Yellow Diamond: Chapter 1 - part 5

The content warning is in the footnotes⁰.

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They had dinner at a family restaurant and then returned home. As soon as they stepped inside, the sticky feeling on their faces and limbs from the sea breeze became noticeable. Shun’ichi, having taken off his hat, complained that he had sand in his eyes. Kunihiko took him into the bath and rinsed his eyes with water.

“Does it still hurt?”

“No.”

Shun’ichi nodded, his eyes still red. They had only played at the beach for a few hours, yet the back of the boy’s neck was already faintly sunburned. Kunihiko softly kissed the sunburnt skin, tasting a hint of salt.

“That tickles.”

Shun’ichi laughed, finding everything amusing. He loved taking baths with other people and always pulled on Kunihiko’s hand, insisting, “Let’s bathe together.” Once Kunihiko agreed, charmed by his cute smile, there was no escaping an hour of being roped into playing with him. Kunihiko often wondered how Shun’ichi could come up with so many games in such a tiny bathtub space—his imagination seemed endless. By the time they were done, Kunihiko was always exhausted. Even now, Shun’ichi whined about wanting to stay in the bath a bit longer, but Kunihiko picked him up and hurriedly ended the bath session. As soon as they were done, Isamu took his turn in the bath. Even the lazy man couldn't stand the remnants of the sticky sea breeze clinging to his skin.

Shun’ichi, tired from playing at the beach, started yawning while Kunihiko dried his hair. As soon as he was put to bed, he fell asleep. Watching Shun’ichi’s sleeping face, Kunihiko suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia and opened the closet. He found the album he was looking for, stuffed into a cardboard box in the back. Bringing it into the living room, he wiped the dusty cover with his fingertips and opened it. There was a picture of him at about the same age as Shun’ichi, laughing like an idiot. Next to him was Isamu, also laughing like an idiot. What had they been so happy about? Kunihiko wished he could ask his younger self, as he couldn’t remember any of it now. There were several albums, but there wasn’t a single picture of Isamu after he graduated from elementary school.

He heard footsteps and quickly shoved the album into the gap under the sofa. Isamu, now in sweats, entered the living room, rubbing his wet hair with a towel, and glanced around.

“Is Shun’ichi asleep?”

“Yeah. Seems like he was pretty worn out. Well, with how much he was running around, it’s no wonder.”

Isamu sat down across from Kunihiko, lowering his head with a sigh. He’d been sighing a lot, even on the train ride home.

“Hey… are you trying to kick us out?”

His irritated tone came out of nowhere, hitting Kunihiko like a punch.

“What do you mean, ‘kick you out’? You were the one who said you wanted to leave in the first place.”

“Yeah, but… there’s school, too…”

“You didn’t really want to go, did you?”

Isamu sulked, his face clearly showing his displeasure.

“I didn’t, but… when you said it, I started thinking maybe I could…”

He mumbled awkwardly.

“To be honest, I think it’s for the best you didn’t go. Forcing yourself into something you weren’t motivated for would’ve probably backfired. I gave you the enrollment papers, so you can think about it if you ever really want to study.”

Isamu furrowed his brow, clearly unsatisfied. He slammed his hand against the top of the kotatsu table.

“You know, you’ve gotten cold. It’s not just the way you talk—whenever we make eye contact, or when we pass each other while walking, you act like I’m not even there. And back then, if I came home late, you’d get so mad, like you were going to breathe fire, but now, you don’t say anything. Things got weird after that, after you told me you liked me. Is it because I called you a homo, or a pervert? Is that why you’re mad?”

“I’m not mad anymore.”

That was the truth.

“Liar.”

“I was hurt at the time, though.”

Isamu lowered his head, falling silent.

“I guess I got a little cocky. You’ve always been the stronger one, and I’ve never had the upper hand before. So I started doing all the things I knew I shouldn’t.”

“I was wrong, too. I didn’t think about your feelings until you came right out and said it.”

A heavy, solemn air settled between them.

“Maybe I really should leave this place,” Isamu muttered.

“I think that’s for the best,” Kunihiko replied.

“Such a pain…” Isamu let out a sigh.

“Why can’t we just leave things as they are? For some reason, I’m really feeling like going back to school. That way, Shun’ichi could—”

“If you go to school, I’ll take care of Shun’ichi at night. You can pick him up here on your way home from work.”

