Bluebird: Chapter 12

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The rustling of leaves caught Inukai’s attention. When he looked up, a man stood about ten meters (32 ft) away. A young male. Perhaps drawn by Kawachi’s pheromones. The faint smirk on the man’s face made Inukai glare at him sharply, his eyes blazing with feral intensity. This Omega is mine. No one else will have him. If he tries anything, I’ll beat him to death.

Whether it was the look or the overwhelming aura of violence, the smirk vanished from the man’s face, and he turned and fled without hesitation.

No matter how much Kawachi hated him, no matter how much he was hurt by it, Inukai couldn’t let him go. He could never let him go. He couldn’t stand the idea of another Alpha taking Kawachi, touching him. Even if being trapped with him and bearing his children was Kawachi’s greatest misfortune, it didn’t matter.

Inukai flipped Kawachi onto his back. His eyes were swollen and red, likely from crying. The mark on his bitten nipple bore the imprint of Inukai’s teeth, a stark reminder of his earlier anger. The pheromone scent that had been so potent was now gone.

This body doesn’t need me or my sperm anymore. That was clear. But Inukai still wanted him. He spread Kawachi’s legs wide and entered him again. There was no resistance. Kawachi’s lower abdomen twitched involuntarily at the intrusion.

When Inukai leaned in deeper, the change in angle elicited a soft gasp from Kawachi. He didn’t move further but stared at Kawachi’s face from close range. Kawachi turned his gaze away, avoiding him entirely.

The avoidance hurt, but Inukai accepted it. I’ve decided to take everything as it is.

Placing a hand beside Kawachi’s face, he forced him to face forward, toward him. Kawachi closed his eyes tightly, shutting Inukai out with a final act of defiance, as though to erase him from sight entirely.

"I love you."

The tightly shut eyelids twitched, trembling slightly.

"I love you more than anyone else."

Since he wouldn't look at him, Inukai leaned in closer and kissed him. The man, who had been avoiding his gaze, couldn’t escape, and his eyes shot wide open from the unexpected kiss.

Inukai pressed his lips against the cheek of the man who had turned away and whispered, "I love you." Even when he was rejected with a "No!" or pushed away with a shove, Inukai would hold him close again, repeating over and over, "I love you," "I love you so much," and stealing another kiss.

On the nth kiss, Kawachi, who had been dodging him all this time, finally looked at Inukai. His eyes were filled with anger, but Inukai kissed him again, saying, "I love you."

"…It's a lie."

Even though he expressed his feelings so honestly, he couldn’t make him believe it. Worse, Kawachi insisted, "It’s definitely a lie."

"It’s not a lie. Really, from the bottom of my heart... I love you."

Perhaps it was because they had been together like animals in the wild, but Kawachi’s hair was tangled with dry grass. As Inukai gently removed it, he saw the tears well up in Kawachi’s eyes—tears that spilled out suddenly, flooding the gaze that had once glared at him.

"…You said I should do sex therapy."

While speaking, Kawachi let out a large, shaky sob.

"But that’s because you—"

"You’re the one who didn’t want to have with me, so you brought up sex therapy…"

Kawachi's lips trembled.

"It’s not that I hate it. The reason I suggested sex therapy is because you said you didn’t want to do it with me. So I thought maybe you’d feel better if there was no physical contact…"

"That’s true, but it’s not what I meant!"

Kawachi shouted, then slumped over, muttering, "That’s not it…"

"What did you mean?"

Kawachi covered his face with both arms and shook his head. He wouldn’t explain, even though Inukai desperately wanted to know.

From Kawachi’s nipples, milk had started to bead. Earlier, Inukai had bitten them roughly, but now he pressed his lips to one, gently sucking.

"Ahh!"

A sweet voice escaped Kawachi’s lips, and his inner muscles tightened. Inukai sucked again, first the right and then the injured left, alternating several times. He ran his hand down Kawachi’s arched back, trying to coax him into opening up through pleasure, but Kawachi remained stubbornly silent.

What is he so afraid of? Kawachi’s body trembled, as if recoiling from something unseen.

"I love you."

He said it with the same serious resolve as a proposal. Once again, tears welled up in Kawachi’s eyes.

"…You called me a shameless man…"

The harsh words from earlier, now thrown back at him, made Inukai’s spine stiffen with a chill.

"You rejected me, and I got angry... I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurt. I’m sorry."

"…I'm in heat, I can't control myself, and you told me to be with another man... called me a man without shame..."

"I’m really sorry. Even though I love you so much, when you said you wanted a divorce and didn’t want to have my child, it made me so sad..."

