About Love: Chapter 13

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Sasagawa had been to Asaka’s place a few times before, but this was the first time he was inviting him over as a lover.

He’d worried that the moment Sasagawa stepped inside, the atmosphere might turn strangely intimate, but nothing about Sasagawa’s expression, demeanor, or easygoing tone had changed in the slightest.

Sitting across from each other at the small table, they picked at their convenience store bento meals. Sasagawa loosened his tie just a little and sipped his cup of sake at a leisurely pace.

Even though the man across from him was acting the same as always, Asaka was hyperaware of every little thing.

Annoyed at himself, he drank his beer at a faster pace.

As the alcohol seeped through his system, he finally began to relax, and his usual rhythm returned.

"You know, I’m going to be in charge of training a new recruit starting next week."

Sasagawa paused mid-movement, looking at him as if trying to recall something.

"…Is that the new male employee you mentioned before?"

"Yeah, that guy. The veteran who was supposed to train him is retiring, so I’m taking over. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy, but he’s a little too laid-back, you know? Watching him is kind of like…"

Their eyes met.

Asaka couldn’t hold it in and burst out laughing.

"Asaka-san?"

"S-Sorry. It’s just—he kind of reminds me of you, Sasagawa-san. He’s tall, easygoing… Watching him, I just can’t help but step in and give him a hand."

Sasagawa let out a small sigh, his expression a mix of emotions.

"I don’t mean his face, just his vibe," Asaka clarified, gesturing with his hands as he spoke.

In doing so, his elbow bumped into his beer can. The can toppled over, spilling more than half its contents onto the table. Beer splattered onto Asaka’s thigh as well. Panicking, he quickly set the can upright and grabbed some tissues to wipe his pants.

"You okay?"

Sasagawa leaned in, concerned.

"Ah, don’t worry about it… I’ll just go change real quick."

Even after wiping thoroughly, his hand still felt sticky. Without much thought, Asaka licked his right index finger.

"Doesn’t taste like anything?"

"…The beer?"

"Yeah. Smells good, though."

His right hand was suddenly grasped, and as he lifted his gaze in surprise, Sasagawa pulled him closer—

And took his index finger into his mouth. Asaka’s heart slammed against his ribs.

A warm tongue curled around his finger, sending a shiver down his spine, both ticklish and electric.

This… is bad.

Not bad, but bad.

He couldn’t look away. Sasagawa pulled his hand in further, and before he knew it, Asaka had practically fallen into his chest.

He caught the faint scent of sweat. Fingers tilted his chin up, forcing him to meet a gaze heavy with heat.

Their faces inched closer—And their lips pressed together.

Wet. Warm.

His face burned.

A kiss shouldn’t be enough to shake him—he had experience, after all—yet his body tensed as if all of that had been wiped away, like he’d been reset back to his student days.

Sasagawa shifted the angle, placing feather-light kisses against his lips, over and over. As his head was gently stroked and his cheek caressed, the tension slowly melted away.



Those indulgent touches, as if he were being spoiled, felt so good he almost shivered. When their lips finally parted, Asaka found himself pulled into a tight embrace.

They had hugged before, but never this firmly.

His pants were still wet from the spilled beer—he should be careful not to dirty Sasagawa’s clothes, and yet—Before he could process it, he was being slowly pushed down onto the floor.

Sasagawa removed his glasses.

He looks good without them too…

That was Asaka’s last thought before Sasagawa’s face drew close again, and another kiss claimed his lips.

His tongue parted them effortlessly. Asaka didn’t resist. That hot tongue eagerly entwined with his own, and despite his surprise at how forward Sasagawa was, Asaka savored the thrill of the contact.

He had never disliked this kind of kiss. Fingers raked through his hair, and he, too, reached up, running his hands through Sasagawa’s.

Soft. Fine strands.

The kiss ended, even though he hadn’t wanted it to. Instead, those eager, wet lips trailed toward his ear. They kissed the skin just behind it—an area he rarely paid attention to—soft sucking noises filling the air.

It tickled, making his shoulders tense involuntarily. Sasagawa carefully pulled away his loosened tie. Then, one by one, he began unbuttoning Asaka’s shirt.

His fingers trembled, his movements awkward. That clumsiness only made him all the more endearing. It made Asaka want to help him.

That fleeting sense of control lasted only until his shirt was pulled free and his underwear pushed up. The moment those fingers touched his bare skin, heat seared through him, and his whole body shuddered.

Sasagawa’s fingers immediately jerked away, as if startled.

“…Do you not like this?”

His anxious gaze met Asaka’s from above.

“No… it’s not that…”

At his response, Sasagawa’s expression relaxed, relief evident. Those warm fingers returned, as if handling something fragile, resting gently against Asaka’s side. Slowly, they traced along his sweat-dampened skin.

Just that—just the lingering touch—sent chills down his spine.

A thumb brushed against his nipple. A small gasp escaped before he could stop it. The sound was soft, needy—so unfamiliar, it didn’t even feel like his own voice.

Flustered, he clamped a hand over his mouth—And Sasagawa pinched the sensitive bud again.

Just from that, pleasure jolted through him in a way that felt almost unreal.

I’d rather he not touch my chest too much…

As he thought that, a feather-light kiss landed on his lips, and he exhaled in relief. Sasagawa’s hands moved back to simply stroking his sides.

But then—

Of all places—

His lips closed over Asaka’s nipple.

“Hh—!”

Wet. Warm.

A sensation he had never felt before. Softer, more intimate than fingers…

“S-Sasagawa-san… ah… ah—no, no…”

It wasn’t that he hated it.

