About Love: Chapter 25
The room was bright. What time is
it…? As that thought flickered through Asaka’s mind, he stared up at the
dim ceiling of the room, where the curtains were drawn shut.
He couldn’t remember exactly when he
had fallen asleep, but he had a vague recollection that dawn had been breaking.
His body was sticky, and the sheets were in an absolute state, but he had been
too exhausted to care and had simply drifted off like that.
Next to him, Sasagawa lay on his
stomach, his mouth slightly open in a rather foolish-looking expression. Just
looking at his sleeping face made Asaka’s heart race.
It was ridiculous, how utterly
endearing he found that helpless expression. He reached out and gently brushed
his fingertips over Sasagawa’s eyelids. His eyelashes were long.
On a whim, he slipped a finger into
Sasagawa’s slightly parted lips. A wet, sucking sensation—chup—sent a
shiver down his spine.
When he pulled his finger free,
Sasagawa finally stirred, blinking groggily at him with slightly reddened eyes.
Then, an arm reached out, fingers tracing lightly over Asaka’s cheek.
Asaka leaned in and kissed him. Sasagawa’s
arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. It was hot—so
hot it was almost numbing.
When their lips finally parted,
Sasagawa pushed himself up onto one elbow. He pulled Asaka along with him,
positioning him in his lap.
The way Asaka sat straddling him was
reminiscent of a certain position, and the fact that he wasn’t even wearing
underwear made the whole thing unbearably embarrassing.
But considering how thoroughly
Sasagawa had explored every inch of him the night before, it felt a little too
late to be shy now.
Still lost in the lingering
sweetness of the night, Asaka gazed down at him. But Sasagawa, for some reason,
was looking up at him with an oddly desperate expression.
“…How was I?”
Asaka tilted his head.
"I mean… was I bad at it? Did
it not feel good for you?"
Asaka resisted the urge to roll his
eyes. The state of the sheets, absolutely ruined from how much he’d climaxed,
should have been proof enough.
He gave a small nod.
"I don’t have much experience…
and I’ve never been with a man before, so I was nervous. But… it was
good," Sasagawa murmured, sounding genuinely relieved as he pressed his
face against Asaka’s chest.
At those words—I’ve never been
with a man before—something in Asaka snagged.
The thought spread through him like
wildfire, sparking irritation. He grabbed Sasagawa’s face and forcibly pulled
him away.
He shifted, trying to get off
Sasagawa’s lap, but the other man must have sensed something was wrong—he
caught Asaka’s wrist, stopping him.
“What’s wrong, all of a sudden?”
“Just let go.”
“…Are you angry?”
“I said, let go.”
Even as Asaka struggled, Sasagawa
only held him tighter, strong enough that it actually hurt. Frustrated, Asaka
tried to push him away—hitting his back, pulling at his hair—yet the arms
around him didn’t budge. In the end, driven by sheer irritation, he bit down on
Sasagawa’s neck.
The body pressed against him
shuddered.
Asaka immediately released him.
“…Sorry,” he muttered.
And yet—despite being the one who
had just been bitten, Sasagawa was the one who apologized.
“I’m sorry.”
“…Why the hell are you apologizing?”
“Because Asaka-san isn’t the type to
get angry over unreasonable things. So if you’re mad, it must mean I did
something wrong.”
“…Tell me why you’re angry,”
Sasagawa said softly, staring at him with pleading eyes.
Faced with that, Asaka fell silent. Those
eyes wouldn’t stop searching him, digging into him. It’s bothering me so
much I can’t stand it, they seemed to say. With a heavy exhale, Asaka
finally opened his mouth.
“…Even if you like me, you still
slept with someone else, didn’t you?”
He knew it was just jealousy. Knew
it, and yet he couldn’t stop the ugly feeling from bubbling up inside him.
Sasagawa had never been with a man
before. But he had been with that girlfriend of his. That thought alone
made Asaka seethe.
“…I never slept with her.”
Sasagawa’s voice was cautious, as if
testing the waters.
Asaka snapped his head up.
“…Huh?”
“I mean, last night—no, I guess it’s
‘yesterday’ now… I was planning to. But then I heard you had called, and I ran
out of my apartment.”