Kawachi's shoulders trembled as he cried. Inukai kept repeating, "I’m sorry," "I love you," "I’ll never say that again," whispering it over and over in his ear.

"I’ll do anything, just please forgive me."

Kawachi, who had simply absorbed Inukai’s apology, suddenly raised both hands. For a moment, Inukai thought he might be about to be struck, but instead, Kawachi pulled him into a tight embrace. His strength is overwhelming.

"…I don’t hate it."

The words came softly, right by his ear.

"I don’t hate the idea of having your child."

Inukai tried to turn Kawachi’s face toward him, but he refused, pulling away, not allowing him to see.

"Because you're here… I can think about having your child. I feel at peace. Raising a child could be fun."

Kawachi felt the same way, then. He shared the same feelings.

"Then why… why did you try to run away from me?"

"I’m a man!"

Kawachi yelled right in his ear.

"I’ve lived as a man until I was thirty-five. Even knowing that I have the body capable of bearing a child, I never intended to have one. I never imagined being with someone of the same sex, let alone becoming a couple. But... after I got pregnant, after I started living with you... even as I began to get used to that kind of life, sex still felt wrong. I just couldn’t get used to being the one to be taken… Before I could even accept that part of myself, my heat cycle came again… I wanted to think it through properly, but it was so painful, I felt like I was going to die…"

Kawachi gripped Inukai’s hair so tightly that it almost hurt

"You’ll never understand how I feel."

Kawachi's voice was heavy with emotion. "Yuu and Kouta... they're so cute. Incredibly cute, but... every time I see their smiling faces, I always feel so sorry. Both of them... when I was doing this while thinking, 'I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want a child'—that’s how they were conceived. So the next child I have, I wanted to be sure, truly, from the bottom of my heart, that I wanted them. I wanted to have them on my own terms."

At last, Inukai could understand Kawachi’s heart. Despite his confusion, Kawachi had been trying to accept both the life with Inukai and his own body and heart. If only we had a little more time... It was just that, a little bit more time.

"They called it 'sex therapy,' but I didn’t understand it at all. That’s not love. And when I see the child that is conceived through it, I’m sure I’ll regret it again. Just to stop the heat, even if it's a child conceived in that way..."

Kawachi’s voice trembled, his words heavy with conflict and sorrow.

"I'm sorry."

Kawachi’s words pierced through him, making Inukai’s chest ache with a deep, unshakable pain.

"I can never apologize enough to you. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But I can't let you go. I don’t want anyone else to touch you."

Kawachi trembled in Inukai's arms

“I swear to love only you, forever. So... will you love me?”

"...I'm scared," Kawachi's voice was so fragile, it seemed as though it might vanish at any moment.

"There’s nothing to be afraid of. You will live happily with me and the children, forever from now on."

When Inukai looked at Kawachi's face, he saw him twist his mouth, tears falling freely from both eyes.

"Please, don't take anything else from me."

"I won’t take anything from you."

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

"I won’t let you be alone. Never."

No matter what Kawachi said, Inukai simply affirmed him. He affirmed him, swallowed it, accepted it. He finally understood that it should have been this way from the very beginning. As Kawachi wept in fear of love, Inukai gently kissed his forehead.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

Inukai used his shirt, washed in the river, as a makeshift towel to clean Kawachi’s body. Their outdoor encounter had left Kawachi’s arms and legs scratched and bruised, filling Inukai with a deep sense of guilt.

He had carried Kawachi on his back part of the way, but as soon as they neared Mizuguchi's car, Kawachi insisted, “I’ll walk on my own.” By then, more than two hours had passed since Inukai had chased after him, and the surroundings were growing dim, with fewer people around.

He had kept Mizuguchi and his wife waiting for quite some time, but when they finally met, all Mizuguchi said with a smile was, "That was a long walk," and no further questions were asked.

On the drive back, Kawachi lay in the back seat with Yuu, resting silently until they arrived home. That night, after putting Yuu and Kouta to bed, Inukai and Kawachi sat down in the living room to talk about their future.

One thing had become clear during the camping trip: this wasn’t a one-sided love. Kawachi harbored romantic feelings for him too. The realization made Inukai genuinely happy. But they both had a tendency to bottle up their emotions, which often led to misunderstandings. They decided they would address any concerns or feelings openly from now on, discussing them as they arose.

Taking this as an opportunity, they decided to voice their hopes and expectations for one another. Kawachi’s request was simple: “I want us to eat dinner together as a family whenever possible.” The modest and endearing nature of this wish made Inukai hesitate to express his own.

Noticing his hesitation, Kawachi encouraged him, “Don’t hold things in. Just say whatever’s on your mind.”

