Planet: Chapter 3 - part 2
I ate a big
meal in the company cafeteria. After that, I got so sleepy, and I was dozing
off in the work van until we arrived at the site and the van came to a stop.
The van smelled like a mix of dirt and sweat, and when I breathed that in, it
hit me—“Ah, I’m headed to the work site.”
When I go
to the convenience store, I end up spending all my money, and then I can’t buy
anything to eat. The soup kitchen isn’t open every day. I was hungry and my
feet didn’t hurt, so I went back to the Center yesterday.
Apparently,
I’d been limping without realizing it, because the site supervisor asked, “What
happened to your leg?” I told him, “My leg hurt, so I took some time off,” and
today, I got assigned to the job of watering. It’s easy since I don’t have to
move around much.
In summer,
it’s fine, but in winter, getting splashed with water is freezing. By
lunchtime, I was so cold and tired that I lay down in a sunny spot. Lying down
makes it feel better. I did the same thing yesterday. Someone asked, “Are you
feeling unwell?” When I replied, “I’m just tired,” they laughed, “Young and
already low on stamina, huh?” I don’t like having low stamina while I’m still
young. It’s awful. If I can’t work, I won’t be able to eat. That’s the worst.
Kan-san is
still gone. I keep hoping he’ll come back today, but each day, he doesn’t, and
the sun goes down, leaving me disappointed. How many days has it been now?
Seven? More like…ten days, maybe? I don’t really know anymore.
I touch the
string around my neck and feel the key looped through it. It’s the key to
Kan-san’s apartment. Once, I lost it in the apartment and spent forever looking
for it. Since I tend to forget things and lose them quickly, I twisted up a
plastic bag from the convenience store and made it into a cord to wear around
my neck. A kind older guy taught me how to do that when I was sleeping outside.
Along with
the key, I attached the postcard I found in the trash, which I put in a plastic
bag too. With these two things, I can get back to Kan-san’s apartment. I’d
punched a hole in the postcard and tied it with the string, but after working
all day, it got wet and tore at the bottom, so I put it in plastic instead. The
address is still clear. I’ve gotten to know the route from the Center to
Kan-san’s place well, so I don’t get lost much now, though if I panic, I still
might.
Since I’ve
been able to stay at Kan-san’s place, I’m working both yesterday and today for
cash. When he comes back, I’ll pay him for rent and food. I’ll be able to cover
at least a little.
“Hey.”
Someone’s
calling in a loud voice. I wonder who they’re calling.
“I’ve been
looking all over for you.”
The voice
is close and sounds a bit scary. I open my eyes. There’s an older guy looking
down at me. Did I mess something up? I hate getting yelled at. Maybe I should
just apologize right away.
“I’m
sorry.”
Wait, I
know this guy. Isn’t he…Kanabe-san, maybe?
“When I
heard you’d skipped out on Tani Construction, I panicked. Your old man’s with
me.”
He’s “with”
my dad? My dad’s an alien and lives on my home star. Does he sometimes come
back here, even if he’s over there? If he does, I’d like to meet him.
“My dad’s
here?”
“Yeah. You
should at least pay your respects to your father’s remains.”
“Remains”
are bones, kept in a white urn. I went once to put my hands together for
someone who died in an accident. I hated it—everyone was crying. My dad won’t
turn into bones. He’s not dead. Why would Kanabe-san say something so awful?
Maybe, like the cops, he thinks my dad’s dead.
“My dad
isn’t bones.”
“What are
you talking about? When people die, they become bones.”
“My dad
isn’t dead.”
“The police
said the DNA test confirmed you two were father and son.”
The police
kept going on and on, saying things I didn’t understand, so I just nodded and
replied, “Yes, yes,” and they did a bunch of stuff. And they kept saying “DNA”
over and over.
“I heard
Murata didn’t have anyone, but he’s got a decent son after all. At least do
what people normally do.”
Kanabe-san
uses the word “normal” in that annoying way. People are always telling me about
“normal” things, but it’s always in such an unpleasant tone, and there’s so
much “normal” that I don’t know what any of it means.
“If you
don’t have any money, I can keep him safe until you save up. So, please, do
right by him.”
Tears fall
from Kanabe-san’s eyes. What’s he so sad about? Why’s he crying?
"Murata
was always easygoing, but he was a good guy. It’s too cruel, him being killed
that way and ending up as a nameless grave.”
Seeing him
cry, my chest felt tight and unsettled. That body isn’t my dad. Even if it had
the same yellow hair tie and yellowish clothes like my dad, it’s not him. He’s
on my star with my mom.
“That’s not
my dad.”
“Get a
grip!”
A loud
voice crashed into me, making my chest clench.
“They did
the test and got results—how can you keep insisting it’s not him? Is it because
you don’t want to pay for the burial? Mura always worried about you, his son.
And yet, he dies, and you just say goodbye and move on like it doesn’t matter?”
His
shouting rattled in my ears, echoing deeper and deeper. My mind went blank, and
I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying anymore. I don’t understand, I
don’t understand. Kanabe-san is kind, so why is he angry with me? And why does
he say such horrible things? He’s like the police. Ugh, I hate it. I hate it.
My dad isn’t dead. He’s on my star.
Kanabe-san
scares me. I don’t like Kanabe-san. I don’t want him to yell at me. I don’t
want to be shouted at. Will he keep saying those things if I stay here? I stood
up and walked away from Kanabe-san. I move away from things I hate. But he
chased after me, shouting, “Hey, don’t run away!”
So, I ran.
