Yellow Diamond: Chapter 3 - part 4

The content warning is in the footnotes⁰.

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Autumn, Senior Year of University

Just as Yuusei was about to fall asleep, it hit him—he hadn’t reviewed the report that was due tomorrow. The thought crossed his mind that he could check it in the morning, but then he remembered how he'd forgotten when he tried that before. The hesitation lasted only a moment. He carefully climbed over his boyfriend, who was sleeping beside him, and grabbed the tablet from the desk. While at it, he figured he might as well grab a drink, so he headed to the kitchen. To his surprise, the dishes they had used earlier that night were already washed. When did that happen? he wondered. He’s pretty diligent, isn’t he? As that thought crossed his mind, a chill ran down his spine. Sure, it was October, but walking around completely naked was still a bit cold.

He hurried back to bed, laying on his stomach as he powered on the tablet. The rustling seemed to have woken his boyfriend, as a sleepy "Mmm..." came from next to him. His boyfriend, who had been lying on his back, now turned toward him and snuggled up, asking, "What’re you doing?" His breath brushed against his arm, and the warmth of his skin pressed against him.

"I forgot to check my report."

Shun’ichi peeked at the tablet from the side, then, with a disinterested yawn, wrapped his arm around Yuusei's waist and cuddled closer.

"You're kinda cold," Shun’ichi said.

"I just went to get the tablet," Yuusei replied.

Even as he complained about the cold, Shun’ichi clung to him tightly, rubbing his face against Yuusei's arm. The affectionate gesture was so endearing that Yuusei couldn’t help but stroke Shun’ichi’s head. Shun’ichi let out a contented sigh, his lips curling into a soft smile as his eyes closed.

...It had all started in the summer of their second year of university. After a huge fight with Shun’ichi, who had been sulking about his father's remarriage, they somehow ended up in a long-distance relationship. During every break, Shun’ichi would come to Tokyo, or Yuusei would travel to Hokkaido. Even though they were dating, Shun’ichi seemed unsure about how to navigate the relationship, and Yuusei was afraid of being too pushy and scaring him off. In the end, they spent most of their time just sightseeing or going camping together, like friends. For Yuusei, that was more than enough. Being together, having fun—it was everything he could have hoped for.

Shun’ichi was always the one to plan their outings. At first, he would ask for Yuusei's input on what they should do, but after a while, Yuusei’s consistent "I’ll leave it to you" responses led Shun’ichi to stop asking for suggestions altogether, only confirming plans at the last minute. Shun’ichi would laugh and say, "You always look like you’re having fun no matter where I take you or what we do, so it’s easy."

During the spring break of their third year, Yuusei went to Hokkaido again, and this time, they went snowboarding. For about three days, they rode the bus to the ski resort and spent hours on the slopes, enough to leave them sore all over. On the night before Yuusei was supposed to head back to Tokyo, they were discussing whether to spend Golden Week in Tokyo, Hokkaido, or maybe take a trip somewhere else. Out of nowhere, Shun’ichi blurted, "I want to see you naked," leaving Yuusei utterly shocked. They hadn’t even held hands or kissed up to that point. Their relationship was so innocent that Yuusei had half-accepted the idea that they might just stay as best friends forever.

Shun’ichi hadn’t said it in a particularly seductive way either. Just out of the blue, he mentioned being naked. Yuusei couldn’t make sense of it at all and quickly retreated, saying, "No way."

"Why not? We’re dating, right? It’s normal to show each other, isn’t it?"

Technically, Shun’ichi’s logic wasn’t wrong. But his tone was far from romantic. What bothered Yuusei more, though, was something else entirely.

"I don’t want you to see me naked and then think it’s not gonna work," Yuusei admitted.

Shun’ichi had dated girls before. He hadn’t been attracted to the same sex from the start, like Yuusei. They could goof around or play together just fine, but what if seeing another man’s body made Shun’ichi feel repulsed? What if he decided he couldn’t keep dating after that? If that happened, Yuusei would have no choice but to accept it. But it wasn’t just the thought of Shun’ichi being repulsed by his body that worried him. What Yuusei feared most was losing the fun times they shared, the joy of being together.

