Yellow Diamond: Chapter 3 - part 3

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Summer, Second Year of University

Where are you right now?

It was just past 7 PM when a message from Ichihashi popped up on social media. It wasn’t unusual to receive sudden texts like this from him. Things like, “I missed the train, can I stay over?” or “A guy I was supposed to go with canceled, and I have an extra ticket for the event, want to come with me?” Ichihashi was always so free-spirited. Yuusei Akimori would reply with "Sure" most of the time, as long as it wasn’t inconvenient. He was happy to be invited, and it was always fun hanging out. Compared to the friends he’d made in university, he found it easier to relax around his hometown friend.

I’m at my parents' house.

He had rented an apartment near his university to focus on studying, but during the summer break, the hassle of cooking made him return to his parents' house.

Come over to my place.

He was typing out "Sure, but that’s pretty sudden…" when another message followed.

Shun’ichi is in bad shape.

Just seeing the name “Shun’ichi” made his heart skip a beat, and his fingers trembled.

He’s back?

He’d heard from Ichihashi about a month ago that Shun’ichi was planning to spend his summer break working in Hokkaido. He hadn’t expected him to be back.

Yeah, he’s at my place. He’s in a bad mood, and it’s rough.

Yuusei's fingers froze at the words "bad mood."

Huh, that’s unusual.

He had never seen Shun'ichi lash out irrationally at anyone… except, perhaps, at their junior high graduation when he blew up at Kunihiko-san.

Please, help me out. It’s hard dealing with him alone.

If Ichihashi, Shun’ichi’s closest friend, was saying it was rough, then it was bound to be tough for Yuusei too. But he couldn’t ignore him. Caught between the excitement of seeing Shun’ichi and the anxiety of what was to come, Yuusei grabbed a new T-shirt he had just bought. At first, he thought about heading out right away, but when he glanced in the mirror, he noticed the T-shirt he was currently wearing had a sagging neckline. Sanada probably doesn’t care what I’m wearing, he thought, but still, he decided to change into the cleaner, newer T-shirt before heading out.

At their high school graduation, Shun’ichi had said, "The next time we see each other will be at the coming-of-age ceremony," and Yuusei had braced myself for that. But every time there was a university break, Shun’ichi came back to their hometown. Ichihashi would get a call, and then he’d get invited to hang out with them, and the three of them would spend time together.

Just because they graduated high school didn’t mean people changed overnight. When the three of them were together, they still did the same stupid things—exploring abandoned buildings or making fake horror videos.

During their first winter break as university students, Shun’ichi had brought a girl from his university back to their hometown. She had short hair, big eyes, and a laid-back, easy-going vibe. Shun’ichi hadn’t called her his girlfriend but bringing her back and introducing her to his friends pretty much confirmed it.

A wave of unease settled deep in Yuusei’s gut, but he knew that if he wanted to stay friends with Shun’ichi, he’d have to accept that things like this would keep happening. The only time he ever saw them together was when they were both back in their hometown, so the odds of stumbling upon them being affectionate—like that high school accident—were slim. In times like those, the distance between Yuusei and Shun’ichi became a kind of relief.

When spring break rolled around, Yuusei wondered if Shun’ichi would bring that girl back again, but he didn’t. He didn’t bring her during Golden Week either. Yuusei didn’t have the guts to ask him directly, so he casually brought it up to Ichihashi: "Is Shun’ichi’s girlfriend not coming back anymore?" He casually replied, "Oh, they broke up, apparently."

It hit Yuusei that Shun'ichi had been dating and breaking up with people without him even knowing. Shun'ichi was moving forward, meeting new people, while Yuusei had been watching him from the same fixed point all along.

Since Ichihashi's older brother got married and moved back in with their parents, Ichihashi had rented an apartment of his own. It was only about a ten-minute bike ride from Yuusei's parents' house, so it was close. As he pedaled along the train tracks, Yuusei wondered why Shun’ichi was in such a bad mood. Maybe something had happened at his part-time job in Hokkaido. Maybe he had a fight with a friend there… or maybe, he had a fight with a new girlfriend. The thought of listening to Shun’ichi vent about relationship troubles was hard to stomach. Even if he could put on a neutral face, his heart wouldn't be able to hide the truth.