I ran. It was like the picture book I read as a kid, where a ghost chased you
down. And the little kid cried and ran away…
A hand
grabbed my arm. The grip was strong, and something cold and frightening
slithered into me from that spot. I’m scared. Scared. I hate this, I hate it.
“If you
don’t know what to do, I’ll tell you how…”
I swung my
arm, and it hit something hard. There was a thud, and Kanabe-san fell sideways
with a grunt.
“Ow, damn
it!”
He was
holding his head. My hand hurt too. Did I hit him? Is that why it hurts?
“I… I’m
sorry…”
I
apologized and ran. I left the fenced site and headed out. I don’t want to feel
this way. I don’t want to be yelled at. Staying there is just endless
unpleasantness.
I stopped
and looked back. Kanabe-san wasn’t following me. I’m okay. I kept walking until
the worksite disappeared behind me. Eventually, I reached a place filled with
trees and benches. It’s probably a park. Parks are places where everyone can
be, so I went in and sat on a bench under the trees.
My dad
isn’t dead. He’s with my mom on my star. He’s an alien, so he isn’t dead. But
everyone says he is.
…Could my
dad actually be dead? Could he not have gone back to our star? Could he not be
with my mom? If my dad is dead… My mind feels like it’s about to burst. No, I
don’t want it. So he’s not dead. He’s not dead. He’s not dead.
I’m
supposed to work after lunch, but I left the site. I don’t want to go back. I
don’t want to get yelled at by Kanabe-san. He wasn’t on the same bus, so we
aren’t even in the same company. Lots of companies work on that site.
I wanted to
go home, so I walked. I showed Kan-san’s address to different people and asked
for directions. I kept going in the directions they pointed, saying, “That way,
that way.” When the light was fading, I finally saw the sign with “P” and a
dog. I’m home.
Kan-san’s
room smells like him. When I curled up inside, a few tears came out. My dad
isn’t dead. That body there wasn’t my dad. If it were my dad, I’d hate it. So
it’s not him.
Kanabe-san
was scary. He’d been nice, but then he got scary. I hate people like that. I
hate people like that.
“Kan-saaan…”
I like
Kan-san because he’s kind. Kan-san is the one I want. I hope he comes back
soon, really soon.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
They weren't serving food at the park. I was
pretty disappointed, but this old guy lying on a bench looked up and told me,
"It’ll be here tomorrow," while yanking out a nose hair. So that
night, knowing I'd get a meal the next day, I went to sleep feeling pretty
good.
When I woke up, it was dark all around. There
was this "ba-ba-ba" sound, and though it seemed like night, it was
actually morning, which was weird. Rain was hitting the window and streaming
down like it was melting away. I don’t like getting wet, but I really wanted
that meal, so I went outside with Kan-san’s umbrella. My legs were soaked below
the knee, and every step made my pants cling to my calves. I stomped through
puddles, water seeping into my shoes, making this squelching noise like I was
stepping on rotten vegetables. Gross.
At the park, though, nobody was there for the
food line. I stood by the fence, waiting, thinking maybe I got there too early,
but still, no one showed up. The rain kept pouring down, blurring everything in
front of me. The puddles near my feet were brown and endlessly rippling.
I started feeling cold and shivering when I
heard a voice. "What’re you doing here?" It was a man with a scruffy
beard, walking over with his umbrella, one side all bent up like it had been
hit by something.
“Waiting for the food line.”
The gray-bearded man let out a sigh. Ugh, he
stank. Smelled like garlic.
“They canceled it today.”
“Canceled?”
“Yeah, something about a mix-up… and this
weather, too.”
Food line canceled. Canceled, so it wasn’t
happening. There’d be no food. I’d been looking forward to it so much. I’m
hungry. My feet feel gross. Ugh, this sucks.
Back at Kan-san’s place, I peeled off my wet
clothes and collapsed on top of the sleeping bag, completely naked. My stomach
let out a long growl. I’m hungry. I’m so hungry. If you’re hungry long enough,
you die, right? How long do you have to go without food before that happens? I
went a long time without eating before, but I don’t even remember how long that
was.
Kan-san isn’t here. He’s been gone for so long.
Did he go back to his home star? Is that what people mean when they talk about
“home”? Yeah, maybe. My mom and dad disappeared too, just like that. It’s just
how it goes. I’m not supposed to tell anyone, though. Kan-san must’ve gone back
to his home star without saying anything, too.
I want to go to my star. I want to see my dad
and mom. Things there are probably so much better. The people at worksites are
nice, and there’s a ton of good food.
My stomach growled again, so I drank a lot of
tap water. If I don’t fill it with water, it bothers me. If I could sleep, I’d
forget about being hungry, but I can’t sleep. My mind’s stuck on it: I’m
hungry, I want something to eat. I already ate all the instant ramen in
Kan-san’s place. There’s none left. They have cup ramen at convenience stores,
but I don’t have any money. I can’t buy it. I have no money. No money.
If you don’t work, you don’t have money. But I
don’t want to go back to the worksite. Once the crew leader’s van didn’t show
up, and I was so hungry that I tried picking up cans from the park, thinking I
could sell them. But this old guy yelled, “Hey, this is my turf!” and told me
off. “You’re young, go work!” he said. He’s right. I’m young, so I should work.
I realized I can carry heavy stuff, so I can’t just go around picking up cans.
I have a place to sleep where it’s warm, no
bugs, and I can take a bath. But I’m still hungry. If I show up early at the Center
and get the crew leader’s attention, I can eat breakfast. I know that.