Still, it wasn’t easy. Inukai wrestled with his embarrassment before finally mustering the courage to speak.

“I love you,” he began, his eyes fixed on Kawachi. “As a person.”

He hesitated before continuing. "I know I forced things and unilaterally submitted the marriage registration, but now… well, that is… should I assume we are, clearly, in a romantic relationship?"

Kawachi nodded shallowly. "Well, yeah, I guess you could say that." Inukai hesitated; he was afraid that if he pushed too hard, Kawachi might pull away, but unless he said it, they couldn’t move forward.

“If you’ll allow it, even when it’s not your heat cycle… I mean… ah… I want us to make love.”

It seemed like Kawachi had understood what that meant. In an instant, his face turned bright red, the blush spreading all the way to his fingertips.

"Th-That... that’s..." Kawachi’s voice trembled.

“Do you dislike the idea?”

“It’s not about liking or disliking… I’m a man.” Kawachi’s tone carried the weight of stating the obvious, almost as if asking for confirmation.

“Even without being affected by the pheromones from your heat, I can feel that way about you,” Inukai replied without hesitation.

Kawachi bit his lip at the quick response. “But from my perspective… if it’s not during my heat, I don’t feel that kind of… desire.”

Inukai's heart tightened, but he asked anyway, “So, you’re saying you wouldn’t feel like being close to me unless it’s during your heat?”

Kawachi’s answer was vague, uncertain. “I don’t know.”

Does that mean it’s possible, or not? What does he mean by ‘I don’t know’? Inukai’s confusion mirrored Kawachi’s as the other man leaned in closer, his voice frustrated.

“When I’m in heat, my body craves you. But once it’s over, that desire fades—like a balloon that’s lost all its air. It feels like I become a different person entirely from the one I was during that time.”

Inukai’s mind drifted back to the campsite, where Kawachi had pressed his own chest, with its erect nipples, against Inukai’s face, saying, “Suck them.” Even if it was during his heat, those feelings must have come from somewhere within him. That’s still part of who he is.

“I was a virgin until I did it with you, so...,” Kawachi muttered, his voice low. “I don’t really understand these things.”

“I understand,” Inukai said softly. “Let’s set that aside for now. For now, I’d like to ask you for something simpler—would you date me?”

Kawachi, face still flushed, looked up at him in confusion. “Date you? What does that mean?”

“For example, going on dates together, holding hands, maybe kissing…”

Kawachi immediately covered his head with his hands. “That’s impossible.”

“Why?” We’ve done far more intimate things than that already, Inukai thought but swallowed the words.

“I can’t just… act normal and pretend none of that happened,” Kawachi groaned.

“I want to build our relationship from the ground up,” Inukai insisted. “Properly, step by step.”

“But we already live together. Isn’t it too late for that now?”

“Then forget everything I just said,” Inukai replied, exhaling lightly. “Forget it all—but when it’s just the two of us, I’d like you to think of me as your partner, your boyfriend.”

Kawachi’s lips trembled as he fought to respond. After a long, heavy silence, he finally nodded. “Fine.”

Inukai didn’t wait. He left Kawachi sitting there and dashed to their bedroom, his heart pounding as he grabbed the item he’d been saving for this moment: the second ring. This is the only chance. It has to be now. The thought consumed him.

Returning to the living room, Inukai sat across from Kawachi. He reached out and gently touched Kawachi’s hand, which was resting on the table. Kawachi flinched, but he didn’t pull away. Inukai slowly slipped the ring onto Kawachi’s left ring finger.

"What’s this?" Kawachi asked, his voice quiet, almost uncertain.

"It’s the same as the one I have," Inukai said softly, his heart racing.

"...I can’t wear it outside," Kawachi muttered.

Inukai smiled, a soft, almost tender smile.

"I understand. But I've always wanted to give this to you. I’ve been hoping you would accept it," Inukai said quietly, his fingers gently tracing the back of Kawachi's hand.

Kawachi remained still, quietly allowing himself to be caressed. He didn’t seem to be forcing himself to endure it, but despite the pheromones having calmed, his ears were bright red, almost as if he were still in heat cycle. Inukai took Kawachi’s hand in his and kissed the ring on his finger.

"I love you. I know we’re already married, but… let me ask again, properly this time. Will you marry me?"

Kawachi immediately lowered his head onto the table, his shoulders shaking faintly. After a long pause, he let out a small groan, his voice tinged with exasperation. “Give me a break…”

Then, after a long moment of silence, he added, almost reluctantly, “It’s not that I’m not happy… or that I hate it.” His words, though quiet, held a truth that lingered like an afterthought, soft but deeply meaningful.

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