But despite that risk, he wanted to see Shun’ichi. They didn’t get to meet as often now, and even though Yuusei didn’t think about Shun’ichi all the time, there were moments when he couldn’t help but remember. Shun’ichi had long since become a crucial part of what Yuusei thought of as love.

Ichihashi’s apartment came into view. He parked his bike in the lot and walked to the door, calling out, “Hey!” as he grabbed the doorknob. Sure enough, it wasn’t locked.

“You’re late,” Ichihashi called out, running to the entrance. Yuusei had checked the time on his phone earlier—fifteen minutes since Ichihashi’s last message. Not exactly late by normal standards.

“I’ve got a night shift coming up. I’ll be back by 5 AM, okay?” Ichihashi gave Yuusei a pat on the shoulder, ignoring Yuusei’s protest of “What? You’re kidding, right?” as he hurried out the door.

Being left alone with Shun’ichi made Yuusei feel a bit lost. Standing there in the entrance wouldn’t do, so he stepped into the one-room apartment. As he did, he stepped on something in front of the kitchen. Picking it up, he realized it was a suit jacket. Shun’ichi was lying in the middle of the room on Ichihashi’s bed, dressed in a white dress shirt and tie, like a businessman. The jacket had the same pattern as his pants, so it must have been Shun’ichi’s. Was he job hunting already? It felt a bit early for that.

“Long time no see.”

Shun’ichi opened his eyes, glanced briefly at Yuusei, and then turned his face away. The obvious cold shoulder gave Yuusei a chill, something he hadn’t felt since junior high. But he reminded himself that Ichihashi had said Shun’ichi was in a bad mood, so it wasn’t just about him.

On the table across from the bed, several empty cans were scattered around. Isamu didn’t drink, but the cans looked like beer. Shun’ichi’s birthday was in August, so he had already turned twenty.

“Is alcohol good?”

It was such a long pause that Yuusei thought he’d been ignored, but finally, Shun’ichi responded with, “It’s disgusting.”

“Hmm, so it’s gross, huh?”

Yuusei wondered why Shun’ichi had drunk so much of it if he didn’t like it.

“I’m an adult now. I can drink as much as I want.”

Shun’ichi spoke with a sulky tone.

“No one’s saying you can’t,” Yuusei replied. Despite not being scolded, Shun’ichi rolled over on the bed and curled up into a ball like a pill bug. Yuusei had no idea how to handle someone who didn’t want to talk and was in a bad mood, so he sat down in a corner of the room and watched Shun’ichi’s curled-up back.

Being left with this sulky pill bug, Yuusei realized the situation wasn’t so bad. With no one else around to judge, he could stare at Shun’ichi’s back and the back of his head all he wanted.

Yuusei thought about why he liked Shun’ichi. It had started with just a kid who had a slightly different vibe. The more he watched, the more he couldn’t look away. Now… he thought Shun’ichi’s face and voice were nice. Objectively, Shun’ichi wasn’t incredibly handsome, but to Yuusei, his face was perfect. Even when they did stupid things together, Shun’ichi had a certain unshakeable strength about him. He wondered what kind of adult Shun’ichi would become. Now that he was twenty, he was technically an adult, but it didn’t quite feel like it yet. Somehow, Yuusei had the sense that Shun’ichi would end up like Kunihiko-san. If he said that out loud, though, Shun’ichi would probably get angry, claiming he wasn’t like that at all.

Shun’ichi, who had been curled up like a pill bug, suddenly sat up. He got off the bed and reached for a can of beer on the table. Cracking open the tab, he took a sip of the alcohol he had claimed was disgusting. After a deep sigh, his red-rimmed eyes met Yuusei’s.

“You want one?”

He slid an unopened can across the table with a nudge of his finger. Yuusei was still nineteen, technically underage for another month. Drinking now would be illegal, but a month’s difference didn’t seem to matter much. More than that, the curiosity of sharing a drink with Shun’ichi won out.

“I’ll have one.”