But I don’t want to go back if Kanabe-san is
there. I don’t want him telling me my dad’s dead. It just… makes me feel
horrible.
Maybe I should look for a different job. But
I’ve only ever worked at worksites. I know what to do there, but I don’t know
how to do anything else. I’m not good at math, so I couldn’t run a register at
a store. The people who do that are amazing.
When I turn on the TV, there’s this woman with
long hair eating something. It’s a big bowl. There’s a yellow layer on top. Is
that oyakodon? Looks so good. Saliva fills my mouth from the back, and my
stomach lets out this loud growl. I want it so bad. I want to eat as much as it
takes to fill me up till I’m stuffed.
I want to eat something—anything. No matter how
much I hold my stomach or drink water, it only makes me need to pee. I’m still
hungry, so hungry. I wish Kan-san would come back soon. Even if just for a
little while.
Outside… maybe there’s something to eat
outside. Maybe something’s fallen out there. Maybe there’s something edible in
the trash can outside. If it’s just picking up thrown-away food instead of cans
or bottles, I wonder if the old man won’t get mad at me.
I looked out the window; it’s dim outside. It’s
not raining. I put on my dry navy-colored clothes and hung the key with the
string around my neck. When I put my feet in my shoes, they’re wet and squishy.
It feels gross, but they’re the only shoes I have, so there’s nothing I can do.
I keep my eyes on the ground as I walk, hoping
I might find some money or food lying around. Then, suddenly—bam—I bump
head-first into some bushes. I didn’t fall, but I got a bit wet. I guess I was
looking down so much that I wasn’t paying attention to what was in front of me.
The sidewalk is darkened by the soaked ground,
with puddles everywhere. There’s a vending machine by the park, so I checked
around and under it a few times, but I didn’t find any money, just got my hands
covered in dirt. As I walked, I wiped my hands clean on the wet fence and the
trunks of trees nearby.
Each time I see a vending machine, I check all
the spaces underneath, but no money. I walked up to the front of a closed shop
and sat by the bushes. My butt got cold and wet, and I realized I sat in a damp
spot, but oh well.
I see a convenience store sign across the way.
They have tons of food there, but I don’t have any money to buy any. If I just
stay sitting here, will I end up starving to death? I don’t want to die. I
still want to go to my star.
Thinking about money, it popped into my head: I
got money at the movie theater once. Maybe if I went back there, they’d give me
money again? But, I don’t really want to go back. It hurts. But I’m so hungry.
So hungry, so hungry. If I hold out just a little longer, I could get some
money and buy some food.
Where was the movie theater again? I can’t
remember. I think I was able to walk there from the Center. I could just ask
someone along the big road. I have Kan-san’s address hanging from my neck with
the key, so I’ll know how to get back.
As I entered the big street, I found a vending
machine. I peeked under it and saw a flat, silvery thing. I thought it might be
a 500-yen coin, but it wasn’t round. It was a weird shape. Maybe it’s a soda
cap.
"…Ugh, embarrassing."
I didn’t like the sound of that voice. I looked
over, and there was a young guy. I stared at him for a while, and he turned his
face away and walked off. …Was he talking about me? I feel like he was, but I
don’t know for sure.
I walked in the direction I thought it might
be, but even looking around, I couldn’t find anything that looked like a movie
theater. A man in a suit came walking from the opposite direction, so I went up
to him, saying, "Um," and he bumped into my shoulder. The impact was
strong, and I staggered back. I apologized, saying, "I’m sorry," but
he just kept walking without saying anything. I did apologize, though. What an
unpleasant person.
I saw an older woman and said, "Excuse
me," to her. She stopped and looked up, saying, "Yes." Wow,
she’s got a lot of wrinkles.
"I want to go to the movie theater. I
don’t know the way."
She tilted her head, saying, "Movie
theater?"
"There’s one nearby."
"If you mean a theater around here, it’d
probably be the one near the Tower, right?"
When she mentioned the Tower, a white, tall
image popped into my head. Oh yeah, the movie theater might’ve been near the
Tower.
"Yes."
"Then if you turn here and go straight
toward the Tower, you should find it."
I thanked the kind woman properly, saying,
"Thank you," and headed in the direction she indicated. After a
while, a big sign came into view. It’s a white building with a sign of a woman
doing something lewd. There are bicycles everywhere. Oh, here it is. This is
the place.
I went inside and was about to head down when
someone called out, "Hey, young man. Got a ticket?" Were they talking
to me?
"Ticket?"
The older lady was looking my way.
"Go buy one at the entrance vending
machine," she said, pointing.
I wondered how to buy a ticket and walked in
the direction she indicated. There was one of those machines like you’d see in
a ramen shop—put in money, push a button.
Since it’s a movie theater, I guess you need a
ticket. There were so many buttons, though, and I didn’t know which one to
press. What did I do last time? I think the man who came with me bought it. I
can’t remember. I don’t have any money to buy a ticket.
“Move it! If you’re not buying, get out of the
way.”
A bit of a scary voice sounded behind me, so I
quickly stepped aside. A man with a face dark as if smeared with mud bought a
ticket and went down the stairs to the basement. I realized I was in the way
and decided to leave the theater. I stood among the cluster of bicycles
outside. Maybe I should head back to Kan-san’s place. I can’t get into the
theater anyway. But I’m so hungry. My stomach is growling. It’s hard to keep
standing, so I squatted down next to the bicycles, looking around to see if
maybe an onigiri had fallen somewhere.