Heat flooded Asaka’s face.
Oh.
So this is what it feels like for
your face to catch fire.
Sasagawa kissed him before he could
say anything. Kissed him so deeply it felt like he was sucking the
embarrassment right out of him.
When their lips parted, Sasagawa was
smiling.
“…So you were jealous, huh?”
Asaka didn’t respond. The silence
was answer enough.
Sasagawa let out a soft chuckle. “I
see. That makes me really happy.”
His fingers brushed against Asaka’s
ear, trailing along the edge with an almost playful touch. The way he did it—so
slow, so deliberate—was unbearably suggestive.
“…Quit touching me like that.”
“Oh?” Sasagawa said, though his eyes
were still laughing.
“…Last night, you were all over me.
Licking, sucking—doing things so filthy I could hardly believe it. Guess I
learned something about you, huh? Turns out you’re actually a total pervert,
huh…?”
Sasagawa’s face went beet red. Redder
than Asaka had ever seen before.
“…I’ll be more careful next time.”
His voice was barely above a
whisper, so weak it was almost fading away.
Asaka pounced on that vulnerability.
“You think there’s going to be a
next time?”
The moment the cold words left his
lips, the flush on Sasagawa’s face drained away, leaving him pale. He dropped
his gaze, looking on the verge of tears.
He had taken the joke seriously.
Asaka reached out and tousled his
hair roughly with both hands.
Shit… he’s way too cute.
“Relax. I was joking. Sorry for
teasing you,” he said, pressing an apologetic kiss to Sasagawa’s lips.
“Besides… I like clingy, secretly-perverted guys, so it actually works out
pretty well for me.”
Sasagawa looked up at him, his
expression still clouded. His hand moved hesitantly, brushing lightly over
Asaka’s back before he finally spoke, his gaze turning serious.
“A little while ago… you lied to me,
didn’t you, Asaka-san?”
Asaka blinked.
Lied?
He had no idea what Sasagawa was
talking about. Tilting his head, he waited for Sasagawa to continue.
“It was when my transfer got
decided, and I told you over the phone. I made you really mad, and after that,
you wouldn’t even answer my calls. So I went to your apartment. I waited all
night for you. But you never came back.”
Asaka stiffened.
“You told me later that you got home
late that night. But you actually stayed over at someone else’s place, didn’t
you?”
That was… the night he had stayed at
Koenji’s place. He never thought Sasagawa had waited for him all night.
“I started wondering, you know?
Maybe there was someone else you were interested in. Asaka-san, you’re amazing.
You’re the kind of person who naturally attracts people. It wouldn’t be strange
if there were others besides me who thought you were special. Maybe people were
hitting on you all the time, and I just didn’t know it…”
Sasagawa hung his head, his voice
growing softer with each word.
Asaka reached out and gently stroked
his ear.
“That night, I stayed over at a
junior coworker’s place. But nothing happened.”
Sasagawa lifted his head slightly.
“I was already dating you—or at
least, I thought we were dating. I figured if I told you I stayed at another
guy’s place, it might make you uncomfortable. So I lied.”
“…But in the end, you did end up
sleeping with someone else. Someone other than me.”
Sasagawa’s eyes were glistening.
“I hate this,” he murmured. “I
should have just taken everything from you back then, even if you hated it.”
His arms tightened around Asaka,
pulling him into a crushing embrace.
“If I’d made you mine completely, I
wouldn’t have to feel like this.”
The possessiveness in those words
sent a thrill through Asaka’s chest. It felt good—being wanted so fiercely. But…
he couldn’t just let the misunderstanding continue.
“…Um, about that…”
Leaning in, Asaka whispered against
Sasagawa’s ear.
“I lied about sleeping with
someone.”
Sasagawa’s mouth fell open.
“…Huh?”
“That guy who came over earlier?
He’s just a junior from work. We were talking about a project. I only said all
that stuff because… I got jealous when I heard you had been with a woman.”
Sasagawa’s face twisted in
disbelief.
“…It was a lie?”
“Yeah. I haven’t been with anyone
since I broke up with my college girlfriend. And the only person I’ve done
anything like this with… is you.”