He picked up the beer and pulled the tab open. The conflicting feelings of breaking the law and the thrill of doing something forbidden washed over him. At first, he just took a small taste, but the bitterness didn’t make much sense. Then he remembered how people on TV gulped it down in one go, so he mimicked that, drinking it quickly like he would tea. The bitter taste and carbonation hit him all at once. He almost spat it out but somehow managed to hold it in, only to end up coughing violently after he swallowed.

As he coughed so hard it felt like his throat would tear, Shun’ichi came over and patted him on the back, asking, “You okay?” The sensation of Shun’ichi’s hand on his back made Yuusei’s face flush.

“Wait, your birthday’s not until next month, right? You’re still not supposed to drink,” Shun’ichi said with a casual smirk. “I got you mixed up with Ichihashi.”

Shun’ichi had been the one to suggest it, but now he was retracting his offer, telling Yuusei not to drink after all. Despite his earlier bad mood, something seemed to soften just a bit now that Yuusei had shown a moment of vulnerability.

“Why are you wearing a suit, anyway?”

Yuusei finally asked the question that had been bothering him. Shun’ichi, who had settled down cross-legged beside him, answered simply, “A wedding.”

“Oh, a relative’s?”

“No, Isamu’s.”

Isamu was Shun’ichi’s father’s name. Yuusei remembered that Shun’ichi’s mother had passed away from illness, so if there was a wedding, that meant Shun’ichi’s father had remarried. Did Shun’ichi feel like his beloved father had been taken away by a new mother? Maybe that’s why he was in such a foul mood. Even though they were adults now—Shun’ichi, at twenty, technically was—it wasn’t something you could just brush off easily. Yuusei could understand that feeling.

Shun’ichi propped his chin on the table, moving lazily, almost like a shoebill bird. He looked at Yuusei, which was unusual; normally, Shun’ichi avoided making eye contact with him. Yuusei started to wonder if Shun’ichi might be a little drunk.

“Hey… do you still like me?”

Yuusei’s heart nearly stopped. This was the bomb he had been avoiding since they were in junior high.

“You kissed me once before, remember? I always kinda thought you liked me. It felt like that. So… do you still like me?”

Yuusei’s body trembled. He didn’t understand—he didn’t understand at all why Shun’ichi was asking this. It scared him.

“…Why are you asking something like that?” His voice wavered.

“Because I have something I want to know. If you tell me the truth, I’ll tell you the truth too.”

Yuusei’s head began to spin. If he told the truth, what would happen? Would Shun’ichi, still in a bad mood, say something cruel like “You’re disgusting”? Even if he didn’t say it outright, Yuusei already knew he was a pervert in Shun’ichi’s eyes. He had been hurt enough times, like when Shun’ichi introduced him to his girlfriend, but what if now Shun’ichi actually voiced those things? If he outright said, “You’re gross,” or “I hate you,” would Yuusei’s feelings finally die? Would this one-sided love end?

The pieces of Shun’ichi that had made up so much of Yuusei’s feelings—would they lose their meaning and just disappear? Maybe that would be easier.

“What if I said I still liked you? What would you do?”

He spoke deliberately, without letting emotion seep into his voice. Shun’ichi let out a heavy sigh—haa—and that sound alone stabbed right through Yuusei. It was unbearable. He wanted to run away.

"…Don't tell Ichihashi, but the person Isamu married... it's Kunihiko."

At first, Yuusei was so preoccupied with his own emotions that Shun’ichi’s words didn’t fully register.

"Kunihiko...san?"

Kunihiko was the older man Shun’ichi had always hated yet relied on. Shun’ichi, pressing his right hand to his chin, tapped an empty beer can on the table as he continued his confession.

"Yeah, Kunihiko's been in love with Isamu since they were kids. Even after Isamu married my mom and had a kid, Kunihiko stayed in love with him. By the time I was in kindergarten, they were already seeing each other. I found out about it when I was in junior high, around the time all that stuff happened with Mizusawa. Learning that my dad and the guy I thought I could rely on were actually together—it hit me hard during those teenage years."

Yuusei was so shocked by the unexpected truth that he couldn’t even nod in acknowledgment.

