About Love: Chapter 5

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Asaka saw Sasagawa again two days after that conversation with Kohara. Sasagawa had called from Ruri-iro and invited him out.

“Would you be able to come by now?”

With Kohara’s words still lingering in his mind, Asaka hesitated for no particular reason and said, “Tonight might be a little…” feigning an excuse.

On the other end of the line, silence fell. Only the murmurs of the izakaya could be heard through the receiver.

“I want to see you, Asaka-san.”

It was the first time Sasagawa had stated his desire so plainly. Whenever Asaka had said, I don’t think I can tonight, Sasagawa had always backed down without resistance, always in good spirits, never making Asaka feel guilty about turning him down.

“Ah, but—”

“Just for a little while. Would that be all right?”

The way Sasagawa pressed on made Asaka uneasy. He wondered if Sasagawa was drunk. His speech was clear, but the usual calm, measured tone was missing.

“It’s not like I have something to do, but… I’ve been meaning to say—I feel bad about keeping you out late all the time. I can’t help but think it might trouble your wife.”

“Oh, Haruka? Haruka is… she’s at her parents’ place today.”

Asaka frowned.

The last time they had met, Sasagawa had also said his wife was visiting her family. Her hometown was in the countryside—not the kind of place one could just drop by and return the same day.

“So you don’t have to worry about anything.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Sasagawa. But something about his behavior felt off. Unable to shake the unease, Asaka agreed to meet him at Ruri-iro. He quickly finished his work, and about an hour later, he stepped through the noren curtain of the izakaya—only to find Sasagawa slumped over the counter, completely passed out.

“Sasagawa-san, are you all right?”

He shook his shoulder, but Sasagawa neither lifted his head nor responded. He was completely out. Asaka sighed, but before he could do anything, someone tugged on his sleeve. Turning around, he found the proprietress standing behind him with a serious expression. Without a word, she led him to a corner of the shop.

“Asaka-san… is Sasagawa-san okay?”

“It looks like he drank too much tonight.”

The proprietress shook her head, impatiently clicking her tongue.

“That’s not what I mean. Just between us—don’t let him know I said anything, all right? He’s been coming here every night lately.”

She lowered her voice.

“I’m grateful for the business, of course. But isn’t it strange? A married man, eating and drinking at an izakaya night after night? He doesn’t talk much when he’s alone, so I haven’t pried, but… don’t you think something’s wrong with him and his wife? Has he said anything to you?”

The conversation from earlier that night overlapped in Asaka’s mind. A wife who kept returning to her parents’ home. Excuses that sounded made up on the spot. The more he thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. But—Asaka didn’t want to believe it.

Sasagawa was supposed to be the kind of man who went home to his wife’s home-cooked meals every night and spent his weekends happily going on dates with her. He wasn’t supposed to be someone who ate dinner alone at an izakaya every single night.

Returning to the counter, Asaka sat down and stared at the unmoving back of Sasagawa’s head. Thirty minutes passed before Sasagawa finally stirred. His shoulders shifted sluggishly, and he lifted his head, pressing his fingers to his forehead. His glasses, which had slid far down his nose, slipped off and clattered onto the counter as he rubbed his temple.

“Are you all right?”

Slowly, Sasagawa turned to face him.

“…Asaka-san, when did you get here?”

“Just a little while ago. Can you stand? Let’s get you out of here.”

Asaka stood and reached out to help him up.

“I’m not that drunk…”

Sasagawa mumbled, attempting to rise on his own. Asaka steadied him, glancing at the proprietress, who watched them with concern. Supporting the swaying man, he guided him out of the izakaya.

Ruri-iro was tucked away in a back alley, and no taxis were in sight. With no other choice, Asaka half-carried Sasagawa toward the main street, walking unsteadily in step with his drunken stagger.

“So… the wedding…”

Sasagawa slurred suddenly, his words thick with alcohol.

“The amusement park one… how was it?”

