The Moon’s Ship That Crosses The Night: Chapter 30

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After the weekend, Kawase arrived at work with a lazy yawn, only to be unlucky enough to run into Arisawa at the company entrance.

"You look pretty out of it for a Monday," Arisawa remarked.

"Just a little sleep-deprived," Kawase excused himself.

"Oh? Did you have some fun keeping you up all night?"

"...Chief, your voice is too loud," Kawase muttered, stepping into the elevator while internally labeling the remark as blatant sexual harassment. But as much as he hated to admit it, Arisawa wasn’t wrong—his lack of sleep was entirely due to an endless marathon of sex.

He had spent the entire weekend going at it non-stop. He had told himself he wouldn’t sleep with the man anymore, that he would put some distance between them, and yet, when faced with temptation, he devoured him like a starving wolf chasing fresh meat. Unlike before, when it was mostly the man who initiated, this time, Kawase had lost count of how many times he was the one to reach out. Maybe it was because of the new hair color, or maybe the way he sat, the subtle shrug of his shoulders, the soft smile he sometimes cast his way—everything about him was just too seductive, too unbearably cute. And since the man never bothered to wear clothes, Kawase could reach for him anytime he wanted.

It was obvious he had fallen into a dangerous loop—more than that, he was completely addicted.

Between their endless kisses, there were moments when he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he actually liked this depraved, insatiable man. But before he could think too deeply, his body took over, drowning him in pleasure, leaving his thoughts hazy and unresolved.

At his desk, Kawase clenched his fists, forcing himself to focus. Now wasn’t the time to be lovesick. The prototype for ‘(Temp) Crab-Flavored Cheese’ was entering its final stage. Even so, whenever he had a free moment, his mind wandered back to the man’s seductive expressions, leaving him restless. His frustration must have been visible, because Matsushita gave him a disgusted look and said, "You’ve been grinning to yourself all morning—it’s creepy."

By noon, Kawase took the elevator down to grab lunch, only to be called out the moment he stepped into the lobby.

"Kawase-san!"

Matsushita was waving him over. Standing next to him was a short man in a business suit.

"It’s been a while, Kawase-san," the man greeted him with a smile.

It was Taguchi, the man who had helped him back in Hokkaido. Kawase quickly closed the distance between them.

"Likewise. Thank you again for everything you did for me back there," he said, bowing his head slightly.

Taguchi shook his head. "No, no, it was nothing," he replied modestly.

"I heard ‘Crab Heaven’ has been doing well. Congratulations."

"Thanks to you," Kawase said.

Even three months after its release, Crab Heaven was still meeting its projected sales numbers, with a growing base of repeat customers. If things continued smoothly, it might even become a staple product.

"Are you here on a business trip?" he asked.

Taguchi nodded lightly. "Yes, we’re setting up a new seasoning production line at the factory, so I came to discuss the logistics. It’s proving to be quite the challenge…" He gave a small shrug and a wry smile.

"But we just finished up, so now I’m free until my flight. Hanawa was with me, but he had some shopping to do, so we split up and decided to meet at the airport later. I don’t have anything else planned, and I don’t really know my way around here."

"What time is your flight?"

"In the evening."

Kawase glanced at his watch.

"If you don’t mind, how about grabbing lunch together?"

Taguchi’s face lit up. "I’d really appreciate that. To be honest, this is my first time at headquarters, and I only know the train route between the airport and here. I have no idea where to eat," he admitted, scratching his head awkwardly.

Matsushita had already made lunch plans with a friend from another department, so Kawase and Taguchi ended up heading to Kabuku-an, a soba restaurant that was one of Arisawa’s favorites.

Since it was the lunch rush, the place was packed, but just as they arrived, a couple of customers left, allowing them to be seated at a two-person table in the tatami section. They decided to try the new soba kaiseki lunch set, which was both extravagant and reasonably priced.

Taguchi seemed to genuinely enjoy the soba, repeatedly saying, "This is delicious."

Then, out of nowhere, he changed the subject.

"…By the way, did you hear that the branch president resigned?"

They had been making casual conversation about work until now, so the sudden mention of him made Kawase swallow hard.

"Yes, our department head happened to know the branch president."

"He mentioned he’d stop by headquarters to say his goodbyes before resigning, so I thought maybe you might have met him…"

Taguchi trailed off unnaturally, making Kawase feel uneasy.

