Nibiiro no Hana: Chapter 20

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While watching one of his favorite videos on his smartphone, Sagawa stroked his penis. He was aroused, and it was semi-hard—but no matter what he did, he couldn’t come. Come on. You can do it. Go, go... He kept cheering himself on, but the longer he did, the more it lost its firmness. This is seriously bad, he thought, panicking as it continued to wilt, until eventually it drooped completely. Just like when he’d been with Reina.

Back in his own room, sitting on the edge of the bed, he stared down at his lifeless penis. Things with Reina had gone well enough at first—right after penetration, it had felt good. But that was the peak. No matter how much he moved his hips after that, the pleasure only declined. While thinking, This is bad. Really bad, he gradually lost all sensation at his core and went soft inside her without even ejaculating. It was the first time something like this had happened to him during sex. He’d heard of “losing it halfway” before, but never imagined it would happen to him.

Reina must have noticed he hadn’t come, because she asked, “Are you okay?” She even tried to reassure him, saying, “You don’t have to push yourself.” He offered a vague excuse—Maybe I was just nervous because I like you so much—but inside, the words lost it halfway spun around and around in his head. He’d planned to stay at the hotel that night, but after failing like that, it felt awkward to remain with her. He made up a reason—I’m not feeling too well. Got an early morning tomorrow—and escaped back to his apartment.

Then, wanting to confirm the state of things, he’d tried again with one of his favorite videos. He just wanted to see if he still could. But the result? Total defeat. In fact, he went limp even faster than he had with Reina.

The word impotence floated up in his mind, only to vanish again. No, he could sort of get it up, so it wasn’t quite that bad yet. Still, he wasn’t reaching the state of being fully ready either. Maybe it was just nerves from having sex with a woman after so long. Maybe it was mental. But the fact that even masturbating didn’t work… that wasn’t right. Maybe I should get this checked out at a hospital.

When he was with Dan, nothing like this ever happened. Even if they only had a day between their sessions because of travel, and he wasn’t in the mood at first, eventually it always felt good and he would finish properly. But if even Dan couldn’t get him hard… then it really was over for him as a man. No doubt about it—he’d need to see a doctor.

He couldn’t sit still any longer. Grabbing his smartphone and wallet, he bolted out the door. It was just after eleven p.m.—still within a reasonable range. He hailed a taxi and gave the driver the address to Dan’s condo.

He’d sent a message, but got no reply. He tried calling too, but the line didn’t connect, and by the time he reached the building, there was still no answer. He passed through the entrance and made it to the door of Dan’s unit. It was the first time he’d come over uninvited on a non-sex day. He rang the intercom. He could hear the chime inside the apartment, but there was no response.

Dan often went on business trips for two or three days. As a branch president, that made sense. Betty had once said, “Dan likes to see things for himself.” But unless it was a Tuesday or Friday, no one ever informed Sagawa of Dan’s schedule.

Just as he reached for his phone to redial, he heard the voice he’d been hoping for.

“What are you doing here?”

Wearing a suit, Dan approached him from behind with a look of surprise.

“I called and messaged you.”

His voice came out sharp. Dan responded with, “Did you?” while reaching for his chest pocket. No phone. It seemed he had forgotten his private phone at the office. Dan owned two phones, and since it was the private one he’d left behind, he didn’t bother going back for it, saying anything important would come through on his work phone anyway.

Dan entered the room, and Sagawa followed. After placing down his bag and taking off his suit jacket, Dan asked again, “So what did you come for?”

There was no way he could admit the truth—that after being unable to stay hard with a woman or even while alone, he’d come to see if it would still work with Dan.

“…Can’t I come unless I have a reason?”

He dodged the question. Dan responded, “That’s not what I meant,” while unfastening his watch and setting it on the table. Usually, whenever he came to this room, sex would follow without needing to say anything. But tonight was different. It was outside the usual pattern, and the mood wasn’t there. Sagawa knew he had to steer things in that direction somehow, but had no idea how. Dan was always the one to initiate, to make a move.

Maybe he just needed to say, I want to have sex. But that felt awkward. For now, he simply moved closer, hoping Dan would pick up on the hint. Dan was watching him, but those green eyes didn’t have the usual heat—none of that hungry look he wore when he was in the mood.

“…You’re not wearing a tie.”

Right, he’d taken it off at the hotel and stuffed it in his bag, where it still was.

“It’s too tight,” he replied.

Dan brought his face close to Sagawa’s neck and sniffed softly.

“You smell different than usual.”

He’d used the hotel’s body soap during his shower. Or maybe… Reina’s scent had rubbed off on him. She always had that cloyingly sweet smell. If Dan started asking questions, things would get complicated. Sagawa gripped Dan’s arm tightly and kept his head down so he wouldn’t have to meet his eyes.

“…I showered at home.”

Dan asked, “Why?”

“Because—!”

When he finally raised his face, those green eyes looked down at him with a knowing smile. Dan leaned in, lips brushing against his ear.

“…Your horny little ass was aching, and you came because you wanted my cock?”