It took Asaka a moment to realize what he was talking about. The last time they had met, he had mentioned how difficult that upcoming wedding would be. Even in this state, Sasagawa had remembered.

"It was tough, but it went well. The bride looked adorable in her short dress—it suited her perfectly."

Sasagawa grinned.

"Was she your type, Asaka-san?"

"I suppose so. I lost count of how many times I was tempted to flirt with her."

Sasagawa let out a laugh.

"You can’t do that. Stealing a bride away would be unforgivable."

He seemed to be enjoying himself—until they reached the main street. The moment Asaka tried to hail a taxi, Sasagawa abruptly shoved his arm away and clung to a nearby utility pole.

"What’s wrong?"

Asaka reached for his arm again, but Sasagawa clung stubbornly to the pole like a child refusing to be dragged home.

"I don’t want to go back. I won’t go back. Let’s go to another bar!"

"You can barely stand, and you want to keep drinking? You need to go home."

"Absolutely not!"

Sasagawa clung to the pole with such desperate determination that a passing couple snickered as they walked by. Asaka could feel his face burn with embarrassment, but at the same time, he couldn’t just leave him there. He watched as Sasagawa slumped to the ground beneath the pole, refusing to move.

Why doesn’t he want to go home?

He had said his wife was away, so no one should be waiting for him. Or… was it because someone was there, and he didn’t want to return? A sharp wind blew past, and Asaka pulled up the collar of his coat. Regardless of the reason, staying out in the cold like this would only make them both sick. Lowering himself to Sasagawa’s eye level, Asaka tried again.

"Staying here won’t solve anything. Let’s get you home—I’ll take you to your apartment."

Red-rimmed eyes turned toward him.

"Go home," Sasagawa said flatly.

It was unusually curt for him.

"But if you stay out here, you’ll catch a—"

"I said go home!"

Sasagawa’s sudden outburst made Asaka instinctively recoil. He had never been shouted at like that before. The raw, unfiltered emotion in his voice stung.

"What’s the point? There’s no one waiting for me anyway."

So his wife really had left.

But there must have been a reason for it. The proprietress’s words echoed in Asaka’s mind. A strained marriage. A possible separation. Still, unless Sasagawa himself brought it up, Asaka had no right to pry. He couldn’t step into that part of his life. Helpless, Asaka simply stood beside him, shoving his hands into his coat pockets.

The cold was relentless, making him shiver. He sneezed twice in quick succession.

Sasagawa lifted his head and looked at him. Then, with a deep sigh, he ruffled his own hair and lowered his gaze again. Using the pole for support, he sluggishly pulled himself to his feet. But the moment he took a step forward, his legs gave out, and he collapsed.

"Sasagawa-san!"

His face hit the pavement hard. His nose was scraped, his forehead lightly bleeding, and his glasses had flown off, the right lens now cracked. Without hesitation, Asaka pulled him up, flagged down a taxi, and practically shoved him inside. Sasagawa didn’t resist. Even after they arrived at his apartment building, he stubbornly refused to lean on Asaka for support.

"I can manage on my own," he muttered repeatedly.

But after barely taking a few steps, he crouched down, unable to continue.

Asaka sighed.

He couldn’t just leave him like this. Stepping out of the taxi, he followed Sasagawa through the entrance of a large apartment complex near the station. In the elevator, Sasagawa sluggishly pressed the button for the fifth floor.

At the door marked 507, he fumbled with his keys. Asaka figured this was as far as he needed to go and let go of him. But even inserting the key into the lock—a simple action—took Sasagawa an eternity.

The moment the door finally unlocked, he lost his balance and fell inside. A strong stench hit Asaka immediately.

Rotting garbage.

He instinctively pinched his nose. In the dim hallway light, he could barely make out the inside of the apartment. Reaching for the switch by the entrance, he flicked it on.

“Don’t look!”

The voice that rang out was filled with desperation. Asaka froze at the sight before him. The hallway, covered in dust, was piled high with black garbage bags. The source of the stench was clear now. Scattered newspapers, advertisements, and countless empty bottles of alcohol littered the floor.

