MUNDANE HURT: Chapter 9
He woke up
around noon. He might have dreamed something, but he couldn't remember. Nagano
was gone, leaving a note on the table alongside some bread, which read, “Feel
free to eat whatever you find in the house.”
The room
was as silent as a coffin. The only sound was the repetitive chewing as he bit
into the bread. There was no TV. He wondered why but remembered that Nagano had
never been much of a TV watcher. Its absence seemed to fit, after all.
In the
right corner of the room stood an old bed, and at its foot was a foldable
wooden desk. The low table where he was eating was chipped along the edges, and
its worn, faded surface had turned a pale shade of white. Even though Nagano
must be making a decent income, there was a strong air of poverty in the room.
The wall opposite the bed was entirely lined with a built-in bookcase, crammed
with legal texts whose titles alone seemed dense enough to close a mental
shutter in his mind.
Looking for
his own clothes, he found them still stuffed in the washing machine. He opened
the closet and borrowed a black down jacket. It was loose but a fairly close
fit. Four hooks hung on the right-hand wall, where a belt and a key were neatly
organized.
As he
suspected, it was a spare key to the apartment. He pocketed it and stepped
outside. The cold wind rushed at him, prompting him to zip up the jacket. The
apartment was a three-story concrete building. If he left now, he’d probably
never think about it again; it was the kind of plain, ordinary place that faded
from memory.
He strolled
around the neighborhood, glancing back at the apartment now and then. It was a
quiet residential area along the riverbank. The thought of just leaving crossed
his mind every few minutes. But he still felt too tired, and the cold was
biting. The harsh reality was that he didn’t have a cent on him. His wallet
with a few hundred yen and his phone might still be back in the hotel room
where he’d been assaulted, but he had no money for the train to get there, and
it was likely the yakuza had already taken them. As for the clothes he’d left
at his usual manga café, he hadn’t paid his tab and had no means to settle it,
so there was no way to retrieve them.
Money.
Money. Without it, a person can’t do anything. He came across a small, rough
playground, wedged between a parking lot and a residential building, that had
nothing but a solitary swing that looked like it had been haphazardly
installed. Weary, he sat down on the swing. A dull ache pulsed in his lower
back, but it was much better than it had been over the past couple of days.
A few days
of work could get him twenty thousand yen. That would be enough to make a break
for somewhere far. He’d like to get his phone and the things from the manga
café if possible. But the café tab was probably high by now.
The swing
creaked painfully, even with the slightest movement. Nagano had said he could
stay in the apartment for a while. It would probably be best to lie low there,
save up some cash from part-time work, and then make a getaway.
He looked
down, his fingers grazing his neck. Nagano’s touch from yesterday lingered
strangely. Maybe he still has feelings for me... keeps me around just
because he wants something. It seemed plausible, and yet somehow it didn’t.
He couldn’t quite figure it out. Not that it matters, really. None of it
matters. The world could blow up tomorrow, and it’d be fine.
The swing
suddenly shook as though an earthquake had struck. Startled, he looked up.
“Yo.”
A man with
a round face, gripping the swing’s chain, stood over him. Somehow, he hadn’t
noticed him come up from behind. The man was grinning, but a cold, sinister
gleam lurked behind his eyes.
“I need a
word with you. Come on.”
He knew he
should run, but fear gripped him, and his knees began to tremble. Unable to
rise from the swing, he sat paralyzed. Growing impatient, the man seized his
arm and dragged him into a parked van. No sooner had the door closed than a
fist flew at him, the pain bursting across his nose. He fell backward, slamming
against the van door.
“Couldn’t
find you anywhere, only to learn you’ve been crashing at the lawyer’s place,
huh?”
The man
wiped his bloodied fist with a sneer, then casually smeared it across the front
of Nishizaki’s down jacket.
"Your
ex-girlfriend, the hostess—no matter how much we pressed her, she kept saying
she didn’t know where you were. I thought you’d really skipped town. But then,
just to be sure, we had someone watching the lawyer’s place. Bingo."
"I-it’s
just... I wasn’t feeling well... and, well, he said I could stay at his
place... I thought it’d be, uh... more convenient for... many things..."
The Round
Face man nodded as though humoring a child. "As long as you haven’t
forgotten the ‘job’ you were assigned, that’s all that matters."
