Nibiiro no Hana: Chapter 26

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Before he realized it, Sagawa found himself lying on his back in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. It felt like he had been unconscious for only ten minutes or so, and yet the sky beyond the hotel curtains—dark just a while ago—was now starting to lighten with the early glow of morning.

His body was sticky, coated in fluids—sweat, semen, or something else—and his hips ached with a deep soreness, while his backside was numb. It had been a brutal, rape kind of sex, and yet the heavy, smoldering hunger that had plagued him for so long had been burned away entirely. He felt strangely clearheaded.

Dan was no longer beside him. When Sagawa lifted his torso, a dull throb pulsed through his lower back, forcing him to pause until the pain subsided. He reached for his glasses, found them sitting on the headboard, and put them on. Looking around, he saw Dan in front of the mirror, buttoned into a white dress shirt and slacks—corporate uniform as usual—tying his necktie with mechanical ease.

Noticing that Sagawa had woken up, Dan walked over slowly.

There was a stark contrast between them: Sagawa, disheveled and visibly used, bearing all the marks of what had happened; Dan, looking as composed and untouched as if nothing had occurred.

With a soft slap, a few crisp ¥10,000 notes landed on the sheets. Sagawa looked up. Dan stared down at him with a cold, indifferent gaze.

“I’d rather not be accused of fucking you and running off later,” he said.

Sagawa had slept with Dan as part of a business transaction—payment in the form of a promotion to headquarters. And now, here it was, visualized. Tangible. But the sight of that money struck him speechless.

“Pick it up and get back to your own room. You’re an eyesore.”

Dan had wanted a male escort at a specific hour. Because Sagawa had failed to deliver, he had been used as a substitute. It had never been his intention, but his will had been ignored—he had been forced into it.

If he tried to call it rape, Dan would probably say, You enjoyed it, didn’t you? You got off, didn’t you?

To keep it from becoming something humiliating—to frame it as a business arrangement—Sagawa reached for the cash. As if gathering up the worth of his own body. For some reason, he found it hard to breathe; his fingers trembled as they gripped the bills.

Once he’d gathered every bill, Sagawa looked up—then hurled the wad of money at Dan’s face.

“Ah… this is all your fault.”

His voice cracked, barely coming out.

“You’re the one who turned me into a freak who can only feel anything through his ass. It’s all your fault—all of it, all of it, all of it!”

Dan crossed his arms and let out a derisive snort through his nose.

“You just happened to be more compatible with men than women. That’s all.”

He stepped—deliberately—on the paper bills scattered across the floor.

“When your slutty little asshole starts itching and you can’t take it anymore, just go find a gay cruising spot. Somebody there will be happy to fuck you. Want me to tell you about a park where they hang out? Younger guys are usually more in demand, though. And a bitch in heat begging for cock like you might not get much attention anyway.”

He kept talking about gay stuff even though Sagawa wasn’t gay. That wasn’t the point. That wasn’t it at all.

“If you want a guaranteed and safe way to get fucked, just pay for it. Buy yourself a dick.”

He predicted the most humiliating future with a smile.

Sagawa couldn’t take it anymore. He got off the bed and stumbled over to Dan. He grabbed the front of his shirt, intending to punch him—but froze when he felt something warm and wet trickling between his thighs. What Dan had ejaculated inside him was now starting to leak out.

Sagawa trembled all over. If… if I never get my body back—will I really end up doing what Dan said? Buying random men’s cocks just to get off? Even though I’m a guy myself? Will I really become that pathetic?

It felt like the floor was giving out beneath him, dragging him downward endlessly. He clenched his fists tighter in desperation. How did it end up like this? All I wanted was to get just a little ahead of everyone… So why has my life become something so humiliating I can never recover from it?

He looked up—and saw those green eyes, filled with scorn.

Why do you look at me like that? Why would you say something so awful?

I was wrong too… I know that. Maybe a little. But still…

Mustering all his strength into his unsteady knees, Sagawa pulled Dan’s shirt toward him—and kissed him. He was bracing to be shoved away, to be called disgusting, terrified and on the verge of tears.

“I... I don’t want some stranger,” he pleaded, lips trembling like a goldfish gulping for air. “I don’t want anyone else.”

The scorn in Dan’s eyes flared into sudden fury, as if a switch had been flipped. He grabbed Sagawa’s hair from behind and yanked his head back sharply, forcing his chin upward. Then he kissed him—so hard it felt like being bitten. It was a kiss that came laced with anger, and Sagawa was afraid—afraid that even in this, he was being punished.

But as the kiss dragged on, the roughness gradually faded. The pressure softened, like Dan was trying to feel out what might make Sagawa respond. Before long, it turned into the same stubborn, persistent kind of kiss he used to give—clinging and consuming. That stubbornness carried a faint trace of affection, and it made Sagawa relax just slightly. His lips were ravaged, and their kiss was so wet, saliva dripped between them by the time Dan finally pulled away.

 

“…Will you be mine?”

The question was unexpectedly gentle—soft, almost tender.

“If you become mine, I’ll make sure that body of yours is thoroughly satisfied.”

He didn’t want to be humiliated anymore. He wanted to be treated gently. Sagawa nodded, trembling.

Dan smiled.

Relief spread across Sagawa’s face—but it lasted only a moment.

“If you’re mine,” Dan said, voice suddenly sharp, “I won’t go easy on you.”

His expression turned frightening. His right hand trailed down Sagawa’s spine, and his finger pressed into the place where something still leaked out slowly.

“No one else is allowed to use this part of you. This belongs to me.”

The rough movement of his fingers made Sagawa shudder. I was raped. He forced himself on me—and now this... This isn’t normal. It isn’t right. But there was no escape. No way out. He could feel himself being consumed by this man.

“I’m scared…”

Tears welled up. He didn’t know what would happen to him from here on out. He couldn’t see a future anymore.

“Don’t misunderstand,” Dan whispered close to his ear. “I didn’t choose you. You’re the one who chose me first.”

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