It was filthy—like a garbage dump. There was no way a woman lived here. This wasn’t the result of a wife being gone for just a few days. Lowering his gaze, Asaka’s eyes met Sasagawa’s, which were filled with fear.

Then Sasagawa inhaled sharply and buried his face in his arms. The sound of his sobs echoed in the dim hallway. It was only then that Asaka realized—he had seen something he was never meant to see.

“Incredible, isn’t it…”

Sasagawa’s trembling voice broke the silence.

“This… doesn’t look like the home of a loving wife who waits for her husband with a warm meal every night, does it?”

The way he spoke—like he was pushing himself into a corner—was unbearable. Asaka grabbed Sasagawa’s shoulders and shook him firmly.

“If there’s anything I can do, tell me. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you make up with your wife.”

Sasagawa lowered his head and let out a hollow smile, his eyelids red and swollen.

“There’s no need for that. Haruka and I never had a fight.”

“Then why—”

“We were never really husband and wife to begin with.”

A shock ran through Asaka. The memory of their wedding, so full of warmth, began to fade like mist.

“That’s ridiculous. You two seemed so happy together.”

He couldn’t believe it. But when he stepped closer, Sasagawa flinched. And the next moment—tears overflowed from his eyes.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

Sasagawa clutched his head and bowed to Asaka.

“I’ve done something truly awful to you, Asaka-san.”

His voice was thick with tears.

“I had to get married, at least in name… and if I had to, I wanted to keep it as simple and inexpensive as possible. I never cared about the wedding. But you—you took it so seriously. You listened so intently, planned everything so carefully… and that’s why I’ve felt guilty all this time.”

“I don’t care about that.”

They had only known each other for a year. And it was only recently that they had started seeing each other frequently. They weren’t close enough for Asaka to fully understand why someone as serious as Sasagawa had entered such a hollow marriage.

“Why did it come to this? You’re not the kind of person who would take marriage so lightly.”

“You think too highly of me, Asaka-san.”

Sasagawa let out a lifeless laugh.

“I got married because… even if it was just in name, there was something I wanted.”

His body shook as he let out a sob.

“I thought that if we were married—if we were bound together on paper—maybe she would finally look at me.”

A foolish fantasy.

So that was it.

Sasagawa did love his wife.

The affection Asaka had sensed at the wedding—it hadn’t been a lie.

“Look at this place,” Sasagawa said, his voice thick with self-mockery.

“A man living alone naturally becomes sloppy. Or maybe… I’m doing this on purpose. To spite her. She only comes here when my parents visit. In front of them, we pretend to be the perfect couple.”

He let out a weak chuckle.

“The last time I saw her was… when I wrote that letter to you. So… about three months ago?”

Maybe it was just Asaka’s own bias. But he had always thought Sasagawa was an ideal husband. Even setting that aside—he liked Sasagawa as a person. That’s why he had wanted things to work out between him and his wife.

“What if you just told her how you feel? If she knew how much you love her, maybe she would—”

“I can’t do that,” Sasagawa muttered.

His voice was barely above a whisper.

“If she knew…”

“If she knew I didn’t marry her out of pity, but out of love… That alone would trouble her. I was the one who said a fake marriage was fine. I can’t go back on that now and put that burden on her.”

“Then what about your feelings, Sasagawa-san?”

Sasagawa smiled. But there was no strength left in it.

"There's nothing I can do."

Asaka had no more words of comfort to offer. Suddenly, a cold hand clutched his arm, and he flinched at the unexpected chill.

"I'm tired," Sasagawa murmured. "Tired of hoping. Tired of waiting."

His voice was thin, like he had already given up.

"The day before yesterday was my birthday."

Sasagawa closed his eyes.

"So I stayed home all day, thinking… maybe she’d call. Just one phone call."

A bitter smile tugged at his lips.

"But she didn’t. Because she doesn’t care about me. That’s why she can forget our anniversary. That’s why she can forget my birthday so easily…"

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