He pulled a
red phone from his bag and tossed it onto Nishizaki’s lap. "We need to
keep in touch. Keep it on, and don’t even think of ignoring my calls. If you
don’t answer, I’ll kill you."
It was like
being fitted with a bell. There was no escaping them; if he didn’t pick up,
he’d be hit again. Holding the phone as if it were a ticking bomb, he watched
as a drop of his own blood fell onto the screen.
"Oh,
and by the way, we threw out your stuff from the manga café," the man
said.
Nishizaki
felt his skin crawl. They had found his hiding place, the manga café he’d been
using as a refuge. How? He hadn’t told anyone about it. The only person who
might have known was one of the staff. The man’s tone shifted again, moving
from intimidation to a disturbingly familiar camaraderie as he clapped Nishizaki
on the shoulder, giving him a friendly pat.
"Don’t
look so damned terrified, like a rabbit about to die. Just get the video
footage, and all this will go away. You won’t even have to see me again, so
don’t go getting any ideas about running."
He gestured
for his associate to open the van door, then kicked Nishizaki out with enough
force to send him sprawling onto the sidewalk. A woman walking her dog gasped
as she saw him hit the ground, her hand flying to her mouth as she cried,
"Oh my goodness, are you alright? You’re bleeding!"
Ignoring
her, he stood up and made his way back to Nagano’s apartment.
In the
bathroom mirror, his face was streaked with blood. He washed it off, but his
bruised right cheek and swollen nose throbbed painfully. The bruises from his
last beating had just started to fade, only for fresh ones to take their place.
Purples, blues, yellows—the shifting colors under his skin painted a grotesque
gradient.
He felt his
stomach lurch and leaned over the toilet, vomiting until only bile remained.
What a waste. He felt an urge to cry—not just from the loss, but from the fear
gnawing at him. They terrified him. How far would they go to track his every
move, to keep him cornered? If he tried to escape and they caught him, he knew
they would kill him. He couldn’t stand it any longer, the pain, the dread. How
could he break free from them?
If I just
get the video footage of the safe for them, would that be enough? Would they
leave me alone after that?
Nagano’s
laptop was sitting on the desk, just waiting to be opened. He booted it up, but
a password screen blocked him. He tried Nagano’s full name, last name, even his
own name out of sheer desperation, but each attempt returned an error. There
was no guarantee the data was even on the laptop. The original recording could
be on a USB drive, an SD card, or a hard disk from the camera itself. There was
nothing that looked like a data storage device in the desk drawers. If the data
was important, maybe Nagano had hidden it somewhere else.
He
inspected the underside of the drawers, finding nothing. Maybe he’d tucked it
in among the books on the shelf? The vast, wall-spanning library of legal texts
loomed over him. He started pulling down books from the far right side of the
shelf, opening each one and checking between the pages. At first, he put the
books back neatly, but eventually, he got tired and just started piling them up
around him. Book towers grew and toppled over, scattering their contents across
the floor in mini-avalanches.
As the
daylight outside faded, a creeping sense of urgency gnawed at him. Nagano would
be home soon. He had to get the room back in order, but he couldn’t remember
where any of the books had been. The room looked as if it had been ravaged by a
hurricane of books. How could he explain this mess?
“Bastard,” Nishizaki
muttered, throwing a thick book against the wall. The book didn’t complain,
though his own arm felt the sting from throwing it. Tears sprang to his eyes,
unbidden. Something was seriously wrong. Really wrong. He felt himself
slipping, the dread clawing at his insides. Pulling the blanket over his head,
he burrowed into the bed, trembling. The pain in his nose throbbed as fear and
frustration twisted within him, leaving him clueless about what to do next in
this disaster of a room.
He didn’t
know how long he lay there, shaking, until he heard the front door open. Nagano
was back. What now? What was he supposed to do? Clutching the blanket tightly,
he felt the dread seize him again, and he sniffled hard.
“You in
here?”
A hand
gently rested on his head through the sheets. A flash of the Round Face man’s
ruthless fists flooded his mind, and his body jerked in reflexive terror.
“Can we
talk?” Nagano’s voice was calm, not angry. Nagano wasn’t like that man. Not at
all. The tension loosened ever so slightly, and then, suddenly, light streamed
into his view as the blanket was lifted. Reaching to pull it back over, he
accidentally met Nagano’s gaze.
“Why are
you crying?” Nagano looked genuinely puzzled.
Nishizaki’s
shoulders shook as he sniffled again, unable to stop.