“Renting an apartment costs a lot, though. I should at least save up enough before making any decisions.”

“I’ll lend you the deposit and key money. It’s not a huge sum, so don’t worry about it.”

Suddenly, Isamu kicked Kunihiko’s feet under the kotatsu, hard enough to send him sprawling out of it.

“What the hell was that for?” Kunihiko shouted.

"How do two men even have sex?" Isamu blurted out, out of nowhere.

Kunihiko stared at him, baffled.

“Sex. You know, how does it even work between guys?”

“What are you even talking about?”

“I want to try it with you.”

The bluntness of the statement hit Kunihiko like a punch. His head started pounding as if he had been struck from the inside.

“What the hell are you thinking? There’s no point in doing something like that.”

“You said you liked me, didn’t you? So, you must’ve thought about it, about wanting to do it with me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

The truth in Isamu’s words only made Kunihiko angrier.

“As if I’d want to do that with you!” Kunihiko grabbed the nearest thing, a tissue box, and threw it at Isamu, hitting him square in the face.

“Ow! That hurt! You can act all nice and proper, but deep down, that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? You wanted to do it!”

Kunihiko was beyond angry. Unable to hold back any longer, he clenched his fists, shaking with rage, and stormed over to Isamu, grabbing him by the collar and landing a punch on his face. Isamu’s head jerked back like a rag doll. Kunihiko went to hit him again, but on the third swing, Isamu caught his arm and punched back. The force sent Kunihiko crashing into the wall, the pain only fueling his frustration as he shouted furiously.

“If you’re so desperate to know, I’ll show you. Take your clothes off!”’

Provoked, Isamu pulled off his sweatshirt, then slid his pants and underwear down in one motion, balling them up and throwing them at Kunihiko. Under the harsh light, the body in front of him was nothing like the boy from their past, just the skinny frame of a grown man.

Kunihiko, wiping the blood trickling from his mouth, sat back down on the kotatsu.

“Lick it.”

“Lick what?” Isamu asked, reclining arrogantly, stark naked.

“You’ve been to a soapland before, haven’t you? Do it like they do there. Use your tongue.”

Kunihiko could hear Isamu gulp.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to learn. Don’t tell me you can’t do it now.”

“Shut up. I get it. You don’t need to tell me twice.”

Isamu knelt in front of him, pulling down Kunihiko’s pajama pants and underwear. Their bodies were the same—men, with the same parts. Isamu stared at the exposed area, frozen for a moment. Slowly, his right hand moved to touch Kunihiko’s exposed groin, and the direct contact made Kunihiko involuntarily twitch. Isamu, looking hesitant, leaned in closer, but before his tongue could make contact, Kunihiko pushed his forehead back, stopping him.

“I’m joking.”

Kunihiko stood up and pulled his clothes back into place.

“What the hell?” Isamu protested.

“I said it was a joke!” Kunihiko snapped.

“Wait a minute,” Isamu muttered.

Before Kunihiko could react, Isamu clung to him, and for a moment, he braced himself, thinking he might get hit again... but that wasn’t it. His ears were firmly grabbed, pulling him closer, and then he was kissed roughly. Their lips didn’t part. It was a deep kiss, one that completely messed up the inside of his mouth. His groin, which had started to react, was rubbed with a knee, and his body responded as a normal man’s would. It grew hard, straining. Desperately, Kunihiko managed to push Isamu away, but the bulge in his pajamas was obvious, impossible to hide.

“You’ve gone too far,” Kunihiko growled, wiping his mouth smeared with saliva. He tried to leave the room, but Isamu grabbed him again.

"Wait, just wait."

"Enough already. There’s no way you actually want to do this because you like me, right?"

Isamu’s movements froze. His response was so honest, it almost hurt.

"I talked to Shun’ichi."

"About what?"

"I asked him what I should do because you were mad at me. He told me to apologize and say 'I'm sorry.' And then he said if it were him, he’d give you your most favorite thing."

Kunihiko finally understood what was going on in Isamu’s simple mind.

"I don’t know what your favorite thing is, but you told me you like me, didn’t you? So I figured if we had sex, maybe it’d make you feel better. You’ve been acting weird lately."

Kunihiko’s teeth clenched so tightly he could hear them grinding together.

"…Get out."