“Yeah, I might totally freak out and think it’s gross,” Shun’ichi said bluntly.

Yuusei’s heart froze at his honesty.

“Then why the hell would you even ask to see it? That’s the worst! I’m never taking my clothes off in front of you again.”

“Never? What are you, a kid? Even if I think it’s gross today, I might get used to it gradually, you know?”

“You’re not using me as some kind of experiment!”

“Experiment? It’d be messed up if I practiced on someone else, but it’s fine since it’s you.”

From there, they argued—“Show me!” “No way!”—the exchange escalating into a full-blown fight. Normally, one of them would back down before things got too heated, but not this time. Both stood their ground until they ended up shouting at each other, “You strip first!” “No, you!” And somehow, by the end, they were both in their underwear.

At first, even seeing Shun’ichi partially undressed didn’t stir anything in Yuusei. He was too angry for that. Shun’ichi, too, looked pissed, but after a while, he started inspecting Yuusei, his gaze lingering before he finally demanded, “Take off the rest.”

“No.”

When Yuusei refused, Shun’ichi responded, “We can’t move forward if I don’t see it.” Yuusei was furious. How could he say whatever he wanted and corner him like this? It felt like he was the only one being put in this humiliating position, the only one who had to suffer the embarrassment and the possibility of rejection.

“No. No!” Yuusei kept protesting, but Shun’ichi wouldn’t back down, tugging at his underwear. Yuusei held onto it for dear life, but eventually, he felt ridiculous and gave up and took them off. Still, he closed his legs tightly, so his penis wouldn’t be visible.

“That won’t work. Spread your legs and show me everything properly.”

Shun’ichi’s eyes demanded it. Did Yuusei really have to show him? He didn’t want to. But maybe he did. He didn’t even know what he was feeling anymore. Grabbing his trembling knees, he slowly parted his legs. His whole body burned with shame and fear, and he could feel himself shrink under Shun’ichi’s gaze. Shun’ichi, however, wasn’t aroused. He simply stared, as if he were analyzing Yuusei’s trembling penis.

"Are you embarrassed?"

How could he even ask that after forcing him into this situation?

“Of course I’m embarrassed!”

How could he not be? Why did he have to be inspected like this by the person he liked? It felt like he was undergoing some kind of quality control check. Tears welled up in his eyes.

“The other day, I was talking with some friends, and one of them said he and another guy used to fool around, touching each other, back when they were in junior high school,” Shun’ichi began, leaning closer. “But we never did anything like that, huh? I mean, all we ever talked about were horror stories, not stuff like that.”

Shun’ichi moved in closer.

“Can I touch yours?” he asked.

Yuusei swallowed hard. “Do you... want to touch it?” he asked cautiously.

Shun’ichi replied, “I think I could.”

Could? It wasn’t the answer Yuusei wanted, but still, he craved to be touched. This might be his only chance. He didn’t want to lose it, so he reluctantly agreed.

“Only for a little bit,” he said.

The moment Shun’ichi’s fingers brushed against him, Yuusei’s penis twitched in response. Shun’ichi pulled his hand away immediately, and Yuusei panicked, thinking, He’s disgusted! Why did I react like that? But then Shun’ichi’s hand returned, touching him again. Yuusei’s whole body tensed with nervous excitement. Watching Shun’ichi’s hand around him felt like a kind of torturous pleasure.

“I... I think I’m getting turned on,” Shun’ichi murmured, almost to himself. Then, with a heated look in his eyes, he asked, “Can I kiss you?”

“Do you want to kiss me?” Yuusei asked back.

“Yeah. I want to kiss you while I do this,” Shun’ichi admitted.