“Your face looks
swollen again.”
He wanted
to explain: he’d been caught by the yakuza, punched, kicked, threatened…
“Did you
get in a fight with someone?”
He couldn’t
say it. There was no way he could tell Nagano that the yakuza were threatening
him. Instead, he pressed his face into the sheets.
“I... I
tripped at the door.”
A pathetic
lie.
“Hurt like
hell…”
Nagano
remained silent for a moment, then asked quietly, “Is that why you took it out
on the books?”
Yeah, fine,
Nishizaki thought. Let him think that.
“Did
letting off some steam help?”
Nishizaki
looked up as Nagano cleared the books off the table, setting a bento and a
bottle of tea on it. “Can you eat dinner?”
He shook
his head; he couldn’t imagine eating.
“I see.
I’ll leave it here, so have it when you’re ready. I’m starving, so I’ll start.”
Nagano dug
into the bento, undisturbed by the room’s state of disarray. It was almost
surreal, the normalcy he projected in such a chaotic setting.
“…You’re
not angry?” Nishizaki asked.
“Why would
I be?” Nagano replied, his mouth full.
“If someone
did this to me, I’d lose it.”
“You’re not
feeling well, so it makes sense if your mood’s a bit unstable. Besides, I
needed to get rid of some of these books anyway. Now’s as good a time as any to
organize.”
Nagano’s
calm had an odd effect, like the lights coming on in a haunted house, and
suddenly, what had seemed terrifying now felt strangely out of place. The smell
of fried food and rice lingered in the air, sparking a faint hunger, even
though his throat still burned from vomiting earlier. Climbing off the bed, he
brushed some scattered books aside with his foot and sat cross-legged across
from Nagano, who glanced at him briefly.
“Were you
out somewhere?”
Nishizaki
froze, wondering how he knew, but then saw the answer: Nagano’s down jacket lay
crumpled by the table.
“I fell
outside,” he mumbled.
Nagano
handed him a bento and a bottle of tea. The packaging was from a familiar,
inexpensive chain Nishizaki used to frequent. Somehow, its familiarity brought
an unexpected comfort. He recalled that the first time he’d eaten this bento,
he’d found it almost inedible, but he’d gotten used to it quickly enough.
Despite having money, Nagano seemed content with cheap convenience food.
“Do you
actually like this place?” he asked.
Nagano,
devouring his meal with single-minded determination, gave a brief nod. “It’s on
the way home from the station and stays open late.”
“Can’t you
cook for yourself?”
“I don’t
cook. I just eat out or buy what I need.”
He answered
indifferently, as if it didn’t matter. Then Nishizaki remembered something.
“Didn’t
your mom suck at cooking?”
Nagano’s
chopsticks froze mid-bite.
"…That’s
just normal," Nagano muttered.
"There
was that one time I had dinner at your place, remember? The taste was such a
shock," Nishizaki said, clearly enjoying himself.
"Maybe
it was just that you grew up eating better quality food, so you got used to the
finer things," Nagano replied, seemingly unwilling to admit it.
"It’s
not that. Come on, your mom’s curry was practically soup. And the salad—it was
so watery, I kept thinking, ‘Drain it better, please!’”
Nagano’s
expression shifted, irritation showing plainly on his face. Nishizaki realized
he might’ve gone a bit too far, considering he was currently in Nagano’s debt.
"Yes,
our curry was pretty watery. Until I tried it at the university cafeteria, I
had no idea curry could even be thick," Nagano conceded.
“So you do
get it.”
“Still, you
didn’t say a word about it back then, did you?” Nagano’s voice had a sharp
edge, almost childishly defensive.
“Yeah, I
had a little tact, you know,” Nishizaki said with a smirk. “Anyway, your mom
being terrible at cooking was a blessing in disguise. If that watery curry was
what you thought was good, then practically anything you eat must taste amazing
now. Call it ‘eco-friendly taste buds.’”
Worried he
might’ve gone too far, Nishizaki glanced over at Nagano, who muttered, looking
pained, “It’s irritating, but I can’t get mad at you.”
Nishizaki
let out a chuckle.
“Well, luck
of the draw, I guess. Cooking skills are like a lottery,” he shrugged. His own
mother cooked but specialized mostly in baking. As a kid, he would come home
from school to freshly baked cookies or pound cake, which she’d present with a
warm smile whenever he told her how good they tasted.