He didn’t hate it, but—

It scared him.

He had touched others’ chests before, but no one had ever done this to him.If it felt good for women, then logically, it wasn’t strange for a man to feel good too—But the intensity of it, the way his body seemed ready to give out, terrified him.

If just this much has me like this… what happens when he touches somewhere even more sensitive?

I can barely keep quiet as it is…

Even though they were both men, wouldn’t it be shocking if he ended up moaning so shamelessly? Would Sasagawa be put off? Wouldn’t it be too crude, too much of a turn-off?

And more than anything—at this rate, in this situation, was he really going to end up as the "woman" in all this?

He had done his research beforehand. He knew exactly what happened to the one in that role. But still—he was scared.

Having something put inside him, there, terrified him. If it was Sasagawa, he would never be forceful. He would take his time, prepare him with his fingers so it wouldn’t hurt.

But… what if Sasagawa didn’t know about these things?

He hadn’t asked. He had no idea whether Sasagawa had any experience or knowledge about this at all. What if he just put it in as is? What if it hurt so badly he ended up screaming?

He was sure that if he showed pain, Sasagawa would stop partway through. But what if he didn’t? What if it didn’t stop? What if he bled—what if he got hurt—

“Sasagawa-san, I... um, wait a sec…”

No matter how much he twisted his body, the weight pressing down on him didn’t budge an inch. The man’s head remained buried against his chest, unmoving, even when he hesitantly tried to push it away.

Instead, as if chastising him for resisting, his nipple was sucked with force, sending a dull, sweet ache through him.

"Hhk—!" A startled cry escaped his lips.

Sasagawa’s fingers trailed slowly down Asaka’s stomach.

"No—stop—Sasagawa-san, I…!"

Long fingers loosened his belt, pulling down the zipper of his slacks. They slipped beneath his half-hard underwear. The moment fingertips tangled with his coarse hair, Asaka shoved the man on top of him with all the strength in his arms and legs.

With a loud thud, Sasagawa was knocked onto his back.

Seizing the opening, Asaka scrambled upright, yanking up his zipper and hastily pulling down his bunched-up underwear. Even the mere sensation of fabric brushing against his sensitive nipples sent an involuntary shudder through his body.

Across from him, Sasagawa sluggishly lifted himself up, looking utterly stunned.

"S-sorry. I… um…"

Asaka mumbled incoherently, his gaze fixed on the floor. Sasagawa said nothing. The faint noise from the still-running television, left on by mistake, rang hollow in the silence between them.

"I’m sorry for forcing you."

When Asaka lifted his head, he saw the man he had pushed away, his own head hanging low.

"Um… I don’t really understand this kind of thing all that well, so…"

He did have knowledge. But he was too scared of sex, too unsure of whether Sasagawa would actually take the time to prepare him properly. He could never admit something so embarrassing. So instead, he let his words trail off into vagueness.

Sasagawa slowly stood up.

Asaka instinctively tensed, bracing himself, as if expecting him to come closer. Noticing that reaction, Sasagawa’s face twisted into a pained, almost tearful smile.

"I’ll… borrow the restroom."

Muttering under his breath, he disappeared into the bathroom. Asaka shoved a hand through his hair, raking through it roughly. He had let things go that far—only to push Sasagawa away at the last moment.

That was the worst.

If he was going to do something like that, he should have just said, "Not tonight," from the start. Sasagawa wasn’t the kind of guy to force things. If he had just talked to him, he would’ve backed off. They were both men. He understood all too well how miserable it felt to be left hanging like that.

The one in the wrong was him. When Sasagawa finally emerged from the bathroom, he didn’t meet Asaka’s eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

“Ah… yeah.”

Asaka answered without really knowing what Sasagawa was asking if he was okay about.

"It’s late, so I’ll be heading home."

Sasagawa picked up his jacket and bag from beside the table and made his way to the door. Asaka hurried after him. With his shoes on, Sasagawa turned back at the entrance and bowed deeply.

"…I truly apologize for tonight."

His voice trembled, as if he might break down at any moment. Asaka was taken aback.

"No, please don’t apologize. It was my fault."

"No… Asaka-san, you didn’t do anything wrong."

Sasagawa apologized once more before leaving. Left alone, Asaka sank down onto the floor in the middle of the room, staring blankly. This was his fault. The way he had rejected Sasagawa like that—it was cruel, and he truly regretted it. But at the same time, part of him was relieved that they hadn’t gone through with it.

After cleaning up the remnants of their dinner, Asaka lay down on his bed, phone in hand. No messages from Sasagawa. He was probably still thinking about it—about how Asaka had pushed him away like that.

He should explain. But it was hard to put into words. The situation itself was just… awkward. Even if talking about it felt impossible, at the very least, he could send a message. The image of Sasagawa apologizing even as he left flashed through his mind.

He wasn’t the one at fault—Asaka was. If he made that clear, maybe Sasagawa wouldn’t feel so bad. After agonizing over it, he finally settled on an absurdly simple message:

"Sorry for suddenly pushing you away like that today."

That was the truth, at least. If he apologized properly, Sasagawa wouldn’t sink into unnecessary guilt.

Sasagawa’s reply came in less than five minutes.

"I should be the one apologizing for making you uncomfortable. If you could just forget about tonight, I’d really appreciate it. Well… goodnight."

Asaka started to type a reply—"You didn’t make me uncomfortable at all…"—but hesitated.

If he said that, wouldn’t Sasagawa just ask, “Then why did you reject me?”

In the end, he left the message unsent.

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