People—older men, women, younger guys—were
going in and out of the theater. As I watched, it got darker and darker.
Evening, I guess. Or maybe it’s already nighttime.
"Hey there."
A voice came from nearby. There was a man in a
suit standing beside me. I wondered how long he’d been there. I looked younger
than him—then he’s like an older brother.
"Are you meeting someone?"
He had a bit of a scruffy beard on his chin and
wore a dark navy suit. Nice suit. It looked really high quality.
"No," I replied.
The man in the suit looked down at me.
"Are you not going inside?"
His chin moved in a little nodding motion.
"I don’t have money, so I can’t go
in."
He nodded, saying, "I see." Then he
asked, "Have you been to the basement before?"
"Yes."
"Want me to treat you to a ticket?"
A ticket… an entry pass. Treating means he’ll
give it to me.
"For free?"
"Since I’m treating, it’s free."
"Then I’ll go."
I wanted to go inside the theater. There are
people in there who’ll give me money. The man smiled and said, "So we’re
agreed," and went into the theater. I followed him, thinking about what
"agreed" even meant. He bought my ticket and waited for me. I felt
happy. He’s a kind person.
I went down to the basement with this older brother.
There was a smell down there, a mix of bathroom and… semen. Ah, yeah, it
smelled like this last time too. A movie was playing, and on the big screen, people
were kissing.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me to a corner in
the hallway. Suddenly, he started touching me over my clothes, and it surprised
me. His hand was moving around down there. It did feel kinda good being
touched, though. But… I could do that myself, you know?
Oh, this is a sexual thing, isn’t it? I wonder
if I could get money for this. His hand slips inside my pants, and a chill runs
up my back like I’m cold. His fingers squeeze my crotch tightly, too tight—it
hurts. I’ve never squeezed that hard myself. I’m scared he’s going to crush it.
People are starting to gather around. Are they
watching me and the guy? It’s embarrassing. They should be watching the movie
if they want to see something sexual. I hear this panting sound, kind of like a
dog begging for food.
"Not much of a reaction," he says,
his warm breath close against my ear. Reaction? What kind of reaction is he
expecting? He turns me to face the wall, pulls my pants down, and a chill hits
my butt. It's dark, but I know people are watching. I don’t like this. I want
to go somewhere else, but he holds me down, and then something hot and hard
presses against me. I think it might be... his penis, and then, slowly, it
pushes its way inside from below.
"Aargh!" I let out a yelp, and the guy
froze. "Too loud," he said. Am I not supposed to make any noise? But
with the way the guy was moving his penis, the pain kept growing more and more
intense. But maybe I shouldn’t say it hurts. This is exhausting. I don’t like
this. I wish he’d pull his penis out.
It hurts, it really hurts. Back when Dad was
around, one of the uncles from the dorm brought me here, saying, "Let's
watch a movie together." We sat down, and as we were watching some naughty
movie, the dorm uncle next to me started touching my penis. I didn’t understand
why he was touching me, and Dad had told me that showing people your penis was
something you shouldn't do.
"When there are people around, it's not
okay."
But the dorm uncle said, "This is a place
where it's okay to do that kind of thing," and didn't stop. There were
people around us doing the same thing, so I thought maybe it was okay here. I
left it alone, and it started to feel good, and my penis got hard. The dorm uncle
took my hard penis out of my pants and started sucking on it. It was a strange
feeling, and I couldn't tell if it was good or bad, but it started to feel
good, and it got bigger, and then semen came out.
It felt good, but somehow it didn't feel right,
and I wanted to leave, but the dorm uncle took me to the bathroom. The smell of
urine and feces was so strong that I felt like vomiting, and there, I was
penetrated from behind. I was shocked and said "No!" but my mouth was
covered, and he kept rubbing the inside of my butt. Even after he pulled out
his penis, my butt still hurt, and I cried. The dorm uncle said
"Sorry" and gave me some money.
When I got back to the dorm, I told my father
what had happened. My father said, "Never go to the movie theater with
that guy again. If something like that happens again, run away as fast as you
can." My father then applied some medicine to my sore and painful butt,
which still throbbed with pain.
When I asked my father what I should do with
the money, my father simply said, "Use it however you want." With the
money the uncle gave me, I could buy a lot of cigarettes. If I go to the movie
theater and let a guy put his penis in my butt, I’d get paid for it. That
was... well, something sexual, I realized. There are places where you can have
sex with a woman if you pay money, so I kind of understood that it was
something like that. My dad always said, “It’s best to have sex with someone
you like,” so I’ve never been to a place where you pay to do it with a woman.
Sure, I could do it if I could pay, but it wouldn’t mean anything—I don’t even
like them. I wonder, though… how do you even find someone you like?
...Ah, I remember now. My dad got picked up a
little after that day at the movie theater.
This older brother put his penis in my butt.
That means he'll give me money, right? I thought he was done when he pulled his
body away and his penis came out. I thought it was over, but then he turned me
around and thrust into me again. My butt hurt, and I started to cry. Then the
older brother whispered in my ear, "Is it really worth crying about, you
perverted old man?"
The older brother pulled out his penis. Even
though it was out, my butt still hurt and throbbed with pain, and my groin area
felt numb and trembled. The older brother dropped a used condom near my feet,
like a deflated balloon, and said, "Just throw it away," and then put
his penis away. "Well then," he said, and started walking away. I
felt like something was missing, and I thought, wait, and chased after him.
"Um..."
The older brother turned around to look at me.
"Where’s the apology? Oh, and money. Can I
have some money, please?"