He didn’t
see her face before she died. His brother had told him, She’s not the mother
you remember anymore. It’s better if you don’t look. All he could recall
from her funeral was the white tassel ornament on the lid of the coffin. He’d
wanted to see her face, no matter how she looked. He’d known he could pull the
tassel to open the small viewing window but hadn’t, hesitating until it was too
late, and then she was ash… His heart twisted. Stop. Don’t go there. Bury
it.
“Hey, don’t
you have a girlfriend who can cook for you or something?” he asked, trying to
fill the silence, afraid his thoughts might turn darker.
“No,”
Nagano replied simply.
He
remembered the Sukajan jacket yakuza saying Nagano didn’t have a girlfriend,
only an ex who’d gotten married and moved somewhere in America… Yosemite? No,
Kansas. Somewhere out there.
“Did your
ex ever cook for you?”
“Just
because someone’s a woman doesn’t mean she likes cooking,” Nagano said,
sidestepping the question. Which likely meant…
“So your
mom and your ex were both lousy cooks. Seems like you’re cursed by the god of
cuisine.”
“Cooking
skills aren’t why you date someone,” Nagano replied, almost philosophically.
So she
really was a terrible cook, then. Nishizaki smirked. “Sure, compatibility’s the
most important thing, but bonus points for looks, cooking, and other things
being great too, right?”
Nagano
hesitated, looking slightly put off, which only spurred Nishizaki on.
“Come on,
‘other things’ are pretty important too, you know? How was it with her?”
“What… what
do you mean?” Nagano fumbled with his chopsticks, dropping them onto the table
in a fluster.
“It’s not
exactly polite conversation,” Nagano finally managed, as if the topic were some
kind of national secret.
“I happen
to love this kind of talk.”
“Crass
subjects like this are just… vulgar.”
Nishizaki
practically choked on laughter. Vulgar? What was this, the Victorian
era? He clutched his stomach, rolling around, laughing as Nagano scolded him,
only to laugh harder. His stomach hurt from it, and he could barely breathe,
while Nagano continued to eat with the calm composure of a monk.
“You’re not
a virgin, right?” he managed to ask between fits of laughter.
Nagano
glared at him, eyebrows knitted sharply. “Of course not.” And Nishizaki
believed him.
“But you
definitely give off major virgin vibes. So… was your ex the only one you’ve
ever been with?”
Nagano’s
face turned ashen, then immediately flushed a bright red, his earlobes
practically glowing, as if they’d catch fire any second.
"Sex
is just another experience, you know? You should try it with more women," Nishizaki
said.
"I
only want to do it with someone I actually like!" Nagano’s response was
like something out of a middle schooler’s mouth. Nishizaki couldn’t help but
burst into laughter. Nagano, looking deeply uncomfortable, stood up and headed
for the kitchen. Nishizaki couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed like
that. Lately, his place in the world had felt so low that he’d forgotten what
it was like to feel superior, even jokingly, at someone else’s expense.
But as the
laughter faded, a wave of unease crept in. Nagano hadn’t come back yet. Maybe
I laughed too much, he thought. What if Nagano was actually mad? What if he
told him to leave? That would be a problem; it was already dark out, and the
thought of running into the Round Face thug again terrified him.
He figured
he should apologize. Moving to the sliding door that separated the hallway from
the room, he opened it slowly. A faint whiff of smoke greeted him.
Nagano was
under the kitchen vent, smoking. Despite his earlier, almost innocent
declarations, he looked surprisingly at ease doing it.
“You
smoke?” Nishizaki asked, remembering how much Nagano had hated cigarettes in
high school.
“...Sometimes,”
he replied.
Nishizaki
reached out and snatched the cigarette from him, bringing it to his lips. These
days, if he smoked, it was usually weed. Normal cigarettes felt strange in
comparison.
“This is
stale or something. Tastes like crap,” he said, sticking the cigarette back
between Nagano’s lips. As he did, his fingers brushed against Nagano’s mouth.
Nagano flinched, and ashes scattered to the floor. Maybe what’s left of his
old feelings is like that ash, Nishizaki thought.
“Smoking
doesn’t suit you,” he remarked.
Nagano,
looking sulky, stubbed the cigarette out in the sink, a thin line of smoke
trailing upward. Apologizing suddenly felt awkward.
