About Love: Chapter 6

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"Are you sure it’s okay for you to take the day off? Even though it’s Sunday?" Sasagawa furrowed his brows, looking genuinely concerned. He knew Asaka’s work tended to pile up over the weekends, which only seemed to make him worry more.

"It’s fine, that’s why I’m out like this. A wedding is a celebration, after all. Even if it’s on a Sunday, people avoid bad luck days. And in the winter, there aren’t that many weddings to begin with. Right now, it’s the coldest time of the year, so it’s even slower than usual. That said, I happened to have a bit of free time today, so I took some paid leave. The ‘Mucha Exhibition’ ends today, and I really wanted to see it."

With Sasagawa in the passenger seat, Asaka sped down the national highway toward the neighboring prefecture. The sky was a brilliant blue without a single cloud, but the wind was fierce. The bare, desolate roadside trees swayed violently, and even inside the car, the howling gusts were deafening.

After Sasagawa had confessed to his sham marriage with his wife, his frequent messages to Asaka had stopped as if they had never been sent in the first place. If Asaka left things as they were, their connection would likely fade into nothing. There had been no real reason for them to be in contact in the first place.

Two weeks passed like that.

Then, a single postcard arrived.

It was from a billiards hall they had once visited together—apparently, they had opened a sister location, and the postcard was both an announcement and a discount voucher. Asaka stared at it for three days, unable to make up his mind.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Sasagawa. So he decided to take this as an opportunity.

Using that flimsy excuse as a pretext, he picked up the office landline in the quiet, deserted workplace after hours. He had a feeling Sasagawa wouldn’t pick up if he called from his mobile.

After three rings, the call connected.

"Good evening, this is Asaka."

The moment he spoke, the person on the other end fell silent. The silence stretched so long that Asaka feared the call would be cut off, but at last, Sasagawa spoke.

"…Good evening."

His voice was anything but cheerful.

"Um… last month, wasn’t it? You took me to play billiards. That place is opening a sister store, and they sent me a postcard about it. I was wondering… if you'd like to use this—"

"Thank you for thinking of me. But I got the same postcard as well."

Hearing that, Asaka finally realized how foolish he had been. Why had he assumed he’d get one but Sasagawa wouldn’t?

"Ah… in that case, why don’t we go together?"

He tried to sound as casual as possible. Again, Sasagawa fell silent. Asaka hadn’t particularly wanted to play billiards. He just needed a way to start a conversation.

"Would you mind if I declined? Work has been busy lately, and I can’t really make any firm plans…"

Just as expected, the refusal came. But hadn’t he once called it dull work? The kind that started and ended at fixed hours, where he did nothing but mindless paperwork, feeling like a robot. What kind of job like that suddenly got busy this time of year?

"Then, Sasagawa-san, please contact me when you have some free time."

Silence again.

"I don’t want to see you, Asaka-san."

His voice was barely more than a murmur. Through the receiver, the sound of passing cars came frequently from Sasagawa’s cellphone. He might not have reached home yet.

"As you know, I’ve been lying all along. At first, I never meant to. But when you asked about Haruka, I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth. I gave vague answers, and before I knew it, I had no way to take them back. At first, I felt guilty about lying. But the more I played the part of a loving husband… the more I started to believe it. It sounds ridiculous, but it began to feel real—like Haruka and I were truly a happy couple. And when I talked to you, Asaka-san, for those moments, I could feel like a happy husband."

Hearing his confession, Asaka realized that part of Sasagawa’s deception had been his fault. If they had never met again, Sasagawa wouldn’t have needed to pretend his marriage was going well. What kind of man would openly admit to a near-stranger that his marriage was falling apart?

When they had run into each other at the dental clinic, Sasagawa had naturally acted as though he and his wife were happy. That was only to be expected. Or perhaps, he had felt a sense of obligation toward Asaka, who had been involved in organizing his wedding.

Taking his words at face value, Asaka had gone so far as to send flowers for their anniversary. When Sasagawa received them as a celebratory gift, how had he felt? He must not have been pleased.

And yet, later, he and his wife had sent Asaka a handwritten thank-you card. There had been no need to go that far, but Sasagawa had done it anyway.