He gave me an irritated "Huh?" in
response.
"Please give me some money."
"What are you talking about?"
"If you put your penis in, then I get money."
His expression soured, but he reached for his
wallet and mumbled, "If you wanted money, you should’ve just said so from
the start." Then he chuckled—a laugh that sounded just like the way
Kan-san laughed.
"Here."
The older brother handed me a small, neatly
folded bill. Ah, now I can afford food. I unfolded it in excitement, but there
was something written on the bill.
“Daddy, buy me a Nyane plushie. Love, Miyuu.”
It was in hiragana, so I could read it easily.
Wondering if it was just a doodle, I looked up, but the older brother was
already gone. I carefully folded the money back and tucked it into my pocket so
I wouldn’t lose it.
The stairs leading up to the movie theater felt
exhausting. Every step made my lower back and thighs throb with pain, like a
dull, rhythmic ache. Yeah, it hurt the last time, too. Even walking down the
street, the pain was there. Just as I wondered if I’d make it all the way to
Kan-san’s house, my right knee suddenly buckled. I hit the ground, my face
slamming hard, with a loud “thud” ringing inside my head.
Warm liquid started trickling from my nose. I
wiped it, and though it was too dark to see clearly, I could tell by the dark
stain on my sleeve that it was probably a nosebleed. With nothing else to wipe
it on, I rubbed at it again with my sleeve.
My face hurt, too. When I stood up, my knee
buckled, and I sank back down. My legs felt too weak to hold me. I crawled to
the side of the road and lay down. After a while, a voice said, "Um,
excuse me." It was a young woman.
"Your face is all, uh, covered in blood...
Do you need me to call an ambulance?"
Ambulance... which meant going to the hospital.
"I don’t want an ambulance."
"But..."
"I’m fine, really."
My face still hurt, and there was a constant
throbbing in my lower back. Last time, I remember, I was in pain, but I could
still walk. The young woman left, and I was relieved.
"Um, excuse me."
Another voice. I opened my eyes and swallowed
hard. A man in a police uniform. A police officer. I don’t like police
officers.
"We received a report that someone seemed
unwell in the area. Are you alright?"
I avoided looking at him and slowly pushed
myself up.
"I’m fine, really."
Even though it hurt, I managed to stand. I
walked away from the officer, not looking back even though I knew he was
following me. I turned a corner, and when I checked again, he was gone. Just as
I realized he was gone, a sharp pain jolted through my lower back, making me
crouch down. I spat out a metallic taste that had built up in my mouth. Under
the streetlight, I could see the vivid red. Someone walking towards me gasped
and quickly stepped aside.
I feel so tired. Really tired. I wanted to lie
down, but the thought of another police officer coming by made me anxious, so I
kept walking. Eventually, I found a place. It was like a little fenced-in
garbage area, just big enough—about two tatami mats’ worth of space. There was
a gap between that area and a low hedge nearby. I found some cardboard at the
garbage site, dragged it over, and lay down on it. It was cold, so I went back
and grabbed a few more pieces, making a sort of blanket. That helped a bit with
the cold.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much. My butt, my
crotch, and even my face feel like they’re throbbing with pain. I’ve got some
money, but going all the way to the convenience store just sounds exhausting.
The pain feels bigger than the hunger now. If I stay still, maybe it’ll hurt
less. It’ll go away if I sleep. That’s what Dad used to say. I’ll wait until
the pain eases up a bit, then go to the store.
Ah, it’s cold. I forgot how freezing it is
sleeping outside; Kan-san’s place is always warm. I fell asleep thinking about
the cold, then woke up freezing again. I piled on another piece of cardboard
and went back to sleep. Eventually, my face grew bright, and I woke up. Ah,
it’s morning. My face and crotch don’t hurt too badly if I don’t move, but my butt
still aches. Even so, it’s a little better. I pushed the cardboard aside and
stood up. Walking makes my butt throb, so I shuffle along. I make it to the big
street, but I still don’t know which way to go to get back. My butt hurts, and
I don’t want to get lost. I’d like to ask someone for directions, but there
aren’t many people around. I see the sign for a convenience store. Ah, my
stomach. I’m hungry. I want to eat something.
Inside, there’s so much to eat. Convenience
stores are great. It’s so good having money. I can buy whatever I want here. I
take five rice balls and some tea to the counter. The guy behind the register
keeps glancing at me, back and forth. What’s up with him? When our eyes meet,
he looks down, quietly beeping each rice ball with a flashing red scanner.
Numbers come up on the screen. When the total’s there, I hand him the money
from my pocket with a “Here.” The guy opens it up and just stares at it.
“Sir, I’m afraid you can’t use this.”
He hands the money back to me.
“I’ll pay.”
“I told you, you can’t use this.”
“This is money.”
He says, “Just a moment, please,” and goes to
the back of the store. A manager comes out this time. The guy explains
something, and the manager nods.
“Sir, I’m sorry, but this isn’t real money.”
The manager’s voice is intimidating. Not real
money? What’s he talking about?
“It’s real money. I just want a rice ball.”
My stomach is growling loudly.
“I’m telling you, it’s counterfeit.”
“It’s not fake. I’ll buy the rice ball.”
Last time, I was able to buy a ton of
cigarettes with this. The manager gestures for me to follow him. I paid, so why
won’t they let me buy a rice ball? I’ve bought things here before—why not now?
He leads me through a door behind the register,
into a back room. “Please sit down,” he says. I sit, but it hurts more on the
chair, so I sink down to the floor. It still aches, so I lie down. Ah, that’s a
little better. My stomach’s still rumbling, though. Even holding it down, it
won’t stop.