“Maybe you
shouldn’t smoke. Bad for you, you know,” Nishizaki said, knowing how forced he
sounded. But Nagano’s sullen look faded, replaced by a shy smile. This was his
chance.
“Hey, sorry
for laughing at you earlier,” he said.
Nagano
glanced up at him, stealing a quick look.
“You were
so dead serious, I just wanted to mess with you a little.”
“It’s
fine,” Nagano replied.
Yeah,
because you retreated into the hallway with your cigarette,
Nishizaki thought but held back. He needed to address something more important
anyway.
“...Like I
said before, I quit my job and don’t have any money right now. I’ll get a
part-time gig, but would it be okay if I stayed here until I saved enough to
get a place? I’ll pay you back once I’m back on my feet.”
“Don’t
worry about it; take it easy.”
“Thanks,” Nishizaki
said. He needed the time, not just to rest, but to search for that video footage.
He didn’t plan to stay longer than necessary—just enough to finish what he had
to and then disappear. He looked down and exhaled quietly.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
Nagano
stayed up late, tidying the scattered books. Since Nishizaki had been the one
to cause the mess, he had joined in to help, but halfway through, fatigue got
the better of him, and he gave up. He lay down on the bed, listening to Nagano
shuffle and rustle as he worked, unable to fall asleep. It was his fault, so he
couldn’t complain. Somewhere in the liminal space between waking and sleep,
exhaustion claimed him.
He woke to
the sound of rustling again. The room was dim. He checked his phone—6 a.m.
Dawn. Nagano had changed out of the sweatpants he used as pajamas and was now
in a tracksuit.
“Heading to
the convenience store?”
Nagano
turned, looking directly at Nishizaki as he asked, “Want me to pick up anything
for you?”
“…You’re
not going to the convenience store?”
“I’m going
for a run. I’ve skipped the past few days.”
Stretching
his body as if to loosen up, Nagano left the room. As Nishizaki dragged himself
out of bed, he was surrounded by a chill that cut straight through him. Cold.
Shivering violently, he pulled the curtain aside. The window was fogged over
with condensation, and he wiped it clean with his palm. The glass cleared,
revealing Nagano jogging along the sidewalk. His running form was just as
graceful as Nishizaki remembered from years ago. He watched until Nagano
disappeared from view, then retreated into the warm embrace of the sheets.
Despite his
sleepiness, he couldn’t fall back asleep. After much restless tossing and
turning, he curled up in the sheets and moved back to the window. Peering
through a gap in the curtain, he stared drowsily at the sidewalk below. Nagano
returned about 40 minutes later. Nishizaki saw his figure cross the sidewalk
and disappear into the building. Quickly, he returned to the bed, feigning
sleep.
He
remembered Nagano leaving for work a little after 8 a.m., but everything after
that was a blur. The next time he woke, it was just before noon. The futon
Nagano had been using was folded neatly and placed in the corner of the room.
On the table, there was a note:
"If
you need it to look for a job, feel free to use my computer."
It even
included the password, written meticulously. Nishizaki felt ridiculous for
having struggled so much with the locked computer the day before.
He booted
up the computer right away. Over the next five hours, he opened every file he
could find, but there were no images or copies of anything resembling the safe.
On a whim, he checked the trash folder and found one discarded file. It turned
out to be a work document, detailing a dispute with a neighbor over garden
shrubs. It had nothing to do with the yakuza or the safe.
It seemed
Nagano used the computer for work as well, but he kept no significant records
on it. The email system was locked behind an ID and password, which Nishizaki
didn’t have, making it inaccessible. Knowing Nagano’s meticulous nature, the
fact that he had so readily lent out the computer suggested there was nothing
on it he was worried about anyone seeing. Even digging through the browser
history yielded only shopping websites, weather forecasts, and travel guides to
foreign destinations. The bookmarks were just as mundane.
After
staring at the screen for so long, Nishizaki’s eyes began to ache. He pressed
his fingers to the bridge of his nose and leaned back, sighing. There was
nothing on this computer. Yesterday’s search of the bookshelf had also come up
empty. If the data was being stored at Nagano’s workplace… That’s a dead
end.
Suddenly,
the room was filled with the shrill sound of an electronic ringtone. The
smartphone the round-face man had handed him, left untouched on the bedside
table, was now demanding attention. I don’t want to answer it. But the
memory of the man’s threat—Answer, or I’ll kill you—made him pick it up
with trembling hands. The screen wasn’t locked. A tap connected the call.