His voice was a deep, low growl that sent vibrations through Sagawa’s core—filthy and perfectly timed. Like hell I came here because I wanted you. He just wanted to check if his body still worked. Infuriated, Sagawa glared at him. Dan responded by lifting Sagawa’s chin with his index finger and tracing his lips with his thumb.

“I still have work to do. Get into bed and wait for me.”

With a light kiss and a gentle stroke on Sagawa’s cheek—like one would use to calm a kitten—Dan turned toward the desk and powered on his computer. The assumption that he’d come just because he wanted sex felt humiliating. Suddenly, he wanted to leave. He should’ve just waited for their next designated day. But now that he was here, he had to find out if he could ejaculate—he wouldn’t be able to relax until then.

He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself out. When he returned to the living room, Dan was in a video call, seemingly with the New York headquarters. Because of the time difference, most contact from HQ came at night.

Seeing it might take a while, Sagawa went to bed ahead of him. When he buried his face in the pillow, Dan’s scent gently enveloped him. It was the smell he always caught during sex. A tingling buzz rose in his lower body.

The mattress was top-grade, and the feel of the sheets was familiar and comforting. He curled up in them, and as he lay there, drowsiness clung to him. He tried to shake it off, but before he knew it, he was asleep.

When he woke up, the cityscape outside the window had given way to morning light. He must’ve dozed off waiting for Dan to finish work. How utterly ridiculous.

The pillow beside him had a slight dip in it, as if someone’s head had been there. He headed to the living room and found Dan, now in loungewear, reading the newspaper on the sofa. Noticing him, Dan gave a small yawn and said, “Finally awake, huh?”

His laid-back attitude irritated Sagawa, who stepped toward him with a glare. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Dan set the paper down and grabbed Sagawa’s arm. With a strong tug, Sagawa lost his balance and fell into Dan’s lap, where he was pulled into an embrace.

“You missed my cock that badly?”

Dan’s eyes looked up at him, already heavy with lust even this early in the morning.

“…Forget it. It’s too hard on my hips this early.”

“Then I’ll satisfy you without putting it in.”

Without waiting for a reply, Dan pressed their lips together. The kiss was deep, intoxicating, and Sagawa could feel his penis start to tingle with pleasure.

Dan pulled a condom from the chest pocket of his loungewear, rolled it onto a finger, and slipped it into Sagawa’s mouth. Even without being told, Sagawa began to suck on it. Slick with saliva, it was withdrawn from his mouth and brought around behind him—then slid into his body with a wet squelch.

“Hah—”

That familiar sensation. No matter how often it happened, he could never completely get used to the foreign feeling. Dan’s fingers moved boldly inside, stroking all the right places. It felt good. Incredibly good. And in response, Sagawa’s penis stood up firmly.

Seeing that, he remembered why he’d come here on a non-sex day. He hadn’t been able to perform with Reina. Not even with a video. He’d been consumed with anxiety that maybe he was broken. But if he could come now—if he could finish—it would prove everything was okay.

He grabbed his erection, ready to bring himself to climax—only to have his hand caught and pulled away.

“You can finish just from the inside, can’t you?”

“…Yeah, but…”

Dan’s stare was so firm, silently commanding him not to touch himself, that Sagawa wilted under the pressure. Still, with Dan’s fingers stroking him inside, it felt so good he figured he might actually be able to come that way.

“I want to come already.”

As soon as he said it, the fingers inside him began to move more aggressively. They zeroed in on all the right spots, relentlessly stimulating them. His whole body trembled as he rose higher and higher. The tension built until he finally burst, releasing all over Dan’s loungewear.

Panting, breath ragged, Sagawa felt Dan stroke his back gently and ask, “Satisfied?”

It had felt incredible—and more than that, he was simply relieved he could ejaculate. As Dan’s tongue played in his ear, sending shivers down his spine, Sagawa couldn’t help but wonder—why couldn’t he come with Reina or while watching videos?

Was it just nerves because I hadn’t been with a woman in so long? Were the videos too dull from overuse? Why…?

He’d managed to climax just from having his ass played with.

Dan seemed to really enjoy making Sagawa come with his own penis, and when he was inside, he rarely let Sagawa touch himself. After being left in that state so often, Sagawa had somehow grown used to reaching climax without needing to touch at all.

That thought led him to a terrifying realization. All the color drained from his face.

What if I’ve used my ass too much? What if I can’t come from regular masturbation or normal sex anymore? No—not what if. That was definitely the case. This was bad. Really bad. If he kept this up, something was going to go permanently wrong with his body. He’d really end up being unable to have sex with women.

I’m not gay, he thought. And yet if I can’t sleep with women, something’s seriously wrong with my life.

Dan shifted his body, pulling Sagawa back against him and pressing his thighs closed. Between them, he pushed his penis in—not penetrating, but lining it up between Sagawa’s thighs for frottage.

As he watched Dan’s embarrassingly large, ridiculous-looking head peek in and out from between his thighs, Sagawa sat there, stunned by the unforeseen consequences of having sex with a man.

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