“Are you hungry?”
The manager looks down at me.
“Yes. I want a rice ball. I’ll buy it.”
He leaves the room and comes back right away.
He stands next to me, holding out a rice ball.
“Here, want this?”
“Yes, I’d like to buy it.”
“No charge for this one. It’s expired, so it’s
on the house.”
Someone gave me food past the expiration date
before. I should eat it quickly if it’s like that. So if he’s offering it, it’s
okay to take it, right?
“Thank you very much.”
I bring the rice ball close to my face, and the
smell of rice drifts up to my nose, making me want to eat it even more. I tear
off the wrapper and take a bite. The sweetness of the rice fills my mouth. Ah,
it’s delicious, so good. It’s so tasty, I feel tears in my eyes. Something
tough gets stuck in my mouth, and when I push it out with my tongue, it’s
plastic. I must have missed a bit when unwrapping it. The rice ball is gone in
no time.
“Want another one?”
When I nod, he hands me another. After eating
two rice balls, the hunger fades a little. I want more and more, but I’m okay.
My stomach isn’t rumbling with that intense noise anymore.
“Thank you for the rice balls,” I said to the
old man. He replied with a quiet, “Mm, yeah.” He’s a kind person. I was
thinking he was a good person when someone else said, “Excuse me,” and entered.
Dressed in a blue uniform—a police officer. Why is a cop here? I was feeling
good, but now, out of nowhere, it’s all ruined.
The convenience store guy and the officer are
talking, something about “money…” They’re speaking fast, so I only catch bits
and pieces. The officer comes closer to me. Ah, I don’t like cops. I sit up,
ready to get away if I have to.
“You’re covered in blood on your face. What
happened?” the officer asks. Blood? I touch my face, and something flakes off.
Red and blackish dirt. What is this? I keep touching it, and more flakes away.
Is this a scab? How did I get a scab? Oh, right, I fell, and my face hurt.
“Is there some reason you’re lying down? Are
you unwell?”
His voice doesn’t sound threatening. Some
people yell, but he’s not one of them.
“My butt hurts.”
The officer repeats, “Your butt?” and pauses
for a moment before asking, “Have you been using any kind of drugs?”
“I don’t do drugs. My dad told me I shouldn’t
do drugs.”
There’s a ticking sound behind the officer, a
clock. Then tick-tock, tick-tock. The sound of an ambulance siren gets closer.
I don’t like ambulances. They carry people who are close to dying. That’s
scary. The siren fades, and that’s a relief.
“Where did you get the money you tried to use
to pay?” the officer asks.
“Someone gave it to me.”
“Who gave it to you?”
He asks me to describe the person. Describe...
Oh, I know, it’s about looks.
“A guy in a suit.”
“A young man in a suit gave you this money?”
Suit… that’s like, yeah, same as what he’s
saying.
“Yes.”
“Where did he give it to you?”
“At the movie theater.”
“Why did he give you money at the movie
theater?” The officer’s voice gets a little faster. “Did you receive this money
as some form of payment?”
Payment? What did that mean?
“He gave it to me at the theater.”
The officer looks at my face. “Alright, listen
up,” he says. “This money you tried to use is counterfeit. The color resembles
a 10,000-yen bill, but there’s no watermark, and the portrait is completely
different. Didn’t you notice?”
Counterfeit? I thought it was real money, but
maybe it’s fake. If the officer says so, maybe it’s true. You’re not supposed
to use fake money. Counterfeit money gets you arrested… My chest feels prickly.
“Will I be arrested?”
“In this case, the store hasn’t suffered any
loss, and it seems you didn’t know it was fake, so we’ll leave it at a
warning.”
“Do I have to go to prison?”
The officer pulls out the money from his
pocket, the fake bill now in a plastic sleeve, and shows it to me.
“See here, it says ‘Children’s Bank’ printed on
it. You understand? Also, counterfeit bills are a bit smaller than a real
10,000-yen bill. If you come across money like this again, please bring it to
the police. And make sure to check money carefully from now on, alright?”
Oh, he’s right. Where the officer’s pointing,
it says “Children’s Bank” in tiny letters. So, Children’s Bank money isn’t
good.
The officer walks back over to the convenience
store guy, and they start talking again, too quietly for me to hear. Then the
officer leaves.
“Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave
now. Or… do you have anywhere to go?” The old man is looking my way.
“I live in Kan-san’s room. Kan-san hasn’t been
home for a long time.”
The old man leaves the room and comes back
quickly, holding a stuffed plastic bag.
“Here, take this.”
Inside the bag, there are rice balls and tea.
“I’ll pay for it,” I say.
“It’s fine. You don’t have any money, do you?”
“No, I don’t. When I get money from working,
I’ll pay it back.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. What a kind
man. He’s giving me food even though I didn’t pay for it. He’s as kind as those
volunteer people. “Thank you very much,” I say, grateful.
“...But take this, and don’t come back to my
store again.”
◇:-:◆:-:◇
When I put
my foot down, a sharp jolt shoots up from my butt, like a numbing pain. I stop.
I wait until the throbbing pain fades, then start walking again, only for the
sharp jolt to hit me again. Throb, throb, throb… it just keeps hurting. The
pain isn’t going away, but I have to keep walking if I want to make it back to
Kan-san’s place.
I try
putting my foot down carefully. No sharp pain this time. Ah, this is better.
Slow and careful. It’s like I’m a scared cat, creeping along, only able to take
small steps. But that’s okay.
