much it filled his heart to live alongside the person he loved. If things continued like this, he thought, he could protect Isamu and Shun’ichi for the rest of his life. He even entertained the notion that he could take Riku’s place. The thought of the life he had once considered a dream now becoming reality filled him with a bubbling sense of joy.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Kunihiko had noticed from the morning that something was off with Isamu. He kept glancing over, as if trying to gauge Kunihiko’s reaction, like he had something on his mind. Kunihiko sensed it but decided not to push. If Isamu wasn’t going to speak up, forcing the issue wouldn’t help. It was late, well past 9 PM, when Isamu finally came home—far too late for someone just coming back from work. As Kunihiko was playing with Shun’ichi after his bath, Isamu approached with a troubled expression and said, almost out of nowhere:

"I need my allowance in one lump sum."

A bad feeling welled up inside Kunihiko.

"What for?"

"It’s to save a life."

Isamu’s tone was overly dramatic, making Kunihiko think he was joking at first. But Isamu’s face was deadly serious.

"How much are we talking?"

"Five hundred thousand yen."

Kunihiko’s breath caught at the outrageous amount.

"Do you have any idea how many years’ worth of your allowance that is? I can’t just give you that much..."

"I need it by the day after tomorrow," Isamu said, clinging to Kunihiko’s arm.

"There’s this girl… her mom’s really sick with some rare disease, and if she doesn’t get surgery right away, she’s going to die. She was crying, saying they couldn’t afford it. If fifty thousand yen can save a life, it’s cheap, right?"

Kunihiko’s arms tensed, holding Shun’ichi on his lap.

"I’m not following. Who’s this 'girl' you’re talking about?"

"The girl I’m dating. Her mom’s in trouble."

Kunihiko’s mind went blank.

"There are places you can borrow money from easily, aren’t there? I tried, but you’re the one who told me I should never go to those kinds of places… So I thought maybe I could borrow it from you."

"I see," Kunihiko said, struggling to keep his voice calm. Anger bubbled up inside him, threatening to boil over. His fingers, gently stroking Shun’ichi’s shoulder, trembled.

"This is the first I’m hearing about your girlfriend. What’s she like?"

"We’ve only been dating for a week, but she’s really great."

A week? Kunihiko wanted to scream—how could he possibly know anything after just a week? But he held it in and asked instead:

"What kind of work does she do?"

"She works hard, that’s for sure," Isamu replied without hesitation.

Kunihiko tilted his head, confused, so Isamu elaborated.

"She works at a soapland. Ever since she came to Tokyo after junior high, she’s been working nonstop. Her parents are both sick, so she’s been sending them money to help."

Kunihiko almost spat out a harsh retort about that kind of woman, but he stopped himself, remembering Riku. He had been vehemently opposed to Riku at first, but when he finally met her, she turned out to be a good person, completely different from what he had expected. What if it was the same this time? Isamu was holding his breath, waiting for Kunihiko’s response.

"I understand it’s a tough situation, and I want to help, but private loans aren’t secure. If something goes wrong, it could get really bad."

"She’s not the kind of person who’d scam anyone!" Isamu shouted, raising his voice in defense. Shun’ichi, though too young to grasp the conversation, sensed the tension and flinched. Kunihiko gently covered the boy’s ears with his hands.

"Don’t shout. I get it. I’ll find the money. But it’s a lot, so it’ll take some time. Tell her to wait a few more days, okay?"

Isamu’s tense expression relaxed, and he smiled.

"Thanks. Sorry for always causing you trouble."

"By the way, what’s your girlfriend’s name? You haven’t told me yet."

"Her name’s Yuki," Isamu said proudly.

"Is that her real name?"

"Yeah, Nishiyama Yuki. But at the shop, she goes by 'Kanon-chan.' She’s super cute, you know. Only nineteen, but she’s been through so much."

"Is that so? That must be tough. Which shop does she work at?" Kunihiko asked, feigning interest to keep the conversation going.

"She works at 'Pink Rose' in Sakaemachi."

Kunihiko removed his hands from Shun’ichi’s ears and gently lifted him off his lap.

"It’s getting late. Time for bed," he said.

"Okay," Shun’ichi nodded.

Kunihiko felt guilty for spoiling Shun’ichi too much but still carried him to bed. His bed, now overtaken by Isamu and Shun’ichi. As soon as Shun’ichi got under the covers, he blinked sleepily. After closing the bedroom door, Kunihiko returned to the living room. Isamu was nowhere to be seen, but he could hear the sound of water from the bathroom.

Kunihiko grabbed the TV remote and hurled it against the wall with all his strength. It shattered with a loud crash. Broken.

"Again and again and again."

Taken again. Monopolized by another woman he didn’t know. No matter how much he cherished Isamu, he would never be Isamu’s number one. One after another, others kept surpassing him. When Riku died, a part of him had felt relieved, thinking that Isamu’s most beloved partner was gone. He knew how vile and disgusting that was. But it was the truth. He believed no one but Riku and himself could ever love Isamu with their whole heart.

Riku and Isamu had lived together for a little over four years. In her final year, Riku had stayed in the hospital. It was uterine cancer, and by the time it was found, the disease had progressed too far. Even though she had surgery, she didn’t survive more than six months. Isamu visited her at the hospital every day, encouraging Riku as she lost her hair and wasted away from the powerful chemotherapy, insisting she would be okay. With Isamu devoting all his time to Riku, Shun’ichi was often left alone, and naturally, Kunihiko ended up taking care of him.

Kunihiko had visited her a few times. It must have been about a month before Riku’s death, at the terminal stage of her cancer. Riku had been in constant pain, using strong painkillers that left her dazed, often even in the middle of the day. When Kunihiko peeked through the small crack in the door, he saw Isamu gently stroking Riku’s back as she lay in bed.

"Does this help a little?"

"Yeah."

Riku answered like a child.

"Riku."

"What is it?"

"It hurts for me too."

Isamu's voice trembled as if he were about to cry.

"Where does it hurt?"

Isamu placed a hand over his heart.

"Here. When you’re in pain, it hurts here too."

"Isamu, you're so kind."

Kunihiko stood frozen outside the door, unable to find the right moment to enter.

"I'm going to die soon, aren't I?"

"Don’t say that."

Even though Isamu denied it, Riku understood her condition well.

"When I’m gone, please take care of Shun’ichi."

"Don’t say things like that."

"Mr. Kamioka, he’s a good person, isn’t he? If anything happens, let him help you. And find someone you love again. It would be lonely with just the two of you, right? And sometimes, just remember me."

Isamu started crying, and Riku reached out with both arms, as if to embrace him.

"I don’t want to die. I want to stay with you and Shun’ichi much, much longer. I don’t want to die."

Kunihiko couldn’t bear to watch any longer and quietly left the hospital room. The feeling of Isamu being taken from him never went away, but still… he had genuinely wished for her to live. Despite everyone’s prayers, Riku’s time ran out less than a month later. Kunihiko had resolved to protect Isamu and Shun’ichi in Riku’s place. He believed there would never be another Riku.

Kunihiko had made up his mind. It was a bitter, agonizing decision.

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