“Hey, it’s
me,” said the voice on the other end.
There was
only one person it could be.
“That phone
I gave you—notice anything missing? Like a charger?”
When
Nishizaki didn’t respond, the man snapped, “You hearing me, you little shit?”
“Y-yes!”
Nishizaki stammered, sitting up straight as if the man could see him.
“I brought
one for you. Get your ass downstairs and pick it up. Now.”
Grabbing
his keys and the phone, Nishizaki rushed down the stairs. Outside, the sky was
painted with the orange and black gradient of early evening. He stepped onto
the sidewalk and looked left and right, but the round-face man was nowhere in
sight. Wandering around the apartment complex, he was startled when someone
bumped into him from behind.
It was a
young man, probably in his early twenties, with a shaved head. He silently
shoved a bundle of cables into Nishizaki’s chest before walking away without a
word.
The
smartphone buzzed again in his hand.
“Did you
get it?”
The round-face
man’s voice demanded confirmation. It seemed he had sent his subordinate to deliver
the charger and wasn’t nearby himself. As Nishizaki stared at the charging cord
swinging against his chest, he realized this might be his only chance to talk.
“Uh… can I
say something?”
The Round
Face man snorted. “Huh?”
“I looked
around the apartment, but there was nothing that seemed to hold the data. His
computer was spotless too. It doesn’t look like he keeps work-related documents
at home.”
A short
silence followed, then a dismissive “Hmm.”
“If it’s
not at his house, then… I mean, there’s really nothing I can do,” Nishizaki
added, his voice faltering.
“Then ask
him directly,” came the sharp reply.
“There’s no
way I can do that! He’ll wonder why I know about his work files, and it’ll make
him suspicious.”
“Do it.”
The
growling tone of the man’s voice hit Nishizaki like a physical blow.
“I don’t
care if he gets suspicious or not. All I want is the video footage,” the man
said.
“But if he
gets too cautious…”
“That’s
your problem. Handle it!”
Nishizaki’s
protests dissolved into silence.
“It’s fine
if you can’t get the information from him,” the man added after a pause. “But
you’ll have to make up for it somehow.”
The memory
of being told he’d be fed to the dogs resurfaced, and Nishizaki’s lips
quivered.
“Do it like
your life depends on it, you worthless piece of shit!” The voice over the phone
felt like it was drilling into his skull.
“Punch
yourself,” the man said suddenly.
“W-what?”
Nishizaki stammered, caught off guard.
“Punch your
own damn face.”
“W-wait,
what? What are you saying?” His voice cracked in panic.
“You don’t
have enough grit. Do it!”
The command
made no sense. But then again, the man couldn’t see him. Nishizaki lightly
touched his right cheek with his fist, barely applying pressure.
“I hit
myself,” he said quickly.
“Don’t give
me that crap!” The man’s voice roared. “That pathetic excuse for a punch
wouldn’t even swat a fly. You call that hitting yourself?”
Nishizaki
froze, his whole body stiff with fear. He glanced around frantically but saw no
sign of the round-face man. Yet he felt as though he were being watched.
“Do it
properly! Or I’ll kill you!”
Driven by
sheer terror, Nishizaki struck his own cheek.
“Still
holding back, huh? Keep going until you’re bleeding. Or would you rather one of
my boys beat you half to death?”
Tears
streaming down his face, Nishizaki hit himself again. Then again. Passersby
stared in shock, giving the man punching himself a wide berth as they hurried
past. Through the phone, the round-face man laughed, the sound echoing
mockingly before cutting off.
The call
had ended. Nishizaki broke out in a cold sweat, wondering if he’d accidentally
hung up. He redialed in a panic, but the man didn’t answer. It must’ve been
him who hung up. Relief washed over him.
The wind
stirred his bangs, and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. I can’t
take this anymore. This is impossible. I’m done.
His legs
began moving on their own. He didn’t know where he was going, but he needed to
get away. Away from this impossible nightmare. A park, under a bridge—it
didn’t matter where he ended up as long as it wasn’t here.
As he
wandered aimlessly, he felt a pair of eyes on his back. He turned quickly, but
no one who resembled the round-face man’s subordinates was there. Even so, the
sensation of being watched wouldn’t leave him. If they’re tailing me, I
can’t go anywhere isolated. A dark, deserted spot would be suicide.
Unconsciously,
his feet carried him toward the busiest area he could find.