There’s a
rustling sound. Inside the plastic bag, there’s the rice ball I got… and the
tea. The rice ball sways, rustling. It’s a nice sound, yeah. It’s the sound of
food.
Ah, I’m so
tired. My butt and my legs are aching. There’s a vending machine by the road.
There’s an empty spot behind it, so I go in there to sit down. I’ll rest here.
No one can see me here, so no one will scold me. There’s no wind either; this
is nice. Just as I’m thinking that, I drift off.
My back
hurts. It’s probably because I slept in an awkward position. I can see around
me. It’s not pitch black like night, but it’s not exactly bright either. It
reminds me of… ah, what was it? That white thing you mix paints on… what’s it
called… a p-palette. Yeah, a palette. I remember once putting blue paint on it,
then dripping black paint on top. I thought maybe if I mixed them with a brush,
it’d turn dark blue like this. I see this color often because I go to the Center
when the sky looks like this.
There’s no
one on the big road. A few cars pass by, their engines going “vroom,” and then
the sound fades away. The pain in my butt is a little better now. It’s okay to
walk slowly without much pain.
Even though
I’m taking the same path back, I end up somewhere unfamiliar. I must be lost.
Maybe I should ask someone for directions. But there’s no one walking around. I
wonder if the construction workers are nearby… ah, I hear voices somewhere up
ahead.
Someone
walks past me from behind, a man dressed like a construction worker. I call
out, “Excuse me,” but he just keeps going. Maybe he didn’t hear me. He turns a
corner up ahead. I wonder what’s over there. I follow and find people walking
around. There were none on the main street, but here there are. I wonder why.
There are
blue tarps and tables set up along the street, with all kinds of things laid
out. I get closer for a look. Doorknobs, shoes, T-shirts, rice bowls,
underwear, a single shoe, a dirty glove.
This place
is a shop. I’ve been here before. I bought something… what was it? Ah, gloves.
I’d lost one, so I bought a single replacement. I wasn’t alone back then. Who
was I with… was it my dad? Yeah, it was Dad.
At one
stall, they have DVDs with naked women lined up on a blue tarp. When I look at
naked women, my thing gets hard. I don’t want to get the urge to do it here, so
I shouldn’t look, but I’m curious. I steal glances, and then—wait a minute.
The woman
on the DVD cover looks like Mom. She really looks like her. The old man with
white hair sitting on a bag at the back of the tarp says, “300 yen each.” I
don’t have any money, so I can’t buy one. I guess it’s okay just to look. I
shouldn’t touch if I’m not buying.
I squat
down to look closer, and a sharp pain shoots up my butt, so I kneel down. Ah,
if I lean forward like this, squatting doesn’t hurt as much.
On the DVD
cover, a man is grabbing the woman’s breasts from behind. The woman’s legs are
spread wide, but the area between her legs is blurred out.
“That
one’ll get you off,” the old man says. The woman’s face still looks like Mom’s.
I want to look more closely.
“Can I
touch it?”
“Sure.”
I pick up
the DVD and bring it close to my face. It’s definitely Mom. There are more
pictures on the back, and they all look like Mom’s face. The man touching Mom’s
breasts and butt… I’ve seen him somewhere before. Maybe he was someone from the
dorm.
"You
like those ‘married woman’ DVDs, huh?"
The old man
laughs with a strange “Heh-heh” sound. That laugh—it sounds familiar. In my
mind, I see chocolate. Sweets… something sweet… my mom. My mom would eat
chocolate, saying it was “so good,” and hardly ever shared any with me. I’d
always felt a little jealous watching her enjoy it. I remembered her saying
“thank you” when she’d been given a big bag of chocolate, and the man who gave
it to her had laughed with a “Heh-heh.” Oh, right. That was Kiichan. Kiichan,
who used to live next door and always gave her sweets. I had always thought Kiichan
had a funny laugh. Yeah, the man touching my mom’s breasts in the DVD photo…
that was Kiichan.
“That actor
on the DVD, that was me back in my youth,” the old man says.
I look at
him. The Kiichan on the DVD doesn’t look like this man in front of me. The Kiichan
I remembered was young, the way I’d always known him. But the man here is old,
with white hair, a dark, wrinkled face. Could he really be Kiichan? I know
wrinkles come with age, but could someone change so much? The old man rubs his
nose with his hand.
“When I was
young, I used the stage name ‘Magnum Kid’ and worked as an adult video actor. I
was popular, had women flocking to me—I didn’t get a moment’s rest.” He
chuckles, looking pleased with himself. So it must’ve been something really
good.
“With this
actress, there’s a bunch of ‘hardcore’ titles. She was pretty famous in that
genre back then.” The old man pulls out some other DVDs and lays them out in
front. Ah, that was my mom, too. She was tied up in red rope, her breasts
pushed out between the bindings.
“Two for
500 yen,” he offers.
In the red
rope one, there was probably a man’s penis inside my mom. The spot where it was
happening was blurred out, but I was pretty sure that was what was going on.
Was this an “adult” thing? Oh, right. These were adult DVDs.
A hazy
feeling spreads through my head. This… this is bad. Why would my mom be doing
that with Kiichan? She was married to my dad. When you got married, you were
only supposed to do that kind of thing with your spouse. Wasn’t this cheating?
Cheating was bad. I remember a man at work crying because his wife and kids had
left after he cheated.
“Hey, kid,
I’ll cut you a deal—five for a thousand yen, can’t beat it!” the old man grins.
“That’s…my
mom.”