"Two weeks ago, Isamu and Kunihiko came to Hokkaido to celebrate my 20^th birthday. That’s when they told me they were getting married. Apparently, they'd been planning to do it ever since I became an adult. I guess it’s too late for it to really bother me, and I don’t hate it or anything, but... I don’t know, it still feels weird. And today was their wedding. It wasn’t really a ceremony—just the three of us. Kunihiko already bought a house, and they’re living together. They even said I’ve got my own room there, but… I don’t know… something about it just feels… off."

Shun’ichi's words hung in the air. Yuusei couldn’t understand why he was sharing this. Was he trying to tell Yuusei that Kunihiko, like him, was a man who loved another man?

"I’ve had people I liked, too," Shun’ichi continued. "But when things feel off, I break it off. I can’t imagine being like Kunihiko—loving someone since childhood, staying with them for so long."

Shun’ichi’s sharp gaze turned toward Yuusei, almost cutting through him.

"And what about you? How does it feel to still like me? We’re friends, right? We have fun together, but we’re not dating or anything. How can you stay in love with someone for that long?"

Yuusei’s breath grew shallow. He felt an overwhelming need to speak but also an enormous fear of what might happen if he did.

"It hurts," Yuusei said, glaring at Shun’ichi. "It really hurts."

He took a deep breath.

"…Honestly, the fact that you’re even asking me this—right now, I really wish I’d just die."

Shun’ichi’s red eyes widened for a moment before he muttered, “Sorry.”

“Kunihiko told me something once. He said unrequited love can be really painful.”

The fear of rejection that had been gripping Yuusei’s heart suddenly ignited into anger.

“If you understand that, why would you even ask?”

Yuusei grabbed an empty can from the table and hurled it at Shun’ichi. Even though Shun’ichi tried to stop him, Yuusei kept throwing whatever he could reach, rage flooding his mind until he felt like he was burning up inside. It wasn’t just the anger—it was the frustration of being the only one exploding in this room. He couldn’t take it anymore and bolted out of the apartment.

He ran through the dark streets, sandals slapping awkwardly against the pavement, making it hard to run properly. His feet felt like they were dragging behind him.

“Hey! Wait! I said wait!”

Shun’ichi was chasing after him, that same clueless, frustrating guy. Yuusei felt a mix of fury and despair. He couldn’t let himself get caught. As he dashed into a park, one of his sandals caught on something, nearly tripping him. He managed to keep his balance with his right foot, but the sandal on his left foot flew off. The moment his bare foot touched the ground, pain shot up, and he instinctively lifted his heel. He looked around but couldn’t see where his sandal had gone. It must have flown into the bushes. There weren’t any streetlights in this part of the park, so it was too dark to tell.

While he was searching, Shun’ichi caught up and grabbed his right hand. Yuusei tried to pull away, but Shun’ichi’s grip felt like a suction cup—impossible to shake off. Frustrated, Yuusei tugged harder, only for Shun’ichi to tighten his hold even more.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” Shun’ichi said, his voice soft and pained.

Yuusei’s hand felt hot where Shun’ichi held it. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had run or because Shun’ichi’s grip was affecting him. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat loud in his ears. Shun’ichi was panting, out of breath, and then suddenly his knees gave out, causing him to slump down.

"Ugh, I feel sick."

For a moment, Yuusei thought Shun’ichi was talking about him, and his blood ran cold. He desperately tried to pull his hand away, but Shun’ichi's grip only tightened, his fingers squeezing harder. Yuusei watched Shun’ichi’s hunched figure and eventually realized that the sickness had more to do with the alcohol than anything else. His body relaxed, the tension easing out. Shun’ichi looked like he was struggling, like he might throw up, but it didn’t happen. He finally raised his head.

"I already apologized, didn’t I?"

Shun’ichi’s sulking tone ignited a surge of anger in Yuusei. His heart had been beaten to a pulp, and yet Shun’ichi was still acting like he was the one being wronged.

"I don’t need your apology. Just let go of my hand."

"I’m apologizing because I feel bad. What else am I supposed to do? You want me to get on my knees or something?"

That thin wall that had always existed between them—Yuusei could never break through it himself, but it could shatter completely based on Shun’ichi’s whims, and now, here he was, holding onto Yuusei’s hand.

The anger of being trapped, combined with the heat radiating from Shun’ichi’s touch, sent conflicting emotions spiraling through Yuusei’s mind, turning everything into a chaotic mess, like a dropped birthday cake. He couldn’t take it anymore.