"But—"

The long-drawn tone of Isamu’s voice triggered something, fanning the flames of his fury. Tears welled up, uncontrollable.

"I said get out! And don’t ever show your face in front of me again!"

Isamu’s absurd notion of pacifying him with sex was infuriating. And even worse was the fact that Kunihiko had almost let it happen. His feelings had been used against him, leaving him with nothing but shame.

"Why are you crying?"

Isamu’s confused voice only made things worse. No one cries because they want to. It was because Kunihiko was humiliated and felt utterly powerless. How could he explain that this wasn’t what he had wanted? Even if he tried to explain concepts like obligation, pride, or love, Isamu wouldn’t understand. It was all too mixed up, too tangled to separate—Kunihiko himself couldn’t even see the line between duty and love. How could Isamu?

"You keep telling me to go, but how am I supposed to leave when you’re crying?"

Isamu sighed, and Kunihiko fought to choke back his tears.

"This is the second time I’ve seen you cry, you know. The first was when we were kids. We went to that festival, and on the way back, you got stung by a bee. You cried your eyes out, and I didn’t know what to do with you."

Isamu crouched down, peering into Kunihiko’s tear-streaked face.

"I’m sorry for calling you a homo, or a pervert. Just… don’t cry like that."

Isamu’s fingers pressed clumsily against the corners of Kunihiko’s wet eyes, trying to stop the tears like someone turning off a faucet—an oddly forceful way of handling it.

"You know, it kinda looks like you want to kiss me. I can see it in your eyes."

Kunihiko hadn’t even considered it, yet Isamu made up his mind as if it were a fact. He laughed as if he’d figured something out.

"Want me to kiss you?"

Their lips met, hard and clumsy. Teeth clashed painfully, but Kunihiko’s heart pounded in his chest all the same.

"This feels weird," Isamu murmured, their faces still close.

"Are you really Kunihiko? It feels like I’m looking at someone else."

Without thinking, Kunihiko impulsively wrapped his arms around Isamu’s thin body. He hugged him tight, unable to stop himself, and they tumbled onto the floor.

"I love you… I lo—ve…" Kunihiko whispered, unable to think about how desperate and pitiful he must seem.

"Alright, alright, I get it. Just don’t cling to me so hard—I can’t breathe…"

Kunihiko loosened his grip, and Isamu let out a breath, relieved.

"You’re kinda heavy, you know."

The words drifted into his ear, whispered softly, but Kunihiko ignored them, pretending he hadn’t heard.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Despite being the one to say things like “Take your clothes off” or “Lick it,” when it came to actually touching Isamu’s body, Kunihiko’s fingers wouldn’t stop trembling.

“Are you cold or something?” Isamu asked lazily, as if there wasn’t a shred of tension in the air. Kunihiko pressed his fingers firmly against Isamu’s body, feeling the texture of his skin, while he brushed his lips against him. If he kept his lips moving, maybe Isamu wouldn’t notice how much he was shaking.

“Cut it out, it tickles,” Isamu complained, squirming as Kunihiko’s tongue grazed one of the small, barely noticeable bumps on his chest. But as Kunihiko continued, he began to feel Isamu’s body responding, the growing hardness pressing against his stomach unmistakable.

“It’s because you’re doing weird stuff that I’m getting turned on,” Isamu muttered. His erection now fully formed, it twitched beneath Kunihiko’s abdomen—a raw, unmistakable sign of male arousal.

“Don’t stare at it so much,” Isamu mumbled, using the discarded sweatshirt to cover his obviously aroused crotch. “It’s embarrassing when you keep looking.”

Isamu slipped out from under Kunihiko, one hand still covering his groin as he reached for his underwear. But Kunihiko pressed himself over Isamu’s back, snatching away the sweatshirt and directly touching Isamu’s exposed erection.

“Ah!” Isamu’s voice cracked. When Kunihiko tightened his grip, Isamu winced, “That hurts!” Kunihiko quickly loosened his fingers, nervously massaging it more gently this time. As he did, Isamu’s breathing grew heavy, and before long, he climaxed. He collapsed onto the floor, lying flat on his stomach.

“…You’re pressing it against my hip,” Isamu finally murmured once his breathing calmed down.

“Don’t push it there too much... it feels like it’s gonna slip in, and that’s freakin’ scary.”

“This is where two men do it,” Kunihiko said quietly.