"I was the one who made you lie, wasn’t I? I kept asking questions, putting you in an uncomfortable position… I’m sorry."

A small sneeze. Then another. A faint sniffle followed. In a quiet voice, Sasagawa muttered, "I think I might be coming down with a cold…"

A weak excuse.

"If you hated lying, you could have just stopped seeing me," Asaka pointed out.

Sasagawa hesitated, then spoke again.

"But I didn’t. Because even if it meant lying, I still wanted to see you."

A deep breath.

"Ever since I got married, there hasn’t been a single thing I’d call enjoyable. People say they envy me, but there’s nothing to envy. I come home, and the same dark, empty room is waiting for me. I can’t tell my friends, my colleagues—no one. So I just drink, alone, and hate myself for it. That’s the kind of life I was living… until I met you again, Asaka-san."

A pause.

"At first, I thought meeting you again was bad luck. But then, I realized—Even if it was a sham, there was at least one person in the world who was genuinely happy for me. That made me happy, too. Watching movies together, going out, talking… I didn’t want to lose those moments."

Lies or not, Sasagawa himself hadn’t changed. What had Asaka been looking at all this time?

The "ideal husband" he had imagined was just an illusion. But even without that illusion, Sasagawa’s essence remained the same.

Asaka wanted to see him again. To talk to him. It was an odd feeling.

There would surely be complications, but even those, he wanted to understand. The man on the other end of the line was silent.

"I enjoy spending time with you, Sasagawa-san. And I’d like to talk more, too."

If he didn’t say it now, he had a feeling Sasagawa would never reach out to him again.

"The next time we meet, you won’t have to lie to me anymore. Do you think that will make things easier for you?"

"I’ll call you again tomorrow."

"Alright."

Even after the call ended, Asaka was left with an indescribable feeling. He understood Sasagawa’s pain all too well. And the image of him sitting in a dark room, drinking himself into oblivion every night, was unbearably sad.

So Asaka started calling Sasagawa nearly every day. Whenever he had time, he invited him out for meals or drinks. Sasagawa never once turned him down. For about a month, they saw each other almost daily.

Then, one evening—

As they met in front of the station, about to head to dinner together, Sasagawa suddenly said, "I’m alright now. From now on, Asaka-san, please invite me only when you genuinely want to go somewhere with someone—and when you feel that person could be me."

Sasagawa spoke in an odd manner. Not quite understanding, Asaka stopped in the middle of the road.

The wind blew, sharp and cold. That alone made him want to hurry to the restaurant. But to Sasagawa, this conversation clearly meant more than that.

"I'm alright now. From now on, I hope we can take things more slowly."

"Was I… a bother to you?"

Flustered, Asaka asked, but Sasagawa simply shook his head.

"Not at all. I truly appreciated your kindness, and I wanted to see you too. But meeting every single day like this—it must have interfered with your work. There must have been days when you were too tired and just wanted to rest. I want you to take enough time for yourself. And if, after that, you still have some free time… then invite me."

"That’s not— I wasn’t trying to be considerate or anything like that."

His breath, exhaled, hung in the air as a pale mist.

"Even if you didn’t mean to, you still were."

Sasagawa gave a small smile.

"Besides… I think it’s about time I cleaned up my place. Living in a dump like that is enough to bring anyone down."

His tone was lighthearted.

"And I’m getting a new computer. The one I have is ancient. Might as well take the opportunity to switch internet providers, too."

A quiet laugh escaped him.

"When I get my new email address, I’ll send you a message, Asaka-san."

Something brushed against his cheek. Sasagawa tilted his head up, blowing warm breath onto his fingers.

"This time two years ago, I went back home for my grandmother’s funeral. That’s when I saw Haruka again. It was cold then, too. Snow was falling, just like this."

He spoke of the person he had loved with such casual ease. Asaka felt as if something within Sasagawa had finally been released. And at the same time, he thought—maybe Sasagawa really was okay now.

They continued to meet, though less frequently—once or twice every two weeks. And today, by Asaka’s request, they were on their way to a museum.

Mucha was a popular artist among women, known for his posters and decorative works. Asaka could understand why. His colors were soft, his figures gentle.