"Um… did something happen to the branch president?"

Taguchi hesitated, as if debating whether to say it or not, then finally looked up.

"I think he might be missing."

"…Missing?"

Resting both elbows on the table, Taguchi let out a sigh.

"Before he quit, the president mentioned wanting to live abroad, so I just assumed that’s where he went after resigning. Then, about three weeks after he left, the company got a call from the airport parking lot saying his car had been sitting there for a long time. I went to retrieve it and tried contacting him, but I couldn’t reach him. No one at the company knew where he’d gone. I even went to his house, but he wasn’t there either. If he just went overseas and forgot about his car, that would be one thing. But he was always so meticulous about details, so I started to worry. And even if he did get caught up in some kind of incident, he had no family, so no one would even file a missing person’s report…"

That branch president was currently stark naked in Kawase’s apartment. He wanted to reassure Taguchi, but he couldn’t exactly tell him the truth.

"I… I’m sure he went abroad."

Taguchi lifted his head.

"I never got the chance to say goodbye in person, but my boss talked to him. I think he said something about heading north…"

Trying to sound natural while lying made his palms sweat uncomfortably.

"Really?!"

"My boss should still be in touch with him. I’ll ask him about it. There’s also the matter of the car and the parking fees."

But Taguchi shook his head. "No, no, the parking fees don’t matter. I was just worried about the president. If he really is overseas, then that’s a relief. I feel better now."

He exhaled, looking genuinely relieved, then let out a small, self-deprecating laugh. "I must have been overreacting all on my own. How embarrassing."

"Ah, no… I think it’s understandable to be concerned…" Kawase hurried to cover for him.

"The president was kind and easy to get along with, but he never really talked about himself. He had this strangely distant way about him. Even when he was preparing to leave, he never said anything to us about it. But, well… maybe that’s just my perception. If I said this to him, he’d probably just laugh it off."

Perhaps even this man, who had been by his side, had sensed that act that man put on.

"He was serious about his work and produced results, but somehow, he always felt distant. If he’d had a wife or family, I wouldn’t have worried so much, but he was alone. The day he left the company, he said he’d stop by the office one last time before heading to Tokyo for some final paperwork. And something he said that day has been on my mind ever since…"

"What did he say?"

"Oh, it wasn’t anything major. Just that it was his father’s death anniversary that day. I’d never heard him talk about his family before, so it stuck with me."

After finishing their soba, Kawase accompanied Taguchi to the subway station before heading back to the office.

His thoughts lingered on the man.

The day he left the company, he had thrown away everything except a small amount of cash, intending to end it all. That day happened to be his father’s death anniversary—was that just a coincidence? Or had he deliberately chosen that day?

Speaking of his father, the man once mentioned that his mother’s suicide letter had been addressed to him.

Whether any of that was connected to his actions, Kawase had no way of knowing.

◇:-:◆:-:◇

On the way home from work, Kawase stopped by the convenience store as usual. Standing in front of the bento shelf, he hesitated for a moment before deciding against it, picking up only a bottle of tea and heading to the register. As he walked, a magazine displayed by the window caught his eye—a local town guide. Flipping through it idly, he found it interesting and ended up buying a copy. It had been a long time since he’d bought something like this, not since he was dating his ex-girlfriend.

When he returned to the apartment, he was greeted by a completely naked, ridiculous-looking man. He figured it was about time he started wearing clothes, but the way he said "Welcome home" with such an innocent expression made him forget all about it. Kawase placed the convenience store bag on the table, then pulled the man close and kissed him as he playfully clung to him. He used to laugh when Matsushita would insist on kissing his fiancée every time he got home. Now, he couldn’t anymore.

"Hey, how about we eat out today?"

The man shook his head.

"I forgot to buy a bento. There’s a good ramen place nearby—let’s go there."

Still no response.

"Aren’t you tired of eating convenience store bentos every day? Besides, you should get out a little. I’ll grab your clothes, so just put them on."

The man turned on his heel and felt his way toward the bedroom. Kawase thought he was going to change, but he didn’t come back out. Finding it odd, he peeked inside and saw him curled up under the sheets. Kawase sighed at his childish sulking, then sat at the edge of the bed and gently stroked his hair.