“You’re serious? You can actually do it… there?”

“You can.”

“Do you… want to?”

“…I do.”

Kunihiko hugged Isamu’s slender body, no longer feeling the need to hide anything. He couldn’t see Isamu’s face and had no idea what he was thinking. After a long pause, Isamu finally spoke.

“Wanna try it?”

◇:-:◆:-:◇

When Isamu said he had a request, Kunihiko wondered what he was about to be asked to do. To his surprise, Isamu simply ordered him to sit with his legs crossed. Kunihiko did as he was told, and Isamu eagerly sat down on his lap. He grinned with a soft hehe as if thoroughly enjoying himself. Isamu's sweaty back pressed snugly against Kunihiko's chest, and Kunihiko wrapped his arms tightly around him, making sure not to lose the warmth between them. He kissed the slender, sun-kissed nape of Isamu’s neck, pressing firmly.

“I always wanted to try this. You do it for Shun'ichi all the time, right? My old man was... well, you know how he was, and the one time I asked if I could sit on his lap, he punched me.”

Kunihiko gave a light pinch to Isamu’s chest, without any of the tenderness from earlier, and Isamu's body jolted.

“Don’t touch me like that. You’ll just make me feel all turned on again.”

Kunihiko moved his hand away from Isamu’s nipple, sliding it down his stomach before gripping his manhood firmly. Isamu tensed and held his breath.

“We’ve already done it so many times. I’m spent.”

Still, Kunihiko persisted, and before long, Isamu began to harden again.

“Hey, don’t put it in there. It stings for some reason. Feels like it’s burning,” Isamu complained.

Since Isamu refused, Kunihiko stuck to just caressing him. After a low groan, Isamu came again, his release dirtying Kunihiko’s hand. With a soft murmur, Isamu added, “I never thought you were such a pervert.”

“I didn’t know either,” Kunihiko admitted.

“You’re such a weirdo,” Isamu said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but I don’t know… being like this with you feels kind of good. I get why Shun’ichi always wants to be all over you.”

This was sex driven by the moment. Kunihiko was serious, but for Isamu, it was just something that happened because of the atmosphere. There was no way a relationship like this could last. If someone like Riku came along again, Isamu would be swept away once more. Even so, Kunihiko knew he couldn’t stop being involved with this man. No matter who came into his life, Kunihiko would still love him, still want to stay by his side.

“Are you crying again?”

A tear fell onto Isamu’s slender back, and Kunihiko quickly rubbed his face against Isamu’s shoulder in a panic. Isamu didn’t say anything. He simply played with Kunihiko’s fingers, which were still wrapped around his stomach, without a word.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Kunihiko had thought that their first time would also be their last, yet, surprisingly, it was Isamu who initiated their second time together. Kunihiko wasn’t so full of himself as to think that Isamu did it out of love. It seemed more likely that Isamu simply wanted to do it again because it felt good. It would be a lie to say that Kunihiko didn’t feel empty inside, but he wasn’t strong enough to stubbornly refuse when the man he loved made such an offer. So, when Isamu tempted him, Kunihiko wrapped his arms around his slender body and gave in.

Isamu never ended up moving out. Neither of them brought up the subject again, and it fizzled away like smoke. Since spring, Isamu had been attending night school. He still hated studying, constantly complaining that he didn’t understand things no matter how patiently Kunihiko tried to teach him. He seemed to have made a friend in his class, and sometimes he came home late. At first, Kunihiko worried that Isamu had found a new lover and resigned himself to just watching from the sidelines. But the more he thought about it, the more his chest ached, and his behavior toward Isamu became awkward and stilted. Even when Isamu suggested they “do it,” Kunihiko swallowed down the words that were on the tip of his tongue, wondering if Isamu had someone else.

“Why have you been acting so weird lately?” Isamu asked after they had sex, confronting Kunihiko in bed. Unable to hide his feelings any longer, Kunihiko confessed, “I thought you might have a new lover.”

Isamu’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Why would you think that? I haven’t said anything like that.”

“Well… you’ve been coming home late a lot recently.”

“That’s because I get invited for drinks after school. I’ve made friends, sure, but one of them’s an old guy, pushing sixty.”