Driving, Asaka had only intended to enjoy the art. But as he glanced out of the car window, a thought struck him. Would Sasagawa even find an exhibition like this interesting?

When Asaka had invited him, he had simply replied, "Sounds nice," and so plans had been made.

But now…

"Sasagawa-san, do you like Mucha?"

The man beside him turned, giving a small, embarrassed smile before lowering his gaze.

"To be honest… I don’t know much about him. Sorry."

Asaka inwardly clicked his tongue at his own carelessness.

"If you’re not interested, or if it doesn’t sound fun, you can always say no. You don’t have to go along with me just to be polite."

Sasagawa looked surprised.

"If I really didn’t want to, I would have said no. I had no plans today, and I’ve never really had the chance to experience this kind of art before. I thought it would be a good opportunity. Besides—when I’m with you, Asaka-san, I get to visit places I’d never go alone. It’s fun."

The fact that he was willing to try and enjoy something unfamiliar just because Asaka had invited him—That sincerity made Asaka happy.

"Now that I think about it, you mentioned on the phone that going to museums is part of your job. How exactly does visiting exhibitions relate to being a coordinator?"

Holding the advance tickets in his hand, Sasagawa asked curiously.

"It’s not directly related, but I think it’s important to broaden my own horizons like that. Sensitivity… it’s such a vague thing, isn’t it? If you don’t consciously cultivate your sense for these things, you won’t develop it at all."

Sasagawa gave a slight nod.

"I’ve thought this for a while, but Asaka-san, you’re really dedicated to your work. I wish I had at least one thing I could be passionate about, even if it wasn’t for work."

Sasagawa watched movies, played billiards, and enjoyed drinking. But none of those seemed to go beyond mere distractions.

"Finding something you love isn’t that easy. That’s why I think it’s fine to take your time searching for it."

The man suddenly laughed.

Asaka was caught off guard, unsure what was so funny, but Sasagawa quickly apologized.

"Sorry… It’s just— I only recently started using the internet, right? And every night, I’d go around looking at different websites, feeling like I had to find something to be interested in. Like I was running out of time. But after hearing what you said just now… it was like something inside me just let go. You’re right—finding something you love isn’t so simple, is it?"

Sasagawa had often described himself as "a man with no hobbies." But now, this sudden effort to discover what he liked—it seemed almost as if he were searching for an escape.

No matter how much he insisted he was fine, forgetting someone you love isn’t that easy. And as long as he remained legally married, the presence of his wife would always linger around him.

Every time Asaka caught a glimpse of Sasagawa’s fragile side, he would wonder if he should involve himself more. But he stopped himself.

Sasagawa was older than him—nearly thirty. There was no need to take him by the hand and lead him anywhere.

It was enough to simply be within reach when conversation was needed. Anything deeper… would be an overstep.

Asaka smiled wryly. There was no point in overthinking it. After all, he wasn’t just listening—he had plenty of moments when Sasagawa listened to him as well.

The frustrations, the small joys—he found himself able to talk about them all, openly, without holding anything back.

Sasagawa never looked annoyed, never dismissed his words. He simply listened, offering small nods in response. Maybe, in the end, Asaka was the one who wanted to be noticed.

The conversation lapsed into silence. Asaka turned his gaze out of the car window.

They passed through the mountains, and suddenly, the landscape opened up. But the winter air still carried its chill.

The museum was crowded, as expected on a Sunday. Most of the visitors were women or couples—two men together was an unusual sight.

Sasagawa took his time, moving slowly from painting to painting. For once, Asaka found himself envying the man’s height, his head standing just a little above the crowd.

Having already looked through the exhibits, Asaka was on his way toward the exit when he realized Sasagawa had yet to appear.

Retracing his steps through the exhibition hall, he found him standing motionless in front of a single painting.

It was titled The Arts: Painting.

The woman in the painting—beautiful, delicate—bore an uncanny resemblance to Sasagawa’s wife.

Leaving Sasagawa where he stood, Asaka stepped out into the corridor and sat down on a sofa.

He gazed out at the courtyard fountain, thoughts drifting to the past—to how Sasagawa had come to enter his marriage of convenience with Haruka-san.

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