"Aren’t you hungry?"

His stomach rumbled loudly, yet he still shook his head.

"Why don’t you want to go outside?"

Silence. He clung to his pillow, refusing to answer.

After about ten minutes of coaxing with no progress, Kawase gave up. He couldn’t exactly haul a naked man outside, so instead, he grabbed his wallet and headed back out.

In the end, he was forced to make another trip to the convenience store because of the man's stubbornness, but he didn’t mind all that much. How could he describe it? It was annoying, sure, but not in a bad way. He didn’t hate being dragged around by him. If anything, he found the way the man acted selfish around him kind of cute. He used to feel the same when he was dating his ex—no matter what she did, he forgave it simply because he found her adorable.

When he returned, bento in hand, the man was still curled up under the sheets.

"I got us some food, so come eat."

He shook his back through the fabric, but there was no response.

"You don’t have to go outside anymore, okay?"

Yanking the sheets away, Kawase watched as the man sluggishly, reluctantly sat up, as if resigning himself. He took his hand and led him to the living room.

He sat him down on the sofa, pulled the bento from the bag, peeled back the lid, split the chopsticks, and handed it to him, ready to eat. Yet the man didn’t take a single bite.

Even though he’d gotten what he wanted—staying inside—he still wouldn’t cheer up. After finishing his own meal, Kawase picked up the man's untouched bento, grabbed a piece of food with the chopsticks, and brought it to his mouth. Only then did the man finally open up and take a bite. But even so, he only ate about half before pressing his lips shut again.

After cleaning up the leftovers, Kawase sat beside the man on the couch. Without a word, the man crawled onto his lap. But Kawase knew—he wasn’t in the mood. He just wanted comfort. He was feeling fragile.

Kawase stroked his forehead, his palm gliding downward. The man closed his eyes.

"I get that you can’t see, but don’t you think it’s time you started going outside again?" Kawase ran his fingers through his soft hair without hesitation. "I want to go out with you."

The man’s head gave a small shake.

"It’s boring, being cooped up all the time. Let’s go somewhere."

The man lowered his gaze and went quiet. Trying to lighten the mood, Kawase spoke cheerfully.

"I’ll find somewhere you’ll enjoy, even if you can’t see."

He leaned in and peered into the man's face. "Say something."

"I don’t want to walk outside… I don’t want to be dragged around like a dog on a leash."

A sharp pang struck Kawase’s chest.

The man had never said anything when he was being led by the leash. He hadn’t protested, not even once. But he had hated it.

"Sorry. I won’t do that anymore. I’ll hold your hand properly. Let’s go out."

"I don’t want to."

"I told you, no more leash."

The man shut his mouth. Kawase pulled him close and kissed him.

"Let’s go outside. And then… get better. I want you to look me in the eyes when you kiss me."

The man stirred on Kawase’s lap before standing up and moving away from the sofa. Sensing that he was about to retreat into the bedroom again, Kawase followed. He slipped under the covers beside the man, forcing his way in. Wrapping his arms around him from behind, he held him tightly, pressing his body close. The scent of his neck, the shape of his body, the warmth of his skin—Kawase realized, in a quiet sort of way, that his own body was beginning to remember the contours of this man.

After holding him like that for a while, Kawase turned the man to face him and placed a hand on his left chest. When they had sex, they felt close. In those moments, it almost seemed like they were looking at the same thing. But only then. Outside of that, Kawase knew nothing about this man—nothing beyond his erotic side.

He cradled the man’s head and kissed him, his fingers stroking his cheek.

“Come to think of it, I ran into Taguchi-san today.”

The man gave a disinterested “Hmph.”

“The anniversary of your father’s death—does that mean something to you?”

The closed eyelids beneath him quivered slightly.

“Taguchi-san told me. That day, the day you wanted to die, it was your father’s death anniversary. Is that why you were so fixated on it?”

“Yeah… But you got in the way.”

“Did you love your father that much?”

The man shrugged. “Not a chance. The worst kind of man.”

“…What?”

“Think about it. He had a wife and child, and yet he went after a fourteen-year-old girl. He got her pregnant and took no responsibility. Then, in the end, he claimed he was innocent, saying she seduced him. As a person, he was the worst.”

Kawase had assumed he respected his father, so the sharp, scathing words caught him off guard. The man continued, almost to himself.