The old
man’s voice dropped. “Huh?”
“This is my
mom. My mom’s married. She shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing with anyone
but my dad.”
The old man
clicks his tongue and turns his head away.
“If you’re
not buying, get out of here.” He waved his hand at me like he was shooing a
fly.
“Married
people shouldn’t do that with others. That’s what my dad said.”
“Shut up! I
told you to get lost!”
The man
swung a plastic bottle at me, and it hit my face with a thud. It hurt. I
stumbled back, afraid and wondering why he’d hit me, when suddenly, a small
rock struck my shoulder with a painful thud. He was rough, too rough. I backed
away from his blue tarp.
My mom is
in an adult DVD. People watch these adult DVDs. They see them on TV. My dad
once ripped out a page with a photo of a naked woman from a magazine and told
me, “Use this.” So, that’s what I’d been using, always.
Why would
Mom do something like that with a man who wasn’t Dad?
There was
this guy in the company dorm once who showed me an adult DVD and asked, “You
wanna try watching this too?” As I watched, I felt myself getting hot, and,
well, hard. It was way better than the torn-out picture from that book.
One time,
one of the guys showed me an adult DVD and invited me to go to a place with
women like the ones in the video. He said I could do the same things as in the
DVD. But Dad told me, “Don’t go. Those kinds of things aren’t good. Do it only
with someone you love.” So I never went. I just kept using the photos.
The man who
threw the rock at me started folding up his blue tarp, putting it onto a cart,
and dragging it away. He seemed angry. I wonder why. It’s true that married
people shouldn’t cheat.
Wait… does
that mean Mom did something bad too? She has Dad, but she did it with another
man, so maybe it was cheating. Could she have made a mistake? If Dad found out,
would he be angry? But maybe, since Dad is kind, he’d forgive her if she
apologized.
I wanted to
ask which way I should go to the Center, but now… huh? I’m holding one of Mom’s
DVDs. I haven’t paid for it, but I took it. I forgot to give it back. This is
bad. If I take it without paying, that’s stealing, and I’ll get caught by the
police. I need to return it.
But the
man’s gone. What should I do with this DVD? I didn’t mean to take it. Should I
leave it where he was? But someone else might pick it up. I remember once, I
accidentally took some equipment home from work without returning it. The next
day, when I brought it back, they just told me to be careful and didn’t get
mad. I’ll just come back here and give it back. If I return it, then it’s not
stealing, right? Yeah, I’ll do that. I’m glad I figured out what to do.
I asked the
man selling books of naked women on cardboard next to the one who left, “Which
way should I go to get to the Center?” He told me, “Straight ahead.” I thanked
him and walked in that direction, and eventually, I could see the Center coming
into view.
From here,
I knew where Kan’s place was. That was a relief. As Kan’s apartment slowly came
into sight, I felt my chest ease. Finally, I’d be able to sleep somewhere warm
and comfortable. I was so happy, but when I started up the stairs to the
apartment, that throbbing pain in my butt came back, making it tough to climb.
I slipped
the key into the lock, turned it, and it clicked open. That click… I like it. I
sighed. Kan’s shoes weren’t by the entrance. It was quiet inside. No sound at
all. I pulled back the rust-colored curtain to check, but Kan wasn’t home. My
excitement dropped a little, replaced by an “oh well” kind of feeling.
I ate one
of the rice balls the guy from the convenience store gave me. Then, needing to
go to the bathroom, I noticed the inside of my pants was bright red. “Whoa!” I
blurted out, startled by my own voice. The hair in that area was clumped
together in a rough, reddish-black mess, so I took a bath and rinsed it away
with warm water. It stung sharply on my butt, prickling with pain. The water
turned a faint pink as it ran across the tiles.
My butt
hurt, but at least I got to eat the rice ball. That convenience store guy was
so kind.
The clothes
I wore before were still wet, and the ones I was wearing now were stained with
blood. There was a time when I’d wear things even if they were a little dirty,
but since Kan often did laundry, I’d gotten used to wearing clean clothes, and
I preferred it that way.
I slipped,
bare, into my sleeping bag. It was warm and cozy. Even naked, I felt nice and
warm. Ah, this is my place. No cold, no worries, no fear here.
As I lay
down, I spotted it—the DVD I had to return. Mom’s breasts were spilling out
between those red ropes. I wondered if I could see Mom with this. I missed
her—I hadn’t seen her in so long. Being an adult DVD, she was probably doing
something sexual in it. I flipped it back and forth in my hands. I wanted to
see her, but the thought of her doing things with Kiichan made me feel a bit
unsettled.
I was
getting tired. Even though I hadn’t worked and it was morning, I felt sleepy,
and as I lay there, I heard a small cracking sound. I reached under the
sleeping bag and pulled out the DVD case. The edge had a tiny crack, but the
disc seemed fine. Since it was only a small break, it should be okay. I should
keep it somewhere it won’t get stepped on.
I slid it
under Kan’s bed. There, it wouldn’t get stepped on, and I could see it while
lying down. I’d go return it to the man tomorrow—I had to. Thinking about that,
my eyes grew heavy, hard to keep open. I let out a big yawn.
I almost can’t read this. I just feel so bad. Mura is so fucking pitiful, please somebody help him. His mind is like that of a child’s, and it was jarring when that guy in the suit called him a “dirty old man”. I really can’t take it lol idk if I can keep reading if more terrible things keep happening to him 😞
ReplyDeletei really fucking hated that whole scene, he just wanted some money to feed himself :(
Delete