At this point, he figured he might
as well lay everything out in the open. Taking a deep breath, Asaka steeled
himself.
“…That first time—when things
started getting heated between us… Honestly, it felt really good up to a
certain point. I didn’t actually want to push you away. But… I didn’t know what
to expect. I had no experience with this sort of thing between two guys. I got
scared.”
Even though he had resolved to say
it, the words felt clumsy, awkward. His face burned with embarrassment.
“…Scared?”
“I looked stuff up, you know. What
happens when two guys do it. And all I kept seeing were warnings about how
painful it was, how you could get injured… At the time, I just wasn’t ready for
that.”
Sasagawa let out a small, choked
sound, burying his face in his hands.
“I knew you were feeling guilty
about it,” Asaka continued, “but I couldn’t bring myself to explain back then.
I’m sorry.”
“…D-Don’t apologize. I just… I just
need a second to process this.”
Sasagawa took a deep breath, then
lifted his head.
“So… when you said you were seeing
someone else, that was a lie. And when you said you slept with someone, that
was also a lie. And… you don’t actually hate the idea of doing that with me…?”
When he put it like that, it sounded
painfully ridiculous.
Asaka gave a small nod.
“…Then… does that mean I can believe
that you really love me?”
Sasagawa’s voice trembled slightly.
“That it’s not just friendship like
I thought…? That you’ve actually felt this way all along?”
“…I told you from the start, didn’t
I?”
Asaka met Sasagawa’s gaze head-on.
“I’ve always loved you.”
Sasagawa stared at him, wide-eyed. Slowly,
a single tear slipped down his cheek.
“…I’m happy.”
Asaka was pulled into a tight embrace,
and he wrapped his arms around him in return. The warmth of holding someone he
loved—it filled him with joy.
He had no idea what the future held,
but at this moment, nothing could be more precious.
After a deep, heated kiss that
seemed to steal away his very breath, Sasagawa whispered into his ear, his lips
curling into a tearful smile.
“Asaka-san, who do you love most in
the world?”
What a childish question.
Even as the thought crossed his
mind, the answer slipped from his lips—
“…Sasagawa-san.”
The moment he said it, a wave of
embarrassment crashed over him, and his entire body burned hot.
Am I an idiot?
The urge to scold himself was
strong, but then he caught sight of Sasagawa’s utterly dazed, blissful
expression, and—well, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.
“…You once asked me, Asaka-san,
‘What do you look forward to?’”
Sasagawa’s fingers traced gently
over his cheek.
“I couldn’t answer you at the time.
But now I can. My greatest joy is making the person I love happy.”
His voice was soft, but firm.
“I love seeing the person I care
about smile. Even more than my own happiness. I’ll do everything I can for you,
with all my heart… So please, always keep smiling.”
Hearing something like that—how
could Asaka ever let go?
No, maybe he was already incapable
of letting go.
The fingers resting against his back
slowly trailed downward, following the curve of his spine. Then, they brushed
over a spot Asaka himself had barely ever touched.
He stiffened.
Sasagawa had kissed him everywhere,
touched him until he came—but he had never asked for more.
Still, just the lightest pressure
against that place made Asaka feel as if he might open up completely. A nervous
shiver ran through him, and before he realized it, his hips lifted slightly.
Sasagawa’s breath was warm against
his ear.
“If someday you get used to this—if
you stop being scared… I’ll be careful not to hurt you, not to cause you pain… So
when that time comes, can I be inside you?”
That’s unfair.
How am I supposed to say no to that?
Even as he thought it, a future
where that moment arrived didn’t seem so distant.
“…Yeah,” Asaka whispered.
◇:-:◆:-:◇
At the end of December, Morino and
Ikegami’s wedding took place. There had been some chaos along the way—the
church had rejected them, Koenji had resigned—but everything eventually fell
into place, and the big day arrived.
From 9 a.m., Asaka was busy at the
restaurant that would serve as the reception venue, preparing the wedding
favors, setting up the reception desk, and checking the indoor decorations,
with hardly a moment to sit down.
Glancing out the impeccably polished
window, he saw snow beginning to drift down, as if it had suddenly remembered
to fall.