"When you hold my hand, it hurts."

Shun’ichi’s grip loosened a little but didn’t let go.

"Just let go already."

"I’m not holding that tight."

"That’s not the point!"

Yuusei’s voice cracked, almost like a scream.

"When you hold my hand… my head gets messed up."

Shun’ichi stared at him intently, as if trying to figure something out.

"Is it because you like me? That touching me makes you feel weird?"

Even after Yuusei had confessed, Shun’ichi had to twist the knife further by confirming it. This was hell. Those feelings Yuusei had tried so hard to hide, the ones he couldn’t control, were being dragged out into the open. Like a cat playing with a toy, Shun’ichi was scratching, biting, and kicking at them, leaving Yuusei in tatters.

Tears spilled out uncontrollably. No matter how much Yuusei wiped his face with his left hand, they wouldn’t stop. And through it all, Shun’ichi remained silent.

"...I really am sorry."

But no matter how many times Shun’ichi apologized, it only made the sadness pile up more.

"It’s rare to see you cry like this."

For a moment, Yuusei thought his anger might kill all his emotions. But as time passed, the tears finally stopped.

"It’s impressive how much you can cry."

Shun’ichi just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He didn’t understand anything. He didn’t know what it meant to love someone for eight long years.

"You know those stories about people who say they want to die after a breakup? I always thought they were being dramatic. But looking at you, I kind of get it now. People like you… maybe that’s how it is."

Where was the exit to this hell? Yuusei just wanted to leave, to go home, to be alone.

"If you like me that much, do you want to try dating?"

Yuusei’s ears must have been playing tricks on him. He lifted his head. Shun’ichi’s face, which had been lowered in seriousness, now seemed sincere. This had to be some kind of joke. It was completely absurd.

"Even though it’s long-distance..."

Unbelievable. After tearing his heart apart, now he was being toyed with.

"I always thought you liked me, but I wasn’t sure. That’s why, even when I got a girlfriend, I didn’t tell you. I figured you wouldn’t want to hear it if that was the case."

Is he really claiming he was being considerate? That was so obvious, though.

"As long as you didn’t say anything, I wasn’t planning to bring it up either. I’m not into guys, and there’s nothing I could do even if I confirmed it. But watching Kunihiko, I started wondering—what does it really mean to love someone? I’ve never had anyone cry over me the way you do. It got me curious."

A storm raged inside his mind. Should he be happy or angry? He wanted to scream, What do you even know?! But... if they could really be together... Even if it was just out of curiosity for now, if someday those feelings turned toward him for real... He hated himself for thinking that way.

"If we did date, maybe it wouldn’t feel quite right, like something’s off. But that’s the same whether the other person is a guy or a girl, right?"

What was Shun’ichi thinking as he said this? Was he influenced by his father's marriage, deciding to give dating the same sex a try? He didn’t want his eight long years of tangled-up feelings to be treated like some whimsical experiment.

"It’s been eight years since junior high, hasn’t it? Hey, if things stayed like this, how many more years do you think you’d keep liking me?"

Was he comparing him to Kunihiko, who had held onto feelings for his father? Was he trying to force that same cruel thing on him?

He’s the worst. This guy is seriously the worst, and yet, he couldn’t pull his hand away. He wanted to date him but didn’t want to get hurt. He had no idea what to do anymore.

Boom! There was a loud noise. It was fireworks. His head instinctively turned toward the sky. To the right, the sky brightened a little.

"Fireworks, huh. Over there, I guess."

Shun’ichi started walking, but then stopped, looking down at Yuusei’s feet.

"What happened to your sandal?"

"It came off while I was running, and I lost it somewhere."

"What the heck?"

Shun’ichi laughed. Seeing his face, Yuusei knew. He couldn’t let this chance slip away. He liked him. He wanted to be with him. Even if later Shun’ichi said, just kidding, even if he ended up a complete mess, he just wanted Shun’ichi to look at him, even if it was only for now, even for just a little.

Another firework went off. Both of them turned their faces toward it. Without his sandal, Yuusei couldn’t walk, and with their hands still entwined, they couldn’t go anywhere.

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