He
eventually arrived in front of a subway station. The noise of
commuters—students, workers—comforted him. Exhausted from all the walking, he
slumped down next to a public phone. For now, he felt safe, but what about when
the last train left and the station emptied? They could come for me then.
Across the
street, he spotted a police box. If I ran in there, would they help me?
But what if they found out about the drugs? Would I get arrested? Maybe
that would be safer—if they threw him in jail, the yakuza wouldn’t be able to
touch him. But then what? If they let me out on probation, I’d be dead for
sure.
I can’t
run. I have no money, nowhere to go. And that guy won’t listen to excuses.
Nishizaki
felt as though he were standing on the edge of a cliff. The only way to escape
this nightmare was to get the video footage, no matter what it took. That was
his only option.
The problem
is that the video footage isn't in his apartment—so what should I do? If I just
outright ask, "Where’s the video of the safe?" someone like Nagano,
with his straight-laced personality, would immediately get suspicious and never
say a word.
Threaten
him? Tie him up while he’s sleeping, hold a knife to his throat… That would…
His thoughts spiraled into darkness. That’d make me a full-blown criminal.
But I
wouldn’t actually kill him. Just scare him a little. Except… this is Nagano
we’re talking about. He’s the type who’d keep his mouth shut even if it cost
him his life.
A sharp
gust of wind hit him, making his whole body shiver. He’d rushed outside when
the phone rang and forgotten his jacket. During his frantic walk, fear had
consumed him, and he hadn’t noticed the cold, but now it was seeping into his
bones. Even women wearing heavy coats were hunching their shoulders against the
chill, their coat hems flapping like flags in the wind.
A memory
surfaced of a fairy tale he’d read as a child—the one where the North Wind
tried to blow off people’s clothes. No matter how hard it blew, no one took off
their coat. But when the sun shone warm and bright, everyone shed their layers
willingly.
Right. If
Nagano’s guarded, the key is to lower his guard. Isn’t that how it works?
He remembered the old concept of a “honey trap.” If he could get Nagano to fall
for him, maybe even start a relationship, that stiff, rule-abiding man might
relax enough to share things.
It’d be
ridiculous to try a honey trap with a guy if we were just old classmates,
Nishizaki thought. But Nagano had been infatuated with him in high school.
Obsessed, even.
Nagano had
dated women since, and it wasn’t clear if he was still into men, but… he
took me in, even though I’m a wreck. His touch lingers sometimes. The way he
glances at me… there might be a chance.
The arrival
of a train released a tide of people from the station. Among the moving mass of
similar coats, Nishizaki thought he spotted Nagano. Why is he here? Then
it clicked—this was the closest station to Nagano’s place, and it was around
the time he’d be heading back.
If I stick
with him, if we’re together, that Round Face bastard probably won’t try
anything.
Nishizaki
got to his feet and began trailing the man he believed to be Nagano. But the
figure moved quickly, almost as if propelled by a motor, leaving Nishizaki
struggling to keep up, panting for breath.
At a red
light, the man finally stopped. Nishizaki managed to catch up, glancing up to
confirm: it was Nagano, staring straight ahead across the intersection.
Just say
something. "Hey." Or, "Yo." But his
voice wouldn’t come. His hand clenched tightly around the briefcase he carried.
Nagano
turned, noticing Nishizaki. His eyes widened in surprise.
“I just…
stepped out for a bit,” Nishizaki said, forcing a polite smile.
“What
happened to your face?”
Reflexively,
Nishizaki touched his cheek. The spot where he’d hit himself earlier throbbed,
hot and swollen. His hand slipped, and the charging cord he’d been holding fell
to the ground. Nagano bent down and picked it up.
“My face?
Oh, uh… I tripped again. Still shaky on my feet, so I keep stumbling. But I
needed a charger, so I went out to buy one…”
“This? It’s
not even in a bag.”
“Threw it
out. The packaging was annoying. It’s used anyway.”
“I could’ve
gotten one for you.”
A bitter
wind whipped around them, making Nishizaki’s whole body tremble. He let out a
loud sneeze and hastily wiped his dripping nose on the cuff of his sweatshirt.
“Aren’t you
cold, dressed like that?”
“Yeah.
Freezing.”