Early this morning, the first snow
of the year had arrived. Asaka had been asleep, but he woke up earlier than
usual, thinking that the room seemed unusually bright. The curtains had been
left open, and beyond them, he could see white flakes drifting down.
Last night, he was sure he had
closed the curtains. The culprit, undoubtedly, was the man currently embracing
him from behind.
Back in September, when the
lingering heat of summer was still harsh, a breakup had nearly happened, but
now everything had settled completely.
After that, Sasagawa had broken up
with the woman he had met while on assignment. Their relationship had ended
abruptly, just when things were going well, leaving Asaka worried about what
had happened. But when Sasagawa returned, he immediately begged the woman on
his knees to break up with him, which understandably enraged her. Their
relationship ended then and there, and later, Sasagawa mentioned that the
friend who had introduced them had also scolded him, saying, "I've
never seen such a terrible man before."
He had also divorced his beautiful
wife back in August. Later, he confessed that, knowing Asaka considered him
just a friend, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say, "I got
divorced," as if trying to make a point about being alone.
And now, instead of being where he
was supposed to be on assignment, Sasagawa had somehow ended up practically
living at Asaka’s apartment.
Not just on weekends—he would even
show up on weekday nights before Asaka’s days off. Hardworking, diligent, and
utterly devoted. He had once said, "My greatest joy is making the
person I love happy," and he had lived up to that, taking care of the
cleaning and laundry, chores that Asaka tended to neglect due to his focus on
work.
At first, Asaka had felt
uncomfortable letting an older lover handle the housework, so he had pleaded, "Please,
stop doing that." But Sasagawa had replied with a perfectly serious
expression, "Are you trying to take away my happiness?" and
after that, there was nothing more Asaka could say.
Lately, Sasagawa had taken an
interest in cooking, so he had been preparing their meals as well. Because of
that, Asaka’s visits to Ruri-iro had significantly decreased. Sasagawa
devoted himself to Asaka with all his heart, and in return, Asaka found himself
being devoured—body and soul—without a shred of mercy.
Still wrapped in warmth from the
embrace, Asaka gazed absentmindedly out the window, thinking how beautiful the
snow looked. Then, suddenly, he remembered—it was Sunday.
In the next instant, he bolted
upright.
"Mm... what’s wrong?"
"The snow..."
As he tried to climb out of bed to
check the outside conditions, a firm arm pulled him back.
"It only just started falling,
and the forecast says it’ll stop before noon. The news reported that this level
of snowfall won’t affect transportation… so today’s wedding should be
fine."
Relief washed over him, and his body
relaxed.
Sasagawa had memorized Asaka’s
entire weekend wedding schedule. He even worried about the weather, saying with
a laugh, "I get nervous too when it rains on a wedding day."
"It’s still a little early. You
can sleep some more. I’ll wake you up when it’s time."
"Mm... Wait, did you open the
curtains?"
"Yeah. I got up to use the
bathroom, and it felt oddly cold, so I looked outside. The snow was beautiful.
If the brightness bothers you, I can close them."
"It’s fine. I don’t mind the
light."
Even though he had said it was fine,
when Sasagawa started to get up, Asaka hurriedly reached out and pulled him
back down.
"It gets cold when you’re not
here."
Asaka pulled the hesitant man
closer. Enveloped in his warmth, he felt at ease and closed his eyes. Even
though he had said it was fine, Sasagawa must have still felt guilty about
opening the curtains—his large palm gently covered Asaka’s eyes. The warmth of
his caring touch spread all the way to Asaka’s heart, making him so happy that
he couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
Just as Sasagawa had said, the snow
would soon stop. The gray snow clouds were beginning to break apart, revealing
glimpses of bright sunlight.
At exactly noon, after finishing the
preparations at the wedding reception venue, Asaka accompanied the couple,
Morino and Ikegami, to the Kurumi no Mori Church for their ceremony. The two
had visited the church multiple times before the wedding and seemed to have
grown quite close with the pastor. During one of the meetings, the pastor had
even confessed to Asaka, "It feels like my once narrow world has
expanded."
By 1 PM, after the pre-ceremony
photos had been taken, the solemn wedding ceremony began. The couple, both
wearing frock coats, made their entrance. Watching them, Asaka felt a warmth
rise in his chest. The two of them, standing before God and exchanging vows
with radiant smiles, looked almost divine.