“I still don’t understand what my mother saw in him.”

He let out a small sigh.

“Then why follow after someone you hate?”

Silence. Kawase doubted he’d get an answer, but then, barely above a whisper, the man muttered,
“They say love is fulfilled in death.”

“…Whose love?”

Again, silence.

Whose love was he talking about? His mother’s? Or his own?

The more Kawase thought about it, the angrier he felt. Then what did that make him, the one pinning this man down right now?

He wished the man would just fall head over heels for him. Not just see this as a physical arrangement but truly love him. Love him so much he couldn’t help himself, love him so much he’d break down in tears, begging for Kawase’s affection.

“When you lost your sight before, you wanted to see again, didn’t you? Then want it now, too.”

“If I can’t see, I don’t have to think about things.”

“That’s not fair.”

Kawase grabbed his chin.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You could see before, and now you say you don’t need to? That’s unfair to me.”

The man’s shoulders trembled slightly before he suddenly let out a laugh.

“You’re funny.”

“Don’t laugh. I’m serious.”

After laughing for a while, the man let out a small breath.

“It’s fine if I don’t see. Thinking only about you all day, having sex with you every day—it’s like living in a dream.”

“That wouldn’t change even if you could see. If I want to have sex with you, I’ll do it, no matter what.”

“Even like this, you’re kind to me, and the sex feels good. That’s enough for me.”

He said he was satisfied, but Kawase wasn’t.

“What are you afraid of?”

The man tilted his head.

“Aren’t you saying you don’t want to see because you’re scared?”

“I don’t know.”

“Even if you get your sight back, I won’t change.”

“…Who knows?”

Kawase stared down at him.

“Do you not trust me?”

A long silence. The man’s lips parted slowly.

“Say I could see again. I have no idea what would happen between us after that. Things like getting killed or dying—those seem far more real. I don’t know what’s ahead, but at least, for now, things are continuing as they are.”

“If you can’t imagine it, then I’ll tell you.” Kawase leaned in. “You’ll get your sight back, stay in this apartment, and have sex with me a few times a week.”

As the words left his mouth, a thought struck him.

Whose wish was this? His own? Or this man’s?

“If you don’t want to work, you don’t have to. As long as we don’t live extravagantly, my salary should be enough for the both of us…”

The man, with his sightless eyes, blinked several times.

"Right now, all we do is have sex, but… tell me more about yourself."

"There’s nothing worth telling. Besides, I’ve been pretending for so long… I don’t even know which part of me is real anymore."

"I know."

The man suddenly tried to escape from the bed. Kawase caught him, pulling him into an embrace. The moment he realized the man was trembling, something wild and unnameable surged inside him.

"To be honest, you’re not normal. But… the way you get all caught up in me when we’re having sex—I think I might like that part of you."

The man averted his face in one smooth motion. His cheeks were flushed, painfully red.

"You say ‘I like you’ so easily, but hearing it embarrasses you."

His red face was unbearably cute. Unable to resist, Kawase leaned in close to his ear, whispering, "I like you. You’re cute." Again and again, over and over. Each time, the man twitched, his body shivering.

"You really are cute, you know that?"

The man curled in on himself slightly. That small, bashful resistance—Kawase pried him open, forcing him to yield. The body that had always been so shamelessly honest in its pleasure now trembled stiffly, awkward as a virgin.

That reaction—like it was his first time—startled him. And at the same time, it aroused him beyond reason.

When Kawase murmured, "Kiss me," the man hesitated, then, trembling, wrapped his arms around Kawase’s neck and pressed his lips against his—a clumsy, adolescent kiss.

Something about it made his lower half react like a beast.

"I know exactly what kind of person you are. I know you, so… you don’t have to be afraid of anything."

"Ah—" The man gasped, covering his face with both hands. But the place where Kawase had penetrated him clenched hungrily, his arousal standing firm, shedding thick, pearly tears of desire.

Seeing that raw, undeniable reaction thrilled him. The way the man whimpered, resisting with his voice while accepting him completely with his body—Kawase found it unbearably endearing.

They came together over and over. And then, as if his strings had been cut, the man abruptly collapsed into sleep within Kawase’s arms.

As Kawase stroked his hair, he, too, drifted into sleep, utterly content.

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