This time, he actually said he wanted to, so Yuusei let him. It was their first kiss since junior high. Shun’ichi’s lips were a little rough, and Yuusei’s heart pounded so hard he thought it might burst. Shun’ichi’s kiss felt surprisingly practiced, and as they kissed, his hand began to move. It felt so good that Yuusei quickly became fully hard.

"You look like you’re feeling good," Shun’ichi whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, it feels good," Yuusei admitted.

Then Shun’ichi asked, "Can you touch mine too?"

For the first time, Yuusei touched Shun’ichi’s length—the same one he’d imagined touching hundreds of times in his dreams. It was bigger and hotter than he had expected. They kept kissing each other over and over while their hands continued stroking. At first, Yuusei had felt shy about spreading his legs, but soon, all that embarrassment melted away. They spent the entire night lazily kissing, touching, and doing all sorts of intimate things until dawn.

From that day forward, they graduated from being a couple even more innocent than middle schoolers—they became adults. During the day, they would hang out like normal, but at night, they’d do erotic things. They hadn’t gone so far as to penetrate one another, but they kissed, touched, sucked, and did plenty of sexual things.

Since they started having sex, Shun’ichi’s affectionate side had suddenly turned up a notch. Outside, he maintained the distance of friends, but at home, he acted like a clingy boyfriend, sticking to Yuusei even when it was hot. Sometimes, it was a little annoying, but mostly, Yuusei was happy. Snuggling, kissing, and doing intimate things together was a lot of fun.

Even when they were apart, they stayed in touch every day, talking constantly. And whenever they met in person, they’d make up for lost time, glued to each other. Yuusei couldn’t say for sure, since he couldn’t read Shun’ichi’s mind, but it was clear that Shun’ichi was enjoying his physical relationship with a guy.

Being with the person he loved—playing, being intimate—made Yuusei feel happy. He often thought, I don’t want to break up. But he knew that if Shun’ichi ever decided to call it quits, it would be over. Shun’ichi was the kind of person who, once he made up his mind to stop, would stop completely, without hesitation. Yuusei knew if that happened, his entire world would collapse. Junior high, high school, university—everything he remembered and everything he felt would be wiped out.

It was already the autumn of their senior year, yet Shun’ichi hadn’t mentioned anything about his job search. Yuusei didn’t know if he planned to work in Hokkaido or go back to his hometown. By this time of year, he must have already decided, but if he hadn’t, Yuusei didn’t want to pressure him by asking. So even though he wanted to know, he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

Shun’ichi, who had been shifting restlessly beside him, suddenly rolled over and climbed on top of him. He hugged Yuusei tightly from behind, and a sharp pain pierced Yuusei’s chest. Tomorrow, in the early afternoon, Shun’ichi would be returning to Hokkaido. They weren’t scheduled to see each other again until next month. But Yuusei was already considering visiting him sooner, thinking he could use the money from his tutoring job to cover the plane ticket.

He wanted to see his face, so he changed his position, looking up at his beloved boyfriend in the dim light. Just looking at him made Yuusei feel light-headed, like he was drunk. Shun’ichi gave him a light kiss on the cheek, and when Yuusei smiled, their lips met. They kissed deeply, like they were trying to devour each other.

The words I love you were flooding Yuusei’s mind, spilling over the bed, lingering on the edge of Shun’ichi’s ear—on all the little details. He loved him so much it hurt. His chest ached. He was sure he would never feel this way about anyone else again. Even if it weren’t the case, Shun’ichi had already stolen his heart for the past ten years, ever since junior high. He had taken it, and Yuusei didn’t mind.

Shun’ichi hugged him tightly from the front. As Yuusei closed his eyes, resting his face against Shun’ichi’s neck, he heard him whisper, "Are you asleep?"

“I’m awake,” Yuusei replied.

Shun’ichi softly stroked the back of his head.

“Hey, how about we get married?” Shun’ichi asked.

Yuusei was startled, and then the sweetness of the words flooded into his ears. It didn’t feel real, but it made him happy.

“Sure,” even if it was just a joke, even if they were just playing around, he said yes.

“So, when should we do it?”