Morino had insisted on a church
wedding, but in the end, it wasn’t about tradition or formality—it was simply
the depth of their feelings that made it beautiful.
As they walked slowly through the
flower shower, the atmosphere was filled with joy. Afterward, the guests took
turns snapping photos with them.
Asaka was in the middle of
coordinating with the staff for the upcoming reception when a voice called out
from behind.
"Asaka-san."
Turning around, he was startled to
see Koenji, dressed in a suit.
"Ah… it’s been a while."
Koenji had resigned from Dragée
the day after consulting with Asaka. Kohara hadn’t tried to stop him. They had
exchanged a couple of emails after he left, but that was it. Asaka had
occasionally wondered what he was up to, but the hectic autumn wedding season
had kept him too busy to follow up.
"I’m actually email friends
with Morino-san now. I stopped by to take a quick peek at the ceremony from
outside."
Koenji smiled casually. Even though
he had only been involved in the early stages, Morino had been his client. It
was only natural that he would be curious about how things turned out.
"If you’d told me, I could have
let you inside."
"Nah, it’s fine. I’m just
dropping by on my lunch break anyway. Oh, by the way, I’ll be visiting Dragée
for business soon, so I thought I’d give you a heads-up."
"Huh?" Asaka blinked in
surprise.
"Last month, I got a job at a
matchmaking agency run by a friend’s older brother. It’s actually pretty
interesting. So, I was thinking of handing out Dragée’s brochures to the
engaged couples we match. And if any of them book a wedding with Dragée,
maybe we could get a little commission. What do you think?"
All that talk about how the job
wasn’t a good fit for him was already a thing of the past. Koenji grinned
confidently, his quick adaptability catching Asaka off guard.
"It’s not a bad deal, right?
I’ll be sending lots of customers your way. I’ll even tell them there’s an
amazing coordinator at Dragée."
Just then, a staff member called for
Asaka—it was time for the couple to move to the reception venue.
"Sorry to bother you while
you’re busy. I’ll email you later!"
Koenji waved and walked away. He
looked more vibrant than he had ever been at Dragée.
Suddenly, Asaka remembered something
Sasagawa had once said:
"Once you find the right place
for yourself, you can finally unleash your full potential."
It was a shame that Dragée
hadn’t been the right place for Koenji, but it seemed like he had found where
he truly belonged. The future was uncertain, but Asaka was sure that Koenji had
made the right choice.
Even though they hadn’t been in
touch, Asaka had always wondered how he was doing. Seeing him now, working
happily, brought a sense of relief.
As the photo session with friends
wrapped up, the guests started heading to the reception venue.
Just as Asaka was finalizing the
transportation arrangements, Ikegami approached and whispered something in his
ear.
"Tonight, after the reception,
we’re planning a third after-party. I’ll send you a message—why don’t you drop
by when you’re done with work?"
"Hmm… if I have time."
"Bring your boyfriend and
introduce him! I hear you two are crazy in love… Don’t worry, I won’t tell
Morino."
Asaka’s face turned bright red,
making Ikegami chuckle.
"…If he says he wants to go,
I’ll bring him."
"Yes!" Ikegami clenched
both fists in excitement.
A stray petal fluttered from his
sleeve. Probably a leftover from the flower shower. He quickly caught it and
placed the soft pink petal in Asaka’s palm.
"A little piece of happiness to
share."

Wow. This was such a cute story. The subplot to the romance was actually interesting, I love reading about wedding planning and Asaka trying to make the gay wedding happen.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you enjoyed it! 😊 I also really liked the wedding planning subplot—it gave the story a nice touch and made Asaka’s character even more lovable. That whole part with the gay wedding felt so heartfelt too 💕
Deletehe broke up with the gf? lollll why not keep her for the next time he feels rejected by asaka? to reverse their relationship back to “friendship” conveniently anytime!