Realizing he’d been spiraling into baseless fantasies, Kunihiko was so embarrassed he couldn’t say another word. Isamu wouldn’t let it go, pressing him for more details until Kunihiko had no choice but to explain his mistaken assumptions and jealousy, feeling his face burn with shame the entire time.

Meanwhile, Shun’ichi had started elementary school. He seemed to have made a lot of friends and would happily share stories every day about what happened at school.

“I’m glad Shun’ichi takes after Riku,” Isamu muttered once.

“He looks like you too,” Kunihiko replied, but Isamu just kept shaking his head in disbelief.

“No way. Look at this—he got a perfect score. I never got one of these in my life,” Isamu said, pulling out a test Shun’ichi had proudly given him. Every now and then, Isamu would take it out just to look at it.

Watching Shun’ichi walk off, saying, “I’m going to play with my friends,” without asking to be taken anywhere anymore left Kunihiko feeling oddly lonely. When he mentioned it, Isamu replied nonchalantly, “Of course friends are more fun than hanging out with an old guy who’s the same age as your dad. We were always out playing with each other too, remember?”

One weekend, as they spent yet another day alone together, Isamu sat at the table, struggling with his homework. Kunihiko, seated across from him, read a book but occasionally glanced at what Isamu was working on. The pen in Isamu’s hand stayed still, and after several frustrated clicks of his tongue, it was clear he was losing patience with the problem. Finally, with a muttered “Oh, right,” Isamu stood up, left the living room, and quickly returned.

“I thought I lost it, but it turned up in my jacket pocket the other day,” Isamu said, pulling out the engagement ring—completely exposed.

“It’s the one I gave to Riku. Pretty cool, right? It’s a yellow diamond.”

Kunihiko, not exactly knowledgeable about gemstones, tilted his head, wondering if yellow diamonds were really a thing. He recalled a girl at work once wearing a necklace with a similar honey-colored stone, its gentle hue standing out enough that he’d curiously asked its name. That stone had been…

“Before I got kicked out of the apartment, I thought about selling it for some cash, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

The name of the stone came back to him—topaz.

“I’m giving it to you.”

Isamu grabbed Kunihiko’s left hand and tried to slip the ring onto his ring finger. But no matter how hard he tried, the thin ring wouldn’t fit a man’s finger, and it stopped at Kunihiko’s second knuckle on his pinky.

“Yeah, it really doesn’t suit a guy, huh?”

Isamu held up Kunihiko’s hand, the ring clinging to it awkwardly like an insect.

“I’m bound to lose it if I keep it, but you’re reliable, so I can trust you with it. Besides…”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t really have anything else to give you.”

“You’ve given me a lot.”

“No, I haven’t done anything,” Isamu said, looking puzzled. There was nothing tangible to show for it. Kunihiko wondered if Isamu realized that the 'kindness' he was looking for was something you couldn’t actually see.

“Hey,” Isamu said, locking eyes with Kunihiko.

“I think… I might be falling for you. We’ve always been friends, but this feels different. When I’m with you, my chest feels warm. I think it makes me happy. This is love, right?”

“I don’t know…”

“I want to see you smile, to see you happy, but I’m broke. I can’t buy you anything. I want to do something for you, but I don’t know what that is.”

“There is one thing I want.”

“What’s that?”

“Tell me you love me again.”

Kunihiko said it seriously, but Isamu burst out laughing. Still chuckling, he moved closer and, just like he would with Shun’ichi, pulled Kunihiko into a hug, rubbing his head affectionately.

“I love you, Kunihiko,” he said, smiling brightly.

“You’re so easy to please,” he added, repeating the words “I love you” over and over, as if it were a service, before whispering softly in Kunihiko’s ear.

“You and Riku are nothing alike, but there’s one thing you have in common.”

“What’s that?”

“Neither of you ever called me an idiot.”

In that fleeting moment of surprise, Isamu kissed him. It was a rough kiss, almost painful, making Kunihiko’s chest ache.

“But you are an idiot,” Kunihiko replied. “For saying you love a guy like me.”

Isamu laughed—a wide, open laugh, like a child’s. Kunihiko pulled the man he loved into a tight embrace, holding him close with all his strength.

“Yeah, it really doesn’t suit a guy, huh?”

Isamu held up Kunihiko’s hand, the ring clinging to it awkwardly like an insect.

“I’m bound to lose it if I keep it, but you’re reliable, so I can trust you with it. Besides…”

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW.

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