The playful conversation continued, light and carefree.

“I’ve got two more years of school, so I guess after I graduate?”

“So, when you’re 24?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Shun’ichi’s fingers slowly trailed across Yuusei’s back, and Yuusei wished he would keep touching him forever.

“Sometimes when I go back to Kunihiko’s place, I see Isamu and how happy he looks. He’s always laughing, and it makes me think how nice that is. I want to be like that too. Being with you is fun, so I wonder if I could be that happy with you,” Shun’ichi said, his hand pausing.

“With Kunihiko and Isamu being, you know, them, no one’s going to complain about me marrying a guy. I mean, I doubt anyone would say anything, but... what about your family? Would they be okay with it?”

“If they said no, I’d run away from home.”

Shun’ichi chuckled, “Are you serious?”

“I’m an adult now. I make my own decisions. My sister’s a doctor, and she’s ambitious. She’ll probably take over the hospital, so I’m not worried.”

“I guess that’s good then,” Shun’ichi muttered.

“Before I head back tomorrow, I want to buy matching rings. Do you know any stores?”

Reality and daydreams were starting to blur, but still, Yuusei answered, “I’ll look it up.”

“There’s a girl at school who wears a matching ring with her boyfriend, and I thought it was kinda cool,” Shun’ichi said.

The conversation drifted into silence, but Yuusei’s mind was spinning with a whirlwind of emotions, making it impossible to settle down.

“Hey,” Yuusei finally said.

“What?” Shun’ichi responded.

“Are we really getting married?”

“You promised me earlier, didn’t you?”

“Do you love me?”

Shun’ichi looked at him, almost exasperated. “I wouldn’t ask you to marry me if I didn’t love you.”

Shun’ichi’s expression softened, turning slightly sheepish.

“Did you think I was joking?”

“I thought it might be a joke, but if it’s real, then that’s even better.”

Shun’ichi laughed. “You’re weird.”

“I like the way you look at me,” Shun’ichi continued. “You’ve always looked at me like you love me. I want you to keep looking at me like that.”

His words wrapped around Yuusei like a spell. Always look at me. Love only me.

“Even if you say that, you might stop liking me one day,” Yuusei muttered.

“I can’t even imagine that. I love you way too much.”

Could anyone resist such happiness?

“I finally got a job in Tokyo,” Shun’ichi said, suddenly brightening. “I’ll live nearby. And when you graduate, let’s get married and move in together.”

Shun’ichi sounded like a child, full of enthusiasm. From "I really love you" to "marriage" and "living together"—it's all so dreamy and light, like he's talking about a fantasy. But even if it's a dream, that’s fine. It’s so much fun, it’s enchanting.

“When we’re married, I want to take baths together,” Yuusei said, joining in the fantasy.

“Are we gonna wash each other every day? Fine by me.”

“And I want just one bed. I want to sleep together every night.”

“You really love cuddling, don’t you?”

That wasn’t quite it. It was because Shun’ichi had started snuggling up to him that Yuusei realized it was okay to be affectionate too.

“Well, I guess I’d like at least one kiss a day,” Shun’ichi added.

Yuusei laughed, but Shun’ichi scolded him: "Don’t laugh." When he tried to kiss him, Shun’ichi muttered, “Not now.” Eventually, as they continued fantasizing, Shun’ichi drifted off to sleep, his soft, sweet like cherry breaths filling the quiet room.

Suddenly, Yuusei remembered something from junior high—the dirty underwear by the riverside. He wants to tell that past version of himself—the foolish kid who always acted like he was above everyone else with the person he liked—that there’s no need to cry. In ten years, your feelings will get through. The person you love will love you back. He’ll say surprising things like wanting to marry you. You’ll be happy.

For the next ten, twenty years, maybe even longer, Yuusei knew he’d keep loving Shun’ichi. He hoped Shun’ichi would keep loving him too. Holding his boyfriend tightly, Yuusei closed his eyes.

Footnotes

0. Content warning: NSFW.

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