ReplyDeletehe didn’t feel enough shame or guilt entering a new relationship while already dating asaka anyway. doesn’t even have the courage to break up first.
hehe the grudge i have against this character is alr too strong.
i guess i see some of his qualities in myself, like avoiding things, wallowing in negativity, weak-willed. i get pissed off at myself a lot, but when he has the worst quality i despise: unfaithfulness, even out of insecurity, it just ticks me off lololol.
wishing the best to asaka in the novel world, thanks the author for this great piece, and the translator for the work💗
Oof, this one hit deep 😂 You really nailed it—Sasagawa's actions feel so frustrating because he never truly takes responsibility. Like you said, he just slides in and out of relationships based on how he's feeling, without considering the damage he’s leaving behind. That whole “friendship” fallback was the worst… and yeah, entering a whole new relationship without even breaking things off properly with Asaka?? The audacity!!
DeleteI really appreciate your honesty too—recognizing those traits in yourself and still calling out what’s not okay takes a lot of self-awareness. I think that’s why Konohara’s writing hits so hard. Her characters feel painfully real; they reflect pieces of ourselves or people we know, and it makes the story resonate in such an uncomfortable but compelling way.
Wishing Asaka all the peace he deserves in his fictional universe 🥲 and thank you for reading and leaving such thoughtful comments! It made my day 💗
Thank you very much for your work, it is difficult to find Japanese BL novels with such a good translation.
ReplyDeleteaww thank you so much for saying that 🥺💖 it really makes me happy to know you’ve enjoyed it!! I’ll keep doing my best to bring more BL novels into English ✨
DeleteBlogspot, wdym the comment is too long?! It's just 1274 words... oh wait
ReplyDeleteIkegami on his own wedding, probably: not only I have a great husband, I adopted a gayling that is growing strong and healthy every day
Luv Ikegami. He has just so few scenes but it's obvious he's the type who's kind but not necessarily nice. A bit rough around the edges, blunt but with a caring and empathetic heart. He also seems to show a lot of implicit solidarity with Asaka. Asaka has the exact opposite attitude, hiding at first that he himself is also in a relationship with a man and not wanting it to come up (he does realise it's internalised homophobia but he still can't shake it off and still believes the more important is that he stays on the professional level of the relationship). For Ikegami on the other hand, it was the queer solidarity that was more important. I said this before, but even with so few scenes, it's clear Ikegami had experienced a lot in his life and it gave him a really different perspective and social priorities, and different sensitivity as well.
It seems though that Asaka opened up to the new community and is about to open a new chapter in his life - considering that Ikegami still seems quite privy to Asaka's love life and casual in the conversation, I suspect Asaka has discarded his "we're business partners and it should stay this way" attitude and really befriended Ikegami. This also means there are places he can go with his partner and people he can be open with about his relationship.
(That'd be though a hilarious surprise if they ran into Haruka and her gf some day)
Now the elephant in the room, Sasagawa.
Sasagawa: my true calling is being a house husband and a full time simp
and then he unleashed his true power.
He's so messy. The dude is frustrating but at the same time there's so much complexity in this character. You can't even say that he's running away from problems because he's technically having a completely different set of problems in his head and doesn't even see the ACTUAL issue but is driven by whatever his mind made up. There's a whole alternate reality in his head to the point that he doesn't even hear what Asaka is saying and Asaka has to break him again, traumatise him again for shock to shake off his delusions. This guy is not daijoubu.
And at the beginning of the chapter it looked like they legit fcked like rabbits and it turns out that nope, Sasagawa actually just basically did everything without involving his lower half at all? And upon seeing what his touch caused, he still gave Asaka a way out and he's still all "are you sure you didn't absolutely hate doing it with me???" and "are you sure your feelings aren't platonic???" as if you can happily and eagerly make such a sticky mess unwillingly and platonically lmao
DeleteHe still didn't believe it and even then he was absolutely ready to sabotage himself if given an opportunity. He's such a self-destructive mess. He was trying so hard not to allow himself to be loved back and even when he finally got his endgame, he still insisted on one-sidedness on that first night. Any reciprocation was still too much for him. Only then, after he finally broke out of his self-sabotage, he ended up being a complete simp, spoiling Asaka rotten.