Nagano set
down his briefcase, took off his black coat, and handed it to him. Too cold to
protest or refuse, Nishizaki slipped his arms into the sleeves. The coat was
warm and carried Nagano’s scent. The fabric was soft, almost clingy—cashmere,
perhaps. For someone who’d once been poor, it surprised Nishizaki that Nagano
wore something so expensive. But then again, as a lawyer, he couldn’t afford to
look cheap in front of his clients.
The light
turned green, and they started walking. When Nishizaki matched his stride,
Nagano slowed his pace slightly. He glanced at Nishizaki a few times, seeming
unsure. Is he… self-conscious around me?
“Why do you
keep looking at me?” Nishizaki asked, narrowing his eyes.
"What
a mess your face is."
"Shut
up. Stop looking at me."
Snapping at
him, Nishizaki immediately regretted it. Nagano turned his gaze away and didn’t
look back. Great. This is the worst. Acting like a hedgehog toward someone
I’m trying to reel in with a honey trap? Genius. The awkward silence
stretched between them as they walked along the path back to the apartment.
…Come to
think of it, we walked like this once before, back in high school.
Nishizaki remembered tagging along with Nagano on a nighttime stroll, trying to
get closer to him. Back then, he’d wanted to break through Nagano’s rigid
demeanor, clinging to him like an annoying puppy, desperate for some
connection.
"Have
you looked into any part-time jobs yet?" Nagano asked suddenly, his tone
casual and unassuming, without glancing in Nishizaki’s direction.
"Yeah,
sort of. My last workplace was awful, so I’m trying to be careful this
time."
"That’s
smart."
Nagano
accepted his words without a hint of doubt. He really believes me?
Nishizaki hadn’t even started searching for a job, but the excuse of “being
careful” was an easy shield to keep Nagano from pushing further—for now.
"If
there’s anything you’re struggling with, I’m here to help. Just ask."
It wasn’t
some polite platitude. Nagano genuinely meant it. His sincerity was palpable,
creating a momentary warmth between them.
"You’re
a nice guy, you know that?" Nishizaki said.
"It’s
nothing special," Nagano replied simply.
"Speaking
of, we used to date in our junior year, didn’t we?"
Nagano’s
cheek twitched slightly. Bingo.
"Oh?
Did you forget? It’s been a while, I guess." Nishizaki kept his tone
light, as though he didn’t care much about the answer.
Nagano
turned to him, his voice steady. "I didn’t forget."
"Really?
You didn’t say anything, so I thought maybe you had."
"I
figured you wouldn’t want me to bring it up."
"Why
not?"
Nagano
didn’t answer. If he were truly over me, he’d laugh and say, “Yeah, we did,”
without hesitation. The fact that he couldn’t… That wasn’t about me not wanting
to talk about it. It was about him.
It’s
because I dumped him. Quickly lost interest, started avoiding him, and then
ended it. That’s what bothers him, isn’t it? He’s the one who feels awkward
about it.
Not wanting
to push too far, Nishizaki let out a dismissive laugh. "Well, whatever.
Doesn’t matter now."
Nagano’s
jaw tightened, his lips pressing into a thin line. He didn’t say another word
for the rest of the walk home, his silence taut with unspoken emotion.
Nagano loves Nishizaki a lot still after all this time. It isn't surprising just annoying. Nishizaki was Nagano's first love & Nishizaki is still gonna play him. I don't personally believe that Nishizaki didn't love Nagano back then. I believe he did but, will never, ever, ever admit it. If Nishizaki were to change and grow he could see Nagano as his equal, he just won't at this time.
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DeleteSo true! Nagano’s love for Nishizaki is honestly frustrating but also so relatable 😩💔 First loves really do hit different, and it’s clear he can’t let go completely. I agree—Nishizaki probably had feelings for him back then but was too full of pride (and maybe fear?) to admit it. If he ever grows up and gets his act together, I’d love to see them as equals, but right now... it feels like a long shot 😅 Fingers crossed for some redemption! 🤞
I wish Nishizaki would just tell Nagano the truth about what’s happening to him, and then have him solve the problem.. don’t make him fall for you again and use him like you did before, didn’t you learn your lesson?? 😒. But I guess Nishizaki has a fear that he’d be kicked out or something and the yakuza would kill him
ReplyDeleteExactly 😒! Nishizaki needs to be honest for once instead of dragging Nagano into his mess again. Nagano would probably help if he just knew the full story, but using him again? That’s so low. Manipulation isn’t the answer—come clean, Nishizaki! 😤
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