About Love: Chapter 13
Sasagawa had been to Asaka’s place a
few times before, but this was the first time he was inviting him over as a
lover.
He’d worried that the moment
Sasagawa stepped inside, the atmosphere might turn strangely intimate, but
nothing about Sasagawa’s expression, demeanor, or easygoing tone had changed in
the slightest.
Sitting across from each other at
the small table, they picked at their convenience store bento meals. Sasagawa
loosened his tie just a little and sipped his cup of sake at a leisurely pace.
Even though the man across from him
was acting the same as always, Asaka was hyperaware of every little thing.
Annoyed at himself, he drank his
beer at a faster pace.
As the alcohol seeped through his
system, he finally began to relax, and his usual rhythm returned.
"You know, I’m going to be in charge
of training a new recruit starting next week."
Sasagawa paused mid-movement,
looking at him as if trying to recall something.
"…Is that the new male employee
you mentioned before?"
"Yeah, that guy. The veteran
who was supposed to train him is retiring, so I’m taking over. He doesn’t seem
like a bad guy, but he’s a little too laid-back, you know? Watching him is kind
of like…"
Their eyes met.
Asaka couldn’t hold it in and burst
out laughing.
"Asaka-san?"
"S-Sorry. It’s just—he kind of
reminds me of you, Sasagawa-san. He’s tall, easygoing… Watching him, I just
can’t help but step in and give him a hand."
Sasagawa let out a small sigh, his
expression a mix of emotions.
"I don’t mean his face, just
his vibe," Asaka clarified, gesturing with his hands as he spoke.
In doing so, his elbow bumped into
his beer can. The can toppled over, spilling more than half its contents onto
the table. Beer splattered onto Asaka’s thigh as well. Panicking, he quickly
set the can upright and grabbed some tissues to wipe his pants.
"You okay?"
Sasagawa leaned in, concerned.
"Ah, don’t worry about it… I’ll
just go change real quick."
Even after wiping thoroughly, his
hand still felt sticky. Without much thought, Asaka licked his right index
finger.
"Doesn’t taste like
anything?"
"…The beer?"
"Yeah. Smells good,
though."
His right hand was suddenly grasped,
and as he lifted his gaze in surprise, Sasagawa pulled him closer—
And took his index finger into his
mouth. Asaka’s heart slammed against his ribs.
A warm tongue curled around his
finger, sending a shiver down his spine, both ticklish and electric.
This… is bad.
Not bad, but bad.
He couldn’t look away. Sasagawa
pulled his hand in further, and before he knew it, Asaka had practically fallen
into his chest.
He caught the faint scent of sweat. Fingers
tilted his chin up, forcing him to meet a gaze heavy with heat.
Their faces inched closer—And their
lips pressed together.
Wet. Warm.
His face burned.
A kiss shouldn’t be enough to shake
him—he had experience, after all—yet his body tensed as if all of that had been
wiped away, like he’d been reset back to his student days.
Sasagawa shifted the angle, placing
feather-light kisses against his lips, over and over. As his head was gently
stroked and his cheek caressed, the tension slowly melted away.
Those indulgent touches, as if he
were being spoiled, felt so good he almost shivered. When their lips finally
parted, Asaka found himself pulled into a tight embrace.
They had hugged before, but never
this firmly.
His pants were still wet from the
spilled beer—he should be careful not to dirty Sasagawa’s clothes, and
yet—Before he could process it, he was being slowly pushed down onto the floor.
Sasagawa removed his glasses.
He looks good without them too…
That was Asaka’s last thought before
Sasagawa’s face drew close again, and another kiss claimed his lips.
His tongue parted them effortlessly.
Asaka didn’t resist. That hot tongue eagerly entwined with his own, and despite
his surprise at how forward Sasagawa was, Asaka savored the thrill of the
contact.
He had never disliked this kind of
kiss. Fingers raked through his hair, and he, too, reached up, running his
hands through Sasagawa’s.
Soft. Fine strands.
The kiss ended, even though he
hadn’t wanted it to. Instead, those eager, wet lips trailed toward his ear. They
kissed the skin just behind it—an area he rarely paid attention to—soft sucking
noises filling the air.
It tickled, making his shoulders
tense involuntarily. Sasagawa carefully pulled away his loosened tie. Then, one
by one, he began unbuttoning Asaka’s shirt.
His fingers trembled, his movements
awkward. That clumsiness only made him all the more endearing. It made Asaka
want to help him.
That fleeting sense of control
lasted only until his shirt was pulled free and his underwear pushed up. The
moment those fingers touched his bare skin, heat seared through him, and his
whole body shuddered.
Sasagawa’s fingers immediately
jerked away, as if startled.
“…Do you not like this?”
His anxious gaze met Asaka’s from
above.
“No… it’s not that…”
At his response, Sasagawa’s
expression relaxed, relief evident. Those warm fingers returned, as if handling
something fragile, resting gently against Asaka’s side. Slowly, they traced
along his sweat-dampened skin.
Just that—just the lingering
touch—sent chills down his spine.
A thumb brushed against his nipple. A
small gasp escaped before he could stop it. The sound was soft, needy—so
unfamiliar, it didn’t even feel like his own voice.
Flustered, he clamped a hand over
his mouth—And Sasagawa pinched the sensitive bud again.
Just from that, pleasure jolted
through him in a way that felt almost unreal.
I’d rather he not touch my chest too
much…
As he thought that, a feather-light
kiss landed on his lips, and he exhaled in relief. Sasagawa’s hands moved back
to simply stroking his sides.
But then—
Of all places—
His lips closed over Asaka’s nipple.
“Hh—!”
Wet. Warm.
A sensation he had never felt
before. Softer, more intimate than fingers…
“S-Sasagawa-san… ah… ah—no, no…”
It wasn’t that he hated it.