It kind of makes sense why he spiraled so hard. He had so many issues and was barely out of the situation with his unrequited love for his wife, a situation that basically made him an alcoholic in a completely rotten flat, of course he was still fragile and susceptible to any hurt from the exact person who got him out of that misery. For a moment he believed he could be loved back and then when he took initiative, their fateful mishap happened, crushing him completely specifically because he just recently got a bit better and it was only once that he dared to believe. And he was "rejected" (in his mind). And Asaka did exactly nothing to resolve it.
And on other hand, he really didn't want to push Asaka, right? He was still stuck in his uncertainty but didn't jump to the opportunity, still thinking about Asaka's possible regret (that he only imagined, but it was a possibility in his head) and not wanting to take advantage of the moment. No matter how of a failure he was, he really didn't try to get anything out of it that Asaka might just regret later. There's a really genuine care for the other person in this approach and it's probably that's who he really is when his mind isn't sabotaging him into oblivion.
He frustrated me to no end but I can't really hate this loser when he's just still so determined not to push any boudary and so lost in his own mind that made up a lot of stuff just to torment him and just so pathetic. He's so miserable I can't really help but just sigh at him. He was just so not okay. And he was bad even at cheating.
(Also how was this woman surprised by the breakup lmao another oblivious one...)
But Asaka seriously needs to learn to communicate and NOT run away from issues. Sasagawa wouldn't have spiraled so horribly if Asaka just came clean about being scared but willing, just at a slower pace. Asaka really was trying to avoid it all - the awkwardness, the clear definition of their relationship, he just tried to pretend the issues don't exist. I believe he could have reached Sasagawa if he didn't try to just avoid addressing the misunderstandings. But he didn't, he wasn't upfront about the first kiss and he wasn't upfront about this nervousness. Sasagawa can't read his mind after all and Asaka never really shared his feelings either, not in a way that would put a clear label on their relationship. If he was so mindful of Sasagawa and was excusing all his actions, he should have been open about his intentions as well. He did see after all that it was weighing on Sasagawa and did nothing, trying to avoid any effort and then scolded Koenji for basically the same kek
DeleteThe novel kind of sides with him, because he's out protagonist and WE see how genuine he is... but Sasagawa doesn't. From our perspective Sasagawa is the arsehole not able to make up his mind and getting wrapped up in his indecisiveness, but Asaka would feel just as bad if the novel was from Sasagawa's perspective. A dude who just doesn't seem to care but keeps Sasagawa in this unclear affair without ever clarifying anything.
And both of them play "the floor is lava" with communication.
I'm a bit sad that Haruka never became an actual character with a role in this story. I guess I have to stick to my headcanon that she sensed Sasagawa's feelings to her and resented him for lying to her and that's why those two never reconciled. Her advice on a gay relationship would have been priceless and could possibly solved a lot of those issues. Maybe that's why the author never allowed her to do that lmao
Thank you for translating this novel! It was a rollercoaster but ultimately a great story! The author seems to love dramatic relationships even in the lighter stuff, so I'm wondering what else is a relatively light read (at least for Konohara's works, I learnt already that there WILL be a lot of angst lmao).
First of all, thank you for reading all the way to the end and for leaving such thoughtful comments throughout the whole novel 😘 I really enjoyed reading your reactions and analysis.
DeleteHonestly, I wish the story were fresher in my mind so I could reply to everything more properly, because you brought up so many interesting points about Sasagawa and Asaka’s dynamic. I especially liked what you said about Sasagawa not actually running away from the real issue, but from the version of reality his own mind constructed. That’s such a good way to describe him. He’s frustrating, but also deeply pitiable because so much of the conflict comes from how little he believes he can genuinely be loved back.
And I agree that Asaka’s avoidance contributes a lot more than the narrative initially makes you feel. Since we follow his perspective, it’s easy to sympathize with him automatically, but from Sasagawa’s side the whole relationship probably felt painfully unstable and undefined for a long time. They’re both terrible at communication in completely different ways 😅
Ikegami was such a good presence too. He appears so little, but he adds a lot of emotional texture whenever he shows up. That “kind but not necessarily nice” description fits him perfectly.
As for lighter Konohara works… “light” is always relative with her 😂 but compared to some of her heavier novels, this one is definitely gentler overall despite the emotional chaos in the middle. She just really loves flawed people fumbling their way through relationships no matter the tone.