He didn’t hate it, but—
It scared him.
He had touched others’ chests
before, but no one had ever done this to him.If it felt good for women, then
logically, it wasn’t strange for a man to feel good too—But the intensity of
it, the way his body seemed ready to give out, terrified him.
If just this much has me like this…
what happens when he touches somewhere even more sensitive?
I can barely keep quiet as it is…
Even though they were both men,
wouldn’t it be shocking if he ended up moaning so shamelessly? Would Sasagawa
be put off? Wouldn’t it be too crude, too much of a turn-off?
And more than anything—at this rate,
in this situation, was he really going to end up as the "woman" in
all this?
He had done his research beforehand.
He knew exactly what happened to the one in that role. But still—he was scared.
Having something put inside him, there,
terrified him. If it was Sasagawa, he would never be forceful. He would take
his time, prepare him with his fingers so it wouldn’t hurt.
But… what if Sasagawa didn’t know
about these things?
He hadn’t asked. He had no idea
whether Sasagawa had any experience or knowledge about this at all. What if he
just put it in as is? What if it hurt so badly he ended up screaming?
He was sure that if he showed pain,
Sasagawa would stop partway through. But what if he didn’t? What if it didn’t
stop? What if he bled—what if he got hurt—
“Sasagawa-san, I... um, wait a sec…”
No matter how much he twisted his
body, the weight pressing down on him didn’t budge an inch. The man’s head
remained buried against his chest, unmoving, even when he hesitantly tried to
push it away.
Instead, as if chastising him for
resisting, his nipple was sucked with force, sending a dull, sweet ache through
him.
"Hhk—!" A startled cry escaped his lips.
Sasagawa’s fingers trailed slowly
down Asaka’s stomach.
"No—stop—Sasagawa-san,
I…!"
Long fingers loosened his belt,
pulling down the zipper of his slacks. They slipped beneath his half-hard
underwear. The moment fingertips tangled with his coarse hair, Asaka shoved the
man on top of him with all the strength in his arms and legs.
With a loud thud, Sasagawa was
knocked onto his back.
Seizing the opening, Asaka scrambled
upright, yanking up his zipper and hastily pulling down his bunched-up
underwear. Even the mere sensation of fabric brushing against his sensitive
nipples sent an involuntary shudder through his body.
Across from him, Sasagawa sluggishly
lifted himself up, looking utterly stunned.
"S-sorry. I… um…"
Asaka mumbled incoherently, his gaze
fixed on the floor. Sasagawa said nothing. The faint noise from the
still-running television, left on by mistake, rang hollow in the silence
between them.
"I’m sorry for forcing
you."
When Asaka lifted his head, he saw
the man he had pushed away, his own head hanging low.
"Um… I don’t really understand
this kind of thing all that well, so…"
He did have knowledge. But he was
too scared of sex, too unsure of whether Sasagawa would actually take the time
to prepare him properly. He could never admit something so embarrassing. So
instead, he let his words trail off into vagueness.
Sasagawa slowly stood up.
Asaka instinctively tensed, bracing
himself, as if expecting him to come closer. Noticing that reaction, Sasagawa’s
face twisted into a pained, almost tearful smile.
"I’ll… borrow the
restroom."
Muttering under his breath, he
disappeared into the bathroom. Asaka shoved a hand through his hair, raking
through it roughly. He had let things go that far—only to push Sasagawa away at
the last moment.
That was the worst.
If he was going to do something like
that, he should have just said, "Not tonight," from the start. Sasagawa
wasn’t the kind of guy to force things. If he had just talked to him, he
would’ve backed off. They were both men. He understood all too well how
miserable it felt to be left hanging like that.
The one in the wrong was him. When
Sasagawa finally emerged from the bathroom, he didn’t meet Asaka’s eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
“Ah… yeah.”
Asaka answered without really
knowing what Sasagawa was asking if he was okay about.
"It’s late, so I’ll be heading
home."
Sasagawa picked up his jacket and
bag from beside the table and made his way to the door. Asaka hurried after
him. With his shoes on, Sasagawa turned back at the entrance and bowed deeply.
"…I truly apologize for
tonight."
His voice trembled, as if he might
break down at any moment. Asaka was taken aback.
"No, please don’t apologize. It
was my fault."
"No… Asaka-san, you didn’t do
anything wrong."
Sasagawa apologized once more before
leaving. Left alone, Asaka sank down onto the floor in the middle of the room,
staring blankly. This was his fault. The way he had rejected Sasagawa
like that—it was cruel, and he truly regretted it. But at the same time, part
of him was relieved that they hadn’t gone through with it.
After cleaning up the remnants of
their dinner, Asaka lay down on his bed, phone in hand. No messages from
Sasagawa. He was probably still thinking about it—about how Asaka had pushed
him away like that.
He should explain. But it was
hard to put into words. The situation itself was just… awkward. Even if talking
about it felt impossible, at the very least, he could send a message. The image
of Sasagawa apologizing even as he left flashed through his mind.
He wasn’t the one at fault—Asaka
was. If he made that clear, maybe Sasagawa wouldn’t feel so bad. After
agonizing over it, he finally settled on an absurdly simple message:
"Sorry for suddenly pushing you
away like that today."
That was the truth, at least. If he
apologized properly, Sasagawa wouldn’t sink into unnecessary guilt.
Sasagawa’s reply came in less than
five minutes.
"I should be the one
apologizing for making you uncomfortable. If you could just forget about
tonight, I’d really appreciate it. Well… goodnight."
Asaka started to type a reply—"You
didn’t make me uncomfortable at all…"—but hesitated.
If he said that, wouldn’t Sasagawa
just ask, “Then why did you reject me?”
In the